Clinical Weekend

I am done with my first clinical with my new instructor. She is the hardest one, and she expects a lot out of us. Good, but bad too. It went fine. I had a great patient and weekend. My only complaint is that I didn't get to perform as many skills as I would like. 2 students got to give Sub Q injections, so I'm jealous! I got to change the rate on an IV, and other than that nothing more than I've done before. Each semester we get to perform more skills as we learn them in school. First semester we basically were only able to do bed baths, elimination needs, bed changes, vital signs, meal cares, etc. Just easy stuff. Now we are qualified to do IV bag changes, IV piggy back meds, injections, tube feedings, catheter insertions, and probably more things but I can't remember right now. Anyway we have a lot more we can do which is exciting but scary too. I'm looking forward to doing more things with my patients. We are working on a med/surg oncology floor. Lots of pretty sick people. It is sad but it is rewarding to be able to help in some small way. The nice thing about being a student is just having one patient and being able to spoil them for the day. It is very hard to leave and not know what will happen to them. I guess I better get used to it. I have class tonight and Wed night then the weekend off. We are going to the state wrestling tournament, where B will wrestle and we will watch the rest of the team qualifiers as they wrestle. It will be pretty fun, and we will spend some time together as a family and also with the wrestling team. It is about 2 hr away, so not too far. The kids will enjoy the hotel and swimming and B gets to miss half a day of school. I just realized J will miss preschool that day as well. This is his first try at state, so we told him it is just for fun. There will be great wrestlers there so he most likely won't get too far, even though he is pretty good also. We know there will be kids who have had much more training and experience as him. He is in the 1st and 2nd grade 50 lb weight class so he will also have to wrestle kids older than him (he is 1st grade) and a year more experience is big at this age. It is for fun, and luckily he handles losing pretty well! :) I am off to make lunch for J before preschool, then her ride will be here and I'll have 2.5 hr to myself. I told myself no school work today, so I'm thinking of going shopping!

Better

I am feeling a little better. I think overall I am just at a point in life that I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things I have to keep up with. School, kids, husband, friends, family. I feel like I am 32 years old and I want to be at a place where I feel more of a calm. Maybe that day will come after I'm done with school. But that is over a year from now so I better get used to it. Funny, when I was staying at home not going to school, I wanted more. Now I have more, and I know I'm happier because of it. I know I was happy as a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine not having more (school) at this point. Probably because my kids are getting older. I don't know. I think all moms are just so different. But now I have to much. I don't have energy to give 100% to everything and the things that I do give my 100% to are my school and my kids. My friends and husband suffer. I wish I could do it all, but I am human. I forgot to add that giving to myself is dead last. Bad I know. I wish I could do better. I have tried. I want to try. But I never succeed. That is why after trying to create a healthy lifestyle over and over I still have yet to accomplish this. I wish I knew why, I wish I could solve this little life problem. I do exercise and I do try to eat right. Try is the key word. I find that I have this food problem and I'm not sure I can solve it myself. But I don't have money to find help. I also don't even know where to go. I need more support than I can give myself or that anyone in my life can give me. It is something that is a constant struggle and someday I hope to say I won the battle. I'm not at that point yet.

Anyway, I am feeling better. I got a 95% on my test last night. I have clinicals this weekend. We are getting more snow so I may be up very early driving in. The kids are doing fine. They are as wonderful as ever. I am even going to try to watch a movie with my husband tonight. Just the 2 of us in bed early. I hope it works out. Maybe I'll even have some wine. I am not going to open my books today. I am off to make dinner. Good night!

Venting post

Do you ever just feel so down and out that you just can't stand it? I can't go into any details but I am very sad about some trivial things. Things that have hurt me and that I have to let go. I need to move on. I am just feeling like I am on this ride and I just keep going around and around and I can't find a way to stop it or slow down. And people are going on and having fun and I'm stuck. I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt. And this isn't anything that my husband has done. It is more friends I'm talking about. Supposedly best friends. And it isn't anything major but it is small things that mean a lot to me. It is really hard to explain but I just felt a need to write about my feelings. I sometimes feel like no one needs me at all. Besides my kids that is (who are the most important anyway). But like no one else in the whole world really cares. And that is a lonely feeling. I think I am a good person. I think that I give more than I receive. And I like giving but it is hard when you don't ever get to be on the receiving end. I am tired and I am sad. I am hurt and frustrated. I also have a test tonight so I am anxious. I even have lost my appetite (for me this is a miracle!) Too bad that won't last long. I am just feeling like I have a 100 lb weight on me and I can't break free. I hope this feeling turns around very soon.

My Girl's Hair

Just had to post of pic of how long J's hair is getting. I am not sure what I will do with it. It usually isn't so curly (this was after taking out french braids), but it is getting very long. I trim it myself every few months but that is it. She has never had a haircut other than one trim at a salon and trims from me. It is pretty hard to take care of. She doesn't like to wear it down and it gets in her face a lot when she does wear it down so I usually french braid it every few days (it stays in a couple days once I get it in a braid). Washing it is getting harder too, and I like to dry it after so she doesn't have to go to bed with wet hair. So, it is somewhat time consuming but I'm not ready to cut it off. Not sure if I ever will be!! One thing I really wanted as a kid is nice long hair. My mom used to cut mine (very crooked I might add) and so I am maybe re-living the hair thing through my daughter!!!

I don't think it is a compliment

I am on the computer and J is sitting on my lap.

J: "mom, you look just like George Washington."

me: "what do you mean? He has white curly hair! You think I look like him?"

J: "oh yeah, Abraham Lincoln. That is who you look like!"

Thanks so much. She has been learning about presidents in preschool this past week. So I guess I look like Abrahm Lincoln. Yay me!

Got the Job

I was offered the internship position this morning. It is a med-surg unit of a small hospital about 20 minutes away. It is a 10 week PAID internship working under a preceptor, the hours are whatever her hours are and I won't find them out until sometime in May. I have some daycare issues to take care of obviously and won't have much time to figure them out. I am excited, nervous, scared, stressed, but also feel lucky to be given this opportunity. This will open doors to me that would not have been there if I didn't get this position (assuming I do well, and they want me as an RN after graduation). This also will help me become a better nurse. There were 500 applicants and I got one of 100 jobs. This is amazing being that I had absolutely NO medical experience and have been out of the workforce for over 4 years. I am not sure what made them even give me an interview let alone a job. I am very lucky. Even though I will miss the kids a ton, I know that this is a good thing. I know they will be ok. I know I will still spend as much time with them as I possibly can this summer. I will make this a special summer regardless. It is only 10 weeks. I can do this.

Delayed weigh in

I won't be weighing again til the 1st of March. I am too stressed and tired to weigh and not see a change. I am going to keep at it, and keep going on my good habits but I am really busy and want to wait to weigh. I guess I'm nervous I'll be disappointed if I don't get the number I want. And I so do not want it to be about the number. I have a HUGE performance test tomorrow at 8am and 1pm. I am very nervous and need to keep calm and confident in order to do well. Wish me luck and I'll update after my weekend classes.

24 days

It has been 24 days since I have done any type of emotional eating. That is a LONG time for me. Like maybe a record. And I have made a pact to myself that I am worth more, that I will not be tempted by the instant gratification of food and will instead focus on gratifying my WHOLE self and treating myself like I should. I thought of it because I am hungry right now. I am up late trying to study and I have not eaten since dinner at 5:30. So, I am very hungry. I try not to eat between dinner and bed because it is my difficult time and if I give in to something I will keep eating and eating. I allowed myself to eat a small handful of frosted mini wheats and I ate only that one handful, no more. I won't give it. I would absolutely love to start on the hershey kisses or the crackers or whatever else I could eat but I am not going to and I will feel better in the morning because of it. I have said it before, that food is a drug to me. I don't think some people realize the strong power of food on some people. It is my drug. I wish I could say that exercising was my drug, or reading, or doing something productive or good for me. But it's not. I am a food addict and trying to break this habit is the hardest thing I will ever do. It is hard to talk about to people I know in real life. I am not a heavy person so I never would get taken seriously. I have talked to a couple close friends but I don't have someone who really takes me seriously. Even my husband who knows my issues and lives with me doesn't really truly believe it's a problem. So, my internal struggle and achievements are mine and mine alone. I keep counting the days and looking forward. The weight I want to lose isn't falling off very quickly but I am doing things the right way. I am working in the right direction. The number on the scale is not the main goal of this. I need to change for other reasons more than 8 lb. I look at how bad I have wanted to lose 8-10 lb and really is that going to change my life? Not really. I'll just fit a little better into my smaller size jeans. I may feel a little better going to the beach. But overall, that small amount of weight isn't what really bothers me. I think it bothers me more that I can't control myself and it makes me feel shame. So, it isn't about losing weight. I just want to gain control of my life and feel good about myself.

To the most amazing kid....

Dear Bret, every year your birthday comes and I get all emotional about how old you are getting, how fast it is going, how much you have changed and how much you have changed me. This year was no different. I woke up and it was my first though. You have been with me for 7 years and I just feel so lucky. I wanted to make your day very special, and that was hard to do as it was the first time you have been at school all day on your actual birthday. I think you had a great day though. I dropped you off, and went straight to the store to get stuff to make you a cake. I ended up buying a cake and frosting/decorating it myself. I am not a very good cake decorator and will post a picture when I get it uploaded of my version of a star wars cake. I did my very best on those light sabers! I also bought donuts to bring to your class snack time. This was under your direct orders to bring donuts. You LOVE donuts. Since I thought snack time was at 10:30 like it was last time I went, I was late to your snack time. Oh, the guilt. You must have been waiting for me, but alas you were not upset and did not seem to be nervous at all that I would show up. Mrs. B said that you were saying I was going to come, and I did come even though it was 15 min late. I am glad that you know that I would not let you down. I hope you can count on me most of the time. Anyway, we handed out the pure sugar donuts and candy to the class which everyone seemed excited about. You told me after school that it was the best snack. I picked you up after school, and you opened your birthday card from Grandma. Lucky for you there was $60 in there. We headed to the store to pick out a gift. They didn't have a Lego set that looked good, so you headed for the Nerf section where you proceeded to pick out the biggest baddest Nerf gun there. You had your heart set on this thing so we spent half your money on the super duper mega blaster dart gun. Oh the joys you will have tormenting your sister with that one. The rest of your money will go into your savings account. And remember you are getting plenty of other gifts at your party on Saturday. We headed home from the store for a quick singing of "happy birthday" and blowing out candles before I had to head to school. It was with a heavy heart that I left for class, and even though I know you have a fun day I wanted to spend my evening with you. I got home in time to read you 2 chapters from A to Z mysteries and kiss you goodnight. You said you were going to miss 6, but I assured you that 6 wasn't a person and wouldn't feel sad. I told you that 7 will bring new things and that it is fun to get older. To tell you the truth the older you get, the more I learn about you and I love you even more. I can't wait to see what 7 brings, and I want you to know that you are loved beyond words. I look at you and love what you are and what you have brought to my life. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

-16 degrees

That was the temp this morning when we got up. The high for today is -2 degrees. It is depressing. You can't do anything, go anywhere without totally freezing. I had school all weekend in the frigid temps. My car did not want to start but eventually did. I was miserable getting up and starting the car early in the morning. I have a very busy week. I have so much to do for school. Also, B's birthday party is on Saturday. We are pretty much ready except we have to order a cake and buy the drinks. I have the goody bag stuff. I also have to bring in a treat for his class on Wed (his real birthday). Hard to believe my first baby is going to be 7. J has school today and I have school tonight. I would love to stay inside and not go anywhere but life goes on, even when you can't be outside more than 1 minute before getting frostbite!

weigh in

weighed today since AF coming soon. I have lost 5.5 lb since Jan 15. On my way!

Tests and fevers and weight

First 2 tests have gone great. I got a 95% on my med term test and a 96% on my first theory test. Glad to get those done. I have a test every week for a while. No break at all from school work. Oh well....

J has had a fever today. She also had one last Thursday. She isn't sick enough for me to bring her in but sick enough that we just sit around the house all day. I was thinking possibly strep throat as it was going around her preschool, but she really doesn't seem sick enough for that to be it. And the fever last week went away and she woke up today congested and not feeling great. B had the achey feeling last week one day but since then has seemed ok. Neither has been eating the greatest though. But that isn't atypical for them.

My big weigh in day is coming up on Thursday. I am guessing I have lost maybe 4-5 lb since starting on Jan 15. I will post my loss on Thursday. I am still doing well, and feeling good about things. I will then not weigh again until Feb 15. I think I will do better not seeing a number every day and letting it get me discouraged if it goes up. I think AF is due pretty soon so even on Thur it may not be as much of a loss as I may hope. But I think it will for sure be some loss, I'll take anything that means progress!!! I'll keep at it. My 33rd birthday is going to be one where I am feeling GREAT!!!

The week so far

It has been a busy week. I have a test monday so that is always in the back of my mind. I have been staying up late studying most night. And I had class 2 nights so that makes it hard to study those nights!!! It will be a hard test I think. B was not feeling well earlier this week, and J doesn't feel well today. It is just a weird thing, B just said he was achy and his head hurt. He just had that tired/lethargic look to him. No fever or anything. Today J says her tummy hurts but no other symptoms (yet). No fever or anything. She is just laying around. I am not sure what it is. I hope she gets better soon, and that it isn't a big deal. We have been so lucky with illness so far so I'm thinking we are due to get something. DH had to go out of town for the day (coming home late tonight) so I am supposed to bring B to wrestling. But if J is sick I may have to try to find him a ride or skip it. DH has hardly been traveling at all lately, he used to travel every other week. So, I am getting spoiled having him around. I hope he doesn't have to travel much coming up. When he does it just stinks big time. I have to find sitters for the nights I have school, I have to do all the stuff around the house, keep up with all my school work, etc. It is really hard with me in school for him to be gone. It has been good so far though. Not too much travel. Today we will just hang out and see how J is feeling later. We were supposed to have friends over but I cancelled. I don't want to get anyone sick even if she doesn't really seem to have much at this point. I absolutely hate it when we go to a playdate and I find out one of the kids has had a stomach flu, or some other infectious thing. I think that is just wrong. I always tell people and let them decide what they want to do.

Other than that, no big news this week. I am just tired, and we are getting some cold weather again. There is a little snow coming down today. We are in that long stage of winter when it seems that it will never end. I can't wait until warmth and sun and shorts and playing outside again!!

My wild ride has started

The wild ride of 2nd semester nursing school, that is. And what a ride it will be! I am hanging on tight and hoping to make it through alive. I have already had one test. We had school all last weekend, from 8am - 5pm both days. I missed 2 wrestling tournaments :( I had school tonight and also on Wed night. We have a big theory test in 1 week. I have 8 drug cards to do by then. Along with studying, reading, note taking, practice tests, and case studies. We learned catherization yesterday. That will be interesting to do on a real person in someday! We have a performance test on that coming up. We also learned how to do a sterile wound dressing. We have medication administration coming up our next weekend in school. We will learn to do injections, oral meds, and IV meds.

I will be up until at least midnight tonight and most nights this week. I am tired, but I am doing ok so far. I am dying to weigh myself. This is torture. I am making time to ride my bike 30 min a day on week days and I did 20 min on both sat and sunday. I was not into it today at all but I kept going. I was just feeling weak and tired. My eating has been great. I do not eat after 6pm at all, and that works out well. My snacking tends to be in the evenings so if I cut myself off I do better. I brought my lunch both school days (South Beach wraps) so that was good, no eating out then. I am hanging in there. I have no idea if my weight has moved. I think it has, and it should have with the changes I've made. How much I will be interested to see on Feb 1. I will wait until then, like I planned. I want to weigh every morning but I'm holding back!

Kids are doing great. They had fun spending this weekend with daddy and B took 2nd and 1st in the tournaments. He got 2 pins. I'll be able to go this weekend, even though I should study. I am not going to miss important family time. That is why I stay up until midnight when they are asleep! I am determined to make it through school and still have a life with my family as well. J has gymnastics tomorrow, and she is so excited. She has been waiting and waiting since last Tues! I feel bad she had to wait so long! She was so cute in her princess leotard, waiting in line to go in. My big girl!

Good night!

Ideas for 7 yr old birthday!

I am trying to figure out some original ideas for B's birthday coming up. It is his golden birthday, turning 7 on the 7th. We are having it at a nature center where they will spend the first hour outside (if it gets above freezing), and the 2nd hour inside doing cake/gifts/games etc. I was thinking of doing something for the goodie bags that involve it being his golden birthday but can't think of anything cool. I will have 12 boys and 3 girls. (he wanted to invite 2 girls from school, how cute is that?!) I want goodie bags that are unisex. My first idea was to get those golden dollar coins and put a little note that said "thank you for coming to my golden birthday" along with some other little toy or ???? But then I looked online and realized they cost way more than $1 a piece and so that would add up. I could go to all the banks around and try to find the coins but do I really want to do that???? I think it would be cool, but not worth the effort really. I don't want the typical candy/junky plastic toy goodie bag. I want something they will really use. Maybe a coupon for ice cream or ???? I have no clue. Something useful, practical, but still fun. I just hate to give out stuff that will be thrown out. I also need a quick game we can do if we have time after all the other activities. Something that 14 seven year olds will think is fun. I am finding that the older they get, the harder to keep them interested. They have longer attention spans but more expectations. I was thinking something they can make or an activity or game of some sort. I have to figure out the cake, plates/decorations, and that is about it. Thank god I'm not doing it at home!!! So excited about that!

I am not stepping on a scale until Feb 1

It is not about the number on the scale. I have to do something different, and I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on doing what is right, eating right, exercising, making healthy choices, eating in moderation. I do not need to look at what my exact weight is every day to determine if I am doing a good job. It doesn't define me or what I look like. My new plan is to focus on eating changes, exercising more, and weighing every 2 weeks or so. I will weigh on Feb 1st, which will be about 2 weeks from when I started eating better/exercising. I will then probably weigh again mid Feb or March 1. I am hoping to be at my goal weight by my birthday on April 8, and if I am I will reward myself with something special. I will be 33 years old and I am not going to spend my 30's unhappy with myself and my health. I am going to focus on myself even if I am busy with everything else. I am going to do what is good for me, for once! I am off to exercise for 1/2 hr before my volunteer time at the school. Any ideas for a good reward??? I am thinking some expensive jeans (although I do not need any jeans) or a new purse. We have a Coach outlet near here with good prices. I love purses so I am leaning towards that. I am not big on massages, or that kind of stuff. Anyway, there will be something for my hard work!

update

Guess I haven't posted lately. Sorry! I am alive and well, and counting down til school starts on Wed. Not ready, at all. I am not looking forward to it in some ways but am in others. I guess I do ok with a busy life, but I liked being home with not a lot on my plate the last month. Plus, I know this semester will be the hardest of the 4, and I am looking forward to getting it done with but not looking forward to actually DOING it. Lots of work, learning skills (IV's, injections, catheters etc), presentations, clinical time, lab time, papers, and tests. I have a test like every week the first month and a half. I have one already this coming Saturday. Not fun. Must study.

Wrestling has been going great. B got 1st place in 3 different tournaments. He got 3 pins this weekend and 2 other wins. He seems to be into it this year, and loves competing. He also loves the trophy or medal he gets after! We spent the whole weekend at tournaments it seems. Long days waiting for his matches.

J will start gymnastics on Tuesday. She has been looking forward to joining again. I also put her in soccer starting in April. I like to keep them in some kind of activity just to keep them moving, especially in winter when we don't get out much. The weather finally became cold up here. Like real MN winter cold. We have been so spoiled up til now.

No big plans this week. B doesn't have school tomorrow but J does, so I may do something like a movie with him when she is in school. We got his invitations all ready and put together. I wanted to get that done before I start school. Tonight I am going to get the kids to bed and watch a movie with DH.

Sorry for the long delay in posting!

Friday night

and I'm beat! We have to get up early for B's wrestling tournament tomorrow. Like 6am early. Doesn't work well for us!

The interview went well, tight suit and all. I will know within a month or so if I got it. I found out there were 500 applicants, and 200 interviews granted for 100 jobs. Talk about competition. And what is this about a "nursing shortage"??? Hmmmm.......

We had a nice dinner out with a gift card, the boys got their hair cut and I got the kids in bed, even though it was later than it should be. No big plans for this weekend. The kids are having a playdate here Sunday and I have a girls dinner sunday night. I have a little studying to do, and a lot of relaxing. And church, must.go.to.church.

good night!

Feeling Antsy

As you can see from the frequent blog postings, I am finding this vacation thing a little weird. I don't know what to do with myself. I spend time playing with the kids (we have played more games of memory than I can count). We have watched movies, played in the snow, went shopping, went to a movie theatre, rearranged the basement into fun and new play areas (which will be fun and new for maybe a week!), sorted through old clothes, and worked on art projects. I guess I kind of miss school. Even though in 2 weeks I will be saying I hate school. I have been starting my studying, just for something to do. I was going to get a "real" book to read over break but I haven't yet and I'm just not going to start one to have to stop it. Plus, I feel obligated to read my nursing books rather than books for enjoyment. I will read for fun again this summer (if I don't get the internship because if I do, I'll be so exhausted from adjusting to working again almost full time that I will be sleeping when I'm not doing anything else).

The kids start back at school again tomorrow. Maybe I'll mop the floor....

Oh, almost forgot to add I booked a place for B's birthday. He is turning 7 next month. We talked about multiple overpriced locations for his party. After 2 years of hosting here, we decided we were not going to do that to ourselves again. The stress, the mess, the cost of it all after all is said and done was just not worth it this year. We didn't want to have to clean up. Anyway, after some research we are having a unique party at a nature center. They will have 1 hr of outdoor activitie, led by a instructor from the center. Then 1 hour of cake, presents, etc. I know it isn't an indoor play place, or movie theatre, or bowling alley, but I still think the kids will like it. They better. And even better is that it is 1/2 to 1/3 of the price of any of the other options. I will have to buy cake, drinks and party favors. He can invite up to 15 kids and 6 adults. The kid has a million friends so limiting to even 15 will be difficult. He was hoping J didn't have to count as one of the 15! I can't believe he is turning 7!

I have one kid in bed and one to go, and he just got out of his shower so I best get going.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!

Wishing everyone a happy and health new year. I am going to make 2007 a great year. I am going to try to be happy about my life, and all the things in it. I am hoping for a great year!!

I am already studying tonight for when I go back to school on the 17th. I have a med term test my first weekend back, as well as a ton of reading to do for the first few lectures. I got my books online and they were delivered last week. I got 3 fresh new books to study from, to add to my huge collection of nursing/health care books. I think I have about $600 worth of books at this point! I also got an NCLEX study book, to help study for tests as well as study for the licensing exam when I graduate. In some weird way I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of school.

I also am trying to prepare for my interview on Friday. I have been going online to get sample questions and interview tips. I am trying to come up with answers to those tough questions like "tell me when you have exhibited leadership" and "tell me about a time you have solved a complex problem". Oh, the fun of getting through this one on Friday! I can't wait (ha!) I also was going to buy a new outfit but found a suit in my closet that I could get into (size 6 so I was doubting it would fit). It is a dark purple pants suit with a longer jacket so even though the pants are a little tighter than I'd like, they are concealed well under the jacket!! I am not sure what I'll do for shoes. I have some fun/funky black shoes I got last month but they may be too much.

Had a movie date with DH tonight. We saw Apacolypto (how do you spell that???) It was intense, bloody, action packed, but good overall. Not for everyone though.

Have a great start to your new year!

Need your weight loss secrets!!!

I am determined to make 2007 my year. Even though my life is out of control much of the time, there is no need to ignore myself. I need to take care of myself, for me and for my children. What are your goals for 2007? What are your secrets to a healthy lifestyle??? What do you do to lose/maintain your weight. I am pretty good at losing, and I suck big time at maintaining. I need a lifestyle change, not a diet. My secrets for past success in losing weight are:

• Plan what I eat/write it down
• Keep track using WW points or calories
• No snacking out of bags/boxes!!
• Portion control!
• Minimal sweets (when I start I can't stop!)
• Drink tea when I feel hungry between meals
• Eat 3 meals and one snack, no skipping meals
• Don't undereat, I will binge if I am too hungry
• Don't eat after dinner
• Don't eat off kids plates!

I could use some eating out tips, as I am terrible at restaurants. I love food, I love the smells and tastes of food. If I am at a restaurant and faced with the low fat grilled chicken or the yummy buffalo chicken wrap I am going to chose the latter. Luckily we don't go out a lot, but I can gain a few pounds in one meal out, seriously!!! I also am bad in social situations. At parties, I am faced with so many good foods and I can't say no. I am SO bad at that. I love my food. I love all kinds of food. I love chips/salty food, sweets, snacks, meat, everything. I just can't have a lot of that kind of food in my house and I do pretty well at home it is other places that I break down. So, if you have any advice let me know!!!! I tell people that it is a miracle I am not very overweight I like food that much. I sometimes even say I have an obsession with it, and could very well become a binge eater if I let myself. I think at times in my life I have been.

Have a happy new year and stay safe! I am staying home with my family tonight and watching movies. We are getting lots of snow here, so it is very pretty! A nice way to bring in the new year.

Christmas Wrapup

The big day is now over and now on to normal life again!! I love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but I also like getting back to our normal routine. Although we won't be back to normal until next week and the kids return to school. We had a nice holiday. Low key, not too overboard. We really cut back on gifts this year, and so did the grandparents, who usually go way overboard. It was great. I don't have too many toys to find places for in our house. B got his beloved gameboy. Yes, he loves his video games. We had told him he probably wouldn't get one, but then Santa decided to get it for him on the condition that he continues to do well in school and works on his handwriting. (he has been writing very messy lately on his school work). He also got some clothes, small lego set, and star wars figures. Some of the grandparent presents are staying in their packages until a later date. He also got a couple movies, which we will watch later. J's favorite gift is the triplet dolls she got from my parents. I got her the stroller to go with them. It is funny, these dolls don't do anything, don't cry or move or anything. They are very simple and cute. She loves these dolls!! She also got a princess computer, clothes, movies, and a cute princess chair from my brother. I forgot to add that B got a VideoNow player, which I'm not sure how much he will use, and a MP3 player from my brother!! He has no idea what an MP3 player is, so now I have one to use! I've been wanting one so it will be fun to have. I got some money and that is about it. We don't do presents for the adults in the family since it is basically just exchanging money. We may use some of our money to pay for my tuition/books (boring) and do something fun as a family. We all saw the movie "Night at the Museum" last week and that was fun. I'd like to do something else while we are all on break. Not sure what though. We need to save the money for things we really need.

I'm back on the weight loss bandwagon AGAIN. Gets pretty old going back and forth. Makes me so depressed. But I guess going back and forth is better than gaining and gaining and gaining and not doing anything about it. At least I do something about it some of the time :) I am not sure how I will fit any exercise into my life. I thought about looking into the Anytime Fitness place here in town but I know that we can't afford another monthly payment as much as I should do it for myself. I seem to only do well when I can walk outside (like this summer when I was down to an all time low weight). I hate the bike I have in the basement. It was my dads from the 70's. SO OLD and so boring and I hate it. I would love a treadmill but can't afford that. I hate work out tapes. I have tried many and I just can't stick with them. I've heard of something that is like a slider workout. You put these sliding discs on your feet and do some tape or something. I will have to check that out, but I really don't want to put money into anything since my past record shows that it doesn't pan out. I'm just starting better eating today and we'll see about the exercise and how I can work that in. Depressing!
I found the website, anyone hear of these???
http://www.glidingdiscs.com/

Merry Christmas!

As Christmas eve is upon us, I try to focus on the important things this holiday season. My 2 beautiful and healthy children. My husband who I stand with together through our journey in life. My home, food, clothes. My dog, who got hit by a car last week and lives to tell about it (she came out of it without an injury to speak of!). Makes me appreciate the little things. My kids being hyper this morning, talking non stop. Watching them separate their presents, examining them just like I did as a kid. The excitement of them placing their last advent sticker this morning. The fresh snow that gives us a white Christmas. This year, we almost didn't have one! Making a snowman with the kids, and having hot chocolate and cider. Making Christmas cookies and making our plate for santa tonight. All the things I love about my life are with me today. I celebrate the birth of Jesus, and my family. I couldn't be luckier in my life and even though I don't always feel that way, I am a fortunate person to have what I do have. I only wish that everyone in the world was as lucky as I am. Peace to all!!!

I got an interview!!!

For the summer intern position. It is after the first of the year, so I have some time before I have to stress about it! I am thankful to be given the opportunity, even if I don't get a position it will be good practice. I have nothing to wear to a business interview. It has been like 9 years since I've had an interview. Luckily, I've been though some pretty rigorous interviews in my college days so I think I'm somewhat prepared for an intense interview (if it is intense). I usually don't get too nervous about these things.

On another note, we are all on break/vacation now. Feels great! Kids are playing downstairs and we plan on a movie tomorrow. Happy holidays!

Christmas time!

The anticipation for Christmas has peaked around here. The kids are looking forward to the holiday. They eagerly put on their advent stickers each morning, and count down to how many days are left. They know all about the religious aspect of Christmas but I suspect that the gifts under the tree have a little something to do with their excitement. We had J's program at preschool yesterday afternoon. How cute it is to see all those 4/5 yr olds singing holiday songs. They all lined up and did their little dances and songs and were cute as can be. J did really well and looked very adorable in her red and white dress with a bun in her hair. She is one of the littler/younger kids. She looked at me throughout the whole program. I gave her a thumbs up sign, and she did it back to me with a little wink. What a character she is. I went with my parents, niece, and husband. She had quite the crowd watching her. The pastor of the church then read the Christmas story to the kids and they had a little gift exchange. It was a nice time. B had pajama day in school today. Most of the public schools around here don't celebrate a specific holiday, which I guess is fine by me. It would be fun if they got to, but he doesn't know any different I guess. The pajamas are excitement enough.

I am just about done shopping. I had to buy some lotion for great grandma. She is out, according to MIL and so I picked that up this morning. I got the kid's gifts from us wrapped last night (2 toys and one gift of clothes each). I now have to just wrap the Santa gifts on Sunday night (2 toys and stocking stuffers). Sounds like my parents got the kids some nice gifts, they will be so excited. B has specific things he has been asking for. J really doesn't have anything specific she wants. She likes everything. B wants a Gameboy, star wars legos, star wars figures, and a light saber. J just likes anything to do with babies or dolls and coloring/drawing. They both like games but I don't think they are getting any this year (they have a ton of board games).

The weather here is not too great today. We have had freezing rain all morning and afternoon. I've been watching for school closings on TV. It looks pretty bad. I am hoping for some snow this weekend. The weather has been very mild for December which is nice but the kids really want some snow to play in!

Wishing you all a very happy holiday!

Finally

I am on holiday break. My final last night was pretty hard but I got a 90%. I ended up with a 93.8% overall in the class. You need a 92% to get an A, so I am VERY HAPPY!! I now am going to do NO school for for at least 2 weeks. Then I have to start up the studying, since we have a test our first weekend back (no fair!). I am looking forward to some relaxation!

Almost on break

In 4 hr and 20 minutes I will be starting my last test of my first semester of nursing school. I am 1/4 of the way through this hellish journey!! I know in the end I will be a stronger and different person than I am now. I say "hellish" but I know that this is a life changing 2 years for me. It will define me in a different way, and will challenge me in more ways than I ever knew possible. It will beat me down and lift me up. I have had many emotions over the last 4 months. I have felt joy and sadness and pain and exhaustion. I have felt guilt and elation. I will never forget the patients I cared for, or the nurses who taught me. I have made friends and I have probably made some enemies too! I have taught my kids that I can work hard and sometimes I won't always be only a "mommy". They have learned to spend more time with their dad (good thing). Up until now I have only been their mom. I worked part time when B was little but I don't think he remembers much about that time. They have a hard time imagining me working! They ask if they will have to go to daycare. Hopefully not much, I tell them. I am going to be a nurse so I can work when you are sleeping or when your daddy is home. I want to help other people get well, I tell them. They seem to understand. J says she wants to be a doctor when she gets big (oh, and a beeper at Tar*et). B wants to be a paleontologist, president and a police officer. All P's he tells me!

I am off to study for another 1.5 hours until the kids get home from school, and then I will post again with my grade when I find out.

I can't wait until I can spend my vacation with the ones I hold most dear....

4 1/2 yr old separation anxiety

My very outgoing independent 4 1/2 yr old is having trouble separating lately. This is really hard for me because she has always loved new places and people, and I have never worried leaving her anywhere. Granted, I am a SAHM and with her a lot but she went to preschool all last year with no issues at all. She has also gone to church school since last year and MOPS all of this year so far. She goes on playdates and has had babysitters. She just started having issues after thanksgiving. She will get upset when the carpool comes and some tears will fall. She gets over it pretty quick but I still feel horrible. I try to reassure her and be confident saying goodbye but now I'm starting to get anxious about things we have planned that involve her separating. Tomorrow we have MOPS in the AM and preschool in the afternoon, and I have school at night so it will be a hard day. Anyone else have this issue with an older preschooler???

94%

One test left!

I am going into the last final pretty good. I still will probably study as much as I can this week and this time next week I'll be on break!!! Yippee!!!!

Feelin' Blue.....

Not sure what is up with me. I am not feeling myself lately. Since Thanksgiving time at least. I am feeling lazy, drowsy, unmotivated, sluggish, fat. I know it is partially due to stress of finals. I have been staying up late every night and will have to for another week. I have one final tomorrow night and one the next week. However, next weekend we are supposed to go to DH's work party, 4 hr away, overnight. So, that means no studying on Sat or Sunday most likely until we get home later Sunday. I will lose out on a lot of study time. Which means I have to do all my studying this week. During the week. And I am burned out. I should be studying now. I am tired. All the weight I lost this summer/fall has returned. I am now back to about 130 lb. I am eating horrible. I have no motivation to cook or go to the grocery store. I just eat whatever is around and handy. Terrible. I am not eating fruits or veggies much at all. I am eating way to much processed food. It is making me feel horrible. But why do I do it to myself??? I have no idea. I just know that I am only finishing my first of 4 semesters of school. I sometimes ask myself at times like this how I will get thru it. How I will handle the stress. I can't be everythings for everyone all the time. I want to be a good student, and a good mother, and a good wife, and a good daughter and friend. I want a clean house and healthy meals on the table for dinner. I want my bed to be made every day. I want to keep up with my hobbies. I want to exercise (what's that???). I work with patients every time I'm in the hospital who are at the end of their lives and I know that my life is going way to fast. I want to make the best of it, and be happy, and feel in control. I don't want regrets. I want to be happy about the mark I've made in my life and the things I've accomplished. I want to make a difference. I want to put myself first but I always put myself last. Dead last. I never ask for help. I never hire a babysitter because it cost too much and J will cry (she cries with separation now, at 4 1/2, after never having a problem ever with it...). I don't know if I need medical help. I think that I am just feeling down and it will most likely pass. I just don't know how to feel fullfilled in life when I feel like I am pulled a million different directions. I am just babbling at this point and I am going to get back to my books but it feels good to get it out. Here's to a better tomorrow.

I am such a bad blogger

I am terrible at this blogging thing. I am not sure why. God knows I'm on the computer enough. I mean, how hard would it be to type up a quick entry every day or even every other day. I don't know why I don't. I hate it when I read blogs and they never post anything new. And I do the same thing!!! Must get better at blogging!

Not much new here. Feeling burnt out from school. Feeling the Christmas rush. I went to the store this week and it was a madhouse. People everywhere searching for their Xmas gifts, food, etc. The lines were horrendous. The craziness of the season is here in full force. I actually enjoy most of Christmas. I like to buy gifts and find/make that special thing for people. I do not have a lot of people to buy for. I have our parents, the kids, girlfriends (we draw a name for our annual Xmas party - this sunday!) , teachers, and our 2 grandma's. I sometimes need a little something for someone but I don't really have to buy too much. I know some people who have to buy like 30 gifts. That is CRAZY!! Why not draw names?? Our siblings do not exchange gifts with each other (yay!) and so we save the money for ourselves. I also do some buying for charity each year. We always do Operation Christmas Child boxes, a boy and a girl one. We got those done at least a month ago. We usually just put a few small toys, some necessities like soap etc, and some hard candy. The MOPS club sponsered a family and I picked out 2 turtlenecks for the mom. B's class is also sponsering a family so today I got a small toy for the 2 kids and some bath products for the mom. I enjoy spending some money on families that really need it. The most fun for me is finding gifts for the kids. Don't get me wrong, they do not get much. But I do make sure they get what they really like and want. I get them each probably 2 Santa gifts, and 1-2 gifts from us. I also get some fun stocking stuff. B will get some star wars stuff and J some doll stuff and a princess computer. I might have to try to find the G.I. Joe figures B is wanting but they are older and I'm not sure I can find them anymore. Oh, I also made wine charms for my girlfriends and for others I need a small gift for. (neighbors, etc). I am not done with all of them but I got about 8 sets of 4 made. So easy and so cute too! We got our tree up last week, a real one too! DH surprised me with getting one when I was at school. We got lights all over, from the living room to each kids' room! They love it, staring at the lights as they drift off!! We haven't done any baking since I'm too busy with school still. I have 2 finals then a month off. CAN'T WATI!!!!!

Start of another busy weekend

School weekend again. My last one this semester. I have to go to the hospital tonight and get my info, then we are going out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I then have to get the kids to bed and start on my care plan. I will most likely be up past midnight and will be getting up around 5am. Not fun, especially since I'm not a morning person. I should work on my work rather than go to dinner but it is my mom, and it will be fine. Then hospital Sat from 6:45-3, then school Sun from 8-5. We are doing our group presentation and there are 10 groups. 20-25 min each so that is a full day. We are doing ours on the Russian culture. Then I have a paper and the care plan due monday. Then I will be studying for finals!! Home stretch!
Have a great weekend!

Do you save your blog??

I am clueless on this, do you somehow save your blog??? Do you print it out?? What are my options for this??? Anyone??

Not much time to post this week

I am going to be busy until mid December when the semester ends. I have 2 big tests and I feel so far behind. I am getting 94% and I need 92% to get an A so I really need to keep doing well on the tests. We also have our group project on Sunday. Plus clinicals Fri/Sat. I cannot wait until this semester is DONE!!!

Thanksgiving this n that

We had a nice Thanksgiving at the in laws. The kids so love playing with their cousins. I hardly see them the whole time we are there. They are so busy having fun. We ate WAY too much and slept way too little. We sat around and played games and watched movies and talked. A good time was had by all. I am so thankful for my 2 beautiful healthy children. I am thankful for the love they give me and the warm feeling I get being with them. I never knew I could love this much. I am thankful for my husband who sticks by me through it all. Who takes me as I am and loves me anyway. I am not the easiest wife in the world. I study all the time, and I don't cook nice meals. I don't always put the laundry right away. I argue about nothing. I get crabby and he still loves me no matter what. We have our hard times but he is my best friend. I am thankful for my life, and all I have been given. I am so very lucky.

90%

I got my lowest score so far on this test tonight. I guess I should be happy with it because it was a very hard test and I expected worse. I just want an A so badly that I hope I can do well on the remaining tests. An A is 92-100%. I am relieved it is over and am going to relax before bed!

Feeling Blah....

It is that cold and dreary time of year. It will last months up here in the cold and snowy north country. I saw that we are expecting snow this week. Maybe even tomorrow! B may have to even wear his "snow gear" to school. Now that is fun, getting him all bundled every day and his locker is tiny. I am not sure where all the stuff will go. Poor kids have to get in and out of that snow stuff like 3 times a day! Oh, the fun. The kids actually look forward to the snow, and I don't mind it the first few times. I even like a white christmas. What I don't like is the frigid cold and not being comfortable at all when I go outside. I hate warming up the car for 30 minutes just to get some warmth. I hate that I am stuck inside because I don't like to go anywhere.

I also am feeling just plain tired. I have been trying to study for this test and I have been up late more nights than not lately. I can see now that this nursing school is going to be the hardest thing I will EVER do. I am so tired!! I have to take it one day at a time and soon the first semester will be over and I can focus on the 2nd. I hear it is the hardest out of all 4, so it will be a tough winter/spring, but I have to keep in mind that it will get better and it will go fast.

I am also just a little hurt by some anonymous comments that have been left on my blog and also someone else's blog towards me. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I won't let it bug me for long, but I guess I was naive when I thought that I would only get nice comments and people here. I don't think I've written anything to offend people and even though I visit a lot of blogs I rarely post and when I do, it is always short and sweet. I don't think I've ever had trouble with anyone online. And I've been blogging for a while now, and had very minimal traffic over here. Probably because I don't comment on other people's blogs much, and I don't tell really anyone about this blog. Therefore, no one really knows about it. Which was ok. I was always pleasantly surprised when I got an email or comment from a new reader. I'm just not sure what happened and I guess all I can do is write for myself and try to not let it bother me. I'm a sensitive person by nature and I need to get a thicker skin.

Good night for now!

Trying to Study

I have a huge theory test on Monday that I've been trying to study for. The kids are at a neighbors house for a playdate for 45 more minutes. I am going to take the online quizzes on the book website and then probably wait until tonight to do some more studying. I am really hoping to do well on this test. Then we have 2 tests left in December, plus a group presentation. I also have 2 more clinical weekends before the semester is done. I will then be 1/4 done with school!!! Doesn't seem like much but I'm getting there!!

I had a conference at B's school, and he is doing great. The teacher said he is a good kid, gets along with everyone, and his behavior is great. He also did well in all his subjects. I am very proud of him. He has come a long way since kindergarten. He is getting ready to start wrestling in December. It will be his second year. I hope he likes it as much this year. I need to try to find an activity for J this winter. Being only 4 it is hard. I may just put her in community ed gymnastics again, even though I wasn't that thrilled with it last year. She liked it and the price is right. She loves gymnastics and will hopefully be old enough for soccer this spring.

This week isn't too busy so far. Just my test monday and then I will feel great. I have class wednesday and B has school all week. I hope to get some things done around the house and some X-mas shopping done. I ended up ordering this online for myself:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FIR48S/104-1917385-3844750

My husband loves a clean floor and I hear (and read from recommendations) that this little guy may come in handy! I justified it by telling myself that I have never bought myself a new vacuum. They have always been hand me downs. This sells new at the store for twice the price as it was online so I think I got a good deal. I can't wait til it comes so I can try it out!!! I think the kids (and dog) will get a kick out of it too! And my hubby will be happy, no crumbs on the floor!! :) I also ordered a couple things for the kids while I was online. I got J a princess computer and B a star wars lego set and a light saber. Those were things I knew they really wanted and since I am only getting them a few things each, I will be almost done! I also got them each a robe, since it is so cold here and J has always wanted a robe. I think it will be nice for getting out of the bath and snuggling on those cold winter evenings! I got B a spiderman one and J a blue/green one (her favorite color). I hope they like them! I just have to figure out what other things to get them. J likes everything and can't really pin point what she really wants. B is really into star wars. I may get him some of the little figures for his collection. But they won't get much, as they have so much already and get things from family as well. I am doing a lot of gift cards this year since I am so busy with school. I won't have time to search for the "perfect" gift for everyone and this will be easy.

By the way, I had to moderate my comments. I was getting some really annoying ones that I had to delete and I don't have the time nor energy to deal with immature people. So, hopefully if you are still reading you will continue to do so! You should be able to comment if you register. I just am not letting any anonymous comments anymore. Anytime I've gotten an anonymous one it has not been a nice one and I am not here to blog and argue with people who want to criticize others. I am here to meet nice people and am totally willing to hear opinions if people will leave their names and not hide behind the anonymous title. So annoying!!

So exhausted but feeling great!

I am up at 11pm and exhausted. DH had to leave on a business trip so again I have the house empty (besides 2 sleeping kids), too quiet and I dread going up to bed. I should be in bed because I had clinicals this weekend and I am so tired. I was up both Saturday and Sunday at 5:10 am. I am not an early morning person and this is a time of day I do not ever see! I was also up most of Friday night. I had to go to the hospital at 4pm and go over my patient charts so I could write my care plan. I was there for about 2 hours and then returned home to spend a little time with the kids, get them to bed, and write my care plan. I was up until about midnight, but then couldn't sleep once I got into bed. My mind was just spinning from all that thinking!! I got to interact with may different patients this weekend. I had 2 patients of my own because the first one left on Sat so I got another one Sun. I felt like I really got to know them and help them. I also helped out on the floor with some other patients. Right now we are pretty limited to what we can do but it is still just a great learning experience. My feet and back are so tired from being on my feet all day (I am not used to that either!!) but weirdly it is good to feel tired. It is good to feel challenged and busy. It's been too long since I've felt that. As wonderful and fullfilling as my children are to me, they don't need me as much as they used to. Plus, they are spending some great quality time with their dad. They are growing closer to him, and learning that mommy has to leave sometimes to help other people. Don't get me wrong, they still are, and always will be, my #1 priority. I miss them terribly when I'm at school and the hospital, but I truly know that I am pursuing this for a reason. I am going through all this schooling, money, time, pain, because I am meant to be a nurse. I truly believe this.

Pulling Teeth and Becoming a Working Mom??

We had kind of a traumatic experience this week. B has been complaining about his teeth hurting on one side the past couple weeks. I attributed it to his molars that are coming in. Well, on sun and mon nights, he woke up crying and complaining about his teeth. At this point, I asked him which teeth hurt exactly. He pointed to one on the top that had a filling in it. Not good. I took him in on monday afternoon and they said he probably needed it drilled out some more because the nerve was getting irritated. We scheduled an appointment for next week. That night it was a lot worse so I got him in the next day to get it taken care of. Our original dentist took a look at it, and said the best option was to pull the molar out and put in a spacer until he is 11/12 and the adult tooth comes in. Well, B was not happy to hear this and all the pulling and pressure during the procedure was pretty traumatic for the little guy. I felt so bad that I let him pick out a star wars figure at the store after. He now is a little puffy but not too sore and slept fine the past 2 nights. Let's hope we don't have any more dental procedures!

On another note, I am thinking of applying for a summer nurse internship this coming summer. I have heard the competition is very high and my chances of actually getting one are probably slim but I'm going to try anyway. It would be 10-12 weeks of working with an RN and would be probably 36-40 hr/week. Not something I am used to, and more hours than I'd want to work, but an experience I couldn't pass up. The probably is the childcare for the kids. I could probably find teens to do most of it, but most of my pay would be going to daycare. But like I said the experience would be more than worth it. If I don't get one, which I probably won't, then I may get a part time nursing assistant job for the summer. Would look good on the resume that I had some health care setting experience, plus it would be nice to work with patients over the summer and keep my skills up. Lots to think about.

First clinical weekend behind me

I had a tiring, amazing, challenging, and fun weekend at the hospital. I actually worked in a real hospital, as a student nurse, with real patients!! It was all kind of surreal. I got up early and put on my real uniform. I found the parking and was there in plenty of time. Saturday we had orientation half of the day and then spent time on the floor finding things and looking around. We got our patient assignments for the next day. Unfortunately they kept discharging patients so we had to double up with partners. This was good in some ways bad in others, since we really will be on our own next time. It made it a little easier this time though. We then had to go home and write up our care plans and try to get sleep for Sunday. We had to be there even earlier Sunday, 0645 on the dot to do vitals. I did my first vitals on a real live patient. She was a very nice woman and very patient with me. She was an interesting case. She had knee surgery and went home, only to get a bad infection later on and came back for more surgery and recovery. She has a resistant bacteria so is on lots of antibiotics and painkillers. She could barely move the affected leg. I can't wait to give out meds, that will be a lot more interesting. Right now we can't do much. Make beds, help client's with daily cares, do vital signs, basic stuff. But it was a great experience and I look forward to my next weekend!

STILL 124.5 lb

At least it isn't going up I guess! I am lucky it is staying the same as I have not been eating the greatest. I went shopping last night so I'm prepared with good for me foods and so that will help. When I am busy and school is stressful I tend to eat whatever is there, and I don't have time to shop often. I ate pizza, arby's roast beef, and some candy last weekend. Not anything too horrible but not good if you want to lose weight! I guess I'm lucky I maintained. I had a very stressful weekend at school and I am so relieved it is over. I had my presentation Sat and my performance test Sun (I passed, yay!) I also went out Sat night and was up too late and therefore very tired the whole weekend. Still tired, and getting a sinus thing I think. My sinuses hurt and I am just very tired. I am going to lunch with B today but one option is chef salad so I'm getting that. I will be eating hot lunch alone since neither B nor J will eat the school lunch! It is hot lunch week so I figured at least I should support the hot lunch program! There should be lots of parents there today for the first grade. I checked B's mid quarter grades online today and wasn't too impressed. I think he is goofing around too much in gym and music. His main grades in reading and math were great, but in participation and cooperation in gym weren't too great. I think he is not paying attention or thinking it is play time. I will have to talk with him. I don't expect all perfect grades (that is just what I expect of myself!) but I do expect above average because I know he is smart enough and can do it. I can't be too hard on him because I know kids have to learn, but I still have to let him know that it is expected he try his hardest and respect teachers. His main teacher is very organized and they have behavior grades each day. He has had a "green" day every day so I know he is behaving for her. I think that system works well for him. Last year his teacher was way too lenient and the kids went wild! Anyway, I then have to volunteer Wed in his class and next week am going on the field trip on Tuesday. Thursday of this week is picture day so I have to figure out what he is going to wear. And his hair is very long right now but he likes it that way so I'll probably leave it. It is pretty cute on him. J is at her friend's house right now so I have to make her a lunch quick and bring her to the school with me. She is loving school still, and will go with the carpool moms no problem. However, I did have a new babysitter last week (a boy) and she freaked out. I am having to use babysitters more, so hopefully she will get used to it!

Why can't I go to bed?

For one, my husband is gone and I have trouble going to bed alone. Second, I seem to get a burst of energy around 10 or 11 pm. I rarely go to bed before midnight. I think my body is doing this now that I stay up later to study etc. I am so tired in the morning though. My sleep is restless. I have so much going through my mind. So many things that have to be done. I have my school work, kids school stuff, fundraisers, lunches to pack, snacks to pack, clothes to pick out, garbage to take out, laundry to put away, bathrooms to clean, shopping to do. It is never ending. I like the busy life I lead, but sometimes it is really hard to shut off my mind to sleep. This is a problem that has just started in the last couple years. I always used to sleep great. Now, I am lucky to sleep more than 2 to 3 hr at a time. I will hear a noise, or just wake up for some unknown reason and lay there. I am not anxious. I am not one to stress out about things. I am pretty easy going. But I do sometimes have a hard time relaxing. And it is worse when I'm alone. I guess I get more nervous. I always set the alarm system, which helps, but I still hate the stillness and quiet of the house. Tonight I watched all my favorite shows. It is my indulgence. I put J to bed before 7pm and let B stay up to watch Survivor with me. I had them take a bath early around 6pm, brush teeth, and read extra books so that I'd be all ready by the time my shows came on. I think I read 6 books tonight just because I made the time to do it!! That is one thing I love doing with the kids. Anyway, had J asleep by 7, she was so tired. I sent B up to bed at 8 but of course he stayed up there tossing another hour (he has trouble falling asleep too!) . I then watched Grey's Anatomy (love that show!) and ER. ER was just ok. I then got out my book and have been reading/taking notes on supporting respiratory function. Fun stuff! It is the longest chapter ever. I have found that you really need to read/study everything because they do not cover everything in class that you need to know. I am trying to get an early start on my reading for my next test which isn't until November 13. Weird how they schedule so many tests early on then give us such a big break. Maybe because we start clinicals soon and we have to prepare for that?? Anyway, I am going to try to sleep very soon. It is so hard to wake up. J comes in about 7am every day so then I have about another half hour to lay around until I have to get up, shower, get the kids clothes on, comb their hair, make B's lunch and snack, get his bag packed and ready, feed them breakfast and get them out the door. I could probably so some of it the night before but I usually have plenty of time. I then get one kid off to school, and still have one here with me (she has preschool 3 days a week in the afternoons). We sometimes will do an errand, but usually we hang out here. We will most likely do some cleaning, and I may have to babysit a neighbor's daughter while she goes to the doctor. I have classes both Sat and Sun and we may go out after the kids are asleep on Sat night to see a band play at the local Oktoberfest. I don't want to be out late but we will probably go for a few hours. I got a sitter lined up. It is now 11:30 and I'm really going to try to sleep. Good night!

124 lb and breathing a sigh of relief

10:30 pm here, I really really should be in bed. I am so exhausted. But I cannot fall asleep this early. I am used to staying up until at least 11:30/12 studying. If I go up to bed I will just lie there awake, and even worse is that my husband is out of town all week and I hate nights alone. I get all freaked out and worry about things and it is so quiet and erie in the house. I hate when he is gone, which unfortunately is way too often. I drove him to the airport today, and he will be coming home Friday. And what luck, I have school all weekend. Yuck!

Anyway, my test tonight was hard. Very hard. I felt somewhat prepared going in, and felt all weird while taking it. First, there was a speaker in the next room using a microphone and it was loud. I got to move into the lab, but it was pretty loud in there as well. You could hear people talking in the hall and just very unnerving to me. I like quiet while taking a test. Anyway, I was having problems with some of the questions. More than usual. Usually I can get through almost all of them and then I go back and try to figure out the ones I didn't know. Well this time, I just couldn't make up my mind on answers. I hate that. I went through that test like 3 times. I finally circled my best guesses and turned it in. Everyone was saying how hard it was, and people were almost in tears. I know it was hard but I knew I did ok. Well, I did better than I thought and got a 93%. I was going to be happy with a B, and I got a low A. I am relieved, and must be a good guesser!!

Not much else is new here. It was beautiful weather here today, for october. It is usually pants/jackets weather this time of year, but today the kids had shorts on. It was great. Soon enough I will be getting out the hats, mittens, snowpants, boots. That reminds me that B needs new snowpants this year. I saw some at the store for $20! I have to find some cheaper than that, especially since they will last 1 year most likely. Poor J will always have boring black or navy snowpants, not cute pink or purple because I will not be buying her a different pair when I have a perfectly good pair of black ones! Or maybe if I find some at a garage sale or something maybe she will get girly ones!! I do not look forward to freezing cold mornings trying to get 2 kids in their snow gear, heating up the car for 15 minutes, trying to fit all the wet stuff somewhere in the mud room.

The only good thing about winter is Christmas. The kids are already talking about it. They each will only really get to ask for a couple things this year. We don't buy them too much, and ask family to not buy them much either. B wants a kids video camera (anyone know if there is such a thing?) and a light saber. J wants a bald cabbage patch baby and a robe like mine. Yes, a robe. She is a unique child! :) They also pick out a nutcracker for our collection that we started last year.

Oh, we also got our costumes ready for Halloween. B is going to be Anakin Skywalker and J is going to be Cinderella. She already had the dress from her birthday so that worked out. I will just have to put sweatshirts and sweatpants on under it. And gloves probably. They really love to dress up so they love halloween. I will wear my witch hat to hand out candy.

Well, I'm going to try to sleep!

123.5

Just got back from grandma's house. J is sleeping in the car (I can see her) and I am just in checking email and picking up around the house until B gets home from school. I have so much studying to do the next few days. Big Theory test monday. I got 14/15 on my med term test. So exxcited to get that one done. I got both my interviews done for my paper/presentation so now I will just have to write up the papers next week. I am feeling like I am accomplishing things, but it is just so much work every single week. Not like the classes I had before when you'd be busy for a week, then have 2 weeks of not so busy. It is constant. But I am proud of myself for doing this and I really do love what I'm learning. I can't wait to be a nurse! I'm looking into some doula courses, either birth doula or postpartum doula. Obviously I have no time to do it now, but possibly over summer break. I'd love to do that part time while going to school. I love helping other moms, and would love to get some breastfeeding support hours (I'd eventually like to be a certified lactation consultant). Anyway, just another thing on my list of things to do with my life!

This weekend I plan to spend some quality time with the kids. I would like to take B to a movie, or do something one on one with him as I am with J much more now that he has school full time. I am going to start volunteering in his room on wednesdays to help with math time. I am excited to see how he is in school this year. I also plan to have lunch with him tomorrow. I try to go to lunch with him at least a couple times a month. It is fun to meet his friends, and interact with him in that setting. I am so proud of how big and independent he is getting. Every day I drop him off at the crossing guard, and he never looks back. Sometimes I sit and wait to see if he will glance back at me, and he never does. I am sad and happy all at once. Sad that he is now so independent and doesn't need me like he used to , but also happy because as a mother I think our goal is to make them comfortable and independent. It is hard though, to let go.

I better go check on J.

124.5 lb pre-shower, 124 lb post shower???!!!

Either I really did have 1/2 lb of dirt on me, or I have a screwy scale. Weird. Anyway, is this turning too much into a weight-centered blog?? I am trying not to post much about my weight. I just like to see the numbers and look back on them. They aren't going down too fast, but I'm not exercising much so maybe they won't go down fast. I am eating good, and trying to be healthy. It may seem as though I am obsessed with my weight. I really am not. I don't go around thinking about it 24/7. I do like to know what I weigh and I do like to keep it in check. I think if I didn't, I would slowly gain weight and that would not be good for me in the long run. I'm the type who likes to know where it is, whether bad or good. Then I'm more aware and it helps me with my eating. I do come from a mother and grandmother who are somewhat a bit too weight conscious. My grandma talks about it all the time. She is a tiny thing, about 105 lb, but insists she is "fat". My mom doesn't talk about it, but is also very thin and I think she thinks about it more than I know. She is probably about 115 lb and she is taller than me. She has only recently lost weight to get this thin. My dad and her joined a gym and eat really well (dad has hypertension) and so they are both losing weight. She was always about a size 10 when I was a kid, I can remember helping her look for clothes and looking for a size 10! I would say she was always thin/average size. Now she is very thin. Like a size 4 probably. So, maybe it is in my genes to worry about my weight. I don't know. I don't want to worry about it, or talk about it (which I never do) or obsess about it (which I don't think I do). Anyway....

Tonight is my med term test. I am not studying like I should be, obviously. Guess I'm not too worried. I have lots to study this weekend with a big test monday night.

Kids are doing well. I don't see them as much as I'd like but they are loving school and are both getting so big. It all goes so fast.

Anyway, I better get back to my book!

124 lb and sunny day!

The sun is out, and it is supposed to be in the 70's today. We better appreciate it, since the weather is going to get colder starting tonight. Winter will be here soon and I am not looking forward to the cold, snow, ice etc.

J is asking me to draw a picture, so I have to cut this short. Have a happy day!

124.5 lb and exhausted

It is monday morning after being in school all weekend, plus I have three hours of class tonight. It really is very exhausting being at school ALL weekend. And this isn't even clinicals, when I'll have to get up even earlier. We have been very busy learning to take vital signs, give bed baths, transfer patients, along with all the theory behind everything. It is so much work. I had a test Saturday and got a 93%, which I was very happy with since it was a pretty hard test. An A is 92 - 100 % so I just made an A. We have a med term test Wed night and another theory test next monday. We also have preformance testing on vital signs in less than 2 weeks, which is going to be very scary (role playing in front of an instructor for a grade). I still have to practice taking blood pressures until I feel comfortable with it. The other tasks aren't too bad, taking temp, respirations, and pulse. The blood pressure is the hardest one. We also have to be able to transfer from bed to wheelchair or vice versa. This past weekend we did bed baths on each other. That was interesting! It was good experience knowing what it is like to give one, and receive on.

As you can see my weight is steady from last week. Which is probably good since I ate LeAnn Chins for lunch Saturday, and ice cream last night. Cheated big time, but guess being in school helped me not eat as much during the day. So, hopefully this week I can work on eating good and getting back down a lb or 2.

124.5 lb

No time to post much. I am off to bring B to school, then 45 min drive to a friend's house who needs babysitting from me today. She is going to Vegas and has 3 kids under 5. I'll have J with me, so it will be lots of kids for me today!! Then come home to make dinner, play with kids, study, watch Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, and ER (is that on tonight?) Can't wait for my favorite shows! Thurs is the only day I have any shows on this year, so that works out (no school).

125 lb

Very tired today. I've been staying up late studying. I find it hard to study during the day. Even though I only have one kid at home, she demands a lot of time some days. I need to explain to her that sometimes I do need to study for a while. I have horrible mommy guilt. When the kids are here I feel like I need to spend a lot of time with them. Especially B, who is in school every day now. I feel like once he gets home at 3:30 I need to spend my evening with him. It is hard. I feel torn a million ways. I am worried about my tests coming up. I am worried about the next 2 years! One day at a time.

Went to a MOPS meeting today at church. J seems to enjoy going to the kids classes. I feel more refreshed after going, even though it is another thing on my schedule. It is only every other Wed, so not too bad. Today is my car pool day for preschool. I am doing a carpool with 2 other moms so I will end up driving only once a week. Not bad. I then have school tonight from 6-9, so then I'll probably be up late studying once I get home. I have a full weekend of classes this week also, with our test friday. We also have bedbath/oral hygiene preformance on each other, and clinical group meetings. I am looking forward to seeing who my instructor is. I already know the hospital I'll be going to. Soon I'll actually be a student nurse learning in a hospital. Scary!

125.5 lb

The weather is cold today. Have to walk B to school, get my haircut, return something at the store, and pick up pictures. Then I have to study, all while entertaining J today!

Tornado hits and getting real

This past Saturday we were out of town. We had traveled down to the lake/camper to spend one last weekend there. At about 10:30 pm Sat night, we got a call from our security system company that they were getting a flood alarm from our house. Crap. This is my husbands greatest fear. We have a sump in our basement and it fills up often and fast. Our house is not situated the greatest and the drainage is bad. So, it is important that the sump runs and is working. We even have a back up and a battery operated one in case of emergency. Anyway, we called the neighbor to check it out, as we were 4 hours away. We also got in our car and headed home, as bad storms were passing through. We needed to be home to assess the situation. What a fun night. Driving from 11 pm - 3 am, and up until 4 am. Not fun, when your kids get up by 7! The basement was wet around the perimeter and so now all the carpet is pulled up and we have fans running and trying to suck up as much water as we can from the pad underneath. But.... I feel lucky. Many people have no house to live in, after a tornado went through our town, and 2 neighborhoods were hit very bad, with over 200 houses not livable. To make it even more devastating, a 10 year old girl was killed when the house collapsed on top of her. She was with a babysitter (her brother I believe) and they did not hear sirens or know to go to the basement. How terrible and sad. This girl went to B's school, and I am sure he will hear about it and have lots of questions. I am just so sad for this family and all of her friends. How hard for a 5th grader to have to go through losing a classmate. I feel so lucky that we are all safe and our house was in tact when we got home. Please say a prayer for the families with no home.

This all has to happen on a test week for me, which really makes studying hard. With lack of sleep and the basement mess to deal with . I don't know when I'll study for my saturday exam. I am very worried about it. I really want to do well.

Lastly, I decided to step on the scale today and see the damage. 127 lb. There, I am up to 127 lb. I think partly due to having AF, but mostly due to lack of effort on my part. If you remember right, I went from 131 down to about 122 from May to Aug, now I am almost back to where I started. Very disappointing and depressing. I am disgusted and worn out with the struggle. I know it is a daily struggle for me to remain the weight I want to be. If I get off track at all, I just get more off track and then I just ignore it until I decide to face it again and get upset again and try again. I am back on the weight loss horse, and hoping most of this is just water weight and not "real" weight. A week ago I was about 124 so I don't think I really gained 3 lb in a week. I haven't been out of control eating, just not being as careful as I should. I'll keep posting my progress on here and maybe that will help. I am actually facing the facts here, and posting it even though it embarasses me since I had done so well for so long.

Good bye for now!

Results and finding time to breathe....

Have exactly 5 minutes before I have to bring J to her 2nd day of preschool. She loves it and can't wait to go. B is still getting used to going every day to 1st grade. I sometimes feel bad that he has to be so busy so soon. They already have homework, not a lot, and not hard, but still... He has a spelling test Friday already. Luckily he knows the words already and how to spell them. He is tired and getting used to the new, very busy, schedule.

Anyway, my studying paid off and here are my results from my first few weeks of school:
First Theory test 96%
Drug Calculation Exam 100%

Coming up: First lab/seminar test in 10 days and medical terminology test the next week. Lots of studying and reading to do in the next week. It is a constant busy, no down time between tests. There is always something around the corner. I also have a growth and development paper and presentation the first week in oct, and a cultural group project to get going on. Clinicals will be starting mid october.

Gotta run!

First day of first grade and hitting the books

Today I sent my oldest child to first grade. He will be gone every day all day!!! I am a little bit sad over this, but I will be ok. I will miss him and look forward to 3:30 every day when I can go meet him at the crossing guard. I am so very proud of my big boy!!

I better get going, here is a picture of my kitchen table tonight. I am busy studying for my first big test tomorrow night. Wish me luck!!

Summer in Pictures

Since I have a ton of pictures on my computer, I decided to post some of my favorites from this summer. I know I love it when other bloggers post pictures!

These are pictures of J and B before their uncle Mark's wedding in May:













Here are the kids tubing behind the boat!




I love this one, B riding the merry go round at the local fair:



Typical J, tired from playing hard all day, face full of dirt, hair a mess, and wearing her favorite color blue! This was taken when my husband had the kids all weekend and I was on my "girls only" weekend. He took them camping with his family:


And here is my "girls" weekend. We are on the pontoon having fun in the sun!

The summer is coming to a close. Another summer gone, another fall around the corner. It is always bittersweet. I love spending time with my kids, and not having something to rush off to every morning. I love letting them stay up late playing kickball with the neighbor kids and not worrying about geting them to bed at a certain time. I love watching them get dirty in the hot sun, playing with cousins around a campfire. I love the wind in our hair as we ride in the boat. I love their smiles and their laughter. Here's to a great summer 2006 and looking forward to an even greater fall!

Visitors!!!

If you visit my blog, please leave me a comment today with your blog address. I would love to add some new blogs to my list, and would LOVE to hear from anyone who reads my blog. I am not always the greatest at leaving comments on other blogs, but I'm trying to get better and I'd love to know if you are reading. Just a quick hello and your blog link! Pretty please????? Thanks!!!!!

My Other Half

As I was looking through pictures on my computer, I found this one of my husband and I. I thought about it, and realized I rarely talk about him on my blog, and should do a post about him. I also realized that I have very few pictures of the 2 of us together. We used to get our picture taken all the time when we were first dating, but now I'm always the one behind the camera. So, we really need to work on that. At our church directory pictures, we ordered a trio of pictures where there is one of the kids at the top, the 4 of us in the middle, and the 2 of us at the bottom. I'm so glad we did that, and can't wait until it arrives (should get here sometime this week). I really love the pictures and especially the one of just the 2 of us. I really do think we make a cute couple!!! It is hard sometimes to make time for each other, but my husband truly is my best friend. We have been through so much together and our lives are so busy, but we really are happiest when we are together. I hope he always knows how much he means to me. So, here is a blog posting dedicated to my other half, my better half.

My First Week and Other News

I am done with my first week of nursing school. Sometimes I feel like I have such a LONG way to go. 2 years of this. Of going to school every other weekend. That is such a sacrifice. I realized this last weekend when my family went to a wedding, that my daughter was IN, and I was in class from 8am - 4pm each day. Can we say depressing???? But I handled it fine, we made it through, and I now am committed to this. I can do it. I want this. I really do think this is what I want to be when I grow up. It better be!!!

Besides my life consuming education, we are facing some changes with the kids' school starting here in the next couple weeks. B has his open house Thur night and we will meet his teacher and see his classroom. He is nervous, like he was last year, but once he is there he does fine. He is such an outgoing and funny kid, he gets along with everyone. First grade will be a big change going every day, but I hope he will handle it fine.

J has her visiting day at preschool next Friday. She will have no problem with preschool, as she went last year and loves new experiences and people. For a baby who hated anyone but me, she sure has turned out to be an extrovert. Funny how both my kids seem to be quite extroverted, when I am the opposite. Sometimes I have a hard time relating to them, they are so unlike me. But that makes it all the more fun, when your kids actually have personalities of their own! I always thought they would be "little me's" but boy was I wrong. Even my daughter who looks quite a lot like me, is a little spitfire personality. And my son, he is everything I wish I was. Really. I sometimes can't believe they are mine.

I am officially a nursing student

I started classes on Monday. I have a busy first week since we have weekend class this Sat and Sun. I had class 3 hours on each monday and wednesday nights, and will have class from 8am to 5pm on Sat and Sun. I will have every other weekend off. The program seems organized and the teachers seem great so far. There is a LOT of work, a lot of reading, tests, papers, labs, etc. Clinicals will start in October. I am nervous for that, but will worry about it when the time comes. I just can't believe I am actually in the nursing program. I have been preparing and thinking about this for almost 3 years now. It seemed so far away and now I have started. I'm sure it will go very fast. It will be tough and at times I am sure I will be thinking I was crazy. But I still do think I made the right decision to switch careers and start a new path. I hope it is what I have been hoping for!!!

Body Image

I am finally getting to a point where I am liking my body a little bit better. I am very hard on myself and even though I am not overweight I still have not liked my body much since I've had kids. Heck, even before kids I was not really impressed by it! Maybe us women are never really in love with our bodies, but we should be! We should be proud of what they can do and the babies they have birthed and the hurtles they have crosses. With age, bodies change. What was perky and hard in our teens are getting softer and saggier. This is inevitable. I will probably never love my breasts, they are on the bigger side and aren't perky in the least bit. I have never liked my stomach. I don't mind my legs and arms. I have worked hard on my health this summer. I have been eating much better and exercising. I have lost almost 10 lb since May. I have never lost that much before this year. I am hoping that I will not go back to the weight I was in May. I have always struggled, but I am doing better than ever. I think going back to school will keep me busy and keep my thoughts away from food. I fear I won't exercise enough but I will try my best to keep some sort of exercise in my life. I know I'm a happier person when I'm a healthier person. I want to be around for a LONG time for my kids and my family. I owe them and ME a long and healthy life.

Is it just me???

I can't be alone in how I feel lately about my kids. I love my kids more than anything. I think they are beautiful, funny, smart, amazing kids.... BUT they have been driving me crazy. As I am a stay at home mom, I am with them a lot. Probably too much. I feel like I am constantly telling them to stop doing that, stop fighting, don't do this, put that down, no you can't play video games again today, etc etc. I think they have a pretty good life. They have millions of toys, activities planned for them a lot of the time. They have a mom who plays with them and takes them places they like to go. A house full of things they like and activities to do. I sometimes feel like they are ungrateful and do not even know how much they have or how lucky they are. I think that a lot of kids do not know how good they have it, mine included. I don't like feeling like the mean mommy, the one who is always on them to stop doing things, and punishing them. I feel like it is too negative lately, that I am crabby a lot lately. I don't like it. I have a lot of guilt about it. I know that they have it good. I am not a bad mom. I just am human and I can't be happy all the time even though I wish I could. My son has just started to get into video games, and I swear he is obsessed. I let him play about 1 hr a day max. Well, he was having trouble falling asleep at night, so I told him yesterday that he couldn't play. ( I wanted to see if he would get to sleep better- he did). All day he was asking about it. I just wanted to set the law and him to drop it. He wouldn't. I was getting frustrated with him. I did try again today to let him play for about 30 min, and he again was having trouble falling asleep. Any suggestions??? Ban the video games??? Permanantly? It is so hard in today's society, where it is the norm for all kids to be into video games. I know it is stupid, but I don't want him to be the odd one out for not playing or having them. I was going to buy him a gameboy for Xmas this year, because it is the thing that EVERYONE has. But I know that is not the right reason to buy him one. I think it is the part of me that still wants to fit in. I was a very shy kid, and didn't feel like I fit in, and I don't want my kids to feel that way. Therefore, I tend to let them be like the other kids. Basically spoil them. Anyway, so I'm torn on the video games. That has been driving me crazy with him. And my daughter has been so bossy with me lately. She really thinks she runs the show. She orders people around and wants her way, and if she doesn't get it, she has a meltdown. She is 4, and I expect more from her. She can be very sweet and loving one minute and be sobbing and screaming the next if something isn't going her way. I know, part of that is normal but it still can get old after a while. I just sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong. I have major mommy guilt. I don't want to feel guilt, I just want to know I'm doing my best and that my kids are learning something good from me. I want to be a good example and show them how to be good kids and good people. This parenting thing is tough....

Vacation Bible School and Misc. Thoughts...

If you haven't sent your kids to vacation bible school, you should consider it. My kids just love it. I love it. Everyone who is involved loves it. It is a time of bonding, learning, playing, and singing. And boy do they sing. Picture 400 kids, preschoolers to 5th graders, along with about 140 teen/adult volunteers, all in a big room jamming. It gives me goosebumps. The kids just have a blast. They are tired at the end of the week, but they remember it all year. This is my second year working, B's second year, and J's first year.

B had 2 cavities filled yesterday. Bummer.

J had her second gymnastics class last night. Loves it.

Had National Night Out last night in the rain at a neighbors. Wasn't going to go but I changed my mind and glad I went. It was nice to talk to some people I don't talk to enough. Nice to bond with neighbors and watch kids play in the rain, splash in all the puddles, and laugh. It was calming to me, brought me back to when I was a kid and we knew and played with all our neighbors. I want that for my kids. It isn't as easy today with many parents working long hours and many families with weekend cabins that aren't around much.

I start school in 19 days. I can't even believe this. Where has my summer gone. I still have so many things I want to do. I know this is not the case, but I feel like life as I/we know it will never be the same. Of course it will change, but it's not like I'm being locked up for 2 years. I will still have some sort of a life (I hope).

Oh, that reminds me, I ordered my text books from a big online retailed who also has a marketplace where independent sellers can sell their books. Bad idea! Two of the books never showed up. I emailed the sellers multiple times with NO response AT ALL. One seller doesn't even seem to have a valid email. I am so mad. I even had emailed with one of them before I ordered with some questions, and they were happy to reply to me then, but now they won't respond. I think I can get my money back, but that will take me hours on the computer to get the complaint filed and then I still have to find a way to get the books. I did this so I wouldn't have to go to the school bookstore and pay full price. And now I have to do just that because I need them in 19 days. Never again will I do that. I do not recommend it. I am so mad just thinking about it.

I am off to play with B, since J is at a friends house.