Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Halloween already???

This is really unlike me but I just got out the halloween stuff yesterday! So, today was a frantic, get in the halloween mood day for me and the kids. Tomorrow we have halloween parties at school and then trick or treating at night. B is gone so I have to skip school to take the kids out. Not a huge deal (I hope, we'll see on the next test). I have never skipped class, EVER, since going back to college. I am such a goody-goody! I am feeling really guilty about it but I would feel more guilty not being with my kids on a holiday they love so much.

Today we decorated the house a little bit, made BOO bags for 4 neighbors, carved pumpkins, and roasted pumpkin seeds. I made cupcakes this past weekend to frost and decorate, but those aren't going as fast as I thought. We will probably give some away to neighbors.

I finished my paper from hell and am now looking forward to a busy clinical weekend. They aren't that bad when I am there but the anticipation and the time away from home is hard. And the paperwork, can't forget that. I usually have 3 patients so that means 3 careplans due the Wed after. Lots of typing, but I have to admit I am getting faster at putting the careplans together. Last year I couldn't imagine taking care of 3 patients and doing all the paperwork. Now I know it is do-able and I am doing ok with it. I got an A on my last test but I am still going to have to work really hard to get an A in the class since I got a low B on my first test. I will work my hardest and if I end up with a B I end up with a B. I will be ok. It will be ok. Right?

I am off to exercise then to bed, without studying tonight. Bad girl that I am!

Friday, October 26, 2007

One day at a time

That is how I try to do it, take it one day at a time and eventually you get where you need to go. I hate to wish time away but I really look forward to school being done. I really want to NOT study anymore!! I want to be able to work part time and come home and not do any extra reading or homework. Sounds so nice! But things are going well. I feel I do pretty good at keeping a balance. I spend quality time with my family. It isn't always enough quantity for me, but we have to get by. I miss B the most as he is in school every day and 2-3 of those days I leave for my school by 5pm. So, I see him about 1.5 hr those days. I have been going in to volunteer at his school just to see him more and for him to know that I think school is important. This weekend I am home all weekend and plan to spend a lot of time with both kids. B is also really into friends so some days after school he wants to play with friends, rather than spend time with me. And I totally understand that, but still I miss the days when I had them to myself all day every day (even though I went crazy many of those days!) I have realized when they go to school, it opens up a whole new door for them. It is a good thing, but it still is a big change. They find a social life and friends and other interests. They are no longer just YOURS they have their own little life outside of the home. Crazy how fast they grow.

Tonight we went to the fall festival at church, where B won bingo and J won at the cakewalk. Made their day. We then went out to family dinner and I ate way too much. Tomorrow we have a halloween party at a good friend's house, and J has cheerleading camp in the morning. Hopefully it will go better than dance. She claims she really wants to to go and being in the morning with no school before "should" help a lot. We will see. It is 2 Saturdays in a row for 2 hr each. Her little friend down the road is going also. Wish us luck.

I have a big paper due Monday but I'm not too stressed about it. It is an OB teaching guide so I really know most of what I'm reading already. It is more fun for me than work, although tedious. I still really love OB nursing even thought I will probably gravitate towards something more along the lines of critical care. I may pursue OB nursing someday. I would love to get my lactation consultant certification someday. But my heart really lies in the fast paced environments such as ER or ICU. I started out my journey wanting to be an OB nurse/midwife, funny how life changes as you are on the path you started. And possibly my path will still end up there. Who knows. I am so open to whatever comes my way and we will see.

I applied for a preceptorship through school, so we'll see if I get one. I'd really like to do one, for the experience and to get more hands on time in the hospital.

I am going to get a little more of my paper done before bed!

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Head exploding

I just have this lingering cold thing I can't shake. It isn't so bad that I'm not functional, but it sure isn't fun. I have the sinuse pressure and itchy eyes. Just really congested feeling. It is only October and I had a stomach thing-y ing in Sept and this now. It isn't even cold/flu season. I guess my good health last year is not going to be my luck this year. I called to get an appointment for a flu shot next week. I usually get one and it is even more important now that I'm in the hospital frequently for school. I also am taking the kids in to get one. They are not going to be happy with me, but they need to have it. I know B will be brave but J will start crying as soon as we pull in the parking lot. She already cried once just asking me if she was getting one. That child. She walked home today from school, and came in and said "I'm exhausted". Too funny, that girl. I had a really boring night at school. Cost me $25 for a sitter since my husband is gone for work until tomorrow. I am burned out with school. I know I am. I do not want to spend time studying and writing papers and doing projects. I want to sit and watch TV for just one night. I want to rent a movie and just sit there for 3 hours doing nothing. I want to go to bed at 9pm without feeling guilty. I know I can do this, but I just don't want to!!! On that note, I better study a bit for my test before bed...... goodnight!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

what would you do?

J has been in dance for like a month. She seemed to like it ok at first. Nothing she would talk about a lot or anything but she went and didn't complain. Well, the last few times she has had crying spells at dance. I am outside and she can see me and she will just start crying when she looks at me. Last time she would not stop (could not stop). And we had to stay because I had driven the neighbor girl. It was terrible (for me, her, her brother, everyone) she was saying "I can't stop crying" She tried to go back in twice and disrupted the class. It is not anything she can explain. So, I am debating even going back. It is $40/month and truthfully I am not a big fan of the whole dance thing anyway. She says she doesn't want to be in dance. Her reason is that she likes it but she can't stop crying and doesn't want to go anymore. She wants to play basketball when she is 6. She says she does not want to play sports this year. One thing that I am thinking is that 6.5 hr of school and then dance almost immediately after is just too much for her little body/mind to handle in one day. And she wants down time, not dance time. Another thing is maybe dance isn't for her. I don't want to be a quitter but I don't want to pay for something she does not like. It isn't a short term dance, it is the whole year with a recital at the end, with costs for costumes, pictures, recital fees, tickets etc. It is a lot of money. If it was a 6 week class I would make her finish but it isn't something that has an end in sight. I really thought she would love dance, but I guess I was wrong.


Of course he made it through his day just fine. I know that if he wasn't fine, I'd get a call from the nurse at the school but still I worry. I can remember a few times as a kid when I would feel sick all day at school, not telling anyone (of course I never said a word to my teachers at school, I was a TAD bit shy, unlike my kids!) and I would be miserable all day. I have told my kids if they feel sick at all to tell someone. But he was running home from school, and I had gone up in the truck because it was raining and he didn't even want a ride from me.

Tonight J told me that she doesn't like it when it is "crowded" at school. She is talking about when they have to wash up for lunch and there are a few classes there at once. It does get a little crazy. I hope she doesn't get too bent out of shape about it. She has been doing so good, and likes school for the most part. The poor kindergarteners sometimes get overwhelmed by all the kids at lunch and recess. The lunchroom gets really loud and J is really sensory sensitive.
Her good friends got separated from their class after lunch on the way to recess and now cries every day going to school. Just a little thing can really traumatize a 5 year old. I pray nothing happens to make J not want to go.

I am studying and studying this week. I have a big test next Wed and since I have clinical this weekend I will not have any time to study all weekend. I have to do it this week. I got a "gasp" B on the last test so I'm really trying to get a better grade. It would not be the end of the world if I did get a B in this class but I want to keep my record. I put too much pressure on the score and should just focus on getting through. I also have a head cold so I do not want to stay up late and study, I want to sleep. I really want to exercise tonight also since I didn't have time today (had to sit for J's friend) but if I do it now I will be up really late.

I better make sure my kids are asleep. B is gone again this week :( but just until Thursday.

Do you ever have this problem

Kid sick with low grade fever and headache. Keep him home from school. Wakes up saying he feels ok, send to school. Feel guilty/weird all day wondering if he is ok. I hate this. I hate having to send a kid to school a day after he was sick, but I know I can't just keep him home with no symptoms. I just hate winter and all the yucky sickness.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

What I am thinking????

I am having one of those weeks where I ask myself what the heck am I trying to do here? Why do I get myself into nursing school? Why am I working my behind off day and night to be a nurse??? I sometimes think I am CRAZY!!! What kind of person does this to themself? I had a decent job before. I made good money. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I talked myself into this nursing thing and now I'm just in over my head with work and reading and studying and doing careplans. I never even heard of careplans before last year. I know deep down that I will love my job when I am done. I will be so proud but dang, this is really hard. I have SO much to do. I am SO tired all the time.

I am trying to be a good mom, wife, and student all at once and it is really hard. The person who gets the least amount of attention is myself.

I have a lot to do but I am going to bed. It is 11pm and I was up until 1AM last night doing homework. I need some sleep. Here is my brief update.....

Dance tonight = not good. I won't go into details but I think school for 6.5 hr + dance = not a good situation. We might be dance drop outs very soon.

Football tonight = VERY cold. Hubby is gone so I had to stay the whole game with J, who does not like to be cold. We spent part of the game in the truck. It was so cold we had winter coats, hats, gloves, 3 layers plus blankets and we were still freezing. The wind was terrible. It was the last game whooo hooo!

Housework = terrible. The house is a mess. I have to do laundry, dishes, beds, floors, bathrooms, you name it. I hate being behind.

Weight loss and exercise = great. I am exercising most days except when I have clinicals (I'm on my feet those days anyway). I fit in all my skinny jeans and feel great.

Kids = cute but demanding. Fighting too much. Not always listening. Going to bed too late. But lovely as usual.

Husband = gone. anniversary coming up soon!

Me = extremely tired --- good night!