Monday, August 29, 2005

I'm back!

My girls weekend was a lot of fun. It was full of laughing, eating, drinking, shopping, and talking into the wee hours of the night. The staying up so late was hard on me and I came home more tired than refreshed! Friday night we were up until about 2:30 but I had a hard time sleeping and maybe got 3-4 hours total. Saturday we were up until 2:00 and I slept better but not great. So, I was very tired last night. And I watched a good friends THREE kids today, starting at 6:30AM! Her kids are 6, almost 4 and 2 1/2. So, I had FIVE kids for 10 hours. We spent 3 hours at the park and brought lunch there (less mess at home) and then the youngest napped for 2.5 hours. The older ones watched a movie so the afternoon actually went pretty smoothly. It's still a lot of work to have 5 kids!! I don't know how daycare providers with 10+ kids do it. Really, the good ones are my heros!

J needs me in the potty, I'll write again soon. Have a VERY busy week coming up. B starts school Thurs...yikes!

Friday, August 26, 2005

Getting to know you and my little Astrobat!!

If you stop by here, let me know! Answer the following questions in the comment section so I can get to know you!! I have had quite a few views on my profile so I think people are stopping by and I'd love to know if you are here!! Here are the questions:

1. Name
2. Do you have a blog? (you can give me a link and I'll add you to my blog list!)
3. Why did you start a blog?
4. What are your greatest passions?
5. What are your weekend plans?

Here are my answers.
1. Jennifer
2. I am a new blogger, but have been reading blogs for a while now.
3. I wanted to document my every day life and have a place to vent.
4. My kids and husband, my home, my friends, my education/career dreams, and my hobbies (scrapbooking, crafts, reading, walking)
5. I am going to a cabin with 6 of my best friends!!!

please give me your answers!!!

Have to add my funny kid stories here too before they are gone from my memory! The kids are sword fighting right now. I'm telling you, my daughter is getting so influenced by her 5 yr old brother!! She keeps up with him too! J was going potty today, and she wanted to be alone. Fine, she likes to be independent. I left and she was in there quite a while, I went in and she is STANDING ON THE SINK.

Me: What are you doing J???
J: Mommy, I'm just being an ASTROBAT

Later, she was supposed to be resting/napping (naps don't always happen here anymore). I am resting with B and I hear her whispering "TA DA" over and over. I figure that can't be good and go in there. She is standing on her table. Not as high or dangerous as the sink but still not where she should be standing. Again, she was being an ASTROBAT. What to do with this child.....

I was trying to get B to rest/nap, as he has been sick the past 2 days. I am in bed with him, and I could use a nap too. He just keeps giggling and giggling. That deep belly laugh. He said he just sometimes laughs and can't stop. It was the cutest thing. At least he hasn't gotten into ASTROBATTING lately.

My kids, they are the best!

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Feeling Overwhelmed

I am so tired, but can't wind down. I let B sleep with me last night since he had the fever and I was up off and on all night checking on him. He slept fine but still was achey and feverish today. He missed his last day of swimming, he was disappointed but I could tell he didn't want to swim. We took j for her last day and both got their certificates. They both did great, I'm so proud of them. Anyway, we then came home and I quick got their clothes and my school gear packed up, then we stopped at the doctor to check B out. I wanted a strep test since he told me his throat hurt. It came back negative, so she thinks it is just a virus that will go away. I just really hope J and I stay fine. I have so much to do. I don't know where to start. I just feel SO TIRED. It is 11:15 and I really need to get up to bed. I am attempting to do my first online course assignment but I just don't have it in me. I want to get ahead before the 2 classes get very busy but I just don't have the motivation tonight.

If I go on my girls trip tomorrow night I have to still pack, get liquor, get groceries, get my recipe for my meal, get my scrapbook stuff together, and pack up everything, the cooler, the kids, the dog and her food/kennel. I just feel like I want to go sleep and not deal with it all. I still have some laundry to put away and dishes to unload. Have I mentioned that I hate it when DH is gone, I just feel so overwhelmed, and overworked. I have no one to take out the garbage, not one to help me watch the kids so I can do anything. I just hate it.

I'm done with my pity party now!
Back again soon!

Wednesday, August 24, 2005


B has a fever of 102.5. At least it was a couple hrs ago before I got him to choke down a measly, tiny sip of tylenol. It seems lower now and he seems to feel better. It came on suddenly after swimming today. He was shaking like crazy after the pool and I thought he was cold, the he said his head and tummy hurt and he was looking like he was half asleep, half in pain all the way home. He went right to bed and slept about an hour before I took his temp and gave him the tylenol. He is now wanting fruit snacks and watching harry potty. Please say a little prayer that J and I don't get this little bug too. I have 2 classes tomorrow, DH is gone, and I don't really ask my mom to watch the kids when they are sick. I really can't miss these classes. I'm hoping it is a VERY short lived bug that will go away before morning. I also, very selfishly, want to go away on my girls weekend. And I won't be able to if he is sick (DH is gone for work and moving DSD into college on Sat). I need this weekend away, I have been looking forward to it.

Most importantly, I hope that he is going to be ok. I hate when my kids are sick. I would do anything to help them feel better. Nothing is worse than my active, hyper, talkative little boy sitting in his carseat half asleep, looking like he feels terrible. Breaks my heart.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

Made it through today

Today was the first of my 6 day busy spell. I started school tonight and it went ok. The teacher I loved last semester got a different job so there is a new instructor. She is nice enough, but you can tell she hasn't done it long. It is always hard to judge a teacher until you take the first test. Then you know how well they teach and how well you are learning it. At least that is how I judge. I am good at adjusting my studying to the way a teacher tests. I have taken enough college courses to know how and what to study. I am an old pro!! :)

We went right from swimming to a little carnival for kids at a playground. It was geared more for little ones, but B still had fun playing some mini golf and winning some fruit snacks. We met a friend and her kids there and they all had fun running around on the play equipment. We then headed to Culvers for lunch. The kids had the chicken tenders kids meals and I had a butterburger. I am sure it is loaded with calories but it was just a single burger, no cheese, and I hardly had any fries or chicken. Just a few bites, and the chicken wasn't that great either. We got the kids' free scoop of custard. J chose vanilla with sprinkles and B chose mint explosion (because he's a boy and it had the word explosion in it!). However, as I suspected, he didn't like the mint flavor, and we had to get a vanilla with sprinkles for him too. The lady ended up giving it to us free (I was totally going to pay for it) so I got the mint explosion. Hardly what I need, but it was very good and it was small. Plus, I didn't get a proper dinner tonight due to class. On class nights I only bring a Zone bar to eat and so I had a good reason to eat more for lunch! :) We'll see what the scale thinks in the morning.

No working out today unfortunately. We have a less busy day tomorrow so I hope to take the kids on the long 3 mile route after J naps.

I am up way too late, but I have a hard time sleeping when DH is out of town. It is just too quiet, too still, too scary!! I hate being here alone with the kids, and I am a lot. I just want him here, it just feels odd when he is gone. I will never be used to it.

I have lots of preparation to do for my girls cabin weekend. I have food to buy, drinks to buy, kids to get ready for a stay at grandma and papa's, stuff to pack, house to clean after our playdate here Friday, clothes to wash, and probably a million other things. I should probably start on my coursework this week too, to try to stay ahead of things. I have papers to write every week for one class, and lots of memorizing for quizzes in the other. I will be BUSY!!!!

I'm off to try to sleep, be back soon!

First Day of School....

for me, that is. I start my classes today. Tonight I have Anatomy and Physiology II lab and lecture. On Thursday I have my first class meeting for Interpersonal Communications. I am taking this online so there are only 2 real in person classes. Yay! I have to do a speech at the 2nd one, yuck. But I hope I can keep up with 2 classes. This is the first time since having kids that I've taken 2 classes at once. Granted, I used to take 5 classes when I was in college when I was much younger, and always did fine. But back then I had study time whenever I wanted, could catch up on sleep whenever I wanted, and just plain had my whole day to myself. Those of you with kids know that is no longer the case!! It is challenging to find time to do my schoolwork and study with all the kids stuff, playdates, school, housework, and exercising I have to do each day. I want to still exercise as much as I can, despite our crazy life this fall. I need to do that for myself.

So, soon all of us will be in school. B in kindergarten, J in preschool, and me in college! Oh, and I also volunteered to teach Church School again this year. I did B last year and will do J this year. So, the kids have that each sunday. I hope it isn't too much for them. I think I have decided to not do any extracurricular activies for the kids this fall. We may do swimming if it is once a week on a good day, but nothing else. I think the adjustment to school will be exhausting enough. This winter we will for sure do swimming and possibly gynmastics or karate. It always depends on the days they are offered. With me at school T,Th we have to work around that, DH is gone so much I have to be able to bring them to everything.

Well, I best get us ready for the day. We have swimming this morning then I have to get to the school to get my books, then drop the kids at grandma and papa's house. Busy day!!!!

note: did 3 miles last night with J in stroller and B on bike. I was SO proud of him, he didn't think he could do it, but he did!! We stopped at the park half way and played. Unfortunately, even though I ate GREAT yesterday and did my walk, I am 130.5. Gained 1/2 lb. I think it is going to go down tomorrow though, I feel a little bloated for some reason. I don't think it is an actual gain, but still discouraging.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Something to ponder....

Quotes from Republicans when Clinton committed troops to Bosnia:

“You can support the troops but not the president.”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
“Well, I just think it’s a bad idea. What’s going to happen is they’regoing to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years.”–Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

“Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that maycome home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up theirlife?”–Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

“[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military mighton a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exitstrategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation willcost. And he has not informed our nation’s armed forces about how longthey will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a soundforeign policy.”–Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)

“American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, theadministration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreignpolicy.”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain theyhave a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy.”–Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush

“I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . Ididn’t think we had done enough in the diplomatic area.”–Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

“I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that itis often easier to make war than peace. This administration is justlearning that lesson right now. The President began this mission withvery vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later,these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules ofengagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definitionof victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There isno clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster ourover-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vitalnational interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for warwhen the President started this thing, and there still is no plantoday”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“Victory means exit strategy, and it’s important for the President toexplain to us what the exit strategy is.”–Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

Funny thing is, we ended that war without a single American killed in action.

Weekend Fun and Other Stuff

We had a fun filled weekend! Sat we went to the Renaissance Festival. It is about 1 hr away but worth the drive. The kids love it, especially B. They have real jousting with knights on horses, he was just in awe. He loves knights, castles, and swords! We saw elephants, horses, and lots of other animals at the kiddie petting zoo. It kind of grosses me out to have the kids feeding these sheep and goats but I made sure to wash their hands right after. You never know what they could get from those animals. They loved it too! J would just hold the food out then throw it when they got close to her, the poor animals couldn't get much from her. B would make sure every animal got a bit, he didn't want to leave anyone out!! And when we left he said good-bye to them all. It was too cute! We had some yummy food too, and I didn't even overeat! YAY! I mostly shared food with the hubby and the kids. I tried a scotch egg for the first time. The state fair has these too and I hear the radio people talking about how good they are every year. We got one and I had a couple bites. It was good too. It sounds gross but it is a hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage, cut in half, then there is this sauce on top of it. We also got those huge gross turkey legs. My kids, the pickiest eaters on earth, like these things. They hardly ever even eat meat so this amazes me. They each got one and DH and I helped eat them. They also got some ice cream and I got a homeade peanut nutroll to share with DH. It was pretty good, it had been recommended to me by a friend. After we had a sample of the cinnamon roasted almonds and I wished I had gotten those instead. Those are at the state fair too and I'll have to find the booth.

Speaking of state fair time, it is coming up this week. We plan to go once with the kids, then once just us since we are going to a concert there on the 1st. We are seeing Rascall Flatts. I hope they are as good in person as on the radio. I love that song about the broken road. Not sure of the name.

As far as the eating goes, I'm doing ok but not great. I'm not losing any weight but I'm eating better. I did go on my 3 mile walk last night and have been eating more fiber lately so hopefully this week will be a good one. I just ate a turkey/cheese sandwich for lunch and will have an orange too. I plan to not eat out this week so that helps. I am going on a girls weekend this Fri-Sun with 6 of my best friends. We do this yearly - go to a cabin of one of them, and hang out and have fun. 2 of them are pregnant but the rest of us will have a few drinks and we bring all our meals and just hang out. It is something we all look forward to each year and now it is almost here.

I also start classes this week. I have class tuesdays and thursdays. I am taking Anatomy & Physiology II and also an online course, Interpersonal Communications. I will then only have Microbiology and Psychology left to take before I can do nursing school. I am hoping to get in by next fall but may not being that I won't have the psych done yet. If not, I'll have an easy year then start the next fall. I am going to try to get into a night/weekend program about 1/2 hour away, it is 2 nights a week and every other weekend. It will take 2 years to complete. Then I can start being a nurse! I can't wait. I want to work in L&D, then go to CNM school down the road. That is my ultimate goal, even if it is long-term.

Anyway, B is having a friend over in 1/2 hour so I better get the house picked up. (so it can just get messed up again!) HA!

Friday, August 19, 2005

Crossing Over

Crossing Over
It was a cool autumn day. Clouds overshadowed the canopy of blue. The winds whispered by as leaves rustled to the ground. A day to remember, that was. The day young women everywhere wait their whole lives for, and I knew in my heart I would treasure those moments forever. Before me stood a young man, with whom I had shared my vast secrets and exchanged moments. I had whispered promises in his ear and did my best to fulfill them. I had never trusted anyone with the key to my heart until he entered my life. Now, I knew the only safe place for this key to remain was with him. This was the first for both of us. We gazed nervously in each other's eyes, waiting for the other to make the first move. I was unsure if we were ready for this. Making a hasty decision like this could be so devastating to our lives. We stood there in silence for what seemed an eternity. Echoes from the past rang endlesslyin my mind. The laughter and tears we had shared will forever be held in a special place in my heart. My emotions were so vulnerable at that point. Part of me wanted to run and hide, and the other said, "Go ahead, it's time." I stood back to take one last glance at him to remember how he looked before we took this major step. Never again would I look at him as I do now. Things would be different once we crossed over, we couldn't look back. Once again our eyes met. If only we could cease time and steal those moments away in our hearts forever. Neither he nor I would ever feel as we did then. There's only one first time for everything, and this was it. I wrapped my arms around him and playfully kissed the tip of his nose, then I whispered softley in his ear, "I love you." Then it happened-the moment we had both been waiting for. I'll never forget that day or the silly grin on his face afterward. Tears streamed down my face as he crossed the street to step on that big yellow bus. Then he turned to me and said, "Bye, Mommy. I love you."

Written by Angela Martin - 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

In less than 2 weeks my baby boy will be going to kindergarten. I am already emotional about this, I get tears in my eyes every time I think of this day. I don't know how I will hold it together for him. I have to and I will, but it will be hard. We spend every day together, and now those days will be cut in half (he goes to school every other day) and I will miss him terribly. I will miss the fact that he is no longer just mine, he is going into the big world and going to find other things that will make him happy. I know he will succeed, I know it is a big step for both of us and I know we have many things to look forward to. But a small part of me is sad for this little bald baby that I held for the first time in Feb of 2000 to now be a full-fledged boy. Where did the time go??? He has brought me more joy than I ever could imagine in the past 5 years. I love this kid so much and I can't wait to see what the future holds!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

All Stocked Up

After last night, my freezer is now all stocked full of healthy yummy meals for the next month or so. The big rage around here are places that you go to, prepare a bunch of freezer meals and take them home. They supply all the ingredients, directions, freezer bags, etc, and you make a bunch of meals to take home. It turns out to be about $2 something per serving, pretty darn good. I did it once before and loved some of the meals, and didn't like some of them. They were all edible, some were just a little bland. I loved the convenience of having them all just there, ready to go. And with our busy fall coming up, it will be a lifesaver for me. I will eat healthier and spend less going out. The bad thing is that the kids probably won't touch most of the stuff, so I have to make a different meal for them. But, it is worth it. Is this popular all over the country??? These places are popping up all over up here.

Still doing pretty well on my eating. I have not had any binges. I am still around 130 lb but I'm not focusing on the number. I'm trying to change habits, and that will result in a slow loss but I'd rather focus on the actual day to day eating habits. I did have some hershey kisses last night but not a huge amount. Also ate out at an Italian place with my girlfriends. I had a yummy low cal pasta meal but also had a breadstick, salad, and a berry sangria. Better than I'd usually do but still a lot of calories. So, I do a lot better when I don't eat out.

I have a busy weekend and week ahead of me, I hope I can stay on track.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

small changes

I was 129.5 this morning. No loss, but not really considered a gain and I'm still under 130 which is good. I would love to be 120 and it is do-able I think but tough for me to get below 125 without going back to my old ways. I did walk the past 2 days so I feel good about that. I did 3 miles with some neighbors on Sun night and then last night I walked to my sunday school teacher meeting, probably 1.5 miles round trip. I have not had any binges either. Today so far I've eaten:

1 mint zone bar
1 slice low cal meatloaf (1/2 turkey 1/2 lean gr beef)
1 slice low cal/high fiber bread
1 slice lf cheese
1 small muffin

I plan to eat light the rest of the day because of the muffin, I shouldn't have had that. Oh well, at least I only had 1, and the other 3 are on the stove. I made them for DH and the kids this morning. I probably should do the no carb thing for a week or so to get it out of my system but I did it this summer and felt very weak and crabby for a few days. I think I'm going to just try to watch the kinds of carbs for now.

I plan to keep walking when I can. I start school next week but I still have time during the day. I can walk with the stroller and B on his bike to the park 1.5 miles away. It's just getting the motivation to actually do it. The kids have swimming every morning also so that takes up our morning time. J sometimes takes afternoon naps but not every day. I do try with her most days and she probably takes a nap 50% of the time, and just reads/talks to herself the other 50%.

The kids are doing great in swimming. The both love it. J is the littlest in her class but she is quite brave. She will go under and jump off the side and some of the bigger kids don't do that yet. B can swim underwater and is learning to float and do some strokes. I hope they improve in these 2 weeks, so that they can pass on to the next level.

It is a beautiful, hot day and I think we are going to do something as a family tonight. Not sure what yet but we'll figure something out!

Monday, August 15, 2005

Day One

I am going to try to change my lifestyle and eating choices/habits. I have done this over and over in my life. I know I can do it, I just can't stop going back to bad habits. My problem lies deep within myself and I have not yet found the courage to stick with it. I am not sure what I am afraid of, what makes me go back to the old ways time and time again after doing it the right way. Today I am going to hold myself accountable and continue to do so. I went for a 3 mile walk last night and had a SouthBeach bar for breakfast. I am 129 lb today. Today is the start of something good.

Sunday, August 14, 2005


Potty training still going well. She makes me so proud!! Both kids start swimming lessons tomorrow morning. It runs M-Th for 2 weeks from 9:30-10 AM. It will be rushed as it is at least 20 min away but they get up fairly early so we should be ok. I hope they like it, and that J will do it on her own (she is in a class with preschool ages 3-4 and she just turned 3). B is in Level I, he passed the preschool class last winter. Both kids love to swim and will go under the water all the time. So, the just need to learn how to actually float and swim. We have had a quiet weekend. Went to Target grocery shopping with the kids yesterday. B was great, J had a breakdown, about what I forget. She gets going with her crying and she can't stop no matter how hard she tries. She is so emotional.

DH and I started watching the movie Sideways the other night, we have to finish it tonight. It has been interesting so far, I know it got nominated for lots of awards, so I'll have to see how the rest of it goes. I also watched Garden State last week. I thought it was pretty good, I like the lower budget independent films. I also have Kate and Leopold to watch this week. We belong to a club that we get our movies sent to us and when we send them back we get another one. It is great, no late fees, and we can keep them as long as we want. And we always have some new movie to watch. I love it!

Today we will maybe go to the beach when J wakes from her nap. We have a steak to grill for dinner and then go for a walk or bikeride. I hope to get my 3 mile walk in today and at least 3 other days this week. I have a loop around town that I do, it is so nice out today I hope to take advantage of the weather now that it isn't so hot.

I'm off to do some laundry, have a great day!

Friday, August 12, 2005


We went to the beach today with a neighbor and her 2 kids. It was a little chilly and windy but they had fun playing in the sand. Then B had 2 neighbor friends over. He loves to have friends over. J is still going in the potty great. I hope it continues. She is such a big girl. She just had a major tantrum because she is trying to communicate something to me and I don't know what she wants. She keeps saying "you know, colorful rectangles". It is something she played with and I don't know what it is but she really wants it. I feel so bad about not knowing what it is, she gets so frustrated. She has a very short temper lately. She is 3 and that is how 3 yr olds are.

I am getting nervous about all the things coming up this fall. J possibly starting preschool, which we really can't afford but I really would like her to go. B starting Kindergarten, me starting 2 classes towards my nursing career. I have never done 2 at one time so I hope I can do it, plus still have time for my responsibilities as a wife, mother and homemaker. I also have a concert at the state fair coming up, a girls weekend that I possibly won't be able to go on, and a wedding oct 1. Plus 2 birthday parties later this month.

DH travels a lot and it is wearing him and me down. He works so hard, and we hardly make enough to get by. He never gets a raise or any overtime for all his work. He travels at least 50% of the time, and it just gets old. I hate not having money for things like school and activities for the kids. I don't need a luxurious lifestyle, I just want to not worry about every penny. I want my kids to be involved in activites and have hobbies that we can support them in as they get older. I want to be able to buy a new outfit every once in a while. I want to go on a trip with my family and not worry. I want to just be comfortable. I wish money were never an issue.

Well, DH will be home soon and I better get the house in order. I like to have things in order when he gets home, to make it easier to enjoy our weekend. Oh, I forgot to add I may have to get a weekend job, which then takes away our little family time we do have together. Life is a bummer right now.

Until next week....

Thursday, August 11, 2005

My daughter is amazing

She has been using the potty since Tuesday afternoon, no accidents. She has even pooped twice in the potty. She has done this pretty much on her own, and I am so darn proud of her. It has been just amazing how fast she did it. She is one smart little girl.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Lifelong habits are hard to break

Well, I am putting it in writing, maybe that will help me hold myself more accountable. I have lost and gained the same 7-8 lb for 3 years now. I have had bad eating habits for most of my life. Luckily I must have good genes because I don't tend to gain more than I do. The way I eat sometimes I am surprised I don't weigh 300 lb. I don't always eat bad. I tend to eat pretty well MOST of the time, then I tend to binge every so often. And when I'm on a bad day I tend to have more bad days, it is a cycle that I have to pull myself out of and force myself to lose the same pounds I ended up gaining. I have seriously gained and lost these SAME darn pounds countless times.

Between kids, I never really lost the weight. I wasn't overweight but I was bigger, for me at least. Before kids at all I was probably 125 lb. After B was born I never got below 135. Probably stayed between 135-140. After J was born I bought the Weight Watchers at home kit. It was $99 I remember and I hated spending that kind of money to lose weight when I really could do it myself. I went from 140 to 130 pretty quickly and even got down to 125 a few times. I can get down to 125, then I get lazy, or travel, or go out to eat, then I get back into the bad cycle again. I have been in a bad cycle this past week. I am back up to 131 lb this morning. I am not a very tall person probably 5'3" or 5'4". I know that even at 135-140 I am not overweight. I am probably at a fine weight, but I hate the way I eat and how I feel when I do this. I hate being unhealthy. I hate that I know that if I ate healthy all the time, as a lifestyle, I would probably look so much better, feel so much better than I do now. I feel like I sabotage myself and I truly do NOT know why!! I don't know why I eat, or why I binge. Maybe I need to find out why.

I can remember being a young kid, sneaking food into my room and eating a large quantity of forbidden foods. My parents didn't let us eat junk food much and I think I knew that. I don't know if my problems now stem from that.

I just know that I want to be happy about my body and what I eat. I really don't care about the number on the scale, I just don't want that number to go up and down so much. I just don't know where to start.

Potty Power

My daughter is 3 years old, she turned 3 in July. She has never been too into potty training. She is signed up for preschool in September. However, she has yet to want to go on the potty and I am almost resigned to the fact that she may not be going to preschool this year. The day after her birthday we told her she was too big for diapers. So, we put her in underwear that morning. She held it until 2:00 that day! She did end up going pee in the potty that day, and we were all so excited and happy, she seemed to be too. We had to go to a bbq later that day so she had to wear a plastic thing over her underwear. This ended up in 2 accidents at the party. Par for the course I guesses. I expected accidents. The next day did not go very well at all. She put on her underwear in the morning but was crying and sobbing for a diaper/pullup by noon. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hold my ground but I didn't want her to be totally traumatized by the potty and scared. I had her try a couple times but it was obvious she was holding it in, very uncomfortable, and was not going to go on the potty. I wanted to let her know she was in control so I let her have a pull up. She went pee immediately. (in the pull up) So, physically this kid can hold it for a long time. She has a fear of going in the potty and I don't know what to do from this point. I know she understands it, can do it, and just won't. Bribes do nothing. She has bought a bag of gummy bears she can have any times she goes but choses not to. She will ask for a pull up, and even put one on herself when she has to go. It is pretty amazing, how smart she is. My son was not this hard at all. He was fully trained (night also) by 33 months. She is almost 37 months and I'm at a loss. This kid is stubborn. I think she wants to be in total control of this and I don't know how to get her past this fear. I really want her to go to preschool, but it may not be in the cards for us this year. Oh the joys!! Don't let anyone tell you girls are easy to potty train!!

Monday, August 08, 2005

My "Adults Only" Weekend

Well, I am back from my adults only weekend away from the kids. It was relaxing, fun and much needed. We only get away from the kids for overnight weekends a few times a year so it is always a great time. I do get a little anxious when I'm away from them, which I shouldn't, but I can't help it. We are together so much, the kids and I, that I feel weird when we are apart.

We went on a boat trip down the river with 3 other couples. We stop at some bars on the way, have a great catered dinner at a fancy hotel that night, and visit a local craft fair during the day. The weather was awesome, sunny and hot. We even got in the water and swam around for a bit.

I was very happy to see the kids again on Sunday. They had a great time, were spoiled of course at Grandma and Papa's house!

My husband had to leave this morning for a week long work trip, so that is a little depressing. We thought about going with him, since he is going to where his family is from. However, he will be working long hours, and we would probably be without a car all day and I just don't want to be stuck at his mom's house doing nothing for 5 days straight. I feel so guilty about not going, I know he wanted me to, but I just have to be at home where I can do things. I would have gone for a few days but 5 days was too much. I would have had to pack for me and the kids also late last night. Am I a terrible wife??? I have a huge guilt complex. I always feel bad about one thing or another, I wish I was stronger when it came to doing what is right for ME.

Anyway, the kids are wanting some breakfast I supposed I should get going. Until next time!

Friday, August 05, 2005

I figured out how to link blogs!!

I have many more to link but I am so happy I figured this out! I have been reading so many blogs for a long time and it will be nice to have my own and my own blog link list. Any ideas how to get more readers??? I am off to our last day of bible school and then this weekend we are heading on a boat trip down the river with 6 friends. Without kids! I am excited. 2 of my girlfriends going are pregnant but the other one and I will have a few drinks, and hopefully the weather will be beautiful and we can get some sun and relaxation. The kids will be staying at my parents until Sunday. They always have fun and are spoiled over there!! If you are visiting, please leave me a comment! I'll have a long post on Monday.

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Vacation Bible School

For the past 2 days I have been a crew leader for a group of 9 kids, ages 5 to 8. They are all so different and special in so many ways. I look at these innocent kids, and how happy they are to be at bible school, to be singing in a big room with the 250+ other kids there. They get so excited about the little things. Like receiving a small jungle animal every day to put in their drum they made in the craft room. They can't wait to get that little animal. The theme is Serengeti Trek and the whole church is decorated like a big jungle. There are over 100 volunteers to keep this program running. It is amazing what people will do for these kids. Some of the kids don't have parents who will do things like this, so it is a week for them to be made to feel special. They ARE special. Even the ones who don't listen, who don't stay in line, they are all special in some way and I have, in just 2 days, found a place in my heart for each one of them. I hope they can remember this week with fondness as they grow up and lose their childhood innocence. As a child I never was brought to church. I want to change that for my kids. I think I would have benefitted greatly from a church family. I think I would have made different choices in my life, I may have had more self esteem and just had that support in my life. I hope my kids will be active in church school, youth group and everything that goes along with having a big church family. I like the sense of belonging it instills in kids. We have 3 more days of bonding with these kids, then I may not see some of them again. (many kids at bible school don't attend the church or any church). I hope they remember me like I'll remember them.

Monday, August 01, 2005

My first blog entry!!

I am jumping into blogworld! I have to admit I have thought on and off about starting a blog for a long time now. I love reading other blogs. I think it is so interesting to read about other people's lives. Maybe I've hesitated to start one because I don't know how interesting my life really is, or if I can really communicate with writing what my life is like. I think that is a fear... that I won't be able to truly express what I want to express in my writing. It's also been a long time since I've written just for me. I have always loved to write. I used to want to become a writer, a long time ago. Then I went to college and found out it wasn't a practical job choice for me and I became an engineer. A chemical engineer. My dad loved my choice, and I did pretty well. I worked as an engineer for 6 years. I had a son, then a daughter, then I quit my job to take on the biggest challenge in my life - being a stay at home mom. I have been a full time stay at home mom for 3 years now. I was a part time working mom before that when I had just my son. It was very hard to go to work 3 days a week and I have the utmost respect for anyone who works and raises children, especially very young children. It was a struggle for me each and every day that I left him to work. Now that my kids are getting older I know that I will probably not stay an at home mom forever. I love them, and I get great satisfaction being with them but I know that once they are in school that I will want to work. For me, for the money, for our future, and because I want to. I have already taken steps to enter into my dream occupation, of nursing. I plan to someday, in the far future, become a CNM (certified nurse midwife) and in the near future attend nursing school and become an RN, hopefully to work in L&D for a while then attend grad school to get my CNM. I do think I can do this, it will just take some time. And I can't wait. Until then, this blog is about my life with my 2 beautiful children, and my life as a student, wife and friend. I have a very busy life going to school part time, and keeping my kids occupied.

Now, on to my kids....
My son (B) will be starting kindergarten this year (gulp) and is growing into a little man before my eyes. He is the most amazing little boy (don't all moms say that???). He is smart, and funny, and wise beyond his years. He is obsessed with dinosaurs (since he was 3) and also loves GI Joe, Magic Treehouse books, swimming, and movies. He has beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, and he looks just like his daddy.

My daughter (J) just turned 3 and was supposed to go to preschool this fall but refuses to go on the potty so she may not go (bummer for me, she doesn't seem to mind this one bit). She is my sweet, challenging, intense child. She likes to get her way but can also be a little angel. She is cute as can be with big dark brown eyes and light brown curly long hair. She is a little peanut and looks younger than her age. It has been said she is a "mini-me" of myself.

I will end this entry here, as it is jumbled and has no rhyme or reason but I guess that is the point of your own blog, it doesn't have to have a point if you don't want it to.

Until next time!