Merry Christmas!

The kids are in bed, so tired they could hardly stand it. What a busy 2 days, with a busy 2 more to come. Last night we spent Xmas eve at my parents house. We waited for my brother and sister in law to arrive from Michigan, then the chaos started. The kids just were waiting and waiting to open their gifts. And boy were there gifts. So many that it is almost crazy. We tell people every year to please just buy them something small, or some clothes or pajamas, but people just can't resist over-buying. I had to restrain myself to not buy my neices and kids lots of gifts, but I did pretty well. Anyway, despite my efforts, they came home with more than enough, with Christmas morning awaiting them. We got home late last night and I put the kids to bed. They were still wired up from all the excitement. I got them down about 11 pm after putting out cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. I then got their gifts all set under the tree. Like I said, I didn't buy much so it wasn't too much work. They got 4 gifts each and 2 small stocking stuffers. They opened all their Santa gifts, then we had to rush to get ready for 10am church. Of course they didn't want to leave their toys but I insisted this year. It's time my kids started the tradition of going to church on Christmas. It is the real reason for the holiday and I want them to know why we celebrate. We had a nice church service and then we came home to prepare the meal for 10 adults and 2 kids. It turned out pretty well, and I think people enjoyed the food. We then talked and played with toys and took many picture of everyone. It is also B's birthday today, he is 43 years old. It always seems to take a back seat to Christmas, and for that I always feel bad. I wanted to make it special. I made a special cake just for him, and we sang to him. I also bought him a card and will buy him Timberwolves tickets.

Tomorrow we are off to see the relatives in Iowa for 2 days. There, the kids will get even more presents and then we come home to start real life again. Hopefully we can get in some relaxation before school starts up again. I start Jan 10 and will have class 2 nights a week like before.

At this time of year I want to take a moment to write down how grateful I am for all I have in my life. I have my health, my home, and most importantly my wonderful family. My husband who is all I could ever ask for and my children who make my life complete. And I am a lucky woman.

God Bless

Fever and Traditions

B has had a fever off and on for 3 days. What is up with that? It is weird as he doesn't seem to have any other symptoms except being tired.

Today is my annual girl Xmas get together. I'll have to figure it out today when I'm there, but it's been about 9 or 10 years that we have done this. Every year. It is now a tradition I guess...

My blog doesn't seem to be opening correctly, so I'm hoping after I post this that I will be able to see it!

Tis the Season

Christmas fever is in full force at our house. We went and got our tree last Sunday. Monday I pulled out all the Christmas decorations and ornaments and we got the house looking festive. I decided not to bring out ALL my decorations this year. So many of them I don't even like so I'm not sure why I put them up. I may put them for sale at the garage sale. Some are old and family things and those I will keep but I decided to only put out what I really thought looked good and that is it. I will post pictures if I can. I really like how it all turned out. I focused on the living room and kitchen, since that is where we spend our time. I got a smaller tree so I could get it in the corner of the room. I think it looks cozier and just more homey. I did a "fruit" theme, I had some pretty fruit decorated wired ribbon which I put on the tree over 2 strings of white lights. I had tons of fruit ornaments in all colors and very sparkly and shiny. I like how it looks. I still have to find an angel or star. The star we had just has never worked, and always falls off. The kids and I then put our other favorite ornaments on, and it looks cute. I then did the mantel above the fireplace. I changed the candles to cranberry red and cream. I put a grapefine wreath behind the candles in front of the big mirror and then put some fake pointsettas and berries in front. I put a small string of white lights also, and it looks really nice especially at night. And the 3rd area I focuses on is the kitchen table. I used a red tablecloth, and some cream fabric in the center. I put 3 littls fake trees on it, and used some real cranberries, cinnamon sticks and and pearls for accents. I really should take some pictures. I'll post them later in the week.

I think we are done shopping! I am so excited, as I always have last minute shopping to do, and this year none I hope! We did go very simple and did not go overboard with any of our gifts. I hope that everyone understands. I have my cards already but have yet to address envelopes. I don't want to send them too early anyhow.

I have 1 week of class left, then my final Dec 13. I am so excited to be done. First, because it's 2 more classes behind me and secondly because my teacher has been so horrible that I am going to be so glad to be with a good teacher again. I have never had a teacher this bad. And I've had LOTS of classes in my life. Next semester I have microbiology, then I'll find out in May if I got accepted to the nursing program. I'm not really sure either way, I could get in and I may not. It all depends how many people apply, what their grades are, and what classes they have completed.

B has woken up with a fever 2 days now. I don't think it's anything serious but still feel bad for the poor little guy. So far the rest of us are ok.

DH was out of town since Wed, but coming home right now. This weekend is busy. B has a birthday party tomorrow (which may not go to depending on the fever), I have my girlfriend Xmas get together Sat at 4. The church program rehearsal is Sat and the program Sun, along with regular sunday school. Since I'm the teacher I have to be there for it all, and it is all just so much chaos. I really think it isn't worth it, there are so many hundreds of kids in our church that the whole place is packed and unless you get a seat up front, you can hardly see your kid performing. A lot of work for not much pay off. Oh well, what can ya do.

I must get going to finish laundry and play with the kiddos.

Happy Thanksgiving

It is the eve before thanksgiving, and I am feeling in a funk. I had a flu shot yesterday and I feel like I'm having some mild symptoms. I feel a little achey and just not right. I hope it isn't going to turn into anything worse but I'm thinking it is the shot. We all got one, and the kids were a little mad at me, but I wanted us to get it. If it can help us stay healthier this winter, I'm all for it. We have already had a cold for weeks, I've had a cough I can't shake, and a sore throat also. The kids had a cough and cold too, and J had an ear infection. And it's only November. Nonetheless, I am very thankful this year for all that I have in my life. I am thankful for my beautiful children and my husband and my family and friends. I am thankful for my health and my home. For having a warm bed to sleep in, and good food to eat. I am lucky in so many ways.

We are trying to tone down Christmas this year at our house. First, we are low on money. We had to replace the roof after the bad storms and we also just do not have a lot of extra money to spend for the holiday. So, I am trying to tell as many people to NOT get us or the kids gifts. We all have so much and the kids have so many toys that I truly do not want to bring more into the house. We agreed that the kids will get 1 gift each from Santa, 1 gift each from us, and stocking gifts. They will still get their gifts from the grandparents also. This is hard for me, because I enjoy buying the kids toys and love to shop. However, the kids seemed fine with it. We want them to appreciate what they get, and they really just want simple things. They just enjoy the holiday lights, setting up the tree, baking cookies, and making gifts for people. B told me all he wants is T-Rex mountain, which my parents bought him, and the game Herscape, which I got for a great deal last month. So, from me he will get the game and from Santa probably a dinosaur puzzle I've had in the closet for over a year. He will be beyond happy with just those few things. And J keeps changing what she wants. I think Santa will bring her this baby panda she wants that comes with a bottle and I think makes noises. It is just a little thing but she loves pandas. From me, I am trying to find this baby carebear she wants. I saw it once with her at Target but now everywhere I go they do not have the blue one (she HAS to have blue). So, if i can't find that I will give her the cabbage patch doll I bought her last summer that I have been saving in the closet. For the stockings I will get a couple small toys each. I also may take them to each pick out an ornament for the tree. We also like to make a lot of Xmas crafts. I got a bunch of unfinished wood ornaments really cheap last year at the craft store and the kids will paint those for our tree, for their teachers, and for the grandparents. They always love anything to do with paint!!

I plan to bake some treats for the neighbors and get cheap plates to put them on. I also got some cheap containers and mugs to put candy in for miscellaneous gifts. We just have to figure out our parents, who have everything!!

I am off to bed, hopefully tomorrow will bring fun and family time!!

Have to record this night

I just had a moment with my kids I wish I could have recorded to listen to again. It was seriously one of the sweetest conversations I have had with both of them at the same time. It wasn't just a quick moment, but a whole conversation. Writing a blog entry about it won't do it justice but I have to try to record what I remember.

It starts with these prayer beads that J made in Sunday school. I teach her class every other week and it was my week. Anyway, B missed since he said his stomach hurt (turned out to be nothing this time, but after the puking at school incident he has me paranoid). We made these little prayer beads with different colors for each thing to pray for. I brought an extra set home for B to make, as I knew he would want some too.

Tonight we took them out and took turns saying our prayers for each color. They kids were so cute and totally went along with this, saying these elaborate prayers each time. I would do my turn, then J, then B. We did this for all 7 of the beads. I would give anything to have a record of their prayers. I know J continued to say "thank you for my mommy and daddy, I love them very much and I want them to go to school with me, and go on rides with me" and B would go into great detail about how he loves his family and "please God, can you bring the kids with no homes toys as fast as you can" and "I am sorry I spit on the mirror, but I cleaned it up, please forgive me and I'm sorry about getting popcorn all over the floor but I cleaned it up" It was so adorable, I wish I could bottle it up. My kids are the biggest miracle in my life.

What would I do without them??? I am so thankful...

Halloween is over and now on to the holidays!

Well, our halloween festivities are over. We had a busy weekend leading up to halloween. We had to travel 4 hrs for a retirement party Sat night. The kids had a babysitter and her friend watch them in our hotel room. They were very excited, and still up when we got back at 11pm! We travelled home on Sunday, unpacked, then got the kids into their costumes for a halloween party at a friends house. We spent a few hours there then got home where everyone slept great in their own beds (me included). B had school Monday but no party at school that day (it was the Thurs before). They got ready about 6pm for trick or treating. J decided on the dinosaur costume, and B was a ninja. J was bob the builder for the party on Sunday. I even dressed up like a witch for the kids, B really wanted me to dress up this year and I didn't want to disappoint him! DH brought the kids around the block and they made it all the way, with J being carried a little bit towards the end. It was a bit chilly but could have been a lot worse. They both got plenty of good candy and both wanted a piece of gum when they got home! They aren't big into chocolate, they prefer gum or sugary candy like sweet tarts, skittles, or taffy. Dh and I prefer the chocolate, his favorite being Kit Kat and I like butterfingers and Reeses. I think we are all sick of candy right now!

So, now we are on to planning Thanksgiving and Christmas. I may offer to do Thanksgiving here this year. I also plan to try to have Christmas morning here serving brunch or lunch. I like to have my kids at home for Christmas so we can make our memories here and wake up in our own beds. I love the excitement of waking up to see what Santa brings them. They just love it!

I have class tonight. I think I have 5- 6 weeks left. Over half done. I got an A on my speech and on my test the other week. I am getting an A in both classes. I stil have a lot of tests and work to be done but it is going well so far. I will apply to nursing school in January and find out in May if I get in. If I don't, then I'll have a year off since I'll be done with all my classes except Psychology, which I'll take in the summer.

Taking Control

I decided I really want to take control of my life. Not pretend to be in control, but actually "feel" in control, and like myself and blah blah blah. You know how it goes. First and foremost, I need to like myself. I will never be a better person, mother, wife, unless I truly am comfortable with myself and really truly love myself. In order to do that, I need to work on some things. I need to take more time for myself. I need to exercise more and eat better. I need to read a good book, or knit, or go out with friends. I need to get down and play with my children daily. I am not planning to make all these changes at once. I am taking baby steps. I have tried doing things all out, and it backfires. I am starting with exercising, at least a few times a week. And not a lot of time, but 15 - 30 min daily. On the stationary bike, or sit up video, or arm weights. Something small, and work up to more. The weather is getting too cold for me to walk outside (I'm a baby like that) but I can do things in my own home. I just have to try. Also, I am eating better, for good this time. No more of the eating good for one week, then go downhill the next. I will eat approximately 20 points a day. Period. I will keep track of what I eat and will not eat anything if it is not worth eating. I will be accountable for what goes in my body and I will be healthy for me. Not to weight a certain weight. Not to wear a certain size. But so I can be healthy for me and my kids and so I can live longer. And feel better.

I will spend quality time with my children each day. I did this today and it felt so great. I will ask them what they want to play and just play with them and nothing else every day for a short time.

I will make these changes and make them for ME!

Wednesday can't come fast enough....

I am so dreading the next few days, which is sad because today is Friday and I "should" be looking forward to a nice weekend with my family. But, I have so much to do for my classes. I have a speech Monday morning. I still have to finish writing it, practice, and get my visual aids prepared. I then have a test from he*l on Tuesday for Anatomy. It is seriously going to be a very hard test, and when you add on that my teacher is terrible, it means I have to teach a ton of material to myself. That is a lot more work than just reviewing the material after it's been taught to you by a good teacher. So, my plan is to study for that at least 1-2 hr a day on Sat, Sun, and Monday. I also plan to finish up my speech on Sat and practice Sunday. After Tuesday, I am on a break from school for a week. There are no classes next Thurs so we may go see Dh's family. I am so looking forward to a break!

Have a great weekend.

down and out

Just feeling a bit down. Dh had to leave for the week this morning. That is the start of a bad week for sure. I also am so stressed and busy with school. I have a lab quiz tomorrow, online class test to take by Fri, speech on monday, Anatomy test Tuesday. I just feel overwhelmed. And the kids take so much of my time that I am unable to study during the day so I end up staying up too late and not getting enough sleep. I am tired right now and it is only monday. I still have to study for all these tests plus write a speech and practice it. I just feel like there it no end. How will I ever handle nursing school? I am guessing it is harder than what I am taking now, I KNOW it is harder than what I am taking now. I feel like I"ll be an even worse mother then than I am now. Is it worth it??? How do I get the balance and be happy in my stressful life?? I feel just unmotivated and tired. I am short with the kids, and they are getting the brunt of my crabbiness. I have never had to go on any type of meds before but sometimes I think they might help me. I am not to that point yet but it's crossed my mind. I don't think I'm depressed, but I think I could become that way. I also am feeling horrible about myself, my eating habits have been horrible lately and I don't know how to get out of the bad rut. I don't know how to stop emotional eating. I do it out of stress, lonliness, stress, boredom, stress, did I mention stress?? So, I get something to eat and then eat and eat until I am so full. I haven't gained much weight really (how I'm not sure) but I feel horrible. I'm sure it makes me feel even worse and crabbier. I did something that DH will probably be mad at, I joined an online site called ediets.com. It gives you menus and recipes for the week, and shopping lists. Probably a stupid investment. It is $2.99 a week and I'm committed to 3 months. I did it , then I felt guilt. It will be a little over $30 and so it isn't a big cost but still we don't have extra money and now I'm going to have to explain it to him. The site had a lot of positive testimonials but now that I signed up I don't know if it will do much for me. A lot of the meals were not what I'd choose and you have to go in and change them, which takes time (something I don't have) and it isn't anything that great that I couldn't have done myself. I felt so angry for doing it, I thought it would be a good idea, now I feel like I'm just throwing money away and signing up for a program that will take even more time of my day and force me on the computer more than I already am for school, blogging, email etc. I just let me kids have banana bread for lunch because I have no motivation to cook for them. They got crumbs all over the floor and I just can't get ahead. They are trying to sweep right now, bless their hearts! They really are good kids, I want to be a good mom.

The "little" man in my life

My son B is like a best buddy to me. He always makes me laugh, and we talk about everything. My favorite time with him is bedtime, after we read 2 chapters from his book we just lay there and talk about school, friends, and anything else. He seems to be most talkative at this time of day (when he should be the most tired!). I get more information out of him at bedtime than any other time of the day. He has the best laugh in the world. It is such a wonderful sound to hear him laugh at his sister, or at a funny book. He also has the best singing voice. He makes up songs and has such a nice voice. When he is gone at school all day I just can't wait to see him when he gets home. To see him so happy in his life makes me so happy. I hope that he always feels this happy and secure. We all know as kids get older, things get harder. I wish I could bottle up how he feels right now and give it to him later. My wish for him is to be himself, laugh, and be the best he can be. I love you B!!!

The Terrible Three's

My daughter has always been a challenging child. From day one. Her first night in this world was spent crying.... the whole night. I knew it wasn't me, it is just her. She is a very intelligent, demanding, outspoken child. She doesn't cry all day anymore, just whines and bosses me around a lot. I sometimes don't know how to handle her. I try to take it all in stride. I know all children are difficult at times. I know all kids go through bad and good phases. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, when we are having a really hard day together, I get frustrated. I know that she likes to test her limits of how much control she can have. It is important for me to show her that I am the boss. It is like a power struggle on who is really the mom! Today was just one of those days. She was being very insistent, whiney, and plain bossy to me all day. I look at her cute little face and can't believe how she can act sometimes. Thank goodness she is so cute!

I am still here!

For the few readers I have, sorry for the absence. I don't have a good excuse, just haven't had much to post about. Not much new is going on here. We are in a routine of school for the kids, school for me, playdates, and home time. I make a point to have downtime for my kids as much as I can. I don't want to be a family that is running around crazy all the time. The kids started swimming monday and it went fine. I think the class is too divided, there are 3 bigger boys and 2 smaller girls. J is small, but she is very comfortable in the water and will follow directions. The other girl is obviously scared of the water and just stands next to the side. I find it very hard to believe she passed the preschool level class (the one before level one, which J took this summer). To pass that one, you have to be able to put your whole face in the water and this girl won't do that. So, it is kind of aggravating that her mom put her in a class above her level, now the teacher has to spend a lot of extra time getting this girl to do things and the other kids are the ones who it will hurt in the long run. Oh well, that is my rant about that!

We are going to a wedding this weekend, without kids. We leave Sat late morning and come back Sunday late morning. There are 3 other couples that we are good friends with going, and it should be a good time. It is a friends of mine that I have known since kindergarten that is getting married. We went to college together as well, and I lived with her 2 years of college. We were very good friends during that time, but other things came into our lives and we drifted apart. I got married and had kids, she was still living the single life. We didn't have much in common. However, she has always been a person I am very comfortable with, you know the type that you have known forever and things are always just comfortable. And I wish her the best now that she is getting married and starting a family soon.

J and B are still loving school. I have gone from walking B all the way to his locker to now walking him to the crossing guard. I don't want to be a "hover mom" so I'm letting my baby go. He is such a big boy, so independent and just so happy to be at school. He is a little forgetful at times. We had to go back and get his lunchbox on Wed, and he also didn't have his Wed info folder come home like it should. I was tempted to call today to have them make sure he brought it home, but I am going to see if he can figure it out.

My school is also going well. My teacher is not good at all for Anatomy II but I am getting an A so far. My online class is a lot of work but I'm also getting an A in there. The teacher seems to like my writing. The only thing I'm dreading is a speech I have to give on the 17th.

Well, I'm off to see if I can get J to nap!

About me....

I've seen this on other blogs. I don't know if I can come up with 100 things but I will list some interesting tidbits about me....

1. I am 31 years old
2. I have the same middle name as my mom
3. I gave a speech at my high school graduation
4. I started playing the piano at age 4
5. My favorite color is red
6. My toenails are always painted
7. I have had long hair as long as I can remember
8. My parents were both teachers
9. I have two younger brothers
10. I moved away for a job right out of college by myself
11. I love the show "Survivor"
12. I have done about 10 scrapbooks for my kids and family
13. My favorite holiday is Christmas
14. I teach Sunday school
15. I used to play soccer
16. I love math
17. I don't like pop/soda
18. I can finish a book in a couple days
19. I know how to wakeboard
20. I love garage sales
21. I wear makeup almost every day
22. I wear a size 8 1/2 shoe, my feet grew 1/2 size after pregnancy
23. I always wanted a son first
24. I pictured myself with all boys
25. My husband is 11 years older than me
26. I used to want to be a doctor
27. I have all the same girlfriends I did when I was 12
28. I never miss the show "ER"
29. I give my kids a bath almost every day
30. My favorite alcoholic drink is a margarita
31. I am not a phone person
32. I like to write letters, real letters!
33. I had braces for 4 years
34. I know how to knit (only a scarf)
35. I do not know how to sew, but want to learn
36. My favorite gift is a plain white gold band my husband gave me when we first started dating
37. I love to bake (but don't because I'll eat it all!)
38. I can't have chocolate in the house or I will eat until I'm sick
39. I walk 3 miles about 3-4 times a week
40. I've never waxed or plucked my eybrows
41. I love McDonald's chicken nuggets (gross I know)
42. I love craft stores
43. I make awesome homemade salsa
44. I do not like my stomach
45. I do like my legs
46. I like to study
47. I am a night person
48. I never buy CD's
49. I love to buy jeans
50. I want to be a midwife someday

On that note, I'll end there!

My Funny Kids

My kids are really something else. Aren't they all though?? They say and do the funniest things. I find it so amazing how intelligent, how outgoing, how funny my kids are. I was a very shy and quiet kid. I was not outgoing or witty at all. I still am very shy. I do not know how my kids got to be so social. B just loves school. He won't really talk much about it, or tell me much about his days at school, but I can tell by the way he is when he gets there how much he loves it. If he sees a friend, he will immediately go and start talking very animated to them and just gets the biggest smile. He seems to have a lot of friends, and is very social. He loves to play, to talk, to just be with other kids. I think school is a great thing for him. He told me today "Mom, I think I will be a music teacher when I grow up. I'm very into music you know." I do think he is a great singer and is way more into singing at church (and probably school) than the other boys his age. He has a nice voice also. I might have to get him into music somehow. I want to teach him piano (I play) but he didn't seem interested this summer when we tried. He'd probably learn better from someone other than me. He also told me all about the difference between free form shapes and geometric shapes. He seems to be learning something after all....

And J is in preschool now too. She has gone 2 times by herself and both times just waved and said "bye mom, see you later". She never got sad, shed one tear, or looked back at me as I left the room. Makes me happy and sad. I see some of the poor other kids sobbing, and my big girl just playing away. It is so bittersweet to see her so independent. This is the kid, who as a baby, would not let me put her down, give her to another person, or leave the room. I swear, she would not even let her daddy hold her until she was like 18 months old. I would have to leave to her screaming (the very few times I did ever leave her). And sometimes the screaming would ensue for hours, literally. I remember one time I went shopping for like 1 hours with DH's mom and she cried the entire time. It would break my heart to see her so devastated. She was a very emotional baby. She is still sensitive and emotional but has grown up so much. Maybe all that time with me has really made her more secure now. I just can't believe it is the same child. My babies are growing and leaving me already.

I had about 2 hours of time just me today. I studied (real fun huh?) and it was SO quiet. Makes me think about what it will be like when they are both in school. I think that is part of why I do want to work when the kids are a little older. I don't want to be home alone every day. I still want to try to be here most days when they leave and come home from school, but I do want to work to have something other than them. I think staying home is the hardest job in the world, and I have total respect for those that do stay home full time. I just know that it isn't for me long term. I am so grateful to be able to stay home now while my kids are young and home with me and not in school. But they soon will have their life at school, and I will need something more.

If all goes as planned I will start nursing school next fall and will be a registered nurse by the time J is in 1st grade. If I don't get in next year I will have to put it off a year. I hope to then work part time while the kids are in elementary and maybe beyond, maybe forever part time who knows. I would ideally like to work a couple evening shifts a week and maybe every other weekend. Something like that. Maybe even some night shifts. I will have to see what happens.

Life is quite the adventure, especially watching your kids grow and change so quickly. Makes you want to stop the time and take it all in. I can only hope the memories will stay with them and me for a long time to come.

Halloween Jackpot

On my mothers advice, we went to the Goodwill store 15 minutes away and found lots of halloween stuff, CHEAP! They had tons of brand new, with tags, kids costumes. We found the one B wants, a ninja, for $8. At Target, the same one is $20. (it must be last years they got on sale or something???). They also had a lot of spiderman ones that I tried to talk him into, I mean spiderman seems more innocent than a ninja. He did try to make me feel better by telling me he is a nice ninja! Also found a ninja weapon thing and nunchucks. That's my boy... lovin' those weapons. Oh well, I don't think he is abnormal, and I'm not going to make him be a puppy dog if he truly wants to be a ninja!! He put it on at home and he looks really cute, I have to admit. He has a black hood and scarf around his face and he is so little it just is cute. We also found some butterfly wings, as J has told me she wants to be a butterfly. However, now she says she wants to be the dinosaur. At least the wings were only $1.99 and she can wear them for dress up or next year. I also found some cool Halloween favors for $1, some of those colored pencils that you can switch the color by pulling it out the bottom and pushing it in the top (the next color comes out). They were big when I was a kid. Anyway, I got 2 packs of those and a pack of halloween little notebooks. My groups of friends has a halloween get together every year with kids, and I thought it would be a good alternative to candy for all the kids. We also got some of that white spiderweb stuff for $.49. Some good buys I must say! I have to say I was impressed with the goodwill. I don't ever go there but there was a lot of new stuff, and neat stuff. I got some home decor things for myself as well!

I have the kids in bed, it is 8:20, and I'm going to start my 2-3 hour studying session tonight. I am nervous about the first test as I always am. I don't feel prepared yet but plan to learn a lot tonight.

We went on a 3 mile walk today (B biked the whole way I was so proud of him!) and I was 127 lb this morning. I have been eating well all week, I'm counting my points (WW) again and it really helps me keep things in control. We got some awesome honeycrisp apples today. They are only out for a limited time but they are SO GOOD. The kids love them too. I also got lots of frozen veggies and fruits (I do better with frozen, I never know how much to buy fresh). I also got the best treat, it is called Blue Bunny White Chocolate Almond Lites. They are an ice cream bar, sugar free, and only 2 points. So good. I will have to remember these. And hide them from DH! I just have to make regular trips to the store to keep my low point stuff that I like stocked up here at the house. I am bad about not going to the store, then eating bad stuff when I don't have any of my good stuff around. I am all stocked up on Zone bars (for dinner on class nights, the chocolate mint are the BEST, 5 points), chocolate mint pria bars (2 pts), 100 calorie packs of wheat thins and ritz mix (2 pts), string cheese (2 pts), lean cuisines, and fruits and veggies. And I also found some weight watchers english muffins at the store today, 1 point each. I like to have eggs and this way I can have an english muffin with them too. Can you tell grocery shopping excited me today? I went to a different store with more selection and found lots of interesting things!!

Anyway, I'm putting off my studying I best get going. Until next time,

Quiet Monday

It is monday, usually a busy day but both kids are off from school, and we have no plans. This week they both have school Tues, Th, which will be nice for me, I get a couple hrs both days to myself. Unfortunately, I will be studying, not too exciting. I have my first big test tomorrow night, and a quiz Thurs night. We may venture out and try to find some halloween costumes before they are picked over. We looked at Target and they were way too expensive. I am not paying $20 for a cheap crappy outfit they will wear once. I am going to go to Goodwill today, I heard they have a lot of halloween stuff under $10, and lots of it has tags on still. So, we will see. I'm trying to talk J into wearing B's old dinosaur costume. It is really nice, warm and her size. It looks cute on her, and she seems interested. Although she has said she wants to be a butterfly. B wants to be a ninja or pirate, something with a weapon of course. I told him that he can't bring a weapon to school (I am not even sure if they have a dress up day at school). Boys, why are they so infactuated with swords and axes??!! I tried to talk him into a costume we already have (my mom used to be a kindergarted teacher and gave us lots of dress up stuff). We have a dalmation, bee, and frog outfit that would all fit him but he's not going for it.

I decided to put the kids in swimming again this fall. I know I said I was going to take the fall off (for them and me!) but it is only once a week and it forces me to bring them to the pool. Otherwise, I'm afraid I wouldn't take them swimming at all once fall is here and the cool weather is keeping us inside. This way I pay $32 for each of them to get like 10 lessons. I figure it's cheaper than paying for swimming that many times. I got J in level I and have to call the director to see if B should be in level I or II. He was in level I this summer and they said to wait 1 year to sign up for level II, so I'm guessing they want him to take level I over. So, both kids will be in the same class. J will be so small, but her teacher said she is ready for this level. I don't even think she can touch the bottom where they have the level II classes. We'll see how it goes! They are excited, they start next monday.

Dh is out of town again this week, so I'm on my own with the kids. My brother is coming home friday and we are having a surprise 30th for him on Saturday. His wife planned the trip, so he doesn't know yet. I bet he'll be surprised. The next weekend we have a wedding of one of my friends up north. I met her in kindergarten!

Well, off to get ready for the day!!

My Crazy Life

I feel so overwhelmed this week, I am so busy I can hardly think. Life isn't terrible or anything, just insanely busy. DH is home this week, thank goodness. J had her first day of preschool yesterday, but I don't really count it because I stayed. All the parents were asked to stay to help get the kids used to the class. It was chaotic with all the moms (and 1 dad) and I think they kids will be quieter and easier with the parents gone. Tomorrow is her first day being dropped off. I think it will go ok, but I really don't know how she will react. I never know until it happens with her. She acts all tough about it, but she may have a breakdown.

B just finished his 5th day of school. He seems much more comfortable and happy about going. He bounds right into his room without much of a good bye to me and J. I am happy he is happy. I am sad he is getting so old and independent! J and I may go up and have lunch with him Friday. I might surprise him!

I am very busy with school. I had my first quiz last week (got an A) and now I have my first big test on Tuesday. I have a lot of studying to do. And since I have an online class too, I have to do a paper for that every week. Plus I have a movie report, book report, cultural comparison, speech and tests for that class as well. It is just so much busy work. Not hard at all, just busy and time consuming. Taking 2 classes is good to get used to juggling nursing school and family (next year if I get in). I hope I can do it.

I am getting headaches almost daily. That is what really puts a damper in things. I have a new prescription called Relpax. I first take Advil and if that doesn't work I take the Relpax. It works very fast and well, BUT it costs $40 for 6 pills. I can't afford to take them very often! I get headaches off and on, depending on my hormones (I think), so hopefully they will go away soon for a while. I don't usually get them this often, so stress is playing a small part I'm sure. I don't feel stressed, but maybe I am trying to do too much. I worry about taking so much medicine but I have to be able to function. I also think the headaches are a result of my cutback in sugar products from my diet. I am starting to count points again, and it is going fine but I think my body is in shock from the lower amounts of carbs and sugars. But hopefully that will even out soon and in the long run I get fewer headaches when I am eating a lower fat diet.

I'm off to make supper for the kids now and hopefully DH will grill me our porkchops soon I'm getting very hungry!!!

Until next time....

Stuff

This post is just a general update post. It is Friday and B is coming home tonight! yippee! The kids and I can't wait. I will be babysitting for my niece tonight also. She is 3 just like J (J is only 6 weeks older) so they are good buddies. Today we have nothing going on. It is nice after the hectic week. Tues and Thur were very busy as B had school, then we had to leave since I have classes those night and the kids go to my parents. I feel bad making B go from school, right to my parents. I know he'd like to just go home and play with his toys and relax. But, he doesn't complain. Next week is easier because he has school M,W,F and J has preschool T, Th but only in the morning for 2 hours each day. On Tuesday I am supposed to stay there the first day. I know she would be fine with me leaving but I think they expect us all to stay. It is a preschool through the district, so there is more parent involvement. We go once a month to participate with the kids, and to have some parent education. I decided at the last minute to go with this preschool, rather than the one B went to the last 2 years for a couple reasons. One, our finances are not the best right now. The difference in price was $40 a month, a big difference when you add it up over 9 months. Two, J is very young, just turned 3, and I don't think preschool is a total necessity right now. I don't know if it is at all. I never went. I sometimes feel like it is just a society pressure in middle class suburbia, that your kid must attend 2 years of preschool or else they will never succeed. My son was pretty bored by the end of his second year. Yes, he loved seeing his friends and playing, but it didn't really challenge him academically. That is another part of why I didn't send her to the other school. The curriculum isn't a whole lot different in year 1 and year 2, so I think if I just send her there next year she will get almost as much as if she went both years. Back when I was a kid, not many went to preschool. Why the change I wonder??? I guess it is the same as starting kids in sports at age 4 and 5, and having to specialize in a sport. I heard recently that kids can really only excel in one sport, because most sports have year round training (camps, tournements, practices etc). How do you just pick that sport, when the kids are starting at age 5??? I have not, and will not, be pushing my kids that hard to be good in sports. I want them to be able to play many sports, and participate in many activities, to find what they are good at. I don't want to be going to 3 day a week practices at age 5. It's crazy. I am steering far away from hockey, I was in a hockey family and even back then it was pretty hard core. We did soccer with B this year. He did well for his first year. I decided to take this fall off and do something this winter. They both love swimming to maybe we'll just do lessons this winter. And B wants to play basketball, which starts in first grade.

The weather seems to be getting colder now. The mornings are chilly now, and I can already feel summer drifting away. We like fall, with halloween and thanksgiving, but summer is still our favorite around here. The kids are already thinking of their costumes. Right now B wants to be a ninja and J wants to be superman. I'm sure that will change a few times!

Have a great weekend.

My Future

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you" - Psalm 32:8

I am taking college courses right now. I have a quiz tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like being in school at this point in my life is very difficult. I am a good student and I study quite a bit. I know this takes some time away from my kids. I try my very best to do my studying while they are sleeping or busy playing without me. I study off and on throughout the day instead of sitting there for hours on end. I hope I am making the right decision. I have 2 courses left after this semester to take, then I will be totally done with the prerequisites for nursing school. I have already taken 4 courses. This is in addition to the MANY courses I have done in the past for my bachelor degree. My husband says I am an eternal student. I do like taking classes, I like taking notes and reading and learning. I don't like busy work, like writing papers for a communications class about my communicating style. I don't think this particular class is going to help me become a nurse, but who knows. I guess they think I need it. I love learning anatomy, because I know it is applicable to my future career and because it interests me.

I sometimes look a year or 2 ahead and picture going to nursing school and trying to have time with my family. I think I can do it but I have doubts. I know I will do well in school, I'm afraid my family time will suffer. I never want my kids to think I'm too busy for them. I think I will be staying up late many nights that year. I hope it all comes easily to me, that I don't have to kill myself studying. I hope I do well, that I like it, that I find that it is the career that I'm destined to have. I will be so disappointed if it is not. I do feel I have a calling to this career, I feel like it is "me". I just pray that God is taking me in the right direction, because the road getting there is not an easy one.

I'm off to study!

Why I love my husband

I don't take enough time in my life to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him. I know that he knows I love him, but I know that I do not show him or tell him nearly enough. As of now, he doesn't even know of this blog. I am debating giving him the link. I have nothing to hide from him, so I don't see why not. I just have not yet given this link to anyone I know except online friends. Anyway, back to my original post, why I love this man...

My husband is the hardest working person I know. He has not a lazy bone in his body. He works 100% at everything he does. Sometimes I wish he would just be lazy but that isn't him. I admire that, I am jealous of that. I think that he is just amazing what he does. He works a very stressful job. He travels at least 50% of the time, and he just deals with it. He never just says screw it. He always does what he should do, and he always does it well. He works so hard for us, for his family. He sacrifices so much to provide for us. He has to be away from us to provide for us, which is so hard for everyone but it is what our life is for now and he deals with it (much better than I do).

My husband is a great father. The kids just adore him. You can tell that he is their hero. The way they look up to him and watch him talk and take in every word he says. They are absolute angels for him too, very unlike they are for me. They take his word as the absolute truth and will do anything he says. He takes them on bike rides and plays pretend farmers market with them in the back yard. He makes up silly nicknames for everyone. He makes them giggle. He wrestles with them and they can't get enough.

And lastly, my husband is a great partner. We still are the best of friends. I still feel butterflies when I look at him, and he is the most attractive man I will ever know. I am thankful for my husband every day.

I love you, my dear husband, and I miss you terribly when you are away. I hope you always know how much I love and need you.

Sadness

Hurricane Katrina has brought such a tragedy to our country I can't even begin to understand it. I watch the news and I feel such sadness for those people. The people with no homes, the people who would not leave their homes, the people who died in their homes. I can't even imagine having such a thing happen. I feel so helpless. What a huge project to even begin the rebuilding of New Orleans. Where will all those people go who lost everything? I wish there was a way to help but I don't know how. All I know is that I feel so lucky for all the things I have. I complain a lot about things I am not happy about in my life, but I have it pretty darn good.

God Bless them all.

Love....

After picking up B at the corner (he walks):

Me: "What was your favorite part of today at school?"
B: "Seeing you again" (waiting for him at the corner)

That boy knows how to steal my heart....

Actually I think he did like school. I didn't get a whole lot of information out of him, but he was probably overwhelmed and was tired. He didn't want to answer my 100 questions about every detail of his day. I don't blame him. I hopefully will get tidbits of info from time to time, and be happy with that.

I wanted to add a couple funny things he said before he went to kindergarten:

"Mom, when it is playtime, I am just going to sit there. I will do the other things the teacher says but I'm NOT playing." (when he was feeling sorry for himself for having to go to school)

After the open house, seeing his room etc...
"I'm glad it is a small room, I thought it was going to be in one big room with a lot of people, and I thought they would talk to me in Spanish."
(This shows how the imaginations of kids go wild. He thought the school was 1 big huge room and tons of people, talking so much it was like spanish to him.)

We both got through the first day.

You stole my heart

To my baby boy,
The boy who stole my heart 5 1/2 years ago when I first set eyes on you. I remember so vividly the moment you were place upon my chest, and you stared up at me with those big blue eyes. You came out crying, then you stopped and just looked at me. I remember how cute you looked, not wrinkly or old looking like so many babies look. You had a perfect round and bald head. You had the cutest little face. You were and are just perfect.

Today was a very big day for you, and for me. You don't even really realize it, but today when you started kindergarten I realized that from this point on, you are no longer just my baby. You are a student, a friend, a little boy who has interests outside of our home, and outside of me. I know we will always be the best of friends. You make me laugh every day. I love your little looks you give me, looks only between us. The little smirk when you know you have done something to trick your sister. I love your dimples that you have had since birth.

I am so proud of the boy you have become. I am proud to be your mommy.

I'm back!

My girls weekend was a lot of fun. It was full of laughing, eating, drinking, shopping, and talking into the wee hours of the night. The staying up so late was hard on me and I came home more tired than refreshed! Friday night we were up until about 2:30 but I had a hard time sleeping and maybe got 3-4 hours total. Saturday we were up until 2:00 and I slept better but not great. So, I was very tired last night. And I watched a good friends THREE kids today, starting at 6:30AM! Her kids are 6, almost 4 and 2 1/2. So, I had FIVE kids for 10 hours. We spent 3 hours at the park and brought lunch there (less mess at home) and then the youngest napped for 2.5 hours. The older ones watched a movie so the afternoon actually went pretty smoothly. It's still a lot of work to have 5 kids!! I don't know how daycare providers with 10+ kids do it. Really, the good ones are my heros!

J needs me in the potty, I'll write again soon. Have a VERY busy week coming up. B starts school Thurs...yikes!

Getting to know you and my little Astrobat!!

If you stop by here, let me know! Answer the following questions in the comment section so I can get to know you!! I have had quite a few views on my profile so I think people are stopping by and I'd love to know if you are here!! Here are the questions:

1. Name
2. Do you have a blog? (you can give me a link and I'll add you to my blog list!)
3. Why did you start a blog?
4. What are your greatest passions?
5. What are your weekend plans?

Here are my answers.
1. Jennifer
2. I am a new blogger, but have been reading blogs for a while now.
3. I wanted to document my every day life and have a place to vent.
4. My kids and husband, my home, my friends, my education/career dreams, and my hobbies (scrapbooking, crafts, reading, walking)
5. I am going to a cabin with 6 of my best friends!!!

please give me your answers!!!

Have to add my funny kid stories here too before they are gone from my memory! The kids are sword fighting right now. I'm telling you, my daughter is getting so influenced by her 5 yr old brother!! She keeps up with him too! J was going potty today, and she wanted to be alone. Fine, she likes to be independent. I left and she was in there quite a while, I went in and she is STANDING ON THE SINK.

Me: What are you doing J???
J: Mommy, I'm just being an ASTROBAT

Later, she was supposed to be resting/napping (naps don't always happen here anymore). I am resting with B and I hear her whispering "TA DA" over and over. I figure that can't be good and go in there. She is standing on her table. Not as high or dangerous as the sink but still not where she should be standing. Again, she was being an ASTROBAT. What to do with this child.....

I was trying to get B to rest/nap, as he has been sick the past 2 days. I am in bed with him, and I could use a nap too. He just keeps giggling and giggling. That deep belly laugh. He said he just sometimes laughs and can't stop. It was the cutest thing. At least he hasn't gotten into ASTROBATTING lately.

My kids, they are the best!

Feeling Overwhelmed

I am so tired, but can't wind down. I let B sleep with me last night since he had the fever and I was up off and on all night checking on him. He slept fine but still was achey and feverish today. He missed his last day of swimming, he was disappointed but I could tell he didn't want to swim. We took j for her last day and both got their certificates. They both did great, I'm so proud of them. Anyway, we then came home and I quick got their clothes and my school gear packed up, then we stopped at the doctor to check B out. I wanted a strep test since he told me his throat hurt. It came back negative, so she thinks it is just a virus that will go away. I just really hope J and I stay fine. I have so much to do. I don't know where to start. I just feel SO TIRED. It is 11:15 and I really need to get up to bed. I am attempting to do my first online course assignment but I just don't have it in me. I want to get ahead before the 2 classes get very busy but I just don't have the motivation tonight.

If I go on my girls trip tomorrow night I have to still pack, get liquor, get groceries, get my recipe for my meal, get my scrapbook stuff together, and pack up everything, the cooler, the kids, the dog and her food/kennel. I just feel like I want to go sleep and not deal with it all. I still have some laundry to put away and dishes to unload. Have I mentioned that I hate it when DH is gone, I just feel so overwhelmed, and overworked. I have no one to take out the garbage, not one to help me watch the kids so I can do anything. I just hate it.

I'm done with my pity party now!
Back again soon!

Fever

B has a fever of 102.5. At least it was a couple hrs ago before I got him to choke down a measly, tiny sip of tylenol. It seems lower now and he seems to feel better. It came on suddenly after swimming today. He was shaking like crazy after the pool and I thought he was cold, the he said his head and tummy hurt and he was looking like he was half asleep, half in pain all the way home. He went right to bed and slept about an hour before I took his temp and gave him the tylenol. He is now wanting fruit snacks and watching harry potty. Please say a little prayer that J and I don't get this little bug too. I have 2 classes tomorrow, DH is gone, and I don't really ask my mom to watch the kids when they are sick. I really can't miss these classes. I'm hoping it is a VERY short lived bug that will go away before morning. I also, very selfishly, want to go away on my girls weekend. And I won't be able to if he is sick (DH is gone for work and moving DSD into college on Sat). I need this weekend away, I have been looking forward to it.

Most importantly, I hope that he is going to be ok. I hate when my kids are sick. I would do anything to help them feel better. Nothing is worse than my active, hyper, talkative little boy sitting in his carseat half asleep, looking like he feels terrible. Breaks my heart.

Made it through today

Today was the first of my 6 day busy spell. I started school tonight and it went ok. The teacher I loved last semester got a different job so there is a new instructor. She is nice enough, but you can tell she hasn't done it long. It is always hard to judge a teacher until you take the first test. Then you know how well they teach and how well you are learning it. At least that is how I judge. I am good at adjusting my studying to the way a teacher tests. I have taken enough college courses to know how and what to study. I am an old pro!! :)

We went right from swimming to a little carnival for kids at a playground. It was geared more for little ones, but B still had fun playing some mini golf and winning some fruit snacks. We met a friend and her kids there and they all had fun running around on the play equipment. We then headed to Culvers for lunch. The kids had the chicken tenders kids meals and I had a butterburger. I am sure it is loaded with calories but it was just a single burger, no cheese, and I hardly had any fries or chicken. Just a few bites, and the chicken wasn't that great either. We got the kids' free scoop of custard. J chose vanilla with sprinkles and B chose mint explosion (because he's a boy and it had the word explosion in it!). However, as I suspected, he didn't like the mint flavor, and we had to get a vanilla with sprinkles for him too. The lady ended up giving it to us free (I was totally going to pay for it) so I got the mint explosion. Hardly what I need, but it was very good and it was small. Plus, I didn't get a proper dinner tonight due to class. On class nights I only bring a Zone bar to eat and so I had a good reason to eat more for lunch! :) We'll see what the scale thinks in the morning.

No working out today unfortunately. We have a less busy day tomorrow so I hope to take the kids on the long 3 mile route after J naps.

I am up way too late, but I have a hard time sleeping when DH is out of town. It is just too quiet, too still, too scary!! I hate being here alone with the kids, and I am a lot. I just want him here, it just feels odd when he is gone. I will never be used to it.

I have lots of preparation to do for my girls cabin weekend. I have food to buy, drinks to buy, kids to get ready for a stay at grandma and papa's, stuff to pack, house to clean after our playdate here Friday, clothes to wash, and probably a million other things. I should probably start on my coursework this week too, to try to stay ahead of things. I have papers to write every week for one class, and lots of memorizing for quizzes in the other. I will be BUSY!!!!

I'm off to try to sleep, be back soon!

First Day of School....

for me, that is. I start my classes today. Tonight I have Anatomy and Physiology II lab and lecture. On Thursday I have my first class meeting for Interpersonal Communications. I am taking this online so there are only 2 real in person classes. Yay! I have to do a speech at the 2nd one, yuck. But I hope I can keep up with 2 classes. This is the first time since having kids that I've taken 2 classes at once. Granted, I used to take 5 classes when I was in college when I was much younger, and always did fine. But back then I had study time whenever I wanted, could catch up on sleep whenever I wanted, and just plain had my whole day to myself. Those of you with kids know that is no longer the case!! It is challenging to find time to do my schoolwork and study with all the kids stuff, playdates, school, housework, and exercising I have to do each day. I want to still exercise as much as I can, despite our crazy life this fall. I need to do that for myself.

So, soon all of us will be in school. B in kindergarten, J in preschool, and me in college! Oh, and I also volunteered to teach Church School again this year. I did B last year and will do J this year. So, the kids have that each sunday. I hope it isn't too much for them. I think I have decided to not do any extracurricular activies for the kids this fall. We may do swimming if it is once a week on a good day, but nothing else. I think the adjustment to school will be exhausting enough. This winter we will for sure do swimming and possibly gynmastics or karate. It always depends on the days they are offered. With me at school T,Th we have to work around that, DH is gone so much I have to be able to bring them to everything.

Well, I best get us ready for the day. We have swimming this morning then I have to get to the school to get my books, then drop the kids at grandma and papa's house. Busy day!!!!

note: did 3 miles last night with J in stroller and B on bike. I was SO proud of him, he didn't think he could do it, but he did!! We stopped at the park half way and played. Unfortunately, even though I ate GREAT yesterday and did my walk, I am 130.5. Gained 1/2 lb. I think it is going to go down tomorrow though, I feel a little bloated for some reason. I don't think it is an actual gain, but still discouraging.

Something to ponder....

Quotes from Republicans when Clinton committed troops to Bosnia:

“You can support the troops but not the president.”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)
“Well, I just think it’s a bad idea. What’s going to happen is they’regoing to be over there for 10, 15, maybe 20 years.”–Joe Scarborough (R-FL)

“Explain to the mothers and fathers of American servicemen that maycome home in body bags why their son or daughter have to give up theirlife?”–Sean Hannity, Fox News, 4/6/99

“[The] President . . . is once again releasing American military mighton a foreign country with an ill-defined objective and no exitstrategy. He has yet to tell the Congress how much this operation willcost. And he has not informed our nation’s armed forces about how longthey will be away from home. These strikes do not make for a soundforeign policy.”–Sen. Rick Santorum (R-PA)

“American foreign policy is now one huge big mystery. Simply put, theadministration is trying to lead the world with a feel-good foreignpolicy.”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“If we are going to commit American troops, we must be certain theyhave a clear mission, an achievable goal and an exit strategy.”–Karen Hughes, speaking on behalf of George W Bush

“I had doubts about the bombing campaign from the beginning . . Ididn’t think we had done enough in the diplomatic area.”–Senator Trent Lott (R-MS)

“I cannot support a failed foreign policy. History teaches us that itis often easier to make war than peace. This administration is justlearning that lesson right now. The President began this mission withvery vague objectives and lots of unanswered questions. A month later,these questions are still unanswered. There are no clarified rules ofengagement. There is no timetable. There is no legitimate definitionof victory. There is no contingency plan for mission creep. There isno clear funding program. There is no agenda to bolster ourover-extended military. There is no explanation defining what vitalnational interests are at stake. There was no strategic plan for warwhen the President started this thing, and there still is no plantoday”–Rep Tom Delay (R-TX)

“Victory means exit strategy, and it’s important for the President toexplain to us what the exit strategy is.”–Governor George W. Bush (R-TX)

Funny thing is, we ended that war without a single American killed in action.

Weekend Fun and Other Stuff

We had a fun filled weekend! Sat we went to the Renaissance Festival. It is about 1 hr away but worth the drive. The kids love it, especially B. They have real jousting with knights on horses, he was just in awe. He loves knights, castles, and swords! We saw elephants, horses, and lots of other animals at the kiddie petting zoo. It kind of grosses me out to have the kids feeding these sheep and goats but I made sure to wash their hands right after. You never know what they could get from those animals. They loved it too! J would just hold the food out then throw it when they got close to her, the poor animals couldn't get much from her. B would make sure every animal got a bit, he didn't want to leave anyone out!! And when we left he said good-bye to them all. It was too cute! We had some yummy food too, and I didn't even overeat! YAY! I mostly shared food with the hubby and the kids. I tried a scotch egg for the first time. The state fair has these too and I hear the radio people talking about how good they are every year. We got one and I had a couple bites. It was good too. It sounds gross but it is a hard boiled egg wrapped in sausage, cut in half, then there is this sauce on top of it. We also got those huge gross turkey legs. My kids, the pickiest eaters on earth, like these things. They hardly ever even eat meat so this amazes me. They each got one and DH and I helped eat them. They also got some ice cream and I got a homeade peanut nutroll to share with DH. It was pretty good, it had been recommended to me by a friend. After we had a sample of the cinnamon roasted almonds and I wished I had gotten those instead. Those are at the state fair too and I'll have to find the booth.

Speaking of state fair time, it is coming up this week. We plan to go once with the kids, then once just us since we are going to a concert there on the 1st. We are seeing Rascall Flatts. I hope they are as good in person as on the radio. I love that song about the broken road. Not sure of the name.

As far as the eating goes, I'm doing ok but not great. I'm not losing any weight but I'm eating better. I did go on my 3 mile walk last night and have been eating more fiber lately so hopefully this week will be a good one. I just ate a turkey/cheese sandwich for lunch and will have an orange too. I plan to not eat out this week so that helps. I am going on a girls weekend this Fri-Sun with 6 of my best friends. We do this yearly - go to a cabin of one of them, and hang out and have fun. 2 of them are pregnant but the rest of us will have a few drinks and we bring all our meals and just hang out. It is something we all look forward to each year and now it is almost here.

I also start classes this week. I have class tuesdays and thursdays. I am taking Anatomy & Physiology II and also an online course, Interpersonal Communications. I will then only have Microbiology and Psychology left to take before I can do nursing school. I am hoping to get in by next fall but may not being that I won't have the psych done yet. If not, I'll have an easy year then start the next fall. I am going to try to get into a night/weekend program about 1/2 hour away, it is 2 nights a week and every other weekend. It will take 2 years to complete. Then I can start being a nurse! I can't wait. I want to work in L&D, then go to CNM school down the road. That is my ultimate goal, even if it is long-term.

Anyway, B is having a friend over in 1/2 hour so I better get the house picked up. (so it can just get messed up again!) HA!

Crossing Over

Crossing Over
It was a cool autumn day. Clouds overshadowed the canopy of blue. The winds whispered by as leaves rustled to the ground. A day to remember, that was. The day young women everywhere wait their whole lives for, and I knew in my heart I would treasure those moments forever. Before me stood a young man, with whom I had shared my vast secrets and exchanged moments. I had whispered promises in his ear and did my best to fulfill them. I had never trusted anyone with the key to my heart until he entered my life. Now, I knew the only safe place for this key to remain was with him. This was the first for both of us. We gazed nervously in each other's eyes, waiting for the other to make the first move. I was unsure if we were ready for this. Making a hasty decision like this could be so devastating to our lives. We stood there in silence for what seemed an eternity. Echoes from the past rang endlesslyin my mind. The laughter and tears we had shared will forever be held in a special place in my heart. My emotions were so vulnerable at that point. Part of me wanted to run and hide, and the other said, "Go ahead, it's time." I stood back to take one last glance at him to remember how he looked before we took this major step. Never again would I look at him as I do now. Things would be different once we crossed over, we couldn't look back. Once again our eyes met. If only we could cease time and steal those moments away in our hearts forever. Neither he nor I would ever feel as we did then. There's only one first time for everything, and this was it. I wrapped my arms around him and playfully kissed the tip of his nose, then I whispered softley in his ear, "I love you." Then it happened-the moment we had both been waiting for. I'll never forget that day or the silly grin on his face afterward. Tears streamed down my face as he crossed the street to step on that big yellow bus. Then he turned to me and said, "Bye, Mommy. I love you."

Written by Angela Martin - 6th Bowl of Chicken Soup for the Soul.

In less than 2 weeks my baby boy will be going to kindergarten. I am already emotional about this, I get tears in my eyes every time I think of this day. I don't know how I will hold it together for him. I have to and I will, but it will be hard. We spend every day together, and now those days will be cut in half (he goes to school every other day) and I will miss him terribly. I will miss the fact that he is no longer just mine, he is going into the big world and going to find other things that will make him happy. I know he will succeed, I know it is a big step for both of us and I know we have many things to look forward to. But a small part of me is sad for this little bald baby that I held for the first time in Feb of 2000 to now be a full-fledged boy. Where did the time go??? He has brought me more joy than I ever could imagine in the past 5 years. I love this kid so much and I can't wait to see what the future holds!

All Stocked Up

After last night, my freezer is now all stocked full of healthy yummy meals for the next month or so. The big rage around here are places that you go to, prepare a bunch of freezer meals and take them home. They supply all the ingredients, directions, freezer bags, etc, and you make a bunch of meals to take home. It turns out to be about $2 something per serving, pretty darn good. I did it once before and loved some of the meals, and didn't like some of them. They were all edible, some were just a little bland. I loved the convenience of having them all just there, ready to go. And with our busy fall coming up, it will be a lifesaver for me. I will eat healthier and spend less going out. The bad thing is that the kids probably won't touch most of the stuff, so I have to make a different meal for them. But, it is worth it. Is this popular all over the country??? These places are popping up all over up here.

Still doing pretty well on my eating. I have not had any binges. I am still around 130 lb but I'm not focusing on the number. I'm trying to change habits, and that will result in a slow loss but I'd rather focus on the actual day to day eating habits. I did have some hershey kisses last night but not a huge amount. Also ate out at an Italian place with my girlfriends. I had a yummy low cal pasta meal but also had a breadstick, salad, and a berry sangria. Better than I'd usually do but still a lot of calories. So, I do a lot better when I don't eat out.

I have a busy weekend and week ahead of me, I hope I can stay on track.

small changes

I was 129.5 this morning. No loss, but not really considered a gain and I'm still under 130 which is good. I would love to be 120 and it is do-able I think but tough for me to get below 125 without going back to my old ways. I did walk the past 2 days so I feel good about that. I did 3 miles with some neighbors on Sun night and then last night I walked to my sunday school teacher meeting, probably 1.5 miles round trip. I have not had any binges either. Today so far I've eaten:

1 mint zone bar
1 slice low cal meatloaf (1/2 turkey 1/2 lean gr beef)
1 slice low cal/high fiber bread
1 slice lf cheese
ketchup
1 small muffin

I plan to eat light the rest of the day because of the muffin, I shouldn't have had that. Oh well, at least I only had 1, and the other 3 are on the stove. I made them for DH and the kids this morning. I probably should do the no carb thing for a week or so to get it out of my system but I did it this summer and felt very weak and crabby for a few days. I think I'm going to just try to watch the kinds of carbs for now.

I plan to keep walking when I can. I start school next week but I still have time during the day. I can walk with the stroller and B on his bike to the park 1.5 miles away. It's just getting the motivation to actually do it. The kids have swimming every morning also so that takes up our morning time. J sometimes takes afternoon naps but not every day. I do try with her most days and she probably takes a nap 50% of the time, and just reads/talks to herself the other 50%.

The kids are doing great in swimming. The both love it. J is the littlest in her class but she is quite brave. She will go under and jump off the side and some of the bigger kids don't do that yet. B can swim underwater and is learning to float and do some strokes. I hope they improve in these 2 weeks, so that they can pass on to the next level.

It is a beautiful, hot day and I think we are going to do something as a family tonight. Not sure what yet but we'll figure something out!

Day One

I am going to try to change my lifestyle and eating choices/habits. I have done this over and over in my life. I know I can do it, I just can't stop going back to bad habits. My problem lies deep within myself and I have not yet found the courage to stick with it. I am not sure what I am afraid of, what makes me go back to the old ways time and time again after doing it the right way. Today I am going to hold myself accountable and continue to do so. I went for a 3 mile walk last night and had a SouthBeach bar for breakfast. I am 129 lb today. Today is the start of something good.

weekend

Potty training still going well. She makes me so proud!! Both kids start swimming lessons tomorrow morning. It runs M-Th for 2 weeks from 9:30-10 AM. It will be rushed as it is at least 20 min away but they get up fairly early so we should be ok. I hope they like it, and that J will do it on her own (she is in a class with preschool ages 3-4 and she just turned 3). B is in Level I, he passed the preschool class last winter. Both kids love to swim and will go under the water all the time. So, the just need to learn how to actually float and swim. We have had a quiet weekend. Went to Target grocery shopping with the kids yesterday. B was great, J had a breakdown, about what I forget. She gets going with her crying and she can't stop no matter how hard she tries. She is so emotional.

DH and I started watching the movie Sideways the other night, we have to finish it tonight. It has been interesting so far, I know it got nominated for lots of awards, so I'll have to see how the rest of it goes. I also watched Garden State last week. I thought it was pretty good, I like the lower budget independent films. I also have Kate and Leopold to watch this week. We belong to a club that we get our movies sent to us and when we send them back we get another one. It is great, no late fees, and we can keep them as long as we want. And we always have some new movie to watch. I love it!

Today we will maybe go to the beach when J wakes from her nap. We have a steak to grill for dinner and then go for a walk or bikeride. I hope to get my 3 mile walk in today and at least 3 other days this week. I have a loop around town that I do, it is so nice out today I hope to take advantage of the weather now that it isn't so hot.

I'm off to do some laundry, have a great day!

Update

We went to the beach today with a neighbor and her 2 kids. It was a little chilly and windy but they had fun playing in the sand. Then B had 2 neighbor friends over. He loves to have friends over. J is still going in the potty great. I hope it continues. She is such a big girl. She just had a major tantrum because she is trying to communicate something to me and I don't know what she wants. She keeps saying "you know, colorful rectangles". It is something she played with and I don't know what it is but she really wants it. I feel so bad about not knowing what it is, she gets so frustrated. She has a very short temper lately. She is 3 and that is how 3 yr olds are.

I am getting nervous about all the things coming up this fall. J possibly starting preschool, which we really can't afford but I really would like her to go. B starting Kindergarten, me starting 2 classes towards my nursing career. I have never done 2 at one time so I hope I can do it, plus still have time for my responsibilities as a wife, mother and homemaker. I also have a concert at the state fair coming up, a girls weekend that I possibly won't be able to go on, and a wedding oct 1. Plus 2 birthday parties later this month.

DH travels a lot and it is wearing him and me down. He works so hard, and we hardly make enough to get by. He never gets a raise or any overtime for all his work. He travels at least 50% of the time, and it just gets old. I hate not having money for things like school and activities for the kids. I don't need a luxurious lifestyle, I just want to not worry about every penny. I want my kids to be involved in activites and have hobbies that we can support them in as they get older. I want to be able to buy a new outfit every once in a while. I want to go on a trip with my family and not worry. I want to just be comfortable. I wish money were never an issue.

Well, DH will be home soon and I better get the house in order. I like to have things in order when he gets home, to make it easier to enjoy our weekend. Oh, I forgot to add I may have to get a weekend job, which then takes away our little family time we do have together. Life is a bummer right now.

Until next week....

My daughter is amazing

She has been using the potty since Tuesday afternoon, no accidents. She has even pooped twice in the potty. She has done this pretty much on her own, and I am so darn proud of her. It has been just amazing how fast she did it. She is one smart little girl.

Lifelong habits are hard to break

Well, I am putting it in writing, maybe that will help me hold myself more accountable. I have lost and gained the same 7-8 lb for 3 years now. I have had bad eating habits for most of my life. Luckily I must have good genes because I don't tend to gain more than I do. The way I eat sometimes I am surprised I don't weigh 300 lb. I don't always eat bad. I tend to eat pretty well MOST of the time, then I tend to binge every so often. And when I'm on a bad day I tend to have more bad days, it is a cycle that I have to pull myself out of and force myself to lose the same pounds I ended up gaining. I have seriously gained and lost these SAME darn pounds countless times.

Between kids, I never really lost the weight. I wasn't overweight but I was bigger, for me at least. Before kids at all I was probably 125 lb. After B was born I never got below 135. Probably stayed between 135-140. After J was born I bought the Weight Watchers at home kit. It was $99 I remember and I hated spending that kind of money to lose weight when I really could do it myself. I went from 140 to 130 pretty quickly and even got down to 125 a few times. I can get down to 125, then I get lazy, or travel, or go out to eat, then I get back into the bad cycle again. I have been in a bad cycle this past week. I am back up to 131 lb this morning. I am not a very tall person probably 5'3" or 5'4". I know that even at 135-140 I am not overweight. I am probably at a fine weight, but I hate the way I eat and how I feel when I do this. I hate being unhealthy. I hate that I know that if I ate healthy all the time, as a lifestyle, I would probably look so much better, feel so much better than I do now. I feel like I sabotage myself and I truly do NOT know why!! I don't know why I eat, or why I binge. Maybe I need to find out why.

I can remember being a young kid, sneaking food into my room and eating a large quantity of forbidden foods. My parents didn't let us eat junk food much and I think I knew that. I don't know if my problems now stem from that.

I just know that I want to be happy about my body and what I eat. I really don't care about the number on the scale, I just don't want that number to go up and down so much. I just don't know where to start.

Potty Power

My daughter is 3 years old, she turned 3 in July. She has never been too into potty training. She is signed up for preschool in September. However, she has yet to want to go on the potty and I am almost resigned to the fact that she may not be going to preschool this year. The day after her birthday we told her she was too big for diapers. So, we put her in underwear that morning. She held it until 2:00 that day! She did end up going pee in the potty that day, and we were all so excited and happy, she seemed to be too. We had to go to a bbq later that day so she had to wear a plastic thing over her underwear. This ended up in 2 accidents at the party. Par for the course I guesses. I expected accidents. The next day did not go very well at all. She put on her underwear in the morning but was crying and sobbing for a diaper/pullup by noon. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to hold my ground but I didn't want her to be totally traumatized by the potty and scared. I had her try a couple times but it was obvious she was holding it in, very uncomfortable, and was not going to go on the potty. I wanted to let her know she was in control so I let her have a pull up. She went pee immediately. (in the pull up) So, physically this kid can hold it for a long time. She has a fear of going in the potty and I don't know what to do from this point. I know she understands it, can do it, and just won't. Bribes do nothing. She has bought a bag of gummy bears she can have any times she goes but choses not to. She will ask for a pull up, and even put one on herself when she has to go. It is pretty amazing, how smart she is. My son was not this hard at all. He was fully trained (night also) by 33 months. She is almost 37 months and I'm at a loss. This kid is stubborn. I think she wants to be in total control of this and I don't know how to get her past this fear. I really want her to go to preschool, but it may not be in the cards for us this year. Oh the joys!! Don't let anyone tell you girls are easy to potty train!!

My "Adults Only" Weekend

Well, I am back from my adults only weekend away from the kids. It was relaxing, fun and much needed. We only get away from the kids for overnight weekends a few times a year so it is always a great time. I do get a little anxious when I'm away from them, which I shouldn't, but I can't help it. We are together so much, the kids and I, that I feel weird when we are apart.

We went on a boat trip down the river with 3 other couples. We stop at some bars on the way, have a great catered dinner at a fancy hotel that night, and visit a local craft fair during the day. The weather was awesome, sunny and hot. We even got in the water and swam around for a bit.

I was very happy to see the kids again on Sunday. They had a great time, were spoiled of course at Grandma and Papa's house!

My husband had to leave this morning for a week long work trip, so that is a little depressing. We thought about going with him, since he is going to where his family is from. However, he will be working long hours, and we would probably be without a car all day and I just don't want to be stuck at his mom's house doing nothing for 5 days straight. I feel so guilty about not going, I know he wanted me to, but I just have to be at home where I can do things. I would have gone for a few days but 5 days was too much. I would have had to pack for me and the kids also late last night. Am I a terrible wife??? I have a huge guilt complex. I always feel bad about one thing or another, I wish I was stronger when it came to doing what is right for ME.

Anyway, the kids are wanting some breakfast I supposed I should get going. Until next time!

I figured out how to link blogs!!

I have many more to link but I am so happy I figured this out! I have been reading so many blogs for a long time and it will be nice to have my own and my own blog link list. Any ideas how to get more readers??? I am off to our last day of bible school and then this weekend we are heading on a boat trip down the river with 6 friends. Without kids! I am excited. 2 of my girlfriends going are pregnant but the other one and I will have a few drinks, and hopefully the weather will be beautiful and we can get some sun and relaxation. The kids will be staying at my parents until Sunday. They always have fun and are spoiled over there!! If you are visiting, please leave me a comment! I'll have a long post on Monday.

Vacation Bible School

For the past 2 days I have been a crew leader for a group of 9 kids, ages 5 to 8. They are all so different and special in so many ways. I look at these innocent kids, and how happy they are to be at bible school, to be singing in a big room with the 250+ other kids there. They get so excited about the little things. Like receiving a small jungle animal every day to put in their drum they made in the craft room. They can't wait to get that little animal. The theme is Serengeti Trek and the whole church is decorated like a big jungle. There are over 100 volunteers to keep this program running. It is amazing what people will do for these kids. Some of the kids don't have parents who will do things like this, so it is a week for them to be made to feel special. They ARE special. Even the ones who don't listen, who don't stay in line, they are all special in some way and I have, in just 2 days, found a place in my heart for each one of them. I hope they can remember this week with fondness as they grow up and lose their childhood innocence. As a child I never was brought to church. I want to change that for my kids. I think I would have benefitted greatly from a church family. I think I would have made different choices in my life, I may have had more self esteem and just had that support in my life. I hope my kids will be active in church school, youth group and everything that goes along with having a big church family. I like the sense of belonging it instills in kids. We have 3 more days of bonding with these kids, then I may not see some of them again. (many kids at bible school don't attend the church or any church). I hope they remember me like I'll remember them.

My first blog entry!!

I am jumping into blogworld! I have to admit I have thought on and off about starting a blog for a long time now. I love reading other blogs. I think it is so interesting to read about other people's lives. Maybe I've hesitated to start one because I don't know how interesting my life really is, or if I can really communicate with writing what my life is like. I think that is a fear... that I won't be able to truly express what I want to express in my writing. It's also been a long time since I've written just for me. I have always loved to write. I used to want to become a writer, a long time ago. Then I went to college and found out it wasn't a practical job choice for me and I became an engineer. A chemical engineer. My dad loved my choice, and I did pretty well. I worked as an engineer for 6 years. I had a son, then a daughter, then I quit my job to take on the biggest challenge in my life - being a stay at home mom. I have been a full time stay at home mom for 3 years now. I was a part time working mom before that when I had just my son. It was very hard to go to work 3 days a week and I have the utmost respect for anyone who works and raises children, especially very young children. It was a struggle for me each and every day that I left him to work. Now that my kids are getting older I know that I will probably not stay an at home mom forever. I love them, and I get great satisfaction being with them but I know that once they are in school that I will want to work. For me, for the money, for our future, and because I want to. I have already taken steps to enter into my dream occupation, of nursing. I plan to someday, in the far future, become a CNM (certified nurse midwife) and in the near future attend nursing school and become an RN, hopefully to work in L&D for a while then attend grad school to get my CNM. I do think I can do this, it will just take some time. And I can't wait. Until then, this blog is about my life with my 2 beautiful children, and my life as a student, wife and friend. I have a very busy life going to school part time, and keeping my kids occupied.

Now, on to my kids....
My son (B) will be starting kindergarten this year (gulp) and is growing into a little man before my eyes. He is the most amazing little boy (don't all moms say that???). He is smart, and funny, and wise beyond his years. He is obsessed with dinosaurs (since he was 3) and also loves GI Joe, Magic Treehouse books, swimming, and movies. He has beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, and he looks just like his daddy.

My daughter (J) just turned 3 and was supposed to go to preschool this fall but refuses to go on the potty so she may not go (bummer for me, she doesn't seem to mind this one bit). She is my sweet, challenging, intense child. She likes to get her way but can also be a little angel. She is cute as can be with big dark brown eyes and light brown curly long hair. She is a little peanut and looks younger than her age. It has been said she is a "mini-me" of myself.

I will end this entry here, as it is jumbled and has no rhyme or reason but I guess that is the point of your own blog, it doesn't have to have a point if you don't want it to.

Until next time!