Jenna

My daughter is a very big personality inside a little bitty body. I sometimes look at her and wonder how lucky I got, and sometimes I wonder what God saw in me that made him think I could handle her! I am challenged by this child daily. She has such a wild spirit, and is so unlike me that I sometimes do not know what to do. She just turned 5 years old and is ready to take on the world. She does not like anyone to help her do anything. She is fiercely independent but still wants me close by. She has emotions that run wild. Sometimes she will react in a way that is so unexpected that I am clueless. There are times that I can barely hold it together but I truly love this wild child more than I can imagine. I am a very introverted, shy and reserved person. As I child I rarely spoke unless spoken to. I was not very physical and I definately did not do anything risky. Jenna will do anything. She would do anything by herself. She gets downright mad when she is too short to ride on a carnival ride. She loves everything fast and scary. Loves rollercoasters, go carts, you name it she will try it. One thing she also loves is water. She has no fear of water whatsoever. She has had swimming lessons a number of times but still cannot really float or swim at all. She, however, has no problem jumping into water over her head and hoping someone will rescue her. This scares me to death. I fear that she will do this when someone is not around. We have told her countless times that she must be with an adult at all times. She must never just jump in a pool, even if we are there, unless she tells us she is jumping in. I don't know what to do about this problem. If we are in the boat, she has a life jacket on and has never jumped in alone. In pools she jumps in all over but we are always in the water. It only takes one time for her to choose to do something she shouldn't and with her personality it makes me scared that she could do this. We have also worked on her with her swimming and floating but she is far from knowing how to swim at all. I just pray we will always keep her safe from herself because she is my little firecracker. I have heard of 2 child drowings lately and so it makes me think about my little girl and how I don't know what I would do without her. Keep your babies close to you and hold them tight!

quickie

The 2 kids are in the bath together so this will be random and quick. I am done working, and gearing up for school. I start next weekend. The kids start after labor day. I got J's class list and the one kid who I would NOT want to be in her class is. Out of 4 classes, he is in hers, which sucks but what can ya do. I sure hope he is not going to cause problems. The nice thing about school is that they can send him to the office. In preschool, they didn't have that option. There are 2 girls she knows from preschool and I'm sure she will meet many new friends. We will get B's class assignment at open house next week. B starts football this week and DH is out of town. I don't have any big plans other than let the kids have some playdates here before school starts, got to football practice, and go to open lab at my school (make sure I know all my skills before the weekend when we do them in lab). I also have to buy a lab coat for our prep days, buy my books, look over my math conversions for our test next monday, and study up on my skills. I have to remember how to do a catheter, NG, IV, meds, injections, and vital signs. I did some of these during my internship but not all. I am kind of ready for the kids to be back at school. I probably should get J some new shoes (B's still fit from last year and look pretty good). I also need to get lunch stuff when it gets closer. Neither kid will eat hot lunch much so I will be busy making those darn lunches every morning. I think we got all the school supplies and backpacks. Kids are yelling for me, so gotta run!

Twin Cities Nightmare

I am still in shock about the terrible bridge collapse we had here in my home state. I do not live or drive that far into the city very often, but I have driven over this bridge and it is so scary just because it is one of those things that you never believe will happen. It is something you would never even think while you are driving over a bridge. Something I will think every time I drive over a bridge in the future. We have had 24 hr coverage here today, and I found out that even the TODAY show was in Minneapolis covering their story. I hope you all hug your loved ones a little bit longer today. 20-30 people are still missing, and many cars are in the river. Recovery efforts are going on right now, and my heart is with the families of the missing and those who are hurt or who have died due to this disaster.
http://www.comcast.net/news/index.jsp?cat=GENERAL&fn=/2007/08/02/730092.html

HELLO!

I am alive. Yes, I am supposed to be having a relaxing summer but with work, kids, house, travelling, and trying to fit in summer fun at the beach we are out an about much of the day. We are busy this week with VBS and football camp. Signed J up for dance this fall, and we are busy shopping for school supplies for both kids. Very busy! Hope to get an update up soon.

So sorry.

Boy, I'm a great blogger huh? No wonder I don't have many readers! Ha! I am waking up right now at 2:30 pm, why you might ask? I worked the last 2 nights, overnight 12 hours, and I due to work again tonight. It is really tiring but I'm making it. This internship has changed our lives this summer and I'm learning a lot. It is hard to adjust and working again has it's ups and downs but overall, I really am learning so much and enjoying the patients and hospital. I am getting to do a lot of stuff and it will really help in clinicals next year. Plus, I am getting paid. I am actually making money, something I haven't done in almost 5 years. It feels good. I like contributing to our family. The kids are adjusting fine to daycare a couple days a week. They haven't complained once. I think they were actually ready to do something like this. It keeps things interesting and they have kids to play with their. Even my J, who is attached to my hip most days, is doing great and I'm so proud of both of them. I have 6 weeks left then I will be back to being a student rather than an employee, but this time next year I will probably be starting a new job (unless I take the summer off first - very tempting!)

Other than that, our summer is going fast and has been fun. We have been spending quality family time together and loving it. My kids are at such a great age. I love it. They are my little companions and my best buds. We have our moments but I really am so lucky.

I am off to get something to eat upstairs and wait for the rest of my family to get home. Sorry about the no posting lately!!

Tomorrow I enter the working mom world

Tomorrow I will be at WORK, can you believe it. It won't be a huge change as I've been a student forever and had to carve out time for that. This way I will go to work and not have homework when I get home! YAY! I have orientation for the first few days and one day of shadowing and then this coming weekend I will be working as an intern with my preceptor (nurse mentor/teacher). I am hoping that she is nice. I would think most preceptors would be, but that can make or break the whole experience. I am excited to do this, I know I will learn so much and be ahead of things starting next year in school. It will help me greatly in getting a great job after graduation. Our instructor told us that pretty much 100% of people who intern get a job before graduation. That was good to hear. Even if there are a ton of nursing jobs out there, any edge to get the job I want will help. I also ran into a nurse friend at a restaurant last night and she said she would precept me spring semester (as a 2nd year student we have an opportunity to do a preceptorship for a few weeks rather than clinicals if we find a nurse who will take us and we have the other qualifications). I am excited she said she would do it, since I get along with her, she has been a nurse for a long time and I think would be a great teacher, and she works in ICU = great experience to get before graduation. I will get to do a ton of things in ICU and unless I find another area I really want to do my preceptorship in, I will most likely do it with her. I do know some other nurses I could ask and may see what other options are out there but it is nice to have that in the back of my mind.

I am feeling like I am coming down with something so I'm going to put J to be (B is at baseball practice) and take a nice bath before bed.

Not another diet post

I won't make this about a diet or losing weight. Someone had posted a comment about getting an update, and well as you know I was all discouraged because throughout the school year I ended up gaining back the weight I had lost over last summer. It amounted to about 8-10 lb. From my very lowest last summer to what I was a couple weeks ago about 10 lb but I had a very hard time staying at my very lowest weight. Anyway, of course with the end of school and the start of nice weather I am again optimistic about fitting in my small clothes that I got last summer! The never ending roller coaster of my life. :) I am not upset. I am not mad. It is just how it is. I get stressed and I eat more. I don't exercise like I should and when it is cold and snowy and below zero degrees I do not walk outside. It's the facts. I wish I could say I'd never do it again (the roller coaster-ing) but I can't promise anything. I can only try my best. I am walking at least every other day, if not more. I am even JOGGING half of my 3 miles. Yes, me, jogging. I don't job. I hate it. I can't do it. At least that is what I told myself. But I did it, am doing it. I eat right. I don't binge eat hardly ever anymore. I limit sweets and try to drink a lot. I am doing my best and hopefully I can continue.

Dance vs. Gymnastics

J is almost 5. Her brother is active in wrestling, baseball (previously soccer), and will play football in the fall. We are always going to his activities and cheering him on. J has had her share of activities, but not too many. She is in soccer now once a week, and has done some community ed gymnastics classes that I haven't been overly fond of. So, I feel that it is time to sign her up for a real sport/activity. I feel like she doesn't get much out of the community ed classes, the teachers are basically high school kids who can't control the little kids. They do the same thing every time and it seems a little boring. She loves going, don't get me wrong, but I want her to get something out of it, and I think at this age she really could get something out of a class. So, I'm debating dance vs. gymnastics. I think if I asked her she would say both, and probably if she had to choose would have a hard time. Every part of me wants her to say gymnastics. I am so not a dance proponent, especially little girls in those crazy outfits, with the curlers and the makeup. Sure, I let my girl dress up and she has her fair share of lip gloss but I just would prefer she do gymnastics. I never did either as a kid (my parents weren't big fans of dance either) and I so want her to have that option. I think she would be really good at gymnastics. She is small and strong, and if she takes after her dad's side (which both kids seem to when it comes to growth) she will probably stay on the petite side. However, I did get a flyer about a dance studio in town which seems to have decent prices. She can take ballet and tap once a week. I'm thinking any gymnastics club around here will cost an arm and a leg to join and plus we don't have one in town. Convenience means a lot when you are as busy as we are! How did you decide?

Thankful

Did you know studies have shown that it is nearly impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time? It's true. I have been focusing on being thankful for everything I have in my life. To cherish the little things. Be in the moment.

I am thankful for my 6:30 wakeup by J running in my room

I am thankful for my bedtime talks with B

I am thankful for my husband's hard work financially supporting our family, my school, the kids activities, and everything else that costs SO MUCH MONEY

I am thankful for the sun shining

I am thankful for my health, my family's health, my friend's health. So many do not have their health and so many take it for granted. It could be gone in an instant

I am thankful for the food that we have each meal

I am thankful for my beautiful home

I am thankful for our 2 cars that get us where we need to go

I am thankful for teachers to are second mothers to my kids

I want to wake up each day and feel thanks. Less than 1% of the world lives like I do. We have more food than we need each day, we have a home with a bedroom for each child. We have 2 cars. We have more clothes than we need. The kids have toys surrounding them. The majority of the world does not live this way. Children die every day from starvation and sickness. They do not get immunizations to protect them from deadly illnesses. They do not have a toy. They maybe get one meal a day, if that. Our society always wants more, needs more, buys more. We live in our little bubble and I hope that someday there will be enough food and toys for every child.

Are all self tanners created equal?

I have been known to be pretty tan in the summer. I have a darker complexion naturally so I am actually tan year round. But in the summer I get really tan. However, this summer I am determined to be better about using sunscreen on my entire body. I need to start protecting my skin, especially after my mole scare a few weeks back. I know I'm not at high risk for skin cancer, but it can happen and does happen a lot. It typically hits young people, and is a very unforgiving kind of cancer to get. So, in order to protect my skin, the only skin I have, I am going to use sunscreen. In the past I have been good about using it on my face, shoulders, chest, etc. Anything that is prone to burning. But usually not on my legs at all, or my arms. So, in order to keep a tan appearance I invested in some self tanner. I have used some in the past but not regularly once I get the natural sun tan. I have been using it this week, and seems to be working. They have come a long way from the orange dye type lotions. I am using a cheapy brand from Target, but what do you recommened? I have used Jergens and Neutrogena so far. I have also used Mary Kay in the past. Never used the expensive department store brands and not sure I want to spend that much money on lotion.

I got a few summer things for myself today. A pair of shorts and capris, 2 pairs of flip flops, 2 t-shirts. Nothing too exciting, just basics that I will use to exercise and go to the beach. I don't dress up in the summer. I like to wear sporty type outfits that I can go for a long walk in or take a bike ride in. I also like stuff I can wear over swim suits. I got a couple cotton knit dresses to wear over my swim suits also a few weeks ago. Those are always comfy.

DH is gone for a couple days so I'm home alone with the kids, it is dreary and cold today and J isn't feeling well so we may skip soccer tonight. She says her throat hurts. I have no homework (yay) so not sure what I'll do after kids are asleep. Don't even have a book to read. Not even sure what is on TV Tues nights. Maybe I'll organize scrapbook stuff, or try to find something on TV. I only watch TV Thur nights (Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, ER).

Better make dinner for the kiddos and get a glass of wine for me!

Relief!

I am done! YAY! I got a 94 on my last final, for a final grade of an A. I am really relieved about that. As much as you hear grades don't matter, I still want to get A's. This was supposedly the hardest semester so I am happy with the outcome. I have to say my first year of nursing school was unlike anything I Have ever done. It taught me so many thing about myself and about nursing. I am such a different person now. I know so much more. In some weird way I look forward to next year and finishing up my education (at least this part of it!) Some of us went out after class for a few drinks and then I came home and immediately checked my grade. I could miss 16 to still keep my A so I was pretty sure I did that, but I was still eager to see. I always leave tests not really sure how I did. I never have a good idea of what I got. I was really happy.

So, now on to summer and work and play and kid time and family time and all that jazz. I don't have to study for 3 months!!! Even if I'm working, I will have much more free time. No worrying about tests and papers and presentations. I hope to enjoy the moments of summer this year before they are gone.

10.25

My son ran the mile in 10.25 minutes yesterday. I'm almost positive that is faster than I could run a mile. He is 7 and about 4 feet tall. I have to say I'm proud of my little guy. I can't believe he ran a whole mile and did so well. He is my hero!

Garage sale season is here. Today I spent the whole day outside down the street helping my neighbor run the garage sale. We had 4 families in this sale, along with about 4 others in the neighborhood. Driving around, there are sale signs all over the city. Once May hits, the garage sales start up and the die hards start circling the expected sales around 7am (we didn't open until 9!) Pretty funny. The weather cooperated, it was in the 80's all day. Hot, even, if you can believe that. I was sweating!

Busy studying for my last final. I got 97% on my final last monday! Best score yet.

Went to the zoo with B's class Tuesday. Going to the farm with J's class monday.

Gotta go!

What your swimsuit says about you

I was thinking lately about summer, the beach, and of course swimming suits. I was at Target today and bought the kids some sunscreen, since I read you were supposed to replace it each year. I am on a big sunscreen kick this year as I got a mole removed that had some atypical cells. I am even going to use sunscreen on my legs this year (and I never do) since that is where I found the suspicious mole. Anyway, I got to thinking about the vast array of swimwear you see at the beach. I, like many women, am a little uncomfortable in a swimsuit. I am not embarassed, but I tend to like to hide the areas I don't like and show off the ones I do. I got 2 suits I like fairly well last year. Both are 2 piece BUT there is no stomach showing. One is really sporty, black and hot pink, tank style top and skirt bottom. Good for swimming with kids, and active water sports (I have been known to wakeboard). The other is more of a "cute" suit, orange and pink and white with low cut top and just more feminine looking. It shows off the cleavage a little better and the legs a little better.

I see a lot of people who are wearing small bikinis at the beach, and I sometimes wonder why they are wearing bikinis. I guess that means they are more confident than I am, more comfortable in their own body. Granted, some people look great in a bikini, but it really takes a pretty perfect body to pull one off. I am a little too saggy in places and a little too "chubby" in other places to feel I can pull one off. My husband wants me to wear a bikini but I won't do it, not in public. Maybe I wish I had the confidence to try it, just once, regardless of how I look or think I look.

What is your swimsuit style and what does it say about you???

The end is in sight

I have one more presentation and 2 finals and then I will no longer be a first year nursing student. I had my case study presentation today. A 25 min solo presentation on a client we had over clinicals. It was probably the longest presentation I have ever given by myself. It went fine. We also took the HESI test, which tests your nursing knowledge to this point. It is supposed to be an indicator of how you will do on the NCLEX next year. I did well, so I was happy to know I learned something this year. I was in school from 8am - 4:30pm and the weather was beautiful so it wasn't a good day to have school. I also had my instructor evaluation, in which she said I am doing well and that I will be in good shape going into 2nd/final year. Tomorrow we have a group presentation on complementary therapy. Our group is doing aromatherapy. Kinda boring but it will be over soon. We have to sit through 10 groups doing presentations so it will be a long, boring day. Then class is over except the 2 finals. I am excited and amazed it went so fast. Next year sounds like it will be fun. We get to do a lot more nursing and take on many more patients. There is also an opportunity to do a preceptorship so I am hoping to get one of those. Anything to get experience and help me get a job later. This time next year I will be looking for a job. Can't believe it.

B is a little under the weather today. He was up with a fever last night, but can't tell me what hurts. Just that he is tired and weak. Guess it isn't too serious as he is eating ice cream. He just seems tired and out of it.

The plan for the week isn't too exciting. I am hoping to work around the house, get garage sale stuff marked and packed up, study, and spend time with my family who I have been neglecting lately. I make time every day to spend time with the kids but it never seems to be enough. The days go by so fast and bedtime comes so quickly. With wrestling practice, baseball, soccer, preschool, 1st grade, my school, there just is never enough time. I know they know they are loved and that is the most important thing. I do little things like surprise B at lunchtime by showing up, taking J to the park while B is in school, and play games with them. I hope they always remember the little things.

I'm off to bathe kids and have a nice mixed drink to relax :)

Older and Wiser?

I am officially 33. My birthday happened to fall on Easter this year. I can remember a few years in the past in which my birthday has been on Easter. Not that it really changes much! I had a nice day. We went out the night before to a local family pizza place. Nothing fancy but I wanted to go out with the kids and it is a good place that everyone likes. Sunday we went and picked up my grandma and drove to my parents house and had a nice late lunch and cake. It was pretty laid back. I then dropped DH and B back at the house and J (who was sleeping) and I drove grandma home. It is nice to visit with her. She is losing her memory and repeats things a lot but she is doing well physically and seems to be happy. I worry about her, but she always claims to be fine. She has a man "friend" who she seems to see daily for dinner, but I don't think she does much as far as keeping busy with anything else.

I got a great gift, a camcorder that records directly onto DVD's, which I've wanted for so long. It also takes still pictures. I am so excited about this. I rarely ask or let DH buy me anything but this year we got a good tax return and bonus so I did hint around about it. I also got money from the in laws and my parents which will go towards my gift. I know I will use it a lot. I haven't been taping the kids much on our old recorder because it really was junk. It would eat the tapes and I didn't want to chance trying to record something then lose it. I was just taking still pictures. Now I will be able to record so much more and I will use it all the time. And the memories will be SO worth the money.

Easter itself was good. We went to good friday service and Easter morning service. The kids got to search the house for eggs in the morning. Unfortunately the weather was too cold to hide them outside. I don't recall ever hiding the eggs outside, which is too bad. April is really not a good month here. We usually get a really nice warm day and everyone thinks spring is here, and then we get snow (we have snow on the ground right now). And sometimes we get a lot of snow in April. Really, spring doesn't happen in MN. We go right from winter to mild winter to milder winter to summer. At least we get 2-3 months of sun/warm in summer. But other than that we get cold and snow!

I have my last clinical this weekend. Again I am dreading tomorrow night. But I can do it, one more for the year. I can do it. I will be exhausted come monday but the end of my first year is in sight. I have about 2 more weeks of actual class and then 2 finals in May. Then I am half way done with nursing school. I have been putting a lot of thought into future educational plans. I went into nursing school with thoughts of eventually getting a masters in midwifery. After this year, I have to say that maybe I don't want to put all my focus into OB/birth. I am now leaning more towards Nurse Practitioner. I would start working part time after graduating next year and then I would go to school and get my bachelors, and then on to masters as a NP. That way I can work with a broader range of patients. Not actually delivering babies (which I may change my mind on this later as it is still a passion of mine) but working with pregnant moms, children, babies, elderly, young adult. I do think I will eventually get a masters in something I just have to figure it out and find a job that will help pay for it. I know my career will be in this field. I have a love for it like I never thought I could for a career. I may even go into teaching someday.

Tonight I want to watch Survivor and get lots of sleep to be ready for the weekend. I want to play with the kids since I won't see them much Fri-Sun. I will post again early next week!

Snow

It snowed last night, and sad thing is that it is still sticking to the ground, meaning it is around freezing temps. Sad for April huh?? My wish is sun and above 50 degrees for Easter/birthday.

I have class tonight and then studying the rest of the week. I may take the kiddos swimming tomorrow morning.

Anyone have any good motivational books they recommend??? I want to read a few books in my 3 week break between school and work. I would love to find a great women's motivational book that helps someone find inner strength and the ability to be one's best. Any recommendations would be great. I am an avid fiction reader but can't seem to get into non-fiction books as much. I'd like to try.

Blog Roll

So, I FINALLY updated my blog roll (instead of studying like I should be tonight!)

Check it out and if you happen to read my blog and you have a blog yourself, PLEASE email me or leave me a comment so I can add you to my blog list and start reading your blog. I would love to add more blogs, and if you have any interesting ones I might like drop me a line. God knows I need to spend more time reading blogs right!? It is a good stress reliever and fun to read about others lives!

Thanks! I'm off to study, really!

another clinical weekend done

I had my 2nd to last clinical this past weekend! one left, then one more weekend doing presentations at school and then no more weekend classes. We are done with finals early May so it is coming up quickly. I can't believe I am almost done with my first year of nursing school. Only one year to go and I'll be an RN. Wow.

Clinicals went great. Like I've said, I have the hardest/most challenging instructor. She really makes you be on top of things. She checks what you are doing, checks your documentation, talks to the RN you are working with, probably talks with the patients. She asks questions and if you ask her a question she comes back to you with a question and never answers your questions. I have heard her really crack down on some people. She has almost made some people cry. For some reason she doesn't seem to do that to me, yet... I know it may be coming. She seems to be ok with me so far. Anyway, had a great patient, my first younger male. He was a little younger than my husband so it was a different dynamic. It was really interesting because he has a history similar to one of my brothers who has had past medical issues so I felt I really had something to offer him and it really was a good experience. As far as nursing stuff, I got to do another subQ injection in the abdomen. Those really aren't scary for me anymore because the needle is very short/thin and patients never seem to be hurt when I give them. I have yet to do a long/big IM injection though. I also got to pull out a NG tube (nasogastric - from nose to stomach) which can be really uncomfortable for the patient. You have to pull really fast and I think I did ok. It still was kind of traumatic for the patient. But it was good I got to do that.

The rest of the weekend I was either sleeping or up late working on paperwork. I have one weekend of hellish sleeping left. I always stay up late Fri night doing my paperwork and then I can't sleep because I am too nervous or excited or scared my alarm won't go off. For some reason I'm able to sleep much better Sat night. I am still making up for lost sleep. I have a test next monday so I will be busy studying for that. I also have 2 presentations to start and finish up in the next couple weeks.

My husband is out of town again Mon-Thur. The kids and I went to a big play area/indoor playground yesterday with a couple of my childhood friends and their kids. The loved it. I had a babysitter come last night since I had school. My parents will take the kids tomorrow while I have class. Both kids are on spring break and of course it is rainy and cold. I haven't seen the sun for about a week. How depressing. Today we are making some easter eggs and I have been hiding things around the house and they have been secret agents trying to find stuff. Simple but they love it. I also organized all of J's hair-do stuff, it was in about 3 different drawers and all mixed up. I have also been slowly going thru stuff for the garage sale I'm going to have with some neighbors in May. I come up with about 1-2 bags a week. I want to get the house cleaned out by summer. I will donate some to the preschool garage sale and church garages sales as well.

Other plans this week are wrestling practice tonight and Thurday, various church services (I think we'll try to go Thur night and Fri afternoon for good friday and of course Easter Sun). This year the kids have really been interested in the holy week. They learn about it at church school, and J's preschool is a christian preschool so they did a really fun storytelling of the week using plastic eggs with symbols inside of them. I think they are starting to understand what easter is really about. Of course, they still love the eggs and candy and the bunny and all that but they know about palm sunday, the last supper, and how Jesus rose again. It is interesting for me to see them learn this, I never was brought up with religion so this is all new for me. My parents never went to church or took us to church or even talked about religion with us. I really have never asked them why. I don't really bring it up, they have never been church going people or been interested in why we go so for some reason it is kind of a topic not talked about. One reason I bring my kids is not only for the religion aspect but for the social part of it. I see the older kids/teens and they seem to have a group of people and activities to do all the time. They go on trips, have bonfires, meet once a week, etc. When I was in junior and senior high I always kind of wished I had that church family some of my friends seemed to have. I think it is a safe place for them to hang out and find friends there. Not that all kids that go to church are good kids but at least most of the activites are supervised and safe. I want my kids to have that place where they belong. Maybe that is the wrong reason so be involved in church but that is one of mine.

My birthday is also on Easter so it will be nice to spend it with my family and have the day off from school and everything else. I will be 33 years old.

I better go get our eggs off the stove and start the coloring process!!! Have a great holiday !

the spoiled kid generation

Does anyone else notice how spoiled kids are these days?? It is crazy, how kids seem to run the show. It is my worst nightmare to have a kid that thinks they are the center of everything! I think that my kids are just as spoiled in some regards as others. However, I do try really hard to not let them run things and tell me what to do. Is see it all the time, kids yelling at their parents, hitting their parents, bossing their parents around. And thing is, some parents totally give in to the kids or else ignore them without any consequences. I don't know what has changed since my generation of kids, but it sure is different these days. When I was a kid, I was afraid to even ask my parents for something. I would never ask for something in a store, and I never even requested what I wanted in a restaurant. There was no way my dad was going to let us get the happy meal, no way. I never even asked. He always ordered plain hamburgers, and maybe a large fry to share. I ate what he ordered. Now kids assume they will get the big kids meal with toy (that ends up in the garage sale bag), and sometimes they even think they should get dessert. I am avoiding fast food places, and trying to wean my kids from their happy meals! :) Luckily they haven't even asked lately, probably because they are so used to it that it isn't even a treat anymore. They have pretty much realized that they aren't going to get something when we go to the store. I am trying my best to raise kids that are respectful of adults. In B's class, there are so many kids who have no respect for the teacher or any authority. It is really sad. These kids obviously run the show at home and expect the same at school. Those parents need to teach those kids how to behave and give them real consequences for acting out. It is really sad and makes me scared of what things will be like when all these kids grow up and expect everyone to cater to them.

single parenting

After a long break from travelling, my husband is gone this week, all week. I am a single parent once again, like I used to be pretty much every other week in years past. I have been spoiled with him home so much lately. I miss him and I do not like this at all! I am on spring break this week with no one to enjoy it with! I also do not sleep well when he is gone so I'm tired. Also, J had a fever last night and so I'm not sure what is up with her. I was up with her a few times and she was in my bed so that makes for some less than ideal sleeping arrangements! She is staying home from school and laying around today. I am supposed to meet my group from school to work on our project tonight. My parents are taking the kids, so I'm kind of waiting to see how she feels. I took her to the minute clinic and she has "pink" ears. Not red like they are when infected but it could be the start of one. Her throat also hurts and she is stuffed up. So, it may be just a cold/virus and it may be another ear infection. She just finished antibiotics for her last one about 2 weeks ago. So I hesitate to start her up on another round unless necessary. I got the prescription filled but it is unused in the refrigerator right now. They gave her a stronger version of her last antibiotic and of course it would cause more side effects (diarrhea, stomach upset etc) so I really don't want to use it. Many ear infections clear up on their own if left so I may wait to see if the fever comes back or she gets considerably worse. What a pain her ears have been. She has had lifelong ear issues, but it has gotten better in recent years. She does still get a couple infections every winter though. I don't have much else planned. The weather is very dreary and gray, with some rain sprinkling down. It is still pretty chilly out, and even though spring is officially here, I'd have to say it doesn't feel very springy out today. I am cold in my house, all the time. I am sick of being cold. I want it to be so hot I am sweating and wearing tank tops every day. I want to sleep with just a sheet on. (we have a down comforter and 2 other blankets on our bed right now). I want to sit in the back yard and watch the kids run through the sprinkler. I just want to be warm again!!!!!

Tired!

Monday morning and I am dead tired. Of course I had a very busy weekend at clinical. I was out the door at 3:30 Friday to the hospital to get my patient information. I was there until about 6:30 then I stopped at B's wrestling banquet for 1 hr before going home to stay up working on my care plan and drug cards until 1:30 am. I had to get up at 5 am so I was not a happy camper. I worked all day Sat and then was up until 11pm Sat night working again on paperwork. It is much harder this semester because we have to write up a drug card for every drug our patients are on, and my patient this weekend was on 16 different drugs. It took over 2 hr to do those and more to do the actual care plan. The staying up late is the worst part, I am not good without my sleep. Anyway, except for being so tired I had a pretty good weekend. I got to practice lots of new things like changing out IV antibiotics, giving a lot of oral meds, and I got to give 2 insulin shots and 1 lovenox injection. Nice getting that first one out of the way. I am now on spring break and my husband is out of town for business. I plan to have some playdates here while he is gone and also spend lots of time with the kids. I want to take them to a movie, I've been promising that for a while. I hope to have a great week and get some studying done as well.

Life

Update:
We had a great time at the tournament this weekend. B had 1 win and 2 losses. I actually wasn't expecting any wins so I think he did great. The competition is unbelievable. We had 14 boys on the team go to state and I think 4 made it to Sunday. Only 1 boy placed and got 2nd. The rest got eliminated somewhere along the way. The best of the best were there and even the little kids are damn good. It is fun to watch, and it is exciting to say the least. We had dinner with the whole team Fri night at a great italian place. My in laws drove up from IA to see his first 2 matches so they went to dinner with us. The kids both sat at the big kids table and had a blast. They got to swim a little Fri and we tried to get them to bed early since we had to be up pretty early. Sat was wrestling until 1:00 then back to swim. All the boys just hung out together, swimming and running around the hotel halls playing tag. Many of the boys shaved their heads that night but B wouldn't do it. He loves his long hair. The coaches had a bet with a lot of the kids that if the cried if they lost they had to shave their head. We had quite a few criers! B got a little teary with his losses but no full blown crying. He takes losing pretty well. Sat night the team had a big pizza party and we then went to bed. The kids were beat!

Got home Sun and now are back to the old grind. I am getting ready for another clinical weekend, then I had spring break. I have to go sign the kids up for soccer tonight. The weather was in the 60's today which is VERY warm this time of year. We are getting another cold front soon so it won't last. But it was nice to not have to wear a jacket for at least one day. We still have snow on the ground and that was weird to have snow but to be that warm. J went to a friend's house and I got some grocery shopping done. I also got a few new shirts on clearance for myself. I am feeling much better about things and think that a positive attitude will help me out a lot. I take myself and life too seriously sometimes. I need to let go and be happy. I went for a walk yesterday and realized how walking really clears my mind, and that being cooped up all winter pretty much puts me in a depression every year. In the summer I feel great, I lose 10 lb, and I am happier. In the winter I gain back the 10 lb, and feel sluggish and tired. Maybe I have that seasonal disorder. Something to think about...

Clinical Weekend

I am done with my first clinical with my new instructor. She is the hardest one, and she expects a lot out of us. Good, but bad too. It went fine. I had a great patient and weekend. My only complaint is that I didn't get to perform as many skills as I would like. 2 students got to give Sub Q injections, so I'm jealous! I got to change the rate on an IV, and other than that nothing more than I've done before. Each semester we get to perform more skills as we learn them in school. First semester we basically were only able to do bed baths, elimination needs, bed changes, vital signs, meal cares, etc. Just easy stuff. Now we are qualified to do IV bag changes, IV piggy back meds, injections, tube feedings, catheter insertions, and probably more things but I can't remember right now. Anyway we have a lot more we can do which is exciting but scary too. I'm looking forward to doing more things with my patients. We are working on a med/surg oncology floor. Lots of pretty sick people. It is sad but it is rewarding to be able to help in some small way. The nice thing about being a student is just having one patient and being able to spoil them for the day. It is very hard to leave and not know what will happen to them. I guess I better get used to it. I have class tonight and Wed night then the weekend off. We are going to the state wrestling tournament, where B will wrestle and we will watch the rest of the team qualifiers as they wrestle. It will be pretty fun, and we will spend some time together as a family and also with the wrestling team. It is about 2 hr away, so not too far. The kids will enjoy the hotel and swimming and B gets to miss half a day of school. I just realized J will miss preschool that day as well. This is his first try at state, so we told him it is just for fun. There will be great wrestlers there so he most likely won't get too far, even though he is pretty good also. We know there will be kids who have had much more training and experience as him. He is in the 1st and 2nd grade 50 lb weight class so he will also have to wrestle kids older than him (he is 1st grade) and a year more experience is big at this age. It is for fun, and luckily he handles losing pretty well! :) I am off to make lunch for J before preschool, then her ride will be here and I'll have 2.5 hr to myself. I told myself no school work today, so I'm thinking of going shopping!

Better

I am feeling a little better. I think overall I am just at a point in life that I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things I have to keep up with. School, kids, husband, friends, family. I feel like I am 32 years old and I want to be at a place where I feel more of a calm. Maybe that day will come after I'm done with school. But that is over a year from now so I better get used to it. Funny, when I was staying at home not going to school, I wanted more. Now I have more, and I know I'm happier because of it. I know I was happy as a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine not having more (school) at this point. Probably because my kids are getting older. I don't know. I think all moms are just so different. But now I have to much. I don't have energy to give 100% to everything and the things that I do give my 100% to are my school and my kids. My friends and husband suffer. I wish I could do it all, but I am human. I forgot to add that giving to myself is dead last. Bad I know. I wish I could do better. I have tried. I want to try. But I never succeed. That is why after trying to create a healthy lifestyle over and over I still have yet to accomplish this. I wish I knew why, I wish I could solve this little life problem. I do exercise and I do try to eat right. Try is the key word. I find that I have this food problem and I'm not sure I can solve it myself. But I don't have money to find help. I also don't even know where to go. I need more support than I can give myself or that anyone in my life can give me. It is something that is a constant struggle and someday I hope to say I won the battle. I'm not at that point yet.

Anyway, I am feeling better. I got a 95% on my test last night. I have clinicals this weekend. We are getting more snow so I may be up very early driving in. The kids are doing fine. They are as wonderful as ever. I am even going to try to watch a movie with my husband tonight. Just the 2 of us in bed early. I hope it works out. Maybe I'll even have some wine. I am not going to open my books today. I am off to make dinner. Good night!

Venting post

Do you ever just feel so down and out that you just can't stand it? I can't go into any details but I am very sad about some trivial things. Things that have hurt me and that I have to let go. I need to move on. I am just feeling like I am on this ride and I just keep going around and around and I can't find a way to stop it or slow down. And people are going on and having fun and I'm stuck. I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt. And this isn't anything that my husband has done. It is more friends I'm talking about. Supposedly best friends. And it isn't anything major but it is small things that mean a lot to me. It is really hard to explain but I just felt a need to write about my feelings. I sometimes feel like no one needs me at all. Besides my kids that is (who are the most important anyway). But like no one else in the whole world really cares. And that is a lonely feeling. I think I am a good person. I think that I give more than I receive. And I like giving but it is hard when you don't ever get to be on the receiving end. I am tired and I am sad. I am hurt and frustrated. I also have a test tonight so I am anxious. I even have lost my appetite (for me this is a miracle!) Too bad that won't last long. I am just feeling like I have a 100 lb weight on me and I can't break free. I hope this feeling turns around very soon.

My Girl's Hair

Just had to post of pic of how long J's hair is getting. I am not sure what I will do with it. It usually isn't so curly (this was after taking out french braids), but it is getting very long. I trim it myself every few months but that is it. She has never had a haircut other than one trim at a salon and trims from me. It is pretty hard to take care of. She doesn't like to wear it down and it gets in her face a lot when she does wear it down so I usually french braid it every few days (it stays in a couple days once I get it in a braid). Washing it is getting harder too, and I like to dry it after so she doesn't have to go to bed with wet hair. So, it is somewhat time consuming but I'm not ready to cut it off. Not sure if I ever will be!! One thing I really wanted as a kid is nice long hair. My mom used to cut mine (very crooked I might add) and so I am maybe re-living the hair thing through my daughter!!!

I don't think it is a compliment

I am on the computer and J is sitting on my lap.

J: "mom, you look just like George Washington."

me: "what do you mean? He has white curly hair! You think I look like him?"

J: "oh yeah, Abraham Lincoln. That is who you look like!"

Thanks so much. She has been learning about presidents in preschool this past week. So I guess I look like Abrahm Lincoln. Yay me!

Got the Job

I was offered the internship position this morning. It is a med-surg unit of a small hospital about 20 minutes away. It is a 10 week PAID internship working under a preceptor, the hours are whatever her hours are and I won't find them out until sometime in May. I have some daycare issues to take care of obviously and won't have much time to figure them out. I am excited, nervous, scared, stressed, but also feel lucky to be given this opportunity. This will open doors to me that would not have been there if I didn't get this position (assuming I do well, and they want me as an RN after graduation). This also will help me become a better nurse. There were 500 applicants and I got one of 100 jobs. This is amazing being that I had absolutely NO medical experience and have been out of the workforce for over 4 years. I am not sure what made them even give me an interview let alone a job. I am very lucky. Even though I will miss the kids a ton, I know that this is a good thing. I know they will be ok. I know I will still spend as much time with them as I possibly can this summer. I will make this a special summer regardless. It is only 10 weeks. I can do this.

Delayed weigh in

I won't be weighing again til the 1st of March. I am too stressed and tired to weigh and not see a change. I am going to keep at it, and keep going on my good habits but I am really busy and want to wait to weigh. I guess I'm nervous I'll be disappointed if I don't get the number I want. And I so do not want it to be about the number. I have a HUGE performance test tomorrow at 8am and 1pm. I am very nervous and need to keep calm and confident in order to do well. Wish me luck and I'll update after my weekend classes.

24 days

It has been 24 days since I have done any type of emotional eating. That is a LONG time for me. Like maybe a record. And I have made a pact to myself that I am worth more, that I will not be tempted by the instant gratification of food and will instead focus on gratifying my WHOLE self and treating myself like I should. I thought of it because I am hungry right now. I am up late trying to study and I have not eaten since dinner at 5:30. So, I am very hungry. I try not to eat between dinner and bed because it is my difficult time and if I give in to something I will keep eating and eating. I allowed myself to eat a small handful of frosted mini wheats and I ate only that one handful, no more. I won't give it. I would absolutely love to start on the hershey kisses or the crackers or whatever else I could eat but I am not going to and I will feel better in the morning because of it. I have said it before, that food is a drug to me. I don't think some people realize the strong power of food on some people. It is my drug. I wish I could say that exercising was my drug, or reading, or doing something productive or good for me. But it's not. I am a food addict and trying to break this habit is the hardest thing I will ever do. It is hard to talk about to people I know in real life. I am not a heavy person so I never would get taken seriously. I have talked to a couple close friends but I don't have someone who really takes me seriously. Even my husband who knows my issues and lives with me doesn't really truly believe it's a problem. So, my internal struggle and achievements are mine and mine alone. I keep counting the days and looking forward. The weight I want to lose isn't falling off very quickly but I am doing things the right way. I am working in the right direction. The number on the scale is not the main goal of this. I need to change for other reasons more than 8 lb. I look at how bad I have wanted to lose 8-10 lb and really is that going to change my life? Not really. I'll just fit a little better into my smaller size jeans. I may feel a little better going to the beach. But overall, that small amount of weight isn't what really bothers me. I think it bothers me more that I can't control myself and it makes me feel shame. So, it isn't about losing weight. I just want to gain control of my life and feel good about myself.

To the most amazing kid....

Dear Bret, every year your birthday comes and I get all emotional about how old you are getting, how fast it is going, how much you have changed and how much you have changed me. This year was no different. I woke up and it was my first though. You have been with me for 7 years and I just feel so lucky. I wanted to make your day very special, and that was hard to do as it was the first time you have been at school all day on your actual birthday. I think you had a great day though. I dropped you off, and went straight to the store to get stuff to make you a cake. I ended up buying a cake and frosting/decorating it myself. I am not a very good cake decorator and will post a picture when I get it uploaded of my version of a star wars cake. I did my very best on those light sabers! I also bought donuts to bring to your class snack time. This was under your direct orders to bring donuts. You LOVE donuts. Since I thought snack time was at 10:30 like it was last time I went, I was late to your snack time. Oh, the guilt. You must have been waiting for me, but alas you were not upset and did not seem to be nervous at all that I would show up. Mrs. B said that you were saying I was going to come, and I did come even though it was 15 min late. I am glad that you know that I would not let you down. I hope you can count on me most of the time. Anyway, we handed out the pure sugar donuts and candy to the class which everyone seemed excited about. You told me after school that it was the best snack. I picked you up after school, and you opened your birthday card from Grandma. Lucky for you there was $60 in there. We headed to the store to pick out a gift. They didn't have a Lego set that looked good, so you headed for the Nerf section where you proceeded to pick out the biggest baddest Nerf gun there. You had your heart set on this thing so we spent half your money on the super duper mega blaster dart gun. Oh the joys you will have tormenting your sister with that one. The rest of your money will go into your savings account. And remember you are getting plenty of other gifts at your party on Saturday. We headed home from the store for a quick singing of "happy birthday" and blowing out candles before I had to head to school. It was with a heavy heart that I left for class, and even though I know you have a fun day I wanted to spend my evening with you. I got home in time to read you 2 chapters from A to Z mysteries and kiss you goodnight. You said you were going to miss 6, but I assured you that 6 wasn't a person and wouldn't feel sad. I told you that 7 will bring new things and that it is fun to get older. To tell you the truth the older you get, the more I learn about you and I love you even more. I can't wait to see what 7 brings, and I want you to know that you are loved beyond words. I look at you and love what you are and what you have brought to my life. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

-16 degrees

That was the temp this morning when we got up. The high for today is -2 degrees. It is depressing. You can't do anything, go anywhere without totally freezing. I had school all weekend in the frigid temps. My car did not want to start but eventually did. I was miserable getting up and starting the car early in the morning. I have a very busy week. I have so much to do for school. Also, B's birthday party is on Saturday. We are pretty much ready except we have to order a cake and buy the drinks. I have the goody bag stuff. I also have to bring in a treat for his class on Wed (his real birthday). Hard to believe my first baby is going to be 7. J has school today and I have school tonight. I would love to stay inside and not go anywhere but life goes on, even when you can't be outside more than 1 minute before getting frostbite!

weigh in

weighed today since AF coming soon. I have lost 5.5 lb since Jan 15. On my way!

Tests and fevers and weight

First 2 tests have gone great. I got a 95% on my med term test and a 96% on my first theory test. Glad to get those done. I have a test every week for a while. No break at all from school work. Oh well....

J has had a fever today. She also had one last Thursday. She isn't sick enough for me to bring her in but sick enough that we just sit around the house all day. I was thinking possibly strep throat as it was going around her preschool, but she really doesn't seem sick enough for that to be it. And the fever last week went away and she woke up today congested and not feeling great. B had the achey feeling last week one day but since then has seemed ok. Neither has been eating the greatest though. But that isn't atypical for them.

My big weigh in day is coming up on Thursday. I am guessing I have lost maybe 4-5 lb since starting on Jan 15. I will post my loss on Thursday. I am still doing well, and feeling good about things. I will then not weigh again until Feb 15. I think I will do better not seeing a number every day and letting it get me discouraged if it goes up. I think AF is due pretty soon so even on Thur it may not be as much of a loss as I may hope. But I think it will for sure be some loss, I'll take anything that means progress!!! I'll keep at it. My 33rd birthday is going to be one where I am feeling GREAT!!!

The week so far

It has been a busy week. I have a test monday so that is always in the back of my mind. I have been staying up late studying most night. And I had class 2 nights so that makes it hard to study those nights!!! It will be a hard test I think. B was not feeling well earlier this week, and J doesn't feel well today. It is just a weird thing, B just said he was achy and his head hurt. He just had that tired/lethargic look to him. No fever or anything. Today J says her tummy hurts but no other symptoms (yet). No fever or anything. She is just laying around. I am not sure what it is. I hope she gets better soon, and that it isn't a big deal. We have been so lucky with illness so far so I'm thinking we are due to get something. DH had to go out of town for the day (coming home late tonight) so I am supposed to bring B to wrestling. But if J is sick I may have to try to find him a ride or skip it. DH has hardly been traveling at all lately, he used to travel every other week. So, I am getting spoiled having him around. I hope he doesn't have to travel much coming up. When he does it just stinks big time. I have to find sitters for the nights I have school, I have to do all the stuff around the house, keep up with all my school work, etc. It is really hard with me in school for him to be gone. It has been good so far though. Not too much travel. Today we will just hang out and see how J is feeling later. We were supposed to have friends over but I cancelled. I don't want to get anyone sick even if she doesn't really seem to have much at this point. I absolutely hate it when we go to a playdate and I find out one of the kids has had a stomach flu, or some other infectious thing. I think that is just wrong. I always tell people and let them decide what they want to do.

Other than that, no big news this week. I am just tired, and we are getting some cold weather again. There is a little snow coming down today. We are in that long stage of winter when it seems that it will never end. I can't wait until warmth and sun and shorts and playing outside again!!

My wild ride has started

The wild ride of 2nd semester nursing school, that is. And what a ride it will be! I am hanging on tight and hoping to make it through alive. I have already had one test. We had school all last weekend, from 8am - 5pm both days. I missed 2 wrestling tournaments :( I had school tonight and also on Wed night. We have a big theory test in 1 week. I have 8 drug cards to do by then. Along with studying, reading, note taking, practice tests, and case studies. We learned catherization yesterday. That will be interesting to do on a real person in someday! We have a performance test on that coming up. We also learned how to do a sterile wound dressing. We have medication administration coming up our next weekend in school. We will learn to do injections, oral meds, and IV meds.

I will be up until at least midnight tonight and most nights this week. I am tired, but I am doing ok so far. I am dying to weigh myself. This is torture. I am making time to ride my bike 30 min a day on week days and I did 20 min on both sat and sunday. I was not into it today at all but I kept going. I was just feeling weak and tired. My eating has been great. I do not eat after 6pm at all, and that works out well. My snacking tends to be in the evenings so if I cut myself off I do better. I brought my lunch both school days (South Beach wraps) so that was good, no eating out then. I am hanging in there. I have no idea if my weight has moved. I think it has, and it should have with the changes I've made. How much I will be interested to see on Feb 1. I will wait until then, like I planned. I want to weigh every morning but I'm holding back!

Kids are doing great. They had fun spending this weekend with daddy and B took 2nd and 1st in the tournaments. He got 2 pins. I'll be able to go this weekend, even though I should study. I am not going to miss important family time. That is why I stay up until midnight when they are asleep! I am determined to make it through school and still have a life with my family as well. J has gymnastics tomorrow, and she is so excited. She has been waiting and waiting since last Tues! I feel bad she had to wait so long! She was so cute in her princess leotard, waiting in line to go in. My big girl!

Good night!

Ideas for 7 yr old birthday!

I am trying to figure out some original ideas for B's birthday coming up. It is his golden birthday, turning 7 on the 7th. We are having it at a nature center where they will spend the first hour outside (if it gets above freezing), and the 2nd hour inside doing cake/gifts/games etc. I was thinking of doing something for the goodie bags that involve it being his golden birthday but can't think of anything cool. I will have 12 boys and 3 girls. (he wanted to invite 2 girls from school, how cute is that?!) I want goodie bags that are unisex. My first idea was to get those golden dollar coins and put a little note that said "thank you for coming to my golden birthday" along with some other little toy or ???? But then I looked online and realized they cost way more than $1 a piece and so that would add up. I could go to all the banks around and try to find the coins but do I really want to do that???? I think it would be cool, but not worth the effort really. I don't want the typical candy/junky plastic toy goodie bag. I want something they will really use. Maybe a coupon for ice cream or ???? I have no clue. Something useful, practical, but still fun. I just hate to give out stuff that will be thrown out. I also need a quick game we can do if we have time after all the other activities. Something that 14 seven year olds will think is fun. I am finding that the older they get, the harder to keep them interested. They have longer attention spans but more expectations. I was thinking something they can make or an activity or game of some sort. I have to figure out the cake, plates/decorations, and that is about it. Thank god I'm not doing it at home!!! So excited about that!

I am not stepping on a scale until Feb 1

It is not about the number on the scale. I have to do something different, and I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on doing what is right, eating right, exercising, making healthy choices, eating in moderation. I do not need to look at what my exact weight is every day to determine if I am doing a good job. It doesn't define me or what I look like. My new plan is to focus on eating changes, exercising more, and weighing every 2 weeks or so. I will weigh on Feb 1st, which will be about 2 weeks from when I started eating better/exercising. I will then probably weigh again mid Feb or March 1. I am hoping to be at my goal weight by my birthday on April 8, and if I am I will reward myself with something special. I will be 33 years old and I am not going to spend my 30's unhappy with myself and my health. I am going to focus on myself even if I am busy with everything else. I am going to do what is good for me, for once! I am off to exercise for 1/2 hr before my volunteer time at the school. Any ideas for a good reward??? I am thinking some expensive jeans (although I do not need any jeans) or a new purse. We have a Coach outlet near here with good prices. I love purses so I am leaning towards that. I am not big on massages, or that kind of stuff. Anyway, there will be something for my hard work!

update

Guess I haven't posted lately. Sorry! I am alive and well, and counting down til school starts on Wed. Not ready, at all. I am not looking forward to it in some ways but am in others. I guess I do ok with a busy life, but I liked being home with not a lot on my plate the last month. Plus, I know this semester will be the hardest of the 4, and I am looking forward to getting it done with but not looking forward to actually DOING it. Lots of work, learning skills (IV's, injections, catheters etc), presentations, clinical time, lab time, papers, and tests. I have a test like every week the first month and a half. I have one already this coming Saturday. Not fun. Must study.

Wrestling has been going great. B got 1st place in 3 different tournaments. He got 3 pins this weekend and 2 other wins. He seems to be into it this year, and loves competing. He also loves the trophy or medal he gets after! We spent the whole weekend at tournaments it seems. Long days waiting for his matches.

J will start gymnastics on Tuesday. She has been looking forward to joining again. I also put her in soccer starting in April. I like to keep them in some kind of activity just to keep them moving, especially in winter when we don't get out much. The weather finally became cold up here. Like real MN winter cold. We have been so spoiled up til now.

No big plans this week. B doesn't have school tomorrow but J does, so I may do something like a movie with him when she is in school. We got his invitations all ready and put together. I wanted to get that done before I start school. Tonight I am going to get the kids to bed and watch a movie with DH.

Sorry for the long delay in posting!

Friday night

and I'm beat! We have to get up early for B's wrestling tournament tomorrow. Like 6am early. Doesn't work well for us!

The interview went well, tight suit and all. I will know within a month or so if I got it. I found out there were 500 applicants, and 200 interviews granted for 100 jobs. Talk about competition. And what is this about a "nursing shortage"??? Hmmmm.......

We had a nice dinner out with a gift card, the boys got their hair cut and I got the kids in bed, even though it was later than it should be. No big plans for this weekend. The kids are having a playdate here Sunday and I have a girls dinner sunday night. I have a little studying to do, and a lot of relaxing. And church, must.go.to.church.

good night!

Feeling Antsy

As you can see from the frequent blog postings, I am finding this vacation thing a little weird. I don't know what to do with myself. I spend time playing with the kids (we have played more games of memory than I can count). We have watched movies, played in the snow, went shopping, went to a movie theatre, rearranged the basement into fun and new play areas (which will be fun and new for maybe a week!), sorted through old clothes, and worked on art projects. I guess I kind of miss school. Even though in 2 weeks I will be saying I hate school. I have been starting my studying, just for something to do. I was going to get a "real" book to read over break but I haven't yet and I'm just not going to start one to have to stop it. Plus, I feel obligated to read my nursing books rather than books for enjoyment. I will read for fun again this summer (if I don't get the internship because if I do, I'll be so exhausted from adjusting to working again almost full time that I will be sleeping when I'm not doing anything else).

The kids start back at school again tomorrow. Maybe I'll mop the floor....

Oh, almost forgot to add I booked a place for B's birthday. He is turning 7 next month. We talked about multiple overpriced locations for his party. After 2 years of hosting here, we decided we were not going to do that to ourselves again. The stress, the mess, the cost of it all after all is said and done was just not worth it this year. We didn't want to have to clean up. Anyway, after some research we are having a unique party at a nature center. They will have 1 hr of outdoor activitie, led by a instructor from the center. Then 1 hour of cake, presents, etc. I know it isn't an indoor play place, or movie theatre, or bowling alley, but I still think the kids will like it. They better. And even better is that it is 1/2 to 1/3 of the price of any of the other options. I will have to buy cake, drinks and party favors. He can invite up to 15 kids and 6 adults. The kid has a million friends so limiting to even 15 will be difficult. He was hoping J didn't have to count as one of the 15! I can't believe he is turning 7!

I have one kid in bed and one to go, and he just got out of his shower so I best get going.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!

Wishing everyone a happy and health new year. I am going to make 2007 a great year. I am going to try to be happy about my life, and all the things in it. I am hoping for a great year!!

I am already studying tonight for when I go back to school on the 17th. I have a med term test my first weekend back, as well as a ton of reading to do for the first few lectures. I got my books online and they were delivered last week. I got 3 fresh new books to study from, to add to my huge collection of nursing/health care books. I think I have about $600 worth of books at this point! I also got an NCLEX study book, to help study for tests as well as study for the licensing exam when I graduate. In some weird way I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of school.

I also am trying to prepare for my interview on Friday. I have been going online to get sample questions and interview tips. I am trying to come up with answers to those tough questions like "tell me when you have exhibited leadership" and "tell me about a time you have solved a complex problem". Oh, the fun of getting through this one on Friday! I can't wait (ha!) I also was going to buy a new outfit but found a suit in my closet that I could get into (size 6 so I was doubting it would fit). It is a dark purple pants suit with a longer jacket so even though the pants are a little tighter than I'd like, they are concealed well under the jacket!! I am not sure what I'll do for shoes. I have some fun/funky black shoes I got last month but they may be too much.

Had a movie date with DH tonight. We saw Apacolypto (how do you spell that???) It was intense, bloody, action packed, but good overall. Not for everyone though.

Have a great start to your new year!

Need your weight loss secrets!!!

I am determined to make 2007 my year. Even though my life is out of control much of the time, there is no need to ignore myself. I need to take care of myself, for me and for my children. What are your goals for 2007? What are your secrets to a healthy lifestyle??? What do you do to lose/maintain your weight. I am pretty good at losing, and I suck big time at maintaining. I need a lifestyle change, not a diet. My secrets for past success in losing weight are:

• Plan what I eat/write it down
• Keep track using WW points or calories
• No snacking out of bags/boxes!!
• Portion control!
• Minimal sweets (when I start I can't stop!)
• Drink tea when I feel hungry between meals
• Eat 3 meals and one snack, no skipping meals
• Don't undereat, I will binge if I am too hungry
• Don't eat after dinner
• Don't eat off kids plates!

I could use some eating out tips, as I am terrible at restaurants. I love food, I love the smells and tastes of food. If I am at a restaurant and faced with the low fat grilled chicken or the yummy buffalo chicken wrap I am going to chose the latter. Luckily we don't go out a lot, but I can gain a few pounds in one meal out, seriously!!! I also am bad in social situations. At parties, I am faced with so many good foods and I can't say no. I am SO bad at that. I love my food. I love all kinds of food. I love chips/salty food, sweets, snacks, meat, everything. I just can't have a lot of that kind of food in my house and I do pretty well at home it is other places that I break down. So, if you have any advice let me know!!!! I tell people that it is a miracle I am not very overweight I like food that much. I sometimes even say I have an obsession with it, and could very well become a binge eater if I let myself. I think at times in my life I have been.

Have a happy new year and stay safe! I am staying home with my family tonight and watching movies. We are getting lots of snow here, so it is very pretty! A nice way to bring in the new year.

Christmas Wrapup

The big day is now over and now on to normal life again!! I love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but I also like getting back to our normal routine. Although we won't be back to normal until next week and the kids return to school. We had a nice holiday. Low key, not too overboard. We really cut back on gifts this year, and so did the grandparents, who usually go way overboard. It was great. I don't have too many toys to find places for in our house. B got his beloved gameboy. Yes, he loves his video games. We had told him he probably wouldn't get one, but then Santa decided to get it for him on the condition that he continues to do well in school and works on his handwriting. (he has been writing very messy lately on his school work). He also got some clothes, small lego set, and star wars figures. Some of the grandparent presents are staying in their packages until a later date. He also got a couple movies, which we will watch later. J's favorite gift is the triplet dolls she got from my parents. I got her the stroller to go with them. It is funny, these dolls don't do anything, don't cry or move or anything. They are very simple and cute. She loves these dolls!! She also got a princess computer, clothes, movies, and a cute princess chair from my brother. I forgot to add that B got a VideoNow player, which I'm not sure how much he will use, and a MP3 player from my brother!! He has no idea what an MP3 player is, so now I have one to use! I've been wanting one so it will be fun to have. I got some money and that is about it. We don't do presents for the adults in the family since it is basically just exchanging money. We may use some of our money to pay for my tuition/books (boring) and do something fun as a family. We all saw the movie "Night at the Museum" last week and that was fun. I'd like to do something else while we are all on break. Not sure what though. We need to save the money for things we really need.

I'm back on the weight loss bandwagon AGAIN. Gets pretty old going back and forth. Makes me so depressed. But I guess going back and forth is better than gaining and gaining and gaining and not doing anything about it. At least I do something about it some of the time :) I am not sure how I will fit any exercise into my life. I thought about looking into the Anytime Fitness place here in town but I know that we can't afford another monthly payment as much as I should do it for myself. I seem to only do well when I can walk outside (like this summer when I was down to an all time low weight). I hate the bike I have in the basement. It was my dads from the 70's. SO OLD and so boring and I hate it. I would love a treadmill but can't afford that. I hate work out tapes. I have tried many and I just can't stick with them. I've heard of something that is like a slider workout. You put these sliding discs on your feet and do some tape or something. I will have to check that out, but I really don't want to put money into anything since my past record shows that it doesn't pan out. I'm just starting better eating today and we'll see about the exercise and how I can work that in. Depressing!
I found the website, anyone hear of these???
http://www.glidingdiscs.com/

Merry Christmas!

As Christmas eve is upon us, I try to focus on the important things this holiday season. My 2 beautiful and healthy children. My husband who I stand with together through our journey in life. My home, food, clothes. My dog, who got hit by a car last week and lives to tell about it (she came out of it without an injury to speak of!). Makes me appreciate the little things. My kids being hyper this morning, talking non stop. Watching them separate their presents, examining them just like I did as a kid. The excitement of them placing their last advent sticker this morning. The fresh snow that gives us a white Christmas. This year, we almost didn't have one! Making a snowman with the kids, and having hot chocolate and cider. Making Christmas cookies and making our plate for santa tonight. All the things I love about my life are with me today. I celebrate the birth of Jesus, and my family. I couldn't be luckier in my life and even though I don't always feel that way, I am a fortunate person to have what I do have. I only wish that everyone in the world was as lucky as I am. Peace to all!!!

I got an interview!!!

For the summer intern position. It is after the first of the year, so I have some time before I have to stress about it! I am thankful to be given the opportunity, even if I don't get a position it will be good practice. I have nothing to wear to a business interview. It has been like 9 years since I've had an interview. Luckily, I've been though some pretty rigorous interviews in my college days so I think I'm somewhat prepared for an intense interview (if it is intense). I usually don't get too nervous about these things.

On another note, we are all on break/vacation now. Feels great! Kids are playing downstairs and we plan on a movie tomorrow. Happy holidays!

Christmas time!

The anticipation for Christmas has peaked around here. The kids are looking forward to the holiday. They eagerly put on their advent stickers each morning, and count down to how many days are left. They know all about the religious aspect of Christmas but I suspect that the gifts under the tree have a little something to do with their excitement. We had J's program at preschool yesterday afternoon. How cute it is to see all those 4/5 yr olds singing holiday songs. They all lined up and did their little dances and songs and were cute as can be. J did really well and looked very adorable in her red and white dress with a bun in her hair. She is one of the littler/younger kids. She looked at me throughout the whole program. I gave her a thumbs up sign, and she did it back to me with a little wink. What a character she is. I went with my parents, niece, and husband. She had quite the crowd watching her. The pastor of the church then read the Christmas story to the kids and they had a little gift exchange. It was a nice time. B had pajama day in school today. Most of the public schools around here don't celebrate a specific holiday, which I guess is fine by me. It would be fun if they got to, but he doesn't know any different I guess. The pajamas are excitement enough.

I am just about done shopping. I had to buy some lotion for great grandma. She is out, according to MIL and so I picked that up this morning. I got the kid's gifts from us wrapped last night (2 toys and one gift of clothes each). I now have to just wrap the Santa gifts on Sunday night (2 toys and stocking stuffers). Sounds like my parents got the kids some nice gifts, they will be so excited. B has specific things he has been asking for. J really doesn't have anything specific she wants. She likes everything. B wants a Gameboy, star wars legos, star wars figures, and a light saber. J just likes anything to do with babies or dolls and coloring/drawing. They both like games but I don't think they are getting any this year (they have a ton of board games).

The weather here is not too great today. We have had freezing rain all morning and afternoon. I've been watching for school closings on TV. It looks pretty bad. I am hoping for some snow this weekend. The weather has been very mild for December which is nice but the kids really want some snow to play in!

Wishing you all a very happy holiday!

Finally

I am on holiday break. My final last night was pretty hard but I got a 90%. I ended up with a 93.8% overall in the class. You need a 92% to get an A, so I am VERY HAPPY!! I now am going to do NO school for for at least 2 weeks. Then I have to start up the studying, since we have a test our first weekend back (no fair!). I am looking forward to some relaxation!

Almost on break

In 4 hr and 20 minutes I will be starting my last test of my first semester of nursing school. I am 1/4 of the way through this hellish journey!! I know in the end I will be a stronger and different person than I am now. I say "hellish" but I know that this is a life changing 2 years for me. It will define me in a different way, and will challenge me in more ways than I ever knew possible. It will beat me down and lift me up. I have had many emotions over the last 4 months. I have felt joy and sadness and pain and exhaustion. I have felt guilt and elation. I will never forget the patients I cared for, or the nurses who taught me. I have made friends and I have probably made some enemies too! I have taught my kids that I can work hard and sometimes I won't always be only a "mommy". They have learned to spend more time with their dad (good thing). Up until now I have only been their mom. I worked part time when B was little but I don't think he remembers much about that time. They have a hard time imagining me working! They ask if they will have to go to daycare. Hopefully not much, I tell them. I am going to be a nurse so I can work when you are sleeping or when your daddy is home. I want to help other people get well, I tell them. They seem to understand. J says she wants to be a doctor when she gets big (oh, and a beeper at Tar*et). B wants to be a paleontologist, president and a police officer. All P's he tells me!

I am off to study for another 1.5 hours until the kids get home from school, and then I will post again with my grade when I find out.

I can't wait until I can spend my vacation with the ones I hold most dear....

4 1/2 yr old separation anxiety

My very outgoing independent 4 1/2 yr old is having trouble separating lately. This is really hard for me because she has always loved new places and people, and I have never worried leaving her anywhere. Granted, I am a SAHM and with her a lot but she went to preschool all last year with no issues at all. She has also gone to church school since last year and MOPS all of this year so far. She goes on playdates and has had babysitters. She just started having issues after thanksgiving. She will get upset when the carpool comes and some tears will fall. She gets over it pretty quick but I still feel horrible. I try to reassure her and be confident saying goodbye but now I'm starting to get anxious about things we have planned that involve her separating. Tomorrow we have MOPS in the AM and preschool in the afternoon, and I have school at night so it will be a hard day. Anyone else have this issue with an older preschooler???

94%

One test left!

I am going into the last final pretty good. I still will probably study as much as I can this week and this time next week I'll be on break!!! Yippee!!!!

Feelin' Blue.....

Not sure what is up with me. I am not feeling myself lately. Since Thanksgiving time at least. I am feeling lazy, drowsy, unmotivated, sluggish, fat. I know it is partially due to stress of finals. I have been staying up late every night and will have to for another week. I have one final tomorrow night and one the next week. However, next weekend we are supposed to go to DH's work party, 4 hr away, overnight. So, that means no studying on Sat or Sunday most likely until we get home later Sunday. I will lose out on a lot of study time. Which means I have to do all my studying this week. During the week. And I am burned out. I should be studying now. I am tired. All the weight I lost this summer/fall has returned. I am now back to about 130 lb. I am eating horrible. I have no motivation to cook or go to the grocery store. I just eat whatever is around and handy. Terrible. I am not eating fruits or veggies much at all. I am eating way to much processed food. It is making me feel horrible. But why do I do it to myself??? I have no idea. I just know that I am only finishing my first of 4 semesters of school. I sometimes ask myself at times like this how I will get thru it. How I will handle the stress. I can't be everythings for everyone all the time. I want to be a good student, and a good mother, and a good wife, and a good daughter and friend. I want a clean house and healthy meals on the table for dinner. I want my bed to be made every day. I want to keep up with my hobbies. I want to exercise (what's that???). I work with patients every time I'm in the hospital who are at the end of their lives and I know that my life is going way to fast. I want to make the best of it, and be happy, and feel in control. I don't want regrets. I want to be happy about the mark I've made in my life and the things I've accomplished. I want to make a difference. I want to put myself first but I always put myself last. Dead last. I never ask for help. I never hire a babysitter because it cost too much and J will cry (she cries with separation now, at 4 1/2, after never having a problem ever with it...). I don't know if I need medical help. I think that I am just feeling down and it will most likely pass. I just don't know how to feel fullfilled in life when I feel like I am pulled a million different directions. I am just babbling at this point and I am going to get back to my books but it feels good to get it out. Here's to a better tomorrow.

I am such a bad blogger

I am terrible at this blogging thing. I am not sure why. God knows I'm on the computer enough. I mean, how hard would it be to type up a quick entry every day or even every other day. I don't know why I don't. I hate it when I read blogs and they never post anything new. And I do the same thing!!! Must get better at blogging!

Not much new here. Feeling burnt out from school. Feeling the Christmas rush. I went to the store this week and it was a madhouse. People everywhere searching for their Xmas gifts, food, etc. The lines were horrendous. The craziness of the season is here in full force. I actually enjoy most of Christmas. I like to buy gifts and find/make that special thing for people. I do not have a lot of people to buy for. I have our parents, the kids, girlfriends (we draw a name for our annual Xmas party - this sunday!) , teachers, and our 2 grandma's. I sometimes need a little something for someone but I don't really have to buy too much. I know some people who have to buy like 30 gifts. That is CRAZY!! Why not draw names?? Our siblings do not exchange gifts with each other (yay!) and so we save the money for ourselves. I also do some buying for charity each year. We always do Operation Christmas Child boxes, a boy and a girl one. We got those done at least a month ago. We usually just put a few small toys, some necessities like soap etc, and some hard candy. The MOPS club sponsered a family and I picked out 2 turtlenecks for the mom. B's class is also sponsering a family so today I got a small toy for the 2 kids and some bath products for the mom. I enjoy spending some money on families that really need it. The most fun for me is finding gifts for the kids. Don't get me wrong, they do not get much. But I do make sure they get what they really like and want. I get them each probably 2 Santa gifts, and 1-2 gifts from us. I also get some fun stocking stuff. B will get some star wars stuff and J some doll stuff and a princess computer. I might have to try to find the G.I. Joe figures B is wanting but they are older and I'm not sure I can find them anymore. Oh, I also made wine charms for my girlfriends and for others I need a small gift for. (neighbors, etc). I am not done with all of them but I got about 8 sets of 4 made. So easy and so cute too! We got our tree up last week, a real one too! DH surprised me with getting one when I was at school. We got lights all over, from the living room to each kids' room! They love it, staring at the lights as they drift off!! We haven't done any baking since I'm too busy with school still. I have 2 finals then a month off. CAN'T WATI!!!!!

Start of another busy weekend

School weekend again. My last one this semester. I have to go to the hospital tonight and get my info, then we are going out to dinner for my mom's birthday. I then have to get the kids to bed and start on my care plan. I will most likely be up past midnight and will be getting up around 5am. Not fun, especially since I'm not a morning person. I should work on my work rather than go to dinner but it is my mom, and it will be fine. Then hospital Sat from 6:45-3, then school Sun from 8-5. We are doing our group presentation and there are 10 groups. 20-25 min each so that is a full day. We are doing ours on the Russian culture. Then I have a paper and the care plan due monday. Then I will be studying for finals!! Home stretch!
Have a great weekend!

Do you save your blog??

I am clueless on this, do you somehow save your blog??? Do you print it out?? What are my options for this??? Anyone??

Not much time to post this week

I am going to be busy until mid December when the semester ends. I have 2 big tests and I feel so far behind. I am getting 94% and I need 92% to get an A so I really need to keep doing well on the tests. We also have our group project on Sunday. Plus clinicals Fri/Sat. I cannot wait until this semester is DONE!!!

Thanksgiving this n that

We had a nice Thanksgiving at the in laws. The kids so love playing with their cousins. I hardly see them the whole time we are there. They are so busy having fun. We ate WAY too much and slept way too little. We sat around and played games and watched movies and talked. A good time was had by all. I am so thankful for my 2 beautiful healthy children. I am thankful for the love they give me and the warm feeling I get being with them. I never knew I could love this much. I am thankful for my husband who sticks by me through it all. Who takes me as I am and loves me anyway. I am not the easiest wife in the world. I study all the time, and I don't cook nice meals. I don't always put the laundry right away. I argue about nothing. I get crabby and he still loves me no matter what. We have our hard times but he is my best friend. I am thankful for my life, and all I have been given. I am so very lucky.

90%

I got my lowest score so far on this test tonight. I guess I should be happy with it because it was a very hard test and I expected worse. I just want an A so badly that I hope I can do well on the remaining tests. An A is 92-100%. I am relieved it is over and am going to relax before bed!

Feeling Blah....

It is that cold and dreary time of year. It will last months up here in the cold and snowy north country. I saw that we are expecting snow this week. Maybe even tomorrow! B may have to even wear his "snow gear" to school. Now that is fun, getting him all bundled every day and his locker is tiny. I am not sure where all the stuff will go. Poor kids have to get in and out of that snow stuff like 3 times a day! Oh, the fun. The kids actually look forward to the snow, and I don't mind it the first few times. I even like a white christmas. What I don't like is the frigid cold and not being comfortable at all when I go outside. I hate warming up the car for 30 minutes just to get some warmth. I hate that I am stuck inside because I don't like to go anywhere.

I also am feeling just plain tired. I have been trying to study for this test and I have been up late more nights than not lately. I can see now that this nursing school is going to be the hardest thing I will EVER do. I am so tired!! I have to take it one day at a time and soon the first semester will be over and I can focus on the 2nd. I hear it is the hardest out of all 4, so it will be a tough winter/spring, but I have to keep in mind that it will get better and it will go fast.

I am also just a little hurt by some anonymous comments that have been left on my blog and also someone else's blog towards me. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. I won't let it bug me for long, but I guess I was naive when I thought that I would only get nice comments and people here. I don't think I've written anything to offend people and even though I visit a lot of blogs I rarely post and when I do, it is always short and sweet. I don't think I've ever had trouble with anyone online. And I've been blogging for a while now, and had very minimal traffic over here. Probably because I don't comment on other people's blogs much, and I don't tell really anyone about this blog. Therefore, no one really knows about it. Which was ok. I was always pleasantly surprised when I got an email or comment from a new reader. I'm just not sure what happened and I guess all I can do is write for myself and try to not let it bother me. I'm a sensitive person by nature and I need to get a thicker skin.

Good night for now!

Trying to Study

I have a huge theory test on Monday that I've been trying to study for. The kids are at a neighbors house for a playdate for 45 more minutes. I am going to take the online quizzes on the book website and then probably wait until tonight to do some more studying. I am really hoping to do well on this test. Then we have 2 tests left in December, plus a group presentation. I also have 2 more clinical weekends before the semester is done. I will then be 1/4 done with school!!! Doesn't seem like much but I'm getting there!!

I had a conference at B's school, and he is doing great. The teacher said he is a good kid, gets along with everyone, and his behavior is great. He also did well in all his subjects. I am very proud of him. He has come a long way since kindergarten. He is getting ready to start wrestling in December. It will be his second year. I hope he likes it as much this year. I need to try to find an activity for J this winter. Being only 4 it is hard. I may just put her in community ed gymnastics again, even though I wasn't that thrilled with it last year. She liked it and the price is right. She loves gymnastics and will hopefully be old enough for soccer this spring.

This week isn't too busy so far. Just my test monday and then I will feel great. I have class wednesday and B has school all week. I hope to get some things done around the house and some X-mas shopping done. I ended up ordering this online for myself:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FIR48S/104-1917385-3844750

My husband loves a clean floor and I hear (and read from recommendations) that this little guy may come in handy! I justified it by telling myself that I have never bought myself a new vacuum. They have always been hand me downs. This sells new at the store for twice the price as it was online so I think I got a good deal. I can't wait til it comes so I can try it out!!! I think the kids (and dog) will get a kick out of it too! And my hubby will be happy, no crumbs on the floor!! :) I also ordered a couple things for the kids while I was online. I got J a princess computer and B a star wars lego set and a light saber. Those were things I knew they really wanted and since I am only getting them a few things each, I will be almost done! I also got them each a robe, since it is so cold here and J has always wanted a robe. I think it will be nice for getting out of the bath and snuggling on those cold winter evenings! I got B a spiderman one and J a blue/green one (her favorite color). I hope they like them! I just have to figure out what other things to get them. J likes everything and can't really pin point what she really wants. B is really into star wars. I may get him some of the little figures for his collection. But they won't get much, as they have so much already and get things from family as well. I am doing a lot of gift cards this year since I am so busy with school. I won't have time to search for the "perfect" gift for everyone and this will be easy.

By the way, I had to moderate my comments. I was getting some really annoying ones that I had to delete and I don't have the time nor energy to deal with immature people. So, hopefully if you are still reading you will continue to do so! You should be able to comment if you register. I just am not letting any anonymous comments anymore. Anytime I've gotten an anonymous one it has not been a nice one and I am not here to blog and argue with people who want to criticize others. I am here to meet nice people and am totally willing to hear opinions if people will leave their names and not hide behind the anonymous title. So annoying!!

So exhausted but feeling great!

I am up at 11pm and exhausted. DH had to leave on a business trip so again I have the house empty (besides 2 sleeping kids), too quiet and I dread going up to bed. I should be in bed because I had clinicals this weekend and I am so tired. I was up both Saturday and Sunday at 5:10 am. I am not an early morning person and this is a time of day I do not ever see! I was also up most of Friday night. I had to go to the hospital at 4pm and go over my patient charts so I could write my care plan. I was there for about 2 hours and then returned home to spend a little time with the kids, get them to bed, and write my care plan. I was up until about midnight, but then couldn't sleep once I got into bed. My mind was just spinning from all that thinking!! I got to interact with may different patients this weekend. I had 2 patients of my own because the first one left on Sat so I got another one Sun. I felt like I really got to know them and help them. I also helped out on the floor with some other patients. Right now we are pretty limited to what we can do but it is still just a great learning experience. My feet and back are so tired from being on my feet all day (I am not used to that either!!) but weirdly it is good to feel tired. It is good to feel challenged and busy. It's been too long since I've felt that. As wonderful and fullfilling as my children are to me, they don't need me as much as they used to. Plus, they are spending some great quality time with their dad. They are growing closer to him, and learning that mommy has to leave sometimes to help other people. Don't get me wrong, they still are, and always will be, my #1 priority. I miss them terribly when I'm at school and the hospital, but I truly know that I am pursuing this for a reason. I am going through all this schooling, money, time, pain, because I am meant to be a nurse. I truly believe this.