123.5

Just got back from grandma's house. J is sleeping in the car (I can see her) and I am just in checking email and picking up around the house until B gets home from school. I have so much studying to do the next few days. Big Theory test monday. I got 14/15 on my med term test. So exxcited to get that one done. I got both my interviews done for my paper/presentation so now I will just have to write up the papers next week. I am feeling like I am accomplishing things, but it is just so much work every single week. Not like the classes I had before when you'd be busy for a week, then have 2 weeks of not so busy. It is constant. But I am proud of myself for doing this and I really do love what I'm learning. I can't wait to be a nurse! I'm looking into some doula courses, either birth doula or postpartum doula. Obviously I have no time to do it now, but possibly over summer break. I'd love to do that part time while going to school. I love helping other moms, and would love to get some breastfeeding support hours (I'd eventually like to be a certified lactation consultant). Anyway, just another thing on my list of things to do with my life!

This weekend I plan to spend some quality time with the kids. I would like to take B to a movie, or do something one on one with him as I am with J much more now that he has school full time. I am going to start volunteering in his room on wednesdays to help with math time. I am excited to see how he is in school this year. I also plan to have lunch with him tomorrow. I try to go to lunch with him at least a couple times a month. It is fun to meet his friends, and interact with him in that setting. I am so proud of how big and independent he is getting. Every day I drop him off at the crossing guard, and he never looks back. Sometimes I sit and wait to see if he will glance back at me, and he never does. I am sad and happy all at once. Sad that he is now so independent and doesn't need me like he used to , but also happy because as a mother I think our goal is to make them comfortable and independent. It is hard though, to let go.

I better go check on J.

124.5 lb pre-shower, 124 lb post shower???!!!

Either I really did have 1/2 lb of dirt on me, or I have a screwy scale. Weird. Anyway, is this turning too much into a weight-centered blog?? I am trying not to post much about my weight. I just like to see the numbers and look back on them. They aren't going down too fast, but I'm not exercising much so maybe they won't go down fast. I am eating good, and trying to be healthy. It may seem as though I am obsessed with my weight. I really am not. I don't go around thinking about it 24/7. I do like to know what I weigh and I do like to keep it in check. I think if I didn't, I would slowly gain weight and that would not be good for me in the long run. I'm the type who likes to know where it is, whether bad or good. Then I'm more aware and it helps me with my eating. I do come from a mother and grandmother who are somewhat a bit too weight conscious. My grandma talks about it all the time. She is a tiny thing, about 105 lb, but insists she is "fat". My mom doesn't talk about it, but is also very thin and I think she thinks about it more than I know. She is probably about 115 lb and she is taller than me. She has only recently lost weight to get this thin. My dad and her joined a gym and eat really well (dad has hypertension) and so they are both losing weight. She was always about a size 10 when I was a kid, I can remember helping her look for clothes and looking for a size 10! I would say she was always thin/average size. Now she is very thin. Like a size 4 probably. So, maybe it is in my genes to worry about my weight. I don't know. I don't want to worry about it, or talk about it (which I never do) or obsess about it (which I don't think I do). Anyway....

Tonight is my med term test. I am not studying like I should be, obviously. Guess I'm not too worried. I have lots to study this weekend with a big test monday night.

Kids are doing well. I don't see them as much as I'd like but they are loving school and are both getting so big. It all goes so fast.

Anyway, I better get back to my book!

124 lb and sunny day!

The sun is out, and it is supposed to be in the 70's today. We better appreciate it, since the weather is going to get colder starting tonight. Winter will be here soon and I am not looking forward to the cold, snow, ice etc.

J is asking me to draw a picture, so I have to cut this short. Have a happy day!

124.5 lb and exhausted

It is monday morning after being in school all weekend, plus I have three hours of class tonight. It really is very exhausting being at school ALL weekend. And this isn't even clinicals, when I'll have to get up even earlier. We have been very busy learning to take vital signs, give bed baths, transfer patients, along with all the theory behind everything. It is so much work. I had a test Saturday and got a 93%, which I was very happy with since it was a pretty hard test. An A is 92 - 100 % so I just made an A. We have a med term test Wed night and another theory test next monday. We also have preformance testing on vital signs in less than 2 weeks, which is going to be very scary (role playing in front of an instructor for a grade). I still have to practice taking blood pressures until I feel comfortable with it. The other tasks aren't too bad, taking temp, respirations, and pulse. The blood pressure is the hardest one. We also have to be able to transfer from bed to wheelchair or vice versa. This past weekend we did bed baths on each other. That was interesting! It was good experience knowing what it is like to give one, and receive on.

As you can see my weight is steady from last week. Which is probably good since I ate LeAnn Chins for lunch Saturday, and ice cream last night. Cheated big time, but guess being in school helped me not eat as much during the day. So, hopefully this week I can work on eating good and getting back down a lb or 2.

124.5 lb

No time to post much. I am off to bring B to school, then 45 min drive to a friend's house who needs babysitting from me today. She is going to Vegas and has 3 kids under 5. I'll have J with me, so it will be lots of kids for me today!! Then come home to make dinner, play with kids, study, watch Survivor, Grey's Anatomy, and ER (is that on tonight?) Can't wait for my favorite shows! Thurs is the only day I have any shows on this year, so that works out (no school).

125 lb

Very tired today. I've been staying up late studying. I find it hard to study during the day. Even though I only have one kid at home, she demands a lot of time some days. I need to explain to her that sometimes I do need to study for a while. I have horrible mommy guilt. When the kids are here I feel like I need to spend a lot of time with them. Especially B, who is in school every day now. I feel like once he gets home at 3:30 I need to spend my evening with him. It is hard. I feel torn a million ways. I am worried about my tests coming up. I am worried about the next 2 years! One day at a time.

Went to a MOPS meeting today at church. J seems to enjoy going to the kids classes. I feel more refreshed after going, even though it is another thing on my schedule. It is only every other Wed, so not too bad. Today is my car pool day for preschool. I am doing a carpool with 2 other moms so I will end up driving only once a week. Not bad. I then have school tonight from 6-9, so then I'll probably be up late studying once I get home. I have a full weekend of classes this week also, with our test friday. We also have bedbath/oral hygiene preformance on each other, and clinical group meetings. I am looking forward to seeing who my instructor is. I already know the hospital I'll be going to. Soon I'll actually be a student nurse learning in a hospital. Scary!

125.5 lb

The weather is cold today. Have to walk B to school, get my haircut, return something at the store, and pick up pictures. Then I have to study, all while entertaining J today!

Tornado hits and getting real

This past Saturday we were out of town. We had traveled down to the lake/camper to spend one last weekend there. At about 10:30 pm Sat night, we got a call from our security system company that they were getting a flood alarm from our house. Crap. This is my husbands greatest fear. We have a sump in our basement and it fills up often and fast. Our house is not situated the greatest and the drainage is bad. So, it is important that the sump runs and is working. We even have a back up and a battery operated one in case of emergency. Anyway, we called the neighbor to check it out, as we were 4 hours away. We also got in our car and headed home, as bad storms were passing through. We needed to be home to assess the situation. What a fun night. Driving from 11 pm - 3 am, and up until 4 am. Not fun, when your kids get up by 7! The basement was wet around the perimeter and so now all the carpet is pulled up and we have fans running and trying to suck up as much water as we can from the pad underneath. But.... I feel lucky. Many people have no house to live in, after a tornado went through our town, and 2 neighborhoods were hit very bad, with over 200 houses not livable. To make it even more devastating, a 10 year old girl was killed when the house collapsed on top of her. She was with a babysitter (her brother I believe) and they did not hear sirens or know to go to the basement. How terrible and sad. This girl went to B's school, and I am sure he will hear about it and have lots of questions. I am just so sad for this family and all of her friends. How hard for a 5th grader to have to go through losing a classmate. I feel so lucky that we are all safe and our house was in tact when we got home. Please say a prayer for the families with no home.

This all has to happen on a test week for me, which really makes studying hard. With lack of sleep and the basement mess to deal with . I don't know when I'll study for my saturday exam. I am very worried about it. I really want to do well.

Lastly, I decided to step on the scale today and see the damage. 127 lb. There, I am up to 127 lb. I think partly due to having AF, but mostly due to lack of effort on my part. If you remember right, I went from 131 down to about 122 from May to Aug, now I am almost back to where I started. Very disappointing and depressing. I am disgusted and worn out with the struggle. I know it is a daily struggle for me to remain the weight I want to be. If I get off track at all, I just get more off track and then I just ignore it until I decide to face it again and get upset again and try again. I am back on the weight loss horse, and hoping most of this is just water weight and not "real" weight. A week ago I was about 124 so I don't think I really gained 3 lb in a week. I haven't been out of control eating, just not being as careful as I should. I'll keep posting my progress on here and maybe that will help. I am actually facing the facts here, and posting it even though it embarasses me since I had done so well for so long.

Good bye for now!

Results and finding time to breathe....

Have exactly 5 minutes before I have to bring J to her 2nd day of preschool. She loves it and can't wait to go. B is still getting used to going every day to 1st grade. I sometimes feel bad that he has to be so busy so soon. They already have homework, not a lot, and not hard, but still... He has a spelling test Friday already. Luckily he knows the words already and how to spell them. He is tired and getting used to the new, very busy, schedule.

Anyway, my studying paid off and here are my results from my first few weeks of school:
First Theory test 96%
Drug Calculation Exam 100%

Coming up: First lab/seminar test in 10 days and medical terminology test the next week. Lots of studying and reading to do in the next week. It is a constant busy, no down time between tests. There is always something around the corner. I also have a growth and development paper and presentation the first week in oct, and a cultural group project to get going on. Clinicals will be starting mid october.

Gotta run!

First day of first grade and hitting the books

Today I sent my oldest child to first grade. He will be gone every day all day!!! I am a little bit sad over this, but I will be ok. I will miss him and look forward to 3:30 every day when I can go meet him at the crossing guard. I am so very proud of my big boy!!

I better get going, here is a picture of my kitchen table tonight. I am busy studying for my first big test tomorrow night. Wish me luck!!

Summer in Pictures

Since I have a ton of pictures on my computer, I decided to post some of my favorites from this summer. I know I love it when other bloggers post pictures!

These are pictures of J and B before their uncle Mark's wedding in May:













Here are the kids tubing behind the boat!




I love this one, B riding the merry go round at the local fair:



Typical J, tired from playing hard all day, face full of dirt, hair a mess, and wearing her favorite color blue! This was taken when my husband had the kids all weekend and I was on my "girls only" weekend. He took them camping with his family:


And here is my "girls" weekend. We are on the pontoon having fun in the sun!

The summer is coming to a close. Another summer gone, another fall around the corner. It is always bittersweet. I love spending time with my kids, and not having something to rush off to every morning. I love letting them stay up late playing kickball with the neighbor kids and not worrying about geting them to bed at a certain time. I love watching them get dirty in the hot sun, playing with cousins around a campfire. I love the wind in our hair as we ride in the boat. I love their smiles and their laughter. Here's to a great summer 2006 and looking forward to an even greater fall!

Visitors!!!

If you visit my blog, please leave me a comment today with your blog address. I would love to add some new blogs to my list, and would LOVE to hear from anyone who reads my blog. I am not always the greatest at leaving comments on other blogs, but I'm trying to get better and I'd love to know if you are reading. Just a quick hello and your blog link! Pretty please????? Thanks!!!!!

My Other Half

As I was looking through pictures on my computer, I found this one of my husband and I. I thought about it, and realized I rarely talk about him on my blog, and should do a post about him. I also realized that I have very few pictures of the 2 of us together. We used to get our picture taken all the time when we were first dating, but now I'm always the one behind the camera. So, we really need to work on that. At our church directory pictures, we ordered a trio of pictures where there is one of the kids at the top, the 4 of us in the middle, and the 2 of us at the bottom. I'm so glad we did that, and can't wait until it arrives (should get here sometime this week). I really love the pictures and especially the one of just the 2 of us. I really do think we make a cute couple!!! It is hard sometimes to make time for each other, but my husband truly is my best friend. We have been through so much together and our lives are so busy, but we really are happiest when we are together. I hope he always knows how much he means to me. So, here is a blog posting dedicated to my other half, my better half.

My First Week and Other News

I am done with my first week of nursing school. Sometimes I feel like I have such a LONG way to go. 2 years of this. Of going to school every other weekend. That is such a sacrifice. I realized this last weekend when my family went to a wedding, that my daughter was IN, and I was in class from 8am - 4pm each day. Can we say depressing???? But I handled it fine, we made it through, and I now am committed to this. I can do it. I want this. I really do think this is what I want to be when I grow up. It better be!!!

Besides my life consuming education, we are facing some changes with the kids' school starting here in the next couple weeks. B has his open house Thur night and we will meet his teacher and see his classroom. He is nervous, like he was last year, but once he is there he does fine. He is such an outgoing and funny kid, he gets along with everyone. First grade will be a big change going every day, but I hope he will handle it fine.

J has her visiting day at preschool next Friday. She will have no problem with preschool, as she went last year and loves new experiences and people. For a baby who hated anyone but me, she sure has turned out to be an extrovert. Funny how both my kids seem to be quite extroverted, when I am the opposite. Sometimes I have a hard time relating to them, they are so unlike me. But that makes it all the more fun, when your kids actually have personalities of their own! I always thought they would be "little me's" but boy was I wrong. Even my daughter who looks quite a lot like me, is a little spitfire personality. And my son, he is everything I wish I was. Really. I sometimes can't believe they are mine.

I am officially a nursing student

I started classes on Monday. I have a busy first week since we have weekend class this Sat and Sun. I had class 3 hours on each monday and wednesday nights, and will have class from 8am to 5pm on Sat and Sun. I will have every other weekend off. The program seems organized and the teachers seem great so far. There is a LOT of work, a lot of reading, tests, papers, labs, etc. Clinicals will start in October. I am nervous for that, but will worry about it when the time comes. I just can't believe I am actually in the nursing program. I have been preparing and thinking about this for almost 3 years now. It seemed so far away and now I have started. I'm sure it will go very fast. It will be tough and at times I am sure I will be thinking I was crazy. But I still do think I made the right decision to switch careers and start a new path. I hope it is what I have been hoping for!!!

Body Image

I am finally getting to a point where I am liking my body a little bit better. I am very hard on myself and even though I am not overweight I still have not liked my body much since I've had kids. Heck, even before kids I was not really impressed by it! Maybe us women are never really in love with our bodies, but we should be! We should be proud of what they can do and the babies they have birthed and the hurtles they have crosses. With age, bodies change. What was perky and hard in our teens are getting softer and saggier. This is inevitable. I will probably never love my breasts, they are on the bigger side and aren't perky in the least bit. I have never liked my stomach. I don't mind my legs and arms. I have worked hard on my health this summer. I have been eating much better and exercising. I have lost almost 10 lb since May. I have never lost that much before this year. I am hoping that I will not go back to the weight I was in May. I have always struggled, but I am doing better than ever. I think going back to school will keep me busy and keep my thoughts away from food. I fear I won't exercise enough but I will try my best to keep some sort of exercise in my life. I know I'm a happier person when I'm a healthier person. I want to be around for a LONG time for my kids and my family. I owe them and ME a long and healthy life.

Is it just me???

I can't be alone in how I feel lately about my kids. I love my kids more than anything. I think they are beautiful, funny, smart, amazing kids.... BUT they have been driving me crazy. As I am a stay at home mom, I am with them a lot. Probably too much. I feel like I am constantly telling them to stop doing that, stop fighting, don't do this, put that down, no you can't play video games again today, etc etc. I think they have a pretty good life. They have millions of toys, activities planned for them a lot of the time. They have a mom who plays with them and takes them places they like to go. A house full of things they like and activities to do. I sometimes feel like they are ungrateful and do not even know how much they have or how lucky they are. I think that a lot of kids do not know how good they have it, mine included. I don't like feeling like the mean mommy, the one who is always on them to stop doing things, and punishing them. I feel like it is too negative lately, that I am crabby a lot lately. I don't like it. I have a lot of guilt about it. I know that they have it good. I am not a bad mom. I just am human and I can't be happy all the time even though I wish I could. My son has just started to get into video games, and I swear he is obsessed. I let him play about 1 hr a day max. Well, he was having trouble falling asleep at night, so I told him yesterday that he couldn't play. ( I wanted to see if he would get to sleep better- he did). All day he was asking about it. I just wanted to set the law and him to drop it. He wouldn't. I was getting frustrated with him. I did try again today to let him play for about 30 min, and he again was having trouble falling asleep. Any suggestions??? Ban the video games??? Permanantly? It is so hard in today's society, where it is the norm for all kids to be into video games. I know it is stupid, but I don't want him to be the odd one out for not playing or having them. I was going to buy him a gameboy for Xmas this year, because it is the thing that EVERYONE has. But I know that is not the right reason to buy him one. I think it is the part of me that still wants to fit in. I was a very shy kid, and didn't feel like I fit in, and I don't want my kids to feel that way. Therefore, I tend to let them be like the other kids. Basically spoil them. Anyway, so I'm torn on the video games. That has been driving me crazy with him. And my daughter has been so bossy with me lately. She really thinks she runs the show. She orders people around and wants her way, and if she doesn't get it, she has a meltdown. She is 4, and I expect more from her. She can be very sweet and loving one minute and be sobbing and screaming the next if something isn't going her way. I know, part of that is normal but it still can get old after a while. I just sometimes feel like I am doing something wrong. I have major mommy guilt. I don't want to feel guilt, I just want to know I'm doing my best and that my kids are learning something good from me. I want to be a good example and show them how to be good kids and good people. This parenting thing is tough....

Vacation Bible School and Misc. Thoughts...

If you haven't sent your kids to vacation bible school, you should consider it. My kids just love it. I love it. Everyone who is involved loves it. It is a time of bonding, learning, playing, and singing. And boy do they sing. Picture 400 kids, preschoolers to 5th graders, along with about 140 teen/adult volunteers, all in a big room jamming. It gives me goosebumps. The kids just have a blast. They are tired at the end of the week, but they remember it all year. This is my second year working, B's second year, and J's first year.

B had 2 cavities filled yesterday. Bummer.

J had her second gymnastics class last night. Loves it.

Had National Night Out last night in the rain at a neighbors. Wasn't going to go but I changed my mind and glad I went. It was nice to talk to some people I don't talk to enough. Nice to bond with neighbors and watch kids play in the rain, splash in all the puddles, and laugh. It was calming to me, brought me back to when I was a kid and we knew and played with all our neighbors. I want that for my kids. It isn't as easy today with many parents working long hours and many families with weekend cabins that aren't around much.

I start school in 19 days. I can't even believe this. Where has my summer gone. I still have so many things I want to do. I know this is not the case, but I feel like life as I/we know it will never be the same. Of course it will change, but it's not like I'm being locked up for 2 years. I will still have some sort of a life (I hope).

Oh, that reminds me, I ordered my text books from a big online retailed who also has a marketplace where independent sellers can sell their books. Bad idea! Two of the books never showed up. I emailed the sellers multiple times with NO response AT ALL. One seller doesn't even seem to have a valid email. I am so mad. I even had emailed with one of them before I ordered with some questions, and they were happy to reply to me then, but now they won't respond. I think I can get my money back, but that will take me hours on the computer to get the complaint filed and then I still have to find a way to get the books. I did this so I wouldn't have to go to the school bookstore and pay full price. And now I have to do just that because I need them in 19 days. Never again will I do that. I do not recommend it. I am so mad just thinking about it.

I am off to play with B, since J is at a friends house.

Summer Fun and Pierced Ears

Gosh, it is the very end of July and I have not posted since a month ago. BAD Blogger!!! I guess that is why I have very few readers and my blog is pretty boring!!! I will try to change that someday... I guess we have been busy doing typical summer things. I can't believe it is already almost August. Soon I will be in school and the kids will be getting ready for school and everything will be all scheduled and busy again. We have had a few short trips and one long trip to the in laws camper at the lake. We had a blast swimming in the lake, mini golfing, fishing, and having campfires. The kids just love the camper life! Small spaces, living out of suitcases, sleeping on an air mattress, being dirty, eating when we are hungry, no chores or housework to worry about. It is nice, but it is still nice to come home to normal! I have to say the summer is going so fast it scares me. I had wanted a relaxing summer of playing and hanging out. Instead, we are pretty busy with sports, weekend plans and projects. The kids have vacation bible school this week. I am volunteering so instead of having 3 blissful hours of alone time every day this week, I chose to make crafts with 100 preschoolers a day. Hmmm, maybe I should have re-thought that! Last year I had a blast as a crew leader for B, so I really wanted to participate again this year. The record heat wave has made it hard to be outside much, but we hope to have a fun week and try to stay cool.

Another fun thing we did yesterday. J got her ears pierced! Nothing I had even planned on doing. She had been bugging me for about a year to get it done, but when we had gone into a jewelry store in the past she had said maybe when she was older. So, this time we went in just to look at the earrings you could pierce with and she saw another little girl getting hers done. The little girl was crying and not really a good example I didn't think. But J insisted on doing it. She was very brave. She wouldn't even sit on my lap, she wanted to be so big. She didn't cry after the first one, but did a little after the second one. But it was short lived and she now has little crystal flowers, very cute and makes her look so much older. I really had wanted her to wait until she was older to get them done but she was so excited about it, I gave in.

I will write again soon...........

Summer livin'

The days of summer are officially here now that it is the first day of summer. The days have been hot, sometimes rainy, humid, and the light of day stays until late at night. The kids do not go to bed as early, and love to play outside, go the park, or visit the beach. We are busy with baseball and soccer, swimming and relaxing. The city days are this weekend. There is a parade Saturday and rides all weekend. Always a fun time, a tradition now that we always go to the parade. The kids love the candy! Of course!

Hate to jinx myself, but today the scale said 122.5 lb. I don't think I've seen tha number since about 1997. I think when I got married I was in the high 120's. of course I think my body is no where near where it used to be. I don't really feel smaller. I am not sure where the weight is coming off of! Where I want the weight to be from is my stomach and mid section. But I don't notice a big difference in that area. I probably have smaller breasts and maybe the butt?? I should have taken a before pic so I could compare! Anyway I guess exercising more will help the stomach area problem.

Anyway we must get ready for B's soccer game tonight!