Black Friday

I'm debating going shopping on Black Fri this year. I usually don't. I don't like getting up early, and I don't like crowds. Plus, we are always out of town for Thanksgiving. I am thinking of getting up and going while at the in laws this week. There are a few things that are good deals that I want to buy. But is it worth the hassle to get a good deal?? On my list so far are DVD's for everyone in the family, razor scooters for the kids (I think my kids are the only ones that don't have one of these and they are going to be $18 at Target), board games, new PJ's for the kids, and clothes for some family gifts. I also was looking at some other things for myself of course! I can't decide the best places to go, and what time I should get up. I am NOT getting up at 3am to be at the stores that open by 4am. I would be willing to get up at 6am. Should I go?

Other than that, I have a test tonight, and plan to study a lot today. I really have to do well to keep my possibility of an A alive. I also have not packed at all for leaving early tomorrow. I am hoping my husband will do some of that today (he has the day off work). I hate the packing part of traveling. I do like that the kids are getting old enough to travel well in the car for 5 hr.

Have a great thanksgiving!

Lucky jeans?

OK, I know the younger crowd likes Lucky brand jeans. We got a new Lucky outlet store at the huge outlet mall 10 min away so I decided to try it out. Still searching, you know, for those great jeans. Anyway, I had heard you could get a $100 pair for $30. Sounded great to me. I first found out that they are by waist size but also have a regular size inside. I started trying some on and found that depending on the type, wore anything from a 4/27 to an 8/29. Why would the same brand have such a big difference??? Maybe that is why these were at the outlet store, but I didn't find anything I was overly impressed with. I then saw some colored jean type pants for $19 and ended up getting a pair of those. Again, they are low cut. Probably lower than I like. I like the look of low cut jeans, don't get me wrong, but some are just TOO low. But I had to get the 8's in those. I know it is just a number, but still. They are an army green color. I will try to take a picture soon. They are pretty cute I think. But not the perfect pair. They are something different than the usual blue jeans I buy so I feel good about that. Now if they just stay up when I sit down or bend over. I will have to wear a long shirt with them.

Other news, I am done with clinical this semester!!! I had my last one yesterday. I feel stressed an tired out. I have a BIG test Wed, really great since the kids are off all week and I want to plan for thanksgiving. We are traveling out of town Thur. I want to enjoy the week and relax but that won't happen until after my test. I really want to do well. My clinical rotation went great. I was on a cardiac floor. I now do so many things that used to totally freak me out. I give injections all the time. I give insulin all the time. I hang IV meds, and I give IV push meds (this used to really scare me, some of the meds are pretty strong/scary). I juggle 2-3 patients at a time. I did an admission all alone yesterday. I really am starting to feel like a real RN, like I can really do this.

I am going to bed, I am exhausted. Good night!

Last day

Today is my last clinical of fall semester. We still have a few weeks left of regular class but no more weekends. YAY! I am excited. The weekend is ending on a good note I hope, as I am leader and will get to oversee everyone else. Yesterday I had a crazy shift, my patient was in really critical condition and eventually got transferred to the ICU. I had another patient who, thank goodness, didn't need much. I spent most of the shift in one room draining and attempting to stop bleeding that wouldn't stop. I hope he is doing ok. He was only 54 and didn't speak English. Really tough.

We are having a potluck for the nurses, I have my meatballs in the crockpot. We gave our instructor a nice card and small gift last night. We have our last care plans of the semester to write by Wed, and a test Wed night. I am really nervous about the test. Plus, the kids are home all week so I have to try to get lots of studying in while also keeping them busy and happy. Then we are off to the in-laws for Thanksgiving on Thur-Sat.

Can't believe it is already the holidays!

DH went to J's conferences yesterday and she is doing GREAT. She is above average in everything she needs to know. I was a little worried as she is so young but so far she is doing wonderful. I am so proud of her. I have B's conferences on Tuesday.

I am off to spend a few min with the family before my shift.

Mineral Foundations?

Does anyone know anything about mineral foundation/makeup? I have been thinking about this since I saw a Bare Essentials starter kit at Cost*co the other day. I am thinking about having my mom buy it for me (she has a membership). I have been reading up on the different brands and some people love it, some don't. I tend to break out and have oily/normal skin. I would love something that would cover my skin flaws and not be greasy/shiny looking. I found a website
http://www.everydayminerals.com/
that gets good reveiws also. I ordered the free sample kit (you have to pay shipping of $3.75). So, does anyone out there use these?? Let me know what you think??

Is there such thing as the perfect pair of jeans?

Now that the cold weather is here to stay, I am back wearing jeans every day (well sometimes sweats if I am feeling unmotivated). I have been searching my whole life for a perfect pair of jeans. Ones that are comfortable #1, but also look great. It may help if I had even paid more than $20 on a pair. But I am willing to go above that limit a little bit if I could get a great pair that I love. Currently I do not have a lot of jeans that fit me. Current weight loss has made most of my jeans too loose. I am not ready to get rid of them, as they still kind of fit they are just a little baggy. I have 2 pairs that I got at G*A*P outlet for $14.99 each a couple months back. For one, what is the thing with stores putting smaller sizes on jeans. Does it really make people feel skinnier? I know that the size I bought are not the size they say. It is like they are moving the sizes up (what once was a 9 is now labled a 7). Anyway, that is besides the point I guess. I rarely go to malls, but I am willing to try. I mainly shop at the outlet mall or K*ohls. I am not big on Tar*get clothes. Many times I buy a pair of jeans and after wearing them I realized they are too low cut and I am hiking them up all day. I also tend to buy really boring jeans. I mean plain pockets and nothing interesting about them. I am totally not into jewels or anything on them, but maybe a little something on the pocket or just something with a little more sex appeal?? I am bored of my boring wardrobe and want to spice things up without breaking the bank. Any suggestions?

Halloween already???

This is really unlike me but I just got out the halloween stuff yesterday! So, today was a frantic, get in the halloween mood day for me and the kids. Tomorrow we have halloween parties at school and then trick or treating at night. B is gone so I have to skip school to take the kids out. Not a huge deal (I hope, we'll see on the next test). I have never skipped class, EVER, since going back to college. I am such a goody-goody! I am feeling really guilty about it but I would feel more guilty not being with my kids on a holiday they love so much.

Today we decorated the house a little bit, made BOO bags for 4 neighbors, carved pumpkins, and roasted pumpkin seeds. I made cupcakes this past weekend to frost and decorate, but those aren't going as fast as I thought. We will probably give some away to neighbors.

I finished my paper from hell and am now looking forward to a busy clinical weekend. They aren't that bad when I am there but the anticipation and the time away from home is hard. And the paperwork, can't forget that. I usually have 3 patients so that means 3 careplans due the Wed after. Lots of typing, but I have to admit I am getting faster at putting the careplans together. Last year I couldn't imagine taking care of 3 patients and doing all the paperwork. Now I know it is do-able and I am doing ok with it. I got an A on my last test but I am still going to have to work really hard to get an A in the class since I got a low B on my first test. I will work my hardest and if I end up with a B I end up with a B. I will be ok. It will be ok. Right?

I am off to exercise then to bed, without studying tonight. Bad girl that I am!

One day at a time

That is how I try to do it, take it one day at a time and eventually you get where you need to go. I hate to wish time away but I really look forward to school being done. I really want to NOT study anymore!! I want to be able to work part time and come home and not do any extra reading or homework. Sounds so nice! But things are going well. I feel I do pretty good at keeping a balance. I spend quality time with my family. It isn't always enough quantity for me, but we have to get by. I miss B the most as he is in school every day and 2-3 of those days I leave for my school by 5pm. So, I see him about 1.5 hr those days. I have been going in to volunteer at his school just to see him more and for him to know that I think school is important. This weekend I am home all weekend and plan to spend a lot of time with both kids. B is also really into friends so some days after school he wants to play with friends, rather than spend time with me. And I totally understand that, but still I miss the days when I had them to myself all day every day (even though I went crazy many of those days!) I have realized when they go to school, it opens up a whole new door for them. It is a good thing, but it still is a big change. They find a social life and friends and other interests. They are no longer just YOURS they have their own little life outside of the home. Crazy how fast they grow.

Tonight we went to the fall festival at church, where B won bingo and J won at the cakewalk. Made their day. We then went out to family dinner and I ate way too much. Tomorrow we have a halloween party at a good friend's house, and J has cheerleading camp in the morning. Hopefully it will go better than dance. She claims she really wants to to go and being in the morning with no school before "should" help a lot. We will see. It is 2 Saturdays in a row for 2 hr each. Her little friend down the road is going also. Wish us luck.

I have a big paper due Monday but I'm not too stressed about it. It is an OB teaching guide so I really know most of what I'm reading already. It is more fun for me than work, although tedious. I still really love OB nursing even thought I will probably gravitate towards something more along the lines of critical care. I may pursue OB nursing someday. I would love to get my lactation consultant certification someday. But my heart really lies in the fast paced environments such as ER or ICU. I started out my journey wanting to be an OB nurse/midwife, funny how life changes as you are on the path you started. And possibly my path will still end up there. Who knows. I am so open to whatever comes my way and we will see.

I applied for a preceptorship through school, so we'll see if I get one. I'd really like to do one, for the experience and to get more hands on time in the hospital.

I am going to get a little more of my paper done before bed!

Head exploding

I just have this lingering cold thing I can't shake. It isn't so bad that I'm not functional, but it sure isn't fun. I have the sinuse pressure and itchy eyes. Just really congested feeling. It is only October and I had a stomach thing-y ing in Sept and this now. It isn't even cold/flu season. I guess my good health last year is not going to be my luck this year. I called to get an appointment for a flu shot next week. I usually get one and it is even more important now that I'm in the hospital frequently for school. I also am taking the kids in to get one. They are not going to be happy with me, but they need to have it. I know B will be brave but J will start crying as soon as we pull in the parking lot. She already cried once just asking me if she was getting one. That child. She walked home today from school, and came in and said "I'm exhausted". Too funny, that girl. I had a really boring night at school. Cost me $25 for a sitter since my husband is gone for work until tomorrow. I am burned out with school. I know I am. I do not want to spend time studying and writing papers and doing projects. I want to sit and watch TV for just one night. I want to rent a movie and just sit there for 3 hours doing nothing. I want to go to bed at 9pm without feeling guilty. I know I can do this, but I just don't want to!!! On that note, I better study a bit for my test before bed...... goodnight!

what would you do?

J has been in dance for like a month. She seemed to like it ok at first. Nothing she would talk about a lot or anything but she went and didn't complain. Well, the last few times she has had crying spells at dance. I am outside and she can see me and she will just start crying when she looks at me. Last time she would not stop (could not stop). And we had to stay because I had driven the neighbor girl. It was terrible (for me, her, her brother, everyone) she was saying "I can't stop crying" She tried to go back in twice and disrupted the class. It is not anything she can explain. So, I am debating even going back. It is $40/month and truthfully I am not a big fan of the whole dance thing anyway. She says she doesn't want to be in dance. Her reason is that she likes it but she can't stop crying and doesn't want to go anymore. She wants to play basketball when she is 6. She says she does not want to play sports this year. One thing that I am thinking is that 6.5 hr of school and then dance almost immediately after is just too much for her little body/mind to handle in one day. And she wants down time, not dance time. Another thing is maybe dance isn't for her. I don't want to be a quitter but I don't want to pay for something she does not like. It isn't a short term dance, it is the whole year with a recital at the end, with costs for costumes, pictures, recital fees, tickets etc. It is a lot of money. If it was a 6 week class I would make her finish but it isn't something that has an end in sight. I really thought she would love dance, but I guess I was wrong.

update

Of course he made it through his day just fine. I know that if he wasn't fine, I'd get a call from the nurse at the school but still I worry. I can remember a few times as a kid when I would feel sick all day at school, not telling anyone (of course I never said a word to my teachers at school, I was a TAD bit shy, unlike my kids!) and I would be miserable all day. I have told my kids if they feel sick at all to tell someone. But he was running home from school, and I had gone up in the truck because it was raining and he didn't even want a ride from me.

Tonight J told me that she doesn't like it when it is "crowded" at school. She is talking about when they have to wash up for lunch and there are a few classes there at once. It does get a little crazy. I hope she doesn't get too bent out of shape about it. She has been doing so good, and likes school for the most part. The poor kindergarteners sometimes get overwhelmed by all the kids at lunch and recess. The lunchroom gets really loud and J is really sensory sensitive.
Her good friends got separated from their class after lunch on the way to recess and now cries every day going to school. Just a little thing can really traumatize a 5 year old. I pray nothing happens to make J not want to go.

I am studying and studying this week. I have a big test next Wed and since I have clinical this weekend I will not have any time to study all weekend. I have to do it this week. I got a "gasp" B on the last test so I'm really trying to get a better grade. It would not be the end of the world if I did get a B in this class but I want to keep my record. I put too much pressure on the score and should just focus on getting through. I also have a head cold so I do not want to stay up late and study, I want to sleep. I really want to exercise tonight also since I didn't have time today (had to sit for J's friend) but if I do it now I will be up really late.

I better make sure my kids are asleep. B is gone again this week :( but just until Thursday.

Do you ever have this problem

Kid sick with low grade fever and headache. Keep him home from school. Wakes up saying he feels ok, send to school. Feel guilty/weird all day wondering if he is ok. I hate this. I hate having to send a kid to school a day after he was sick, but I know I can't just keep him home with no symptoms. I just hate winter and all the yucky sickness.

What I am thinking????

I am having one of those weeks where I ask myself what the heck am I trying to do here? Why do I get myself into nursing school? Why am I working my behind off day and night to be a nurse??? I sometimes think I am CRAZY!!! What kind of person does this to themself? I had a decent job before. I made good money. I didn't love it, but I didn't hate it either. I talked myself into this nursing thing and now I'm just in over my head with work and reading and studying and doing careplans. I never even heard of careplans before last year. I know deep down that I will love my job when I am done. I will be so proud but dang, this is really hard. I have SO much to do. I am SO tired all the time.

I am trying to be a good mom, wife, and student all at once and it is really hard. The person who gets the least amount of attention is myself.

I have a lot to do but I am going to bed. It is 11pm and I was up until 1AM last night doing homework. I need some sleep. Here is my brief update.....

Dance tonight = not good. I won't go into details but I think school for 6.5 hr + dance = not a good situation. We might be dance drop outs very soon.

Football tonight = VERY cold. Hubby is gone so I had to stay the whole game with J, who does not like to be cold. We spent part of the game in the truck. It was so cold we had winter coats, hats, gloves, 3 layers plus blankets and we were still freezing. The wind was terrible. It was the last game whooo hooo!

Housework = terrible. The house is a mess. I have to do laundry, dishes, beds, floors, bathrooms, you name it. I hate being behind.

Weight loss and exercise = great. I am exercising most days except when I have clinicals (I'm on my feet those days anyway). I fit in all my skinny jeans and feel great.

Kids = cute but demanding. Fighting too much. Not always listening. Going to bed too late. But lovely as usual.

Husband = gone. anniversary coming up soon!

Me = extremely tired --- good night!

The fun continues

Having 2 kids in school is really a lot of work. I know next year will be more since I'll have 2 kids in school full time. Part of the challenge is that my kids rarely will eat hot lunch. So, I continually packing lunches that I "hope" they will eat and trying new things that they might like, as they seem to tire of things easily. B is much more picky and will only eat hot lunch on days they have pancakes or french toast sticks. That happens maybe once a month. That is a lot of home lunches. J has eaten hot lunch 3 times already, more than B did his whole first year of school. She has a wider variety of things she likes and also will vary from routine a little more willingly than her brother. She actually LIKES to try new things. Unknown things. B does NOT like new things, he loves routine and likes to know exactly what he is supposed to do, in what order, every day. Once he is in the routine he is fine, but a little change, like getting hot lunch rather than bring a cold lunch, can be really stressful for him. He prefers me to come IF he happens to have hot lunch. Even thought he knows how to do it, he likes me there. Which is fine by me because in a couple years he will probably be embarassed if I come (not that it will stop me).

Anyway, other than the lunch packing, there is the clothes decision every day. Here in MN, at this time of year, the weather is really unpredictable. So, I can't really get their clothes out until it is morning and I can "test" the weather. Do they need pants? Long sleeves? Short sleeves with a jacket over, heavy or light jacket, even gloves on some days. Winter will be even worse because they have to wear: warm clothes, snowpants, winter jacket, boots, gloves, hat and scarf. Then they have to bring shoes and change in and out of winter gear about 4 times during the day. Talk about craziness! I love it really, though. I love seeing them grow and become so independent. They are SUCH good kids, and they are just so much fun.

Not much else is new. I am busy busy with school. Had my first test tonight. It was really hard. I had a psych clinical this past weekend. Wow, is all I can say. What an experience. I have so much to do it isn't even funny.

I am off to bed, after I get that load of laundry out of the dryer.

"my mom the ners"

B brought home a paper he was doing in school, about me, and under job he wrote "ners". Is that the cutest??? And even moreso, in less than 9 months I hope to be able to have that RN after my name. I am still alive, for anyone still even checking this blog. I am buried in homework, clincals every other weekend, school 2 nights a week, volunteering for each kid in school (it is hard to get 2 kids off to school!) once a week, going to dance class, and going to football games. That doesn't count housework, laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, making lunches, and fitting in 30-40 minutes of exercise per day. I thought I'd have free time with every other day to myself for 6 hr. I can't say I've had any "down" time. I seem to have so much to do, that I never do anything really fun or relaxing for myself. Maybe next week after my first test I will actually get a haircut (badly needed) or something else "fun". I did buy like 4 pairs of shoes in the past 2 weeks, so I guess I can't say I haven't had ANY fun. I am feeling like my kids are growing SO fast. J is in kindergarten and she is such a big girl. She is an old pro at the school thing watching her brother go the past 2 years. B is in 2nd grade and reading like a pro. He is so smart and such a perfectionist. Anyway, I have a LONG weekend ahead of me. I am working in a locked psych unit at one of the biggest trauma units of the twin cities. I will be there fri evening for a few hours and during the day both Sat and Sun. I also have a test coming up on Wed next week, along with all my clinical paperwork. I will have time for nothing other than school work and trying to spend a little time with my family. After Wed, I will have the next weekend off and plan to do something really fun with the kids. Maybe do an apple orchard if the weather permits. I just love fall. Anyway, I am off to bed. Gotta get that sleep while ya can!

Bret

Since I wrote about J, I really have to be fair and write about my sweet boy. My 7 year old, that makes me sound so old. He is going into 2nd grade and shortly after this picture was taken lost both of his front top teeth. He looks so different. I just love his smile and when he tells me he is having a "laugh attack". He had one tonight playing games with J and I. He is more like me, more serious and reserved. He isn't a big risk taker, but will do anything with guidance. He likes to know what is expected and what will happen and then he is game to try new things. He also loves to swim and can swim the length of a medium sized pool. He is a wrestler and baseball player. He is starting football tomorrow. Can you believe, football for 2nd graders? He looks so cute in all his pads. He thinks his "nut cup" is hilarious. He has a love/hate relationship with his sister. They get along great at times and she bugs him at times. I would like to see more love and less hate but in time I think that will come. I let them sleep together tonight in J's new big kid bed (full size). I haven't let them do that before so we will see how that goes. DH is out of town and they only have a couple weeks left of summer so I thought "what the heck". I better go check to see if they are sleeping. My boy is growing up so fast!!!!

Jenna

My daughter is a very big personality inside a little bitty body. I sometimes look at her and wonder how lucky I got, and sometimes I wonder what God saw in me that made him think I could handle her! I am challenged by this child daily. She has such a wild spirit, and is so unlike me that I sometimes do not know what to do. She just turned 5 years old and is ready to take on the world. She does not like anyone to help her do anything. She is fiercely independent but still wants me close by. She has emotions that run wild. Sometimes she will react in a way that is so unexpected that I am clueless. There are times that I can barely hold it together but I truly love this wild child more than I can imagine. I am a very introverted, shy and reserved person. As I child I rarely spoke unless spoken to. I was not very physical and I definately did not do anything risky. Jenna will do anything. She would do anything by herself. She gets downright mad when she is too short to ride on a carnival ride. She loves everything fast and scary. Loves rollercoasters, go carts, you name it she will try it. One thing she also loves is water. She has no fear of water whatsoever. She has had swimming lessons a number of times but still cannot really float or swim at all. She, however, has no problem jumping into water over her head and hoping someone will rescue her. This scares me to death. I fear that she will do this when someone is not around. We have told her countless times that she must be with an adult at all times. She must never just jump in a pool, even if we are there, unless she tells us she is jumping in. I don't know what to do about this problem. If we are in the boat, she has a life jacket on and has never jumped in alone. In pools she jumps in all over but we are always in the water. It only takes one time for her to choose to do something she shouldn't and with her personality it makes me scared that she could do this. We have also worked on her with her swimming and floating but she is far from knowing how to swim at all. I just pray we will always keep her safe from herself because she is my little firecracker. I have heard of 2 child drowings lately and so it makes me think about my little girl and how I don't know what I would do without her. Keep your babies close to you and hold them tight!

quickie

The 2 kids are in the bath together so this will be random and quick. I am done working, and gearing up for school. I start next weekend. The kids start after labor day. I got J's class list and the one kid who I would NOT want to be in her class is. Out of 4 classes, he is in hers, which sucks but what can ya do. I sure hope he is not going to cause problems. The nice thing about school is that they can send him to the office. In preschool, they didn't have that option. There are 2 girls she knows from preschool and I'm sure she will meet many new friends. We will get B's class assignment at open house next week. B starts football this week and DH is out of town. I don't have any big plans other than let the kids have some playdates here before school starts, got to football practice, and go to open lab at my school (make sure I know all my skills before the weekend when we do them in lab). I also have to buy a lab coat for our prep days, buy my books, look over my math conversions for our test next monday, and study up on my skills. I have to remember how to do a catheter, NG, IV, meds, injections, and vital signs. I did some of these during my internship but not all. I am kind of ready for the kids to be back at school. I probably should get J some new shoes (B's still fit from last year and look pretty good). I also need to get lunch stuff when it gets closer. Neither kid will eat hot lunch much so I will be busy making those darn lunches every morning. I think we got all the school supplies and backpacks. Kids are yelling for me, so gotta run!

Twin Cities Nightmare

I am still in shock about the terrible bridge collapse we had here in my home state. I do not live or drive that far into the city very often, but I have driven over this bridge and it is so scary just because it is one of those things that you never believe will happen. It is something you would never even think while you are driving over a bridge. Something I will think every time I drive over a bridge in the future. We have had 24 hr coverage here today, and I found out that even the TODAY show was in Minneapolis covering their story. I hope you all hug your loved ones a little bit longer today. 20-30 people are still missing, and many cars are in the river. Recovery efforts are going on right now, and my heart is with the families of the missing and those who are hurt or who have died due to this disaster.
http://www.comcast.net/news/index.jsp?cat=GENERAL&fn=/2007/08/02/730092.html

HELLO!

I am alive. Yes, I am supposed to be having a relaxing summer but with work, kids, house, travelling, and trying to fit in summer fun at the beach we are out an about much of the day. We are busy this week with VBS and football camp. Signed J up for dance this fall, and we are busy shopping for school supplies for both kids. Very busy! Hope to get an update up soon.

So sorry.

Boy, I'm a great blogger huh? No wonder I don't have many readers! Ha! I am waking up right now at 2:30 pm, why you might ask? I worked the last 2 nights, overnight 12 hours, and I due to work again tonight. It is really tiring but I'm making it. This internship has changed our lives this summer and I'm learning a lot. It is hard to adjust and working again has it's ups and downs but overall, I really am learning so much and enjoying the patients and hospital. I am getting to do a lot of stuff and it will really help in clinicals next year. Plus, I am getting paid. I am actually making money, something I haven't done in almost 5 years. It feels good. I like contributing to our family. The kids are adjusting fine to daycare a couple days a week. They haven't complained once. I think they were actually ready to do something like this. It keeps things interesting and they have kids to play with their. Even my J, who is attached to my hip most days, is doing great and I'm so proud of both of them. I have 6 weeks left then I will be back to being a student rather than an employee, but this time next year I will probably be starting a new job (unless I take the summer off first - very tempting!)

Other than that, our summer is going fast and has been fun. We have been spending quality family time together and loving it. My kids are at such a great age. I love it. They are my little companions and my best buds. We have our moments but I really am so lucky.

I am off to get something to eat upstairs and wait for the rest of my family to get home. Sorry about the no posting lately!!

Tomorrow I enter the working mom world

Tomorrow I will be at WORK, can you believe it. It won't be a huge change as I've been a student forever and had to carve out time for that. This way I will go to work and not have homework when I get home! YAY! I have orientation for the first few days and one day of shadowing and then this coming weekend I will be working as an intern with my preceptor (nurse mentor/teacher). I am hoping that she is nice. I would think most preceptors would be, but that can make or break the whole experience. I am excited to do this, I know I will learn so much and be ahead of things starting next year in school. It will help me greatly in getting a great job after graduation. Our instructor told us that pretty much 100% of people who intern get a job before graduation. That was good to hear. Even if there are a ton of nursing jobs out there, any edge to get the job I want will help. I also ran into a nurse friend at a restaurant last night and she said she would precept me spring semester (as a 2nd year student we have an opportunity to do a preceptorship for a few weeks rather than clinicals if we find a nurse who will take us and we have the other qualifications). I am excited she said she would do it, since I get along with her, she has been a nurse for a long time and I think would be a great teacher, and she works in ICU = great experience to get before graduation. I will get to do a ton of things in ICU and unless I find another area I really want to do my preceptorship in, I will most likely do it with her. I do know some other nurses I could ask and may see what other options are out there but it is nice to have that in the back of my mind.

I am feeling like I am coming down with something so I'm going to put J to be (B is at baseball practice) and take a nice bath before bed.

Not another diet post

I won't make this about a diet or losing weight. Someone had posted a comment about getting an update, and well as you know I was all discouraged because throughout the school year I ended up gaining back the weight I had lost over last summer. It amounted to about 8-10 lb. From my very lowest last summer to what I was a couple weeks ago about 10 lb but I had a very hard time staying at my very lowest weight. Anyway, of course with the end of school and the start of nice weather I am again optimistic about fitting in my small clothes that I got last summer! The never ending roller coaster of my life. :) I am not upset. I am not mad. It is just how it is. I get stressed and I eat more. I don't exercise like I should and when it is cold and snowy and below zero degrees I do not walk outside. It's the facts. I wish I could say I'd never do it again (the roller coaster-ing) but I can't promise anything. I can only try my best. I am walking at least every other day, if not more. I am even JOGGING half of my 3 miles. Yes, me, jogging. I don't job. I hate it. I can't do it. At least that is what I told myself. But I did it, am doing it. I eat right. I don't binge eat hardly ever anymore. I limit sweets and try to drink a lot. I am doing my best and hopefully I can continue.

Dance vs. Gymnastics

J is almost 5. Her brother is active in wrestling, baseball (previously soccer), and will play football in the fall. We are always going to his activities and cheering him on. J has had her share of activities, but not too many. She is in soccer now once a week, and has done some community ed gymnastics classes that I haven't been overly fond of. So, I feel that it is time to sign her up for a real sport/activity. I feel like she doesn't get much out of the community ed classes, the teachers are basically high school kids who can't control the little kids. They do the same thing every time and it seems a little boring. She loves going, don't get me wrong, but I want her to get something out of it, and I think at this age she really could get something out of a class. So, I'm debating dance vs. gymnastics. I think if I asked her she would say both, and probably if she had to choose would have a hard time. Every part of me wants her to say gymnastics. I am so not a dance proponent, especially little girls in those crazy outfits, with the curlers and the makeup. Sure, I let my girl dress up and she has her fair share of lip gloss but I just would prefer she do gymnastics. I never did either as a kid (my parents weren't big fans of dance either) and I so want her to have that option. I think she would be really good at gymnastics. She is small and strong, and if she takes after her dad's side (which both kids seem to when it comes to growth) she will probably stay on the petite side. However, I did get a flyer about a dance studio in town which seems to have decent prices. She can take ballet and tap once a week. I'm thinking any gymnastics club around here will cost an arm and a leg to join and plus we don't have one in town. Convenience means a lot when you are as busy as we are! How did you decide?

Thankful

Did you know studies have shown that it is nearly impossible to be stressed and thankful at the same time? It's true. I have been focusing on being thankful for everything I have in my life. To cherish the little things. Be in the moment.

I am thankful for my 6:30 wakeup by J running in my room

I am thankful for my bedtime talks with B

I am thankful for my husband's hard work financially supporting our family, my school, the kids activities, and everything else that costs SO MUCH MONEY

I am thankful for the sun shining

I am thankful for my health, my family's health, my friend's health. So many do not have their health and so many take it for granted. It could be gone in an instant

I am thankful for the food that we have each meal

I am thankful for my beautiful home

I am thankful for our 2 cars that get us where we need to go

I am thankful for teachers to are second mothers to my kids

I want to wake up each day and feel thanks. Less than 1% of the world lives like I do. We have more food than we need each day, we have a home with a bedroom for each child. We have 2 cars. We have more clothes than we need. The kids have toys surrounding them. The majority of the world does not live this way. Children die every day from starvation and sickness. They do not get immunizations to protect them from deadly illnesses. They do not have a toy. They maybe get one meal a day, if that. Our society always wants more, needs more, buys more. We live in our little bubble and I hope that someday there will be enough food and toys for every child.

Are all self tanners created equal?

I have been known to be pretty tan in the summer. I have a darker complexion naturally so I am actually tan year round. But in the summer I get really tan. However, this summer I am determined to be better about using sunscreen on my entire body. I need to start protecting my skin, especially after my mole scare a few weeks back. I know I'm not at high risk for skin cancer, but it can happen and does happen a lot. It typically hits young people, and is a very unforgiving kind of cancer to get. So, in order to protect my skin, the only skin I have, I am going to use sunscreen. In the past I have been good about using it on my face, shoulders, chest, etc. Anything that is prone to burning. But usually not on my legs at all, or my arms. So, in order to keep a tan appearance I invested in some self tanner. I have used some in the past but not regularly once I get the natural sun tan. I have been using it this week, and seems to be working. They have come a long way from the orange dye type lotions. I am using a cheapy brand from Target, but what do you recommened? I have used Jergens and Neutrogena so far. I have also used Mary Kay in the past. Never used the expensive department store brands and not sure I want to spend that much money on lotion.

I got a few summer things for myself today. A pair of shorts and capris, 2 pairs of flip flops, 2 t-shirts. Nothing too exciting, just basics that I will use to exercise and go to the beach. I don't dress up in the summer. I like to wear sporty type outfits that I can go for a long walk in or take a bike ride in. I also like stuff I can wear over swim suits. I got a couple cotton knit dresses to wear over my swim suits also a few weeks ago. Those are always comfy.

DH is gone for a couple days so I'm home alone with the kids, it is dreary and cold today and J isn't feeling well so we may skip soccer tonight. She says her throat hurts. I have no homework (yay) so not sure what I'll do after kids are asleep. Don't even have a book to read. Not even sure what is on TV Tues nights. Maybe I'll organize scrapbook stuff, or try to find something on TV. I only watch TV Thur nights (Grey's Anatomy, Survivor, ER).

Better make dinner for the kiddos and get a glass of wine for me!

Relief!

I am done! YAY! I got a 94 on my last final, for a final grade of an A. I am really relieved about that. As much as you hear grades don't matter, I still want to get A's. This was supposedly the hardest semester so I am happy with the outcome. I have to say my first year of nursing school was unlike anything I Have ever done. It taught me so many thing about myself and about nursing. I am such a different person now. I know so much more. In some weird way I look forward to next year and finishing up my education (at least this part of it!) Some of us went out after class for a few drinks and then I came home and immediately checked my grade. I could miss 16 to still keep my A so I was pretty sure I did that, but I was still eager to see. I always leave tests not really sure how I did. I never have a good idea of what I got. I was really happy.

So, now on to summer and work and play and kid time and family time and all that jazz. I don't have to study for 3 months!!! Even if I'm working, I will have much more free time. No worrying about tests and papers and presentations. I hope to enjoy the moments of summer this year before they are gone.

10.25

My son ran the mile in 10.25 minutes yesterday. I'm almost positive that is faster than I could run a mile. He is 7 and about 4 feet tall. I have to say I'm proud of my little guy. I can't believe he ran a whole mile and did so well. He is my hero!

Garage sale season is here. Today I spent the whole day outside down the street helping my neighbor run the garage sale. We had 4 families in this sale, along with about 4 others in the neighborhood. Driving around, there are sale signs all over the city. Once May hits, the garage sales start up and the die hards start circling the expected sales around 7am (we didn't open until 9!) Pretty funny. The weather cooperated, it was in the 80's all day. Hot, even, if you can believe that. I was sweating!

Busy studying for my last final. I got 97% on my final last monday! Best score yet.

Went to the zoo with B's class Tuesday. Going to the farm with J's class monday.

Gotta go!

What your swimsuit says about you

I was thinking lately about summer, the beach, and of course swimming suits. I was at Target today and bought the kids some sunscreen, since I read you were supposed to replace it each year. I am on a big sunscreen kick this year as I got a mole removed that had some atypical cells. I am even going to use sunscreen on my legs this year (and I never do) since that is where I found the suspicious mole. Anyway, I got to thinking about the vast array of swimwear you see at the beach. I, like many women, am a little uncomfortable in a swimsuit. I am not embarassed, but I tend to like to hide the areas I don't like and show off the ones I do. I got 2 suits I like fairly well last year. Both are 2 piece BUT there is no stomach showing. One is really sporty, black and hot pink, tank style top and skirt bottom. Good for swimming with kids, and active water sports (I have been known to wakeboard). The other is more of a "cute" suit, orange and pink and white with low cut top and just more feminine looking. It shows off the cleavage a little better and the legs a little better.

I see a lot of people who are wearing small bikinis at the beach, and I sometimes wonder why they are wearing bikinis. I guess that means they are more confident than I am, more comfortable in their own body. Granted, some people look great in a bikini, but it really takes a pretty perfect body to pull one off. I am a little too saggy in places and a little too "chubby" in other places to feel I can pull one off. My husband wants me to wear a bikini but I won't do it, not in public. Maybe I wish I had the confidence to try it, just once, regardless of how I look or think I look.

What is your swimsuit style and what does it say about you???

The end is in sight

I have one more presentation and 2 finals and then I will no longer be a first year nursing student. I had my case study presentation today. A 25 min solo presentation on a client we had over clinicals. It was probably the longest presentation I have ever given by myself. It went fine. We also took the HESI test, which tests your nursing knowledge to this point. It is supposed to be an indicator of how you will do on the NCLEX next year. I did well, so I was happy to know I learned something this year. I was in school from 8am - 4:30pm and the weather was beautiful so it wasn't a good day to have school. I also had my instructor evaluation, in which she said I am doing well and that I will be in good shape going into 2nd/final year. Tomorrow we have a group presentation on complementary therapy. Our group is doing aromatherapy. Kinda boring but it will be over soon. We have to sit through 10 groups doing presentations so it will be a long, boring day. Then class is over except the 2 finals. I am excited and amazed it went so fast. Next year sounds like it will be fun. We get to do a lot more nursing and take on many more patients. There is also an opportunity to do a preceptorship so I am hoping to get one of those. Anything to get experience and help me get a job later. This time next year I will be looking for a job. Can't believe it.

B is a little under the weather today. He was up with a fever last night, but can't tell me what hurts. Just that he is tired and weak. Guess it isn't too serious as he is eating ice cream. He just seems tired and out of it.

The plan for the week isn't too exciting. I am hoping to work around the house, get garage sale stuff marked and packed up, study, and spend time with my family who I have been neglecting lately. I make time every day to spend time with the kids but it never seems to be enough. The days go by so fast and bedtime comes so quickly. With wrestling practice, baseball, soccer, preschool, 1st grade, my school, there just is never enough time. I know they know they are loved and that is the most important thing. I do little things like surprise B at lunchtime by showing up, taking J to the park while B is in school, and play games with them. I hope they always remember the little things.

I'm off to bathe kids and have a nice mixed drink to relax :)

Older and Wiser?

I am officially 33. My birthday happened to fall on Easter this year. I can remember a few years in the past in which my birthday has been on Easter. Not that it really changes much! I had a nice day. We went out the night before to a local family pizza place. Nothing fancy but I wanted to go out with the kids and it is a good place that everyone likes. Sunday we went and picked up my grandma and drove to my parents house and had a nice late lunch and cake. It was pretty laid back. I then dropped DH and B back at the house and J (who was sleeping) and I drove grandma home. It is nice to visit with her. She is losing her memory and repeats things a lot but she is doing well physically and seems to be happy. I worry about her, but she always claims to be fine. She has a man "friend" who she seems to see daily for dinner, but I don't think she does much as far as keeping busy with anything else.

I got a great gift, a camcorder that records directly onto DVD's, which I've wanted for so long. It also takes still pictures. I am so excited about this. I rarely ask or let DH buy me anything but this year we got a good tax return and bonus so I did hint around about it. I also got money from the in laws and my parents which will go towards my gift. I know I will use it a lot. I haven't been taping the kids much on our old recorder because it really was junk. It would eat the tapes and I didn't want to chance trying to record something then lose it. I was just taking still pictures. Now I will be able to record so much more and I will use it all the time. And the memories will be SO worth the money.

Easter itself was good. We went to good friday service and Easter morning service. The kids got to search the house for eggs in the morning. Unfortunately the weather was too cold to hide them outside. I don't recall ever hiding the eggs outside, which is too bad. April is really not a good month here. We usually get a really nice warm day and everyone thinks spring is here, and then we get snow (we have snow on the ground right now). And sometimes we get a lot of snow in April. Really, spring doesn't happen in MN. We go right from winter to mild winter to milder winter to summer. At least we get 2-3 months of sun/warm in summer. But other than that we get cold and snow!

I have my last clinical this weekend. Again I am dreading tomorrow night. But I can do it, one more for the year. I can do it. I will be exhausted come monday but the end of my first year is in sight. I have about 2 more weeks of actual class and then 2 finals in May. Then I am half way done with nursing school. I have been putting a lot of thought into future educational plans. I went into nursing school with thoughts of eventually getting a masters in midwifery. After this year, I have to say that maybe I don't want to put all my focus into OB/birth. I am now leaning more towards Nurse Practitioner. I would start working part time after graduating next year and then I would go to school and get my bachelors, and then on to masters as a NP. That way I can work with a broader range of patients. Not actually delivering babies (which I may change my mind on this later as it is still a passion of mine) but working with pregnant moms, children, babies, elderly, young adult. I do think I will eventually get a masters in something I just have to figure it out and find a job that will help pay for it. I know my career will be in this field. I have a love for it like I never thought I could for a career. I may even go into teaching someday.

Tonight I want to watch Survivor and get lots of sleep to be ready for the weekend. I want to play with the kids since I won't see them much Fri-Sun. I will post again early next week!

Snow

It snowed last night, and sad thing is that it is still sticking to the ground, meaning it is around freezing temps. Sad for April huh?? My wish is sun and above 50 degrees for Easter/birthday.

I have class tonight and then studying the rest of the week. I may take the kiddos swimming tomorrow morning.

Anyone have any good motivational books they recommend??? I want to read a few books in my 3 week break between school and work. I would love to find a great women's motivational book that helps someone find inner strength and the ability to be one's best. Any recommendations would be great. I am an avid fiction reader but can't seem to get into non-fiction books as much. I'd like to try.

Blog Roll

So, I FINALLY updated my blog roll (instead of studying like I should be tonight!)

Check it out and if you happen to read my blog and you have a blog yourself, PLEASE email me or leave me a comment so I can add you to my blog list and start reading your blog. I would love to add more blogs, and if you have any interesting ones I might like drop me a line. God knows I need to spend more time reading blogs right!? It is a good stress reliever and fun to read about others lives!

Thanks! I'm off to study, really!

another clinical weekend done

I had my 2nd to last clinical this past weekend! one left, then one more weekend doing presentations at school and then no more weekend classes. We are done with finals early May so it is coming up quickly. I can't believe I am almost done with my first year of nursing school. Only one year to go and I'll be an RN. Wow.

Clinicals went great. Like I've said, I have the hardest/most challenging instructor. She really makes you be on top of things. She checks what you are doing, checks your documentation, talks to the RN you are working with, probably talks with the patients. She asks questions and if you ask her a question she comes back to you with a question and never answers your questions. I have heard her really crack down on some people. She has almost made some people cry. For some reason she doesn't seem to do that to me, yet... I know it may be coming. She seems to be ok with me so far. Anyway, had a great patient, my first younger male. He was a little younger than my husband so it was a different dynamic. It was really interesting because he has a history similar to one of my brothers who has had past medical issues so I felt I really had something to offer him and it really was a good experience. As far as nursing stuff, I got to do another subQ injection in the abdomen. Those really aren't scary for me anymore because the needle is very short/thin and patients never seem to be hurt when I give them. I have yet to do a long/big IM injection though. I also got to pull out a NG tube (nasogastric - from nose to stomach) which can be really uncomfortable for the patient. You have to pull really fast and I think I did ok. It still was kind of traumatic for the patient. But it was good I got to do that.

The rest of the weekend I was either sleeping or up late working on paperwork. I have one weekend of hellish sleeping left. I always stay up late Fri night doing my paperwork and then I can't sleep because I am too nervous or excited or scared my alarm won't go off. For some reason I'm able to sleep much better Sat night. I am still making up for lost sleep. I have a test next monday so I will be busy studying for that. I also have 2 presentations to start and finish up in the next couple weeks.

My husband is out of town again Mon-Thur. The kids and I went to a big play area/indoor playground yesterday with a couple of my childhood friends and their kids. The loved it. I had a babysitter come last night since I had school. My parents will take the kids tomorrow while I have class. Both kids are on spring break and of course it is rainy and cold. I haven't seen the sun for about a week. How depressing. Today we are making some easter eggs and I have been hiding things around the house and they have been secret agents trying to find stuff. Simple but they love it. I also organized all of J's hair-do stuff, it was in about 3 different drawers and all mixed up. I have also been slowly going thru stuff for the garage sale I'm going to have with some neighbors in May. I come up with about 1-2 bags a week. I want to get the house cleaned out by summer. I will donate some to the preschool garage sale and church garages sales as well.

Other plans this week are wrestling practice tonight and Thurday, various church services (I think we'll try to go Thur night and Fri afternoon for good friday and of course Easter Sun). This year the kids have really been interested in the holy week. They learn about it at church school, and J's preschool is a christian preschool so they did a really fun storytelling of the week using plastic eggs with symbols inside of them. I think they are starting to understand what easter is really about. Of course, they still love the eggs and candy and the bunny and all that but they know about palm sunday, the last supper, and how Jesus rose again. It is interesting for me to see them learn this, I never was brought up with religion so this is all new for me. My parents never went to church or took us to church or even talked about religion with us. I really have never asked them why. I don't really bring it up, they have never been church going people or been interested in why we go so for some reason it is kind of a topic not talked about. One reason I bring my kids is not only for the religion aspect but for the social part of it. I see the older kids/teens and they seem to have a group of people and activities to do all the time. They go on trips, have bonfires, meet once a week, etc. When I was in junior and senior high I always kind of wished I had that church family some of my friends seemed to have. I think it is a safe place for them to hang out and find friends there. Not that all kids that go to church are good kids but at least most of the activites are supervised and safe. I want my kids to have that place where they belong. Maybe that is the wrong reason so be involved in church but that is one of mine.

My birthday is also on Easter so it will be nice to spend it with my family and have the day off from school and everything else. I will be 33 years old.

I better go get our eggs off the stove and start the coloring process!!! Have a great holiday !

the spoiled kid generation

Does anyone else notice how spoiled kids are these days?? It is crazy, how kids seem to run the show. It is my worst nightmare to have a kid that thinks they are the center of everything! I think that my kids are just as spoiled in some regards as others. However, I do try really hard to not let them run things and tell me what to do. Is see it all the time, kids yelling at their parents, hitting their parents, bossing their parents around. And thing is, some parents totally give in to the kids or else ignore them without any consequences. I don't know what has changed since my generation of kids, but it sure is different these days. When I was a kid, I was afraid to even ask my parents for something. I would never ask for something in a store, and I never even requested what I wanted in a restaurant. There was no way my dad was going to let us get the happy meal, no way. I never even asked. He always ordered plain hamburgers, and maybe a large fry to share. I ate what he ordered. Now kids assume they will get the big kids meal with toy (that ends up in the garage sale bag), and sometimes they even think they should get dessert. I am avoiding fast food places, and trying to wean my kids from their happy meals! :) Luckily they haven't even asked lately, probably because they are so used to it that it isn't even a treat anymore. They have pretty much realized that they aren't going to get something when we go to the store. I am trying my best to raise kids that are respectful of adults. In B's class, there are so many kids who have no respect for the teacher or any authority. It is really sad. These kids obviously run the show at home and expect the same at school. Those parents need to teach those kids how to behave and give them real consequences for acting out. It is really sad and makes me scared of what things will be like when all these kids grow up and expect everyone to cater to them.

single parenting

After a long break from travelling, my husband is gone this week, all week. I am a single parent once again, like I used to be pretty much every other week in years past. I have been spoiled with him home so much lately. I miss him and I do not like this at all! I am on spring break this week with no one to enjoy it with! I also do not sleep well when he is gone so I'm tired. Also, J had a fever last night and so I'm not sure what is up with her. I was up with her a few times and she was in my bed so that makes for some less than ideal sleeping arrangements! She is staying home from school and laying around today. I am supposed to meet my group from school to work on our project tonight. My parents are taking the kids, so I'm kind of waiting to see how she feels. I took her to the minute clinic and she has "pink" ears. Not red like they are when infected but it could be the start of one. Her throat also hurts and she is stuffed up. So, it may be just a cold/virus and it may be another ear infection. She just finished antibiotics for her last one about 2 weeks ago. So I hesitate to start her up on another round unless necessary. I got the prescription filled but it is unused in the refrigerator right now. They gave her a stronger version of her last antibiotic and of course it would cause more side effects (diarrhea, stomach upset etc) so I really don't want to use it. Many ear infections clear up on their own if left so I may wait to see if the fever comes back or she gets considerably worse. What a pain her ears have been. She has had lifelong ear issues, but it has gotten better in recent years. She does still get a couple infections every winter though. I don't have much else planned. The weather is very dreary and gray, with some rain sprinkling down. It is still pretty chilly out, and even though spring is officially here, I'd have to say it doesn't feel very springy out today. I am cold in my house, all the time. I am sick of being cold. I want it to be so hot I am sweating and wearing tank tops every day. I want to sleep with just a sheet on. (we have a down comforter and 2 other blankets on our bed right now). I want to sit in the back yard and watch the kids run through the sprinkler. I just want to be warm again!!!!!

Tired!

Monday morning and I am dead tired. Of course I had a very busy weekend at clinical. I was out the door at 3:30 Friday to the hospital to get my patient information. I was there until about 6:30 then I stopped at B's wrestling banquet for 1 hr before going home to stay up working on my care plan and drug cards until 1:30 am. I had to get up at 5 am so I was not a happy camper. I worked all day Sat and then was up until 11pm Sat night working again on paperwork. It is much harder this semester because we have to write up a drug card for every drug our patients are on, and my patient this weekend was on 16 different drugs. It took over 2 hr to do those and more to do the actual care plan. The staying up late is the worst part, I am not good without my sleep. Anyway, except for being so tired I had a pretty good weekend. I got to practice lots of new things like changing out IV antibiotics, giving a lot of oral meds, and I got to give 2 insulin shots and 1 lovenox injection. Nice getting that first one out of the way. I am now on spring break and my husband is out of town for business. I plan to have some playdates here while he is gone and also spend lots of time with the kids. I want to take them to a movie, I've been promising that for a while. I hope to have a great week and get some studying done as well.

Life

Update:
We had a great time at the tournament this weekend. B had 1 win and 2 losses. I actually wasn't expecting any wins so I think he did great. The competition is unbelievable. We had 14 boys on the team go to state and I think 4 made it to Sunday. Only 1 boy placed and got 2nd. The rest got eliminated somewhere along the way. The best of the best were there and even the little kids are damn good. It is fun to watch, and it is exciting to say the least. We had dinner with the whole team Fri night at a great italian place. My in laws drove up from IA to see his first 2 matches so they went to dinner with us. The kids both sat at the big kids table and had a blast. They got to swim a little Fri and we tried to get them to bed early since we had to be up pretty early. Sat was wrestling until 1:00 then back to swim. All the boys just hung out together, swimming and running around the hotel halls playing tag. Many of the boys shaved their heads that night but B wouldn't do it. He loves his long hair. The coaches had a bet with a lot of the kids that if the cried if they lost they had to shave their head. We had quite a few criers! B got a little teary with his losses but no full blown crying. He takes losing pretty well. Sat night the team had a big pizza party and we then went to bed. The kids were beat!

Got home Sun and now are back to the old grind. I am getting ready for another clinical weekend, then I had spring break. I have to go sign the kids up for soccer tonight. The weather was in the 60's today which is VERY warm this time of year. We are getting another cold front soon so it won't last. But it was nice to not have to wear a jacket for at least one day. We still have snow on the ground and that was weird to have snow but to be that warm. J went to a friend's house and I got some grocery shopping done. I also got a few new shirts on clearance for myself. I am feeling much better about things and think that a positive attitude will help me out a lot. I take myself and life too seriously sometimes. I need to let go and be happy. I went for a walk yesterday and realized how walking really clears my mind, and that being cooped up all winter pretty much puts me in a depression every year. In the summer I feel great, I lose 10 lb, and I am happier. In the winter I gain back the 10 lb, and feel sluggish and tired. Maybe I have that seasonal disorder. Something to think about...

Clinical Weekend

I am done with my first clinical with my new instructor. She is the hardest one, and she expects a lot out of us. Good, but bad too. It went fine. I had a great patient and weekend. My only complaint is that I didn't get to perform as many skills as I would like. 2 students got to give Sub Q injections, so I'm jealous! I got to change the rate on an IV, and other than that nothing more than I've done before. Each semester we get to perform more skills as we learn them in school. First semester we basically were only able to do bed baths, elimination needs, bed changes, vital signs, meal cares, etc. Just easy stuff. Now we are qualified to do IV bag changes, IV piggy back meds, injections, tube feedings, catheter insertions, and probably more things but I can't remember right now. Anyway we have a lot more we can do which is exciting but scary too. I'm looking forward to doing more things with my patients. We are working on a med/surg oncology floor. Lots of pretty sick people. It is sad but it is rewarding to be able to help in some small way. The nice thing about being a student is just having one patient and being able to spoil them for the day. It is very hard to leave and not know what will happen to them. I guess I better get used to it. I have class tonight and Wed night then the weekend off. We are going to the state wrestling tournament, where B will wrestle and we will watch the rest of the team qualifiers as they wrestle. It will be pretty fun, and we will spend some time together as a family and also with the wrestling team. It is about 2 hr away, so not too far. The kids will enjoy the hotel and swimming and B gets to miss half a day of school. I just realized J will miss preschool that day as well. This is his first try at state, so we told him it is just for fun. There will be great wrestlers there so he most likely won't get too far, even though he is pretty good also. We know there will be kids who have had much more training and experience as him. He is in the 1st and 2nd grade 50 lb weight class so he will also have to wrestle kids older than him (he is 1st grade) and a year more experience is big at this age. It is for fun, and luckily he handles losing pretty well! :) I am off to make lunch for J before preschool, then her ride will be here and I'll have 2.5 hr to myself. I told myself no school work today, so I'm thinking of going shopping!

Better

I am feeling a little better. I think overall I am just at a point in life that I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things I have to keep up with. School, kids, husband, friends, family. I feel like I am 32 years old and I want to be at a place where I feel more of a calm. Maybe that day will come after I'm done with school. But that is over a year from now so I better get used to it. Funny, when I was staying at home not going to school, I wanted more. Now I have more, and I know I'm happier because of it. I know I was happy as a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine not having more (school) at this point. Probably because my kids are getting older. I don't know. I think all moms are just so different. But now I have to much. I don't have energy to give 100% to everything and the things that I do give my 100% to are my school and my kids. My friends and husband suffer. I wish I could do it all, but I am human. I forgot to add that giving to myself is dead last. Bad I know. I wish I could do better. I have tried. I want to try. But I never succeed. That is why after trying to create a healthy lifestyle over and over I still have yet to accomplish this. I wish I knew why, I wish I could solve this little life problem. I do exercise and I do try to eat right. Try is the key word. I find that I have this food problem and I'm not sure I can solve it myself. But I don't have money to find help. I also don't even know where to go. I need more support than I can give myself or that anyone in my life can give me. It is something that is a constant struggle and someday I hope to say I won the battle. I'm not at that point yet.

Anyway, I am feeling better. I got a 95% on my test last night. I have clinicals this weekend. We are getting more snow so I may be up very early driving in. The kids are doing fine. They are as wonderful as ever. I am even going to try to watch a movie with my husband tonight. Just the 2 of us in bed early. I hope it works out. Maybe I'll even have some wine. I am not going to open my books today. I am off to make dinner. Good night!

Venting post

Do you ever just feel so down and out that you just can't stand it? I can't go into any details but I am very sad about some trivial things. Things that have hurt me and that I have to let go. I need to move on. I am just feeling like I am on this ride and I just keep going around and around and I can't find a way to stop it or slow down. And people are going on and having fun and I'm stuck. I feel unappreciated, lonely, hurt. And this isn't anything that my husband has done. It is more friends I'm talking about. Supposedly best friends. And it isn't anything major but it is small things that mean a lot to me. It is really hard to explain but I just felt a need to write about my feelings. I sometimes feel like no one needs me at all. Besides my kids that is (who are the most important anyway). But like no one else in the whole world really cares. And that is a lonely feeling. I think I am a good person. I think that I give more than I receive. And I like giving but it is hard when you don't ever get to be on the receiving end. I am tired and I am sad. I am hurt and frustrated. I also have a test tonight so I am anxious. I even have lost my appetite (for me this is a miracle!) Too bad that won't last long. I am just feeling like I have a 100 lb weight on me and I can't break free. I hope this feeling turns around very soon.

My Girl's Hair

Just had to post of pic of how long J's hair is getting. I am not sure what I will do with it. It usually isn't so curly (this was after taking out french braids), but it is getting very long. I trim it myself every few months but that is it. She has never had a haircut other than one trim at a salon and trims from me. It is pretty hard to take care of. She doesn't like to wear it down and it gets in her face a lot when she does wear it down so I usually french braid it every few days (it stays in a couple days once I get it in a braid). Washing it is getting harder too, and I like to dry it after so she doesn't have to go to bed with wet hair. So, it is somewhat time consuming but I'm not ready to cut it off. Not sure if I ever will be!! One thing I really wanted as a kid is nice long hair. My mom used to cut mine (very crooked I might add) and so I am maybe re-living the hair thing through my daughter!!!

I don't think it is a compliment

I am on the computer and J is sitting on my lap.

J: "mom, you look just like George Washington."

me: "what do you mean? He has white curly hair! You think I look like him?"

J: "oh yeah, Abraham Lincoln. That is who you look like!"

Thanks so much. She has been learning about presidents in preschool this past week. So I guess I look like Abrahm Lincoln. Yay me!

Got the Job

I was offered the internship position this morning. It is a med-surg unit of a small hospital about 20 minutes away. It is a 10 week PAID internship working under a preceptor, the hours are whatever her hours are and I won't find them out until sometime in May. I have some daycare issues to take care of obviously and won't have much time to figure them out. I am excited, nervous, scared, stressed, but also feel lucky to be given this opportunity. This will open doors to me that would not have been there if I didn't get this position (assuming I do well, and they want me as an RN after graduation). This also will help me become a better nurse. There were 500 applicants and I got one of 100 jobs. This is amazing being that I had absolutely NO medical experience and have been out of the workforce for over 4 years. I am not sure what made them even give me an interview let alone a job. I am very lucky. Even though I will miss the kids a ton, I know that this is a good thing. I know they will be ok. I know I will still spend as much time with them as I possibly can this summer. I will make this a special summer regardless. It is only 10 weeks. I can do this.

Delayed weigh in

I won't be weighing again til the 1st of March. I am too stressed and tired to weigh and not see a change. I am going to keep at it, and keep going on my good habits but I am really busy and want to wait to weigh. I guess I'm nervous I'll be disappointed if I don't get the number I want. And I so do not want it to be about the number. I have a HUGE performance test tomorrow at 8am and 1pm. I am very nervous and need to keep calm and confident in order to do well. Wish me luck and I'll update after my weekend classes.

24 days

It has been 24 days since I have done any type of emotional eating. That is a LONG time for me. Like maybe a record. And I have made a pact to myself that I am worth more, that I will not be tempted by the instant gratification of food and will instead focus on gratifying my WHOLE self and treating myself like I should. I thought of it because I am hungry right now. I am up late trying to study and I have not eaten since dinner at 5:30. So, I am very hungry. I try not to eat between dinner and bed because it is my difficult time and if I give in to something I will keep eating and eating. I allowed myself to eat a small handful of frosted mini wheats and I ate only that one handful, no more. I won't give it. I would absolutely love to start on the hershey kisses or the crackers or whatever else I could eat but I am not going to and I will feel better in the morning because of it. I have said it before, that food is a drug to me. I don't think some people realize the strong power of food on some people. It is my drug. I wish I could say that exercising was my drug, or reading, or doing something productive or good for me. But it's not. I am a food addict and trying to break this habit is the hardest thing I will ever do. It is hard to talk about to people I know in real life. I am not a heavy person so I never would get taken seriously. I have talked to a couple close friends but I don't have someone who really takes me seriously. Even my husband who knows my issues and lives with me doesn't really truly believe it's a problem. So, my internal struggle and achievements are mine and mine alone. I keep counting the days and looking forward. The weight I want to lose isn't falling off very quickly but I am doing things the right way. I am working in the right direction. The number on the scale is not the main goal of this. I need to change for other reasons more than 8 lb. I look at how bad I have wanted to lose 8-10 lb and really is that going to change my life? Not really. I'll just fit a little better into my smaller size jeans. I may feel a little better going to the beach. But overall, that small amount of weight isn't what really bothers me. I think it bothers me more that I can't control myself and it makes me feel shame. So, it isn't about losing weight. I just want to gain control of my life and feel good about myself.

To the most amazing kid....

Dear Bret, every year your birthday comes and I get all emotional about how old you are getting, how fast it is going, how much you have changed and how much you have changed me. This year was no different. I woke up and it was my first though. You have been with me for 7 years and I just feel so lucky. I wanted to make your day very special, and that was hard to do as it was the first time you have been at school all day on your actual birthday. I think you had a great day though. I dropped you off, and went straight to the store to get stuff to make you a cake. I ended up buying a cake and frosting/decorating it myself. I am not a very good cake decorator and will post a picture when I get it uploaded of my version of a star wars cake. I did my very best on those light sabers! I also bought donuts to bring to your class snack time. This was under your direct orders to bring donuts. You LOVE donuts. Since I thought snack time was at 10:30 like it was last time I went, I was late to your snack time. Oh, the guilt. You must have been waiting for me, but alas you were not upset and did not seem to be nervous at all that I would show up. Mrs. B said that you were saying I was going to come, and I did come even though it was 15 min late. I am glad that you know that I would not let you down. I hope you can count on me most of the time. Anyway, we handed out the pure sugar donuts and candy to the class which everyone seemed excited about. You told me after school that it was the best snack. I picked you up after school, and you opened your birthday card from Grandma. Lucky for you there was $60 in there. We headed to the store to pick out a gift. They didn't have a Lego set that looked good, so you headed for the Nerf section where you proceeded to pick out the biggest baddest Nerf gun there. You had your heart set on this thing so we spent half your money on the super duper mega blaster dart gun. Oh the joys you will have tormenting your sister with that one. The rest of your money will go into your savings account. And remember you are getting plenty of other gifts at your party on Saturday. We headed home from the store for a quick singing of "happy birthday" and blowing out candles before I had to head to school. It was with a heavy heart that I left for class, and even though I know you have a fun day I wanted to spend my evening with you. I got home in time to read you 2 chapters from A to Z mysteries and kiss you goodnight. You said you were going to miss 6, but I assured you that 6 wasn't a person and wouldn't feel sad. I told you that 7 will bring new things and that it is fun to get older. To tell you the truth the older you get, the more I learn about you and I love you even more. I can't wait to see what 7 brings, and I want you to know that you are loved beyond words. I look at you and love what you are and what you have brought to my life. Happy Birthday sweetheart!

-16 degrees

That was the temp this morning when we got up. The high for today is -2 degrees. It is depressing. You can't do anything, go anywhere without totally freezing. I had school all weekend in the frigid temps. My car did not want to start but eventually did. I was miserable getting up and starting the car early in the morning. I have a very busy week. I have so much to do for school. Also, B's birthday party is on Saturday. We are pretty much ready except we have to order a cake and buy the drinks. I have the goody bag stuff. I also have to bring in a treat for his class on Wed (his real birthday). Hard to believe my first baby is going to be 7. J has school today and I have school tonight. I would love to stay inside and not go anywhere but life goes on, even when you can't be outside more than 1 minute before getting frostbite!

weigh in

weighed today since AF coming soon. I have lost 5.5 lb since Jan 15. On my way!

Tests and fevers and weight

First 2 tests have gone great. I got a 95% on my med term test and a 96% on my first theory test. Glad to get those done. I have a test every week for a while. No break at all from school work. Oh well....

J has had a fever today. She also had one last Thursday. She isn't sick enough for me to bring her in but sick enough that we just sit around the house all day. I was thinking possibly strep throat as it was going around her preschool, but she really doesn't seem sick enough for that to be it. And the fever last week went away and she woke up today congested and not feeling great. B had the achey feeling last week one day but since then has seemed ok. Neither has been eating the greatest though. But that isn't atypical for them.

My big weigh in day is coming up on Thursday. I am guessing I have lost maybe 4-5 lb since starting on Jan 15. I will post my loss on Thursday. I am still doing well, and feeling good about things. I will then not weigh again until Feb 15. I think I will do better not seeing a number every day and letting it get me discouraged if it goes up. I think AF is due pretty soon so even on Thur it may not be as much of a loss as I may hope. But I think it will for sure be some loss, I'll take anything that means progress!!! I'll keep at it. My 33rd birthday is going to be one where I am feeling GREAT!!!

The week so far

It has been a busy week. I have a test monday so that is always in the back of my mind. I have been staying up late studying most night. And I had class 2 nights so that makes it hard to study those nights!!! It will be a hard test I think. B was not feeling well earlier this week, and J doesn't feel well today. It is just a weird thing, B just said he was achy and his head hurt. He just had that tired/lethargic look to him. No fever or anything. Today J says her tummy hurts but no other symptoms (yet). No fever or anything. She is just laying around. I am not sure what it is. I hope she gets better soon, and that it isn't a big deal. We have been so lucky with illness so far so I'm thinking we are due to get something. DH had to go out of town for the day (coming home late tonight) so I am supposed to bring B to wrestling. But if J is sick I may have to try to find him a ride or skip it. DH has hardly been traveling at all lately, he used to travel every other week. So, I am getting spoiled having him around. I hope he doesn't have to travel much coming up. When he does it just stinks big time. I have to find sitters for the nights I have school, I have to do all the stuff around the house, keep up with all my school work, etc. It is really hard with me in school for him to be gone. It has been good so far though. Not too much travel. Today we will just hang out and see how J is feeling later. We were supposed to have friends over but I cancelled. I don't want to get anyone sick even if she doesn't really seem to have much at this point. I absolutely hate it when we go to a playdate and I find out one of the kids has had a stomach flu, or some other infectious thing. I think that is just wrong. I always tell people and let them decide what they want to do.

Other than that, no big news this week. I am just tired, and we are getting some cold weather again. There is a little snow coming down today. We are in that long stage of winter when it seems that it will never end. I can't wait until warmth and sun and shorts and playing outside again!!

My wild ride has started

The wild ride of 2nd semester nursing school, that is. And what a ride it will be! I am hanging on tight and hoping to make it through alive. I have already had one test. We had school all last weekend, from 8am - 5pm both days. I missed 2 wrestling tournaments :( I had school tonight and also on Wed night. We have a big theory test in 1 week. I have 8 drug cards to do by then. Along with studying, reading, note taking, practice tests, and case studies. We learned catherization yesterday. That will be interesting to do on a real person in someday! We have a performance test on that coming up. We also learned how to do a sterile wound dressing. We have medication administration coming up our next weekend in school. We will learn to do injections, oral meds, and IV meds.

I will be up until at least midnight tonight and most nights this week. I am tired, but I am doing ok so far. I am dying to weigh myself. This is torture. I am making time to ride my bike 30 min a day on week days and I did 20 min on both sat and sunday. I was not into it today at all but I kept going. I was just feeling weak and tired. My eating has been great. I do not eat after 6pm at all, and that works out well. My snacking tends to be in the evenings so if I cut myself off I do better. I brought my lunch both school days (South Beach wraps) so that was good, no eating out then. I am hanging in there. I have no idea if my weight has moved. I think it has, and it should have with the changes I've made. How much I will be interested to see on Feb 1. I will wait until then, like I planned. I want to weigh every morning but I'm holding back!

Kids are doing great. They had fun spending this weekend with daddy and B took 2nd and 1st in the tournaments. He got 2 pins. I'll be able to go this weekend, even though I should study. I am not going to miss important family time. That is why I stay up until midnight when they are asleep! I am determined to make it through school and still have a life with my family as well. J has gymnastics tomorrow, and she is so excited. She has been waiting and waiting since last Tues! I feel bad she had to wait so long! She was so cute in her princess leotard, waiting in line to go in. My big girl!

Good night!

Ideas for 7 yr old birthday!

I am trying to figure out some original ideas for B's birthday coming up. It is his golden birthday, turning 7 on the 7th. We are having it at a nature center where they will spend the first hour outside (if it gets above freezing), and the 2nd hour inside doing cake/gifts/games etc. I was thinking of doing something for the goodie bags that involve it being his golden birthday but can't think of anything cool. I will have 12 boys and 3 girls. (he wanted to invite 2 girls from school, how cute is that?!) I want goodie bags that are unisex. My first idea was to get those golden dollar coins and put a little note that said "thank you for coming to my golden birthday" along with some other little toy or ???? But then I looked online and realized they cost way more than $1 a piece and so that would add up. I could go to all the banks around and try to find the coins but do I really want to do that???? I think it would be cool, but not worth the effort really. I don't want the typical candy/junky plastic toy goodie bag. I want something they will really use. Maybe a coupon for ice cream or ???? I have no clue. Something useful, practical, but still fun. I just hate to give out stuff that will be thrown out. I also need a quick game we can do if we have time after all the other activities. Something that 14 seven year olds will think is fun. I am finding that the older they get, the harder to keep them interested. They have longer attention spans but more expectations. I was thinking something they can make or an activity or game of some sort. I have to figure out the cake, plates/decorations, and that is about it. Thank god I'm not doing it at home!!! So excited about that!

I am not stepping on a scale until Feb 1

It is not about the number on the scale. I have to do something different, and I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on doing what is right, eating right, exercising, making healthy choices, eating in moderation. I do not need to look at what my exact weight is every day to determine if I am doing a good job. It doesn't define me or what I look like. My new plan is to focus on eating changes, exercising more, and weighing every 2 weeks or so. I will weigh on Feb 1st, which will be about 2 weeks from when I started eating better/exercising. I will then probably weigh again mid Feb or March 1. I am hoping to be at my goal weight by my birthday on April 8, and if I am I will reward myself with something special. I will be 33 years old and I am not going to spend my 30's unhappy with myself and my health. I am going to focus on myself even if I am busy with everything else. I am going to do what is good for me, for once! I am off to exercise for 1/2 hr before my volunteer time at the school. Any ideas for a good reward??? I am thinking some expensive jeans (although I do not need any jeans) or a new purse. We have a Coach outlet near here with good prices. I love purses so I am leaning towards that. I am not big on massages, or that kind of stuff. Anyway, there will be something for my hard work!

update

Guess I haven't posted lately. Sorry! I am alive and well, and counting down til school starts on Wed. Not ready, at all. I am not looking forward to it in some ways but am in others. I guess I do ok with a busy life, but I liked being home with not a lot on my plate the last month. Plus, I know this semester will be the hardest of the 4, and I am looking forward to getting it done with but not looking forward to actually DOING it. Lots of work, learning skills (IV's, injections, catheters etc), presentations, clinical time, lab time, papers, and tests. I have a test like every week the first month and a half. I have one already this coming Saturday. Not fun. Must study.

Wrestling has been going great. B got 1st place in 3 different tournaments. He got 3 pins this weekend and 2 other wins. He seems to be into it this year, and loves competing. He also loves the trophy or medal he gets after! We spent the whole weekend at tournaments it seems. Long days waiting for his matches.

J will start gymnastics on Tuesday. She has been looking forward to joining again. I also put her in soccer starting in April. I like to keep them in some kind of activity just to keep them moving, especially in winter when we don't get out much. The weather finally became cold up here. Like real MN winter cold. We have been so spoiled up til now.

No big plans this week. B doesn't have school tomorrow but J does, so I may do something like a movie with him when she is in school. We got his invitations all ready and put together. I wanted to get that done before I start school. Tonight I am going to get the kids to bed and watch a movie with DH.

Sorry for the long delay in posting!

Friday night

and I'm beat! We have to get up early for B's wrestling tournament tomorrow. Like 6am early. Doesn't work well for us!

The interview went well, tight suit and all. I will know within a month or so if I got it. I found out there were 500 applicants, and 200 interviews granted for 100 jobs. Talk about competition. And what is this about a "nursing shortage"??? Hmmmm.......

We had a nice dinner out with a gift card, the boys got their hair cut and I got the kids in bed, even though it was later than it should be. No big plans for this weekend. The kids are having a playdate here Sunday and I have a girls dinner sunday night. I have a little studying to do, and a lot of relaxing. And church, must.go.to.church.

good night!

Feeling Antsy

As you can see from the frequent blog postings, I am finding this vacation thing a little weird. I don't know what to do with myself. I spend time playing with the kids (we have played more games of memory than I can count). We have watched movies, played in the snow, went shopping, went to a movie theatre, rearranged the basement into fun and new play areas (which will be fun and new for maybe a week!), sorted through old clothes, and worked on art projects. I guess I kind of miss school. Even though in 2 weeks I will be saying I hate school. I have been starting my studying, just for something to do. I was going to get a "real" book to read over break but I haven't yet and I'm just not going to start one to have to stop it. Plus, I feel obligated to read my nursing books rather than books for enjoyment. I will read for fun again this summer (if I don't get the internship because if I do, I'll be so exhausted from adjusting to working again almost full time that I will be sleeping when I'm not doing anything else).

The kids start back at school again tomorrow. Maybe I'll mop the floor....

Oh, almost forgot to add I booked a place for B's birthday. He is turning 7 next month. We talked about multiple overpriced locations for his party. After 2 years of hosting here, we decided we were not going to do that to ourselves again. The stress, the mess, the cost of it all after all is said and done was just not worth it this year. We didn't want to have to clean up. Anyway, after some research we are having a unique party at a nature center. They will have 1 hr of outdoor activitie, led by a instructor from the center. Then 1 hour of cake, presents, etc. I know it isn't an indoor play place, or movie theatre, or bowling alley, but I still think the kids will like it. They better. And even better is that it is 1/2 to 1/3 of the price of any of the other options. I will have to buy cake, drinks and party favors. He can invite up to 15 kids and 6 adults. The kid has a million friends so limiting to even 15 will be difficult. He was hoping J didn't have to count as one of the 15! I can't believe he is turning 7!

I have one kid in bed and one to go, and he just got out of his shower so I best get going.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!

Wishing everyone a happy and health new year. I am going to make 2007 a great year. I am going to try to be happy about my life, and all the things in it. I am hoping for a great year!!

I am already studying tonight for when I go back to school on the 17th. I have a med term test my first weekend back, as well as a ton of reading to do for the first few lectures. I got my books online and they were delivered last week. I got 3 fresh new books to study from, to add to my huge collection of nursing/health care books. I think I have about $600 worth of books at this point! I also got an NCLEX study book, to help study for tests as well as study for the licensing exam when I graduate. In some weird way I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of school.

I also am trying to prepare for my interview on Friday. I have been going online to get sample questions and interview tips. I am trying to come up with answers to those tough questions like "tell me when you have exhibited leadership" and "tell me about a time you have solved a complex problem". Oh, the fun of getting through this one on Friday! I can't wait (ha!) I also was going to buy a new outfit but found a suit in my closet that I could get into (size 6 so I was doubting it would fit). It is a dark purple pants suit with a longer jacket so even though the pants are a little tighter than I'd like, they are concealed well under the jacket!! I am not sure what I'll do for shoes. I have some fun/funky black shoes I got last month but they may be too much.

Had a movie date with DH tonight. We saw Apacolypto (how do you spell that???) It was intense, bloody, action packed, but good overall. Not for everyone though.

Have a great start to your new year!