Taking Control

I decided I really want to take control of my life. Not pretend to be in control, but actually "feel" in control, and like myself and blah blah blah. You know how it goes. First and foremost, I need to like myself. I will never be a better person, mother, wife, unless I truly am comfortable with myself and really truly love myself. In order to do that, I need to work on some things. I need to take more time for myself. I need to exercise more and eat better. I need to read a good book, or knit, or go out with friends. I need to get down and play with my children daily. I am not planning to make all these changes at once. I am taking baby steps. I have tried doing things all out, and it backfires. I am starting with exercising, at least a few times a week. And not a lot of time, but 15 - 30 min daily. On the stationary bike, or sit up video, or arm weights. Something small, and work up to more. The weather is getting too cold for me to walk outside (I'm a baby like that) but I can do things in my own home. I just have to try. Also, I am eating better, for good this time. No more of the eating good for one week, then go downhill the next. I will eat approximately 20 points a day. Period. I will keep track of what I eat and will not eat anything if it is not worth eating. I will be accountable for what goes in my body and I will be healthy for me. Not to weight a certain weight. Not to wear a certain size. But so I can be healthy for me and my kids and so I can live longer. And feel better.

I will spend quality time with my children each day. I did this today and it felt so great. I will ask them what they want to play and just play with them and nothing else every day for a short time.

I will make these changes and make them for ME!

Wednesday can't come fast enough....

I am so dreading the next few days, which is sad because today is Friday and I "should" be looking forward to a nice weekend with my family. But, I have so much to do for my classes. I have a speech Monday morning. I still have to finish writing it, practice, and get my visual aids prepared. I then have a test from he*l on Tuesday for Anatomy. It is seriously going to be a very hard test, and when you add on that my teacher is terrible, it means I have to teach a ton of material to myself. That is a lot more work than just reviewing the material after it's been taught to you by a good teacher. So, my plan is to study for that at least 1-2 hr a day on Sat, Sun, and Monday. I also plan to finish up my speech on Sat and practice Sunday. After Tuesday, I am on a break from school for a week. There are no classes next Thurs so we may go see Dh's family. I am so looking forward to a break!

Have a great weekend.

down and out

Just feeling a bit down. Dh had to leave for the week this morning. That is the start of a bad week for sure. I also am so stressed and busy with school. I have a lab quiz tomorrow, online class test to take by Fri, speech on monday, Anatomy test Tuesday. I just feel overwhelmed. And the kids take so much of my time that I am unable to study during the day so I end up staying up too late and not getting enough sleep. I am tired right now and it is only monday. I still have to study for all these tests plus write a speech and practice it. I just feel like there it no end. How will I ever handle nursing school? I am guessing it is harder than what I am taking now, I KNOW it is harder than what I am taking now. I feel like I"ll be an even worse mother then than I am now. Is it worth it??? How do I get the balance and be happy in my stressful life?? I feel just unmotivated and tired. I am short with the kids, and they are getting the brunt of my crabbiness. I have never had to go on any type of meds before but sometimes I think they might help me. I am not to that point yet but it's crossed my mind. I don't think I'm depressed, but I think I could become that way. I also am feeling horrible about myself, my eating habits have been horrible lately and I don't know how to get out of the bad rut. I don't know how to stop emotional eating. I do it out of stress, lonliness, stress, boredom, stress, did I mention stress?? So, I get something to eat and then eat and eat until I am so full. I haven't gained much weight really (how I'm not sure) but I feel horrible. I'm sure it makes me feel even worse and crabbier. I did something that DH will probably be mad at, I joined an online site called ediets.com. It gives you menus and recipes for the week, and shopping lists. Probably a stupid investment. It is $2.99 a week and I'm committed to 3 months. I did it , then I felt guilt. It will be a little over $30 and so it isn't a big cost but still we don't have extra money and now I'm going to have to explain it to him. The site had a lot of positive testimonials but now that I signed up I don't know if it will do much for me. A lot of the meals were not what I'd choose and you have to go in and change them, which takes time (something I don't have) and it isn't anything that great that I couldn't have done myself. I felt so angry for doing it, I thought it would be a good idea, now I feel like I'm just throwing money away and signing up for a program that will take even more time of my day and force me on the computer more than I already am for school, blogging, email etc. I just let me kids have banana bread for lunch because I have no motivation to cook for them. They got crumbs all over the floor and I just can't get ahead. They are trying to sweep right now, bless their hearts! They really are good kids, I want to be a good mom.

The "little" man in my life

My son B is like a best buddy to me. He always makes me laugh, and we talk about everything. My favorite time with him is bedtime, after we read 2 chapters from his book we just lay there and talk about school, friends, and anything else. He seems to be most talkative at this time of day (when he should be the most tired!). I get more information out of him at bedtime than any other time of the day. He has the best laugh in the world. It is such a wonderful sound to hear him laugh at his sister, or at a funny book. He also has the best singing voice. He makes up songs and has such a nice voice. When he is gone at school all day I just can't wait to see him when he gets home. To see him so happy in his life makes me so happy. I hope that he always feels this happy and secure. We all know as kids get older, things get harder. I wish I could bottle up how he feels right now and give it to him later. My wish for him is to be himself, laugh, and be the best he can be. I love you B!!!

The Terrible Three's

My daughter has always been a challenging child. From day one. Her first night in this world was spent crying.... the whole night. I knew it wasn't me, it is just her. She is a very intelligent, demanding, outspoken child. She doesn't cry all day anymore, just whines and bosses me around a lot. I sometimes don't know how to handle her. I try to take it all in stride. I know all children are difficult at times. I know all kids go through bad and good phases. But sometimes in the heat of the moment, when we are having a really hard day together, I get frustrated. I know that she likes to test her limits of how much control she can have. It is important for me to show her that I am the boss. It is like a power struggle on who is really the mom! Today was just one of those days. She was being very insistent, whiney, and plain bossy to me all day. I look at her cute little face and can't believe how she can act sometimes. Thank goodness she is so cute!

I am still here!

For the few readers I have, sorry for the absence. I don't have a good excuse, just haven't had much to post about. Not much new is going on here. We are in a routine of school for the kids, school for me, playdates, and home time. I make a point to have downtime for my kids as much as I can. I don't want to be a family that is running around crazy all the time. The kids started swimming monday and it went fine. I think the class is too divided, there are 3 bigger boys and 2 smaller girls. J is small, but she is very comfortable in the water and will follow directions. The other girl is obviously scared of the water and just stands next to the side. I find it very hard to believe she passed the preschool level class (the one before level one, which J took this summer). To pass that one, you have to be able to put your whole face in the water and this girl won't do that. So, it is kind of aggravating that her mom put her in a class above her level, now the teacher has to spend a lot of extra time getting this girl to do things and the other kids are the ones who it will hurt in the long run. Oh well, that is my rant about that!

We are going to a wedding this weekend, without kids. We leave Sat late morning and come back Sunday late morning. There are 3 other couples that we are good friends with going, and it should be a good time. It is a friends of mine that I have known since kindergarten that is getting married. We went to college together as well, and I lived with her 2 years of college. We were very good friends during that time, but other things came into our lives and we drifted apart. I got married and had kids, she was still living the single life. We didn't have much in common. However, she has always been a person I am very comfortable with, you know the type that you have known forever and things are always just comfortable. And I wish her the best now that she is getting married and starting a family soon.

J and B are still loving school. I have gone from walking B all the way to his locker to now walking him to the crossing guard. I don't want to be a "hover mom" so I'm letting my baby go. He is such a big boy, so independent and just so happy to be at school. He is a little forgetful at times. We had to go back and get his lunchbox on Wed, and he also didn't have his Wed info folder come home like it should. I was tempted to call today to have them make sure he brought it home, but I am going to see if he can figure it out.

My school is also going well. My teacher is not good at all for Anatomy II but I am getting an A so far. My online class is a lot of work but I'm also getting an A in there. The teacher seems to like my writing. The only thing I'm dreading is a speech I have to give on the 17th.

Well, I'm off to see if I can get J to nap!

About me....

I've seen this on other blogs. I don't know if I can come up with 100 things but I will list some interesting tidbits about me....

1. I am 31 years old
2. I have the same middle name as my mom
3. I gave a speech at my high school graduation
4. I started playing the piano at age 4
5. My favorite color is red
6. My toenails are always painted
7. I have had long hair as long as I can remember
8. My parents were both teachers
9. I have two younger brothers
10. I moved away for a job right out of college by myself
11. I love the show "Survivor"
12. I have done about 10 scrapbooks for my kids and family
13. My favorite holiday is Christmas
14. I teach Sunday school
15. I used to play soccer
16. I love math
17. I don't like pop/soda
18. I can finish a book in a couple days
19. I know how to wakeboard
20. I love garage sales
21. I wear makeup almost every day
22. I wear a size 8 1/2 shoe, my feet grew 1/2 size after pregnancy
23. I always wanted a son first
24. I pictured myself with all boys
25. My husband is 11 years older than me
26. I used to want to be a doctor
27. I have all the same girlfriends I did when I was 12
28. I never miss the show "ER"
29. I give my kids a bath almost every day
30. My favorite alcoholic drink is a margarita
31. I am not a phone person
32. I like to write letters, real letters!
33. I had braces for 4 years
34. I know how to knit (only a scarf)
35. I do not know how to sew, but want to learn
36. My favorite gift is a plain white gold band my husband gave me when we first started dating
37. I love to bake (but don't because I'll eat it all!)
38. I can't have chocolate in the house or I will eat until I'm sick
39. I walk 3 miles about 3-4 times a week
40. I've never waxed or plucked my eybrows
41. I love McDonald's chicken nuggets (gross I know)
42. I love craft stores
43. I make awesome homemade salsa
44. I do not like my stomach
45. I do like my legs
46. I like to study
47. I am a night person
48. I never buy CD's
49. I love to buy jeans
50. I want to be a midwife someday

On that note, I'll end there!

My Funny Kids

My kids are really something else. Aren't they all though?? They say and do the funniest things. I find it so amazing how intelligent, how outgoing, how funny my kids are. I was a very shy and quiet kid. I was not outgoing or witty at all. I still am very shy. I do not know how my kids got to be so social. B just loves school. He won't really talk much about it, or tell me much about his days at school, but I can tell by the way he is when he gets there how much he loves it. If he sees a friend, he will immediately go and start talking very animated to them and just gets the biggest smile. He seems to have a lot of friends, and is very social. He loves to play, to talk, to just be with other kids. I think school is a great thing for him. He told me today "Mom, I think I will be a music teacher when I grow up. I'm very into music you know." I do think he is a great singer and is way more into singing at church (and probably school) than the other boys his age. He has a nice voice also. I might have to get him into music somehow. I want to teach him piano (I play) but he didn't seem interested this summer when we tried. He'd probably learn better from someone other than me. He also told me all about the difference between free form shapes and geometric shapes. He seems to be learning something after all....

And J is in preschool now too. She has gone 2 times by herself and both times just waved and said "bye mom, see you later". She never got sad, shed one tear, or looked back at me as I left the room. Makes me happy and sad. I see some of the poor other kids sobbing, and my big girl just playing away. It is so bittersweet to see her so independent. This is the kid, who as a baby, would not let me put her down, give her to another person, or leave the room. I swear, she would not even let her daddy hold her until she was like 18 months old. I would have to leave to her screaming (the very few times I did ever leave her). And sometimes the screaming would ensue for hours, literally. I remember one time I went shopping for like 1 hours with DH's mom and she cried the entire time. It would break my heart to see her so devastated. She was a very emotional baby. She is still sensitive and emotional but has grown up so much. Maybe all that time with me has really made her more secure now. I just can't believe it is the same child. My babies are growing and leaving me already.

I had about 2 hours of time just me today. I studied (real fun huh?) and it was SO quiet. Makes me think about what it will be like when they are both in school. I think that is part of why I do want to work when the kids are a little older. I don't want to be home alone every day. I still want to try to be here most days when they leave and come home from school, but I do want to work to have something other than them. I think staying home is the hardest job in the world, and I have total respect for those that do stay home full time. I just know that it isn't for me long term. I am so grateful to be able to stay home now while my kids are young and home with me and not in school. But they soon will have their life at school, and I will need something more.

If all goes as planned I will start nursing school next fall and will be a registered nurse by the time J is in 1st grade. If I don't get in next year I will have to put it off a year. I hope to then work part time while the kids are in elementary and maybe beyond, maybe forever part time who knows. I would ideally like to work a couple evening shifts a week and maybe every other weekend. Something like that. Maybe even some night shifts. I will have to see what happens.

Life is quite the adventure, especially watching your kids grow and change so quickly. Makes you want to stop the time and take it all in. I can only hope the memories will stay with them and me for a long time to come.

Halloween Jackpot

On my mothers advice, we went to the Goodwill store 15 minutes away and found lots of halloween stuff, CHEAP! They had tons of brand new, with tags, kids costumes. We found the one B wants, a ninja, for $8. At Target, the same one is $20. (it must be last years they got on sale or something???). They also had a lot of spiderman ones that I tried to talk him into, I mean spiderman seems more innocent than a ninja. He did try to make me feel better by telling me he is a nice ninja! Also found a ninja weapon thing and nunchucks. That's my boy... lovin' those weapons. Oh well, I don't think he is abnormal, and I'm not going to make him be a puppy dog if he truly wants to be a ninja!! He put it on at home and he looks really cute, I have to admit. He has a black hood and scarf around his face and he is so little it just is cute. We also found some butterfly wings, as J has told me she wants to be a butterfly. However, now she says she wants to be the dinosaur. At least the wings were only $1.99 and she can wear them for dress up or next year. I also found some cool Halloween favors for $1, some of those colored pencils that you can switch the color by pulling it out the bottom and pushing it in the top (the next color comes out). They were big when I was a kid. Anyway, I got 2 packs of those and a pack of halloween little notebooks. My groups of friends has a halloween get together every year with kids, and I thought it would be a good alternative to candy for all the kids. We also got some of that white spiderweb stuff for $.49. Some good buys I must say! I have to say I was impressed with the goodwill. I don't ever go there but there was a lot of new stuff, and neat stuff. I got some home decor things for myself as well!

I have the kids in bed, it is 8:20, and I'm going to start my 2-3 hour studying session tonight. I am nervous about the first test as I always am. I don't feel prepared yet but plan to learn a lot tonight.

We went on a 3 mile walk today (B biked the whole way I was so proud of him!) and I was 127 lb this morning. I have been eating well all week, I'm counting my points (WW) again and it really helps me keep things in control. We got some awesome honeycrisp apples today. They are only out for a limited time but they are SO GOOD. The kids love them too. I also got lots of frozen veggies and fruits (I do better with frozen, I never know how much to buy fresh). I also got the best treat, it is called Blue Bunny White Chocolate Almond Lites. They are an ice cream bar, sugar free, and only 2 points. So good. I will have to remember these. And hide them from DH! I just have to make regular trips to the store to keep my low point stuff that I like stocked up here at the house. I am bad about not going to the store, then eating bad stuff when I don't have any of my good stuff around. I am all stocked up on Zone bars (for dinner on class nights, the chocolate mint are the BEST, 5 points), chocolate mint pria bars (2 pts), 100 calorie packs of wheat thins and ritz mix (2 pts), string cheese (2 pts), lean cuisines, and fruits and veggies. And I also found some weight watchers english muffins at the store today, 1 point each. I like to have eggs and this way I can have an english muffin with them too. Can you tell grocery shopping excited me today? I went to a different store with more selection and found lots of interesting things!!

Anyway, I'm putting off my studying I best get going. Until next time,

Quiet Monday

It is monday, usually a busy day but both kids are off from school, and we have no plans. This week they both have school Tues, Th, which will be nice for me, I get a couple hrs both days to myself. Unfortunately, I will be studying, not too exciting. I have my first big test tomorrow night, and a quiz Thurs night. We may venture out and try to find some halloween costumes before they are picked over. We looked at Target and they were way too expensive. I am not paying $20 for a cheap crappy outfit they will wear once. I am going to go to Goodwill today, I heard they have a lot of halloween stuff under $10, and lots of it has tags on still. So, we will see. I'm trying to talk J into wearing B's old dinosaur costume. It is really nice, warm and her size. It looks cute on her, and she seems interested. Although she has said she wants to be a butterfly. B wants to be a ninja or pirate, something with a weapon of course. I told him that he can't bring a weapon to school (I am not even sure if they have a dress up day at school). Boys, why are they so infactuated with swords and axes??!! I tried to talk him into a costume we already have (my mom used to be a kindergarted teacher and gave us lots of dress up stuff). We have a dalmation, bee, and frog outfit that would all fit him but he's not going for it.

I decided to put the kids in swimming again this fall. I know I said I was going to take the fall off (for them and me!) but it is only once a week and it forces me to bring them to the pool. Otherwise, I'm afraid I wouldn't take them swimming at all once fall is here and the cool weather is keeping us inside. This way I pay $32 for each of them to get like 10 lessons. I figure it's cheaper than paying for swimming that many times. I got J in level I and have to call the director to see if B should be in level I or II. He was in level I this summer and they said to wait 1 year to sign up for level II, so I'm guessing they want him to take level I over. So, both kids will be in the same class. J will be so small, but her teacher said she is ready for this level. I don't even think she can touch the bottom where they have the level II classes. We'll see how it goes! They are excited, they start next monday.

Dh is out of town again this week, so I'm on my own with the kids. My brother is coming home friday and we are having a surprise 30th for him on Saturday. His wife planned the trip, so he doesn't know yet. I bet he'll be surprised. The next weekend we have a wedding of one of my friends up north. I met her in kindergarten!

Well, off to get ready for the day!!

My Crazy Life

I feel so overwhelmed this week, I am so busy I can hardly think. Life isn't terrible or anything, just insanely busy. DH is home this week, thank goodness. J had her first day of preschool yesterday, but I don't really count it because I stayed. All the parents were asked to stay to help get the kids used to the class. It was chaotic with all the moms (and 1 dad) and I think they kids will be quieter and easier with the parents gone. Tomorrow is her first day being dropped off. I think it will go ok, but I really don't know how she will react. I never know until it happens with her. She acts all tough about it, but she may have a breakdown.

B just finished his 5th day of school. He seems much more comfortable and happy about going. He bounds right into his room without much of a good bye to me and J. I am happy he is happy. I am sad he is getting so old and independent! J and I may go up and have lunch with him Friday. I might surprise him!

I am very busy with school. I had my first quiz last week (got an A) and now I have my first big test on Tuesday. I have a lot of studying to do. And since I have an online class too, I have to do a paper for that every week. Plus I have a movie report, book report, cultural comparison, speech and tests for that class as well. It is just so much busy work. Not hard at all, just busy and time consuming. Taking 2 classes is good to get used to juggling nursing school and family (next year if I get in). I hope I can do it.

I am getting headaches almost daily. That is what really puts a damper in things. I have a new prescription called Relpax. I first take Advil and if that doesn't work I take the Relpax. It works very fast and well, BUT it costs $40 for 6 pills. I can't afford to take them very often! I get headaches off and on, depending on my hormones (I think), so hopefully they will go away soon for a while. I don't usually get them this often, so stress is playing a small part I'm sure. I don't feel stressed, but maybe I am trying to do too much. I worry about taking so much medicine but I have to be able to function. I also think the headaches are a result of my cutback in sugar products from my diet. I am starting to count points again, and it is going fine but I think my body is in shock from the lower amounts of carbs and sugars. But hopefully that will even out soon and in the long run I get fewer headaches when I am eating a lower fat diet.

I'm off to make supper for the kids now and hopefully DH will grill me our porkchops soon I'm getting very hungry!!!

Until next time....

Stuff

This post is just a general update post. It is Friday and B is coming home tonight! yippee! The kids and I can't wait. I will be babysitting for my niece tonight also. She is 3 just like J (J is only 6 weeks older) so they are good buddies. Today we have nothing going on. It is nice after the hectic week. Tues and Thur were very busy as B had school, then we had to leave since I have classes those night and the kids go to my parents. I feel bad making B go from school, right to my parents. I know he'd like to just go home and play with his toys and relax. But, he doesn't complain. Next week is easier because he has school M,W,F and J has preschool T, Th but only in the morning for 2 hours each day. On Tuesday I am supposed to stay there the first day. I know she would be fine with me leaving but I think they expect us all to stay. It is a preschool through the district, so there is more parent involvement. We go once a month to participate with the kids, and to have some parent education. I decided at the last minute to go with this preschool, rather than the one B went to the last 2 years for a couple reasons. One, our finances are not the best right now. The difference in price was $40 a month, a big difference when you add it up over 9 months. Two, J is very young, just turned 3, and I don't think preschool is a total necessity right now. I don't know if it is at all. I never went. I sometimes feel like it is just a society pressure in middle class suburbia, that your kid must attend 2 years of preschool or else they will never succeed. My son was pretty bored by the end of his second year. Yes, he loved seeing his friends and playing, but it didn't really challenge him academically. That is another part of why I didn't send her to the other school. The curriculum isn't a whole lot different in year 1 and year 2, so I think if I just send her there next year she will get almost as much as if she went both years. Back when I was a kid, not many went to preschool. Why the change I wonder??? I guess it is the same as starting kids in sports at age 4 and 5, and having to specialize in a sport. I heard recently that kids can really only excel in one sport, because most sports have year round training (camps, tournements, practices etc). How do you just pick that sport, when the kids are starting at age 5??? I have not, and will not, be pushing my kids that hard to be good in sports. I want them to be able to play many sports, and participate in many activities, to find what they are good at. I don't want to be going to 3 day a week practices at age 5. It's crazy. I am steering far away from hockey, I was in a hockey family and even back then it was pretty hard core. We did soccer with B this year. He did well for his first year. I decided to take this fall off and do something this winter. They both love swimming to maybe we'll just do lessons this winter. And B wants to play basketball, which starts in first grade.

The weather seems to be getting colder now. The mornings are chilly now, and I can already feel summer drifting away. We like fall, with halloween and thanksgiving, but summer is still our favorite around here. The kids are already thinking of their costumes. Right now B wants to be a ninja and J wants to be superman. I'm sure that will change a few times!

Have a great weekend.

My Future

"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you" - Psalm 32:8

I am taking college courses right now. I have a quiz tomorrow. Sometimes I feel like being in school at this point in my life is very difficult. I am a good student and I study quite a bit. I know this takes some time away from my kids. I try my very best to do my studying while they are sleeping or busy playing without me. I study off and on throughout the day instead of sitting there for hours on end. I hope I am making the right decision. I have 2 courses left after this semester to take, then I will be totally done with the prerequisites for nursing school. I have already taken 4 courses. This is in addition to the MANY courses I have done in the past for my bachelor degree. My husband says I am an eternal student. I do like taking classes, I like taking notes and reading and learning. I don't like busy work, like writing papers for a communications class about my communicating style. I don't think this particular class is going to help me become a nurse, but who knows. I guess they think I need it. I love learning anatomy, because I know it is applicable to my future career and because it interests me.

I sometimes look a year or 2 ahead and picture going to nursing school and trying to have time with my family. I think I can do it but I have doubts. I know I will do well in school, I'm afraid my family time will suffer. I never want my kids to think I'm too busy for them. I think I will be staying up late many nights that year. I hope it all comes easily to me, that I don't have to kill myself studying. I hope I do well, that I like it, that I find that it is the career that I'm destined to have. I will be so disappointed if it is not. I do feel I have a calling to this career, I feel like it is "me". I just pray that God is taking me in the right direction, because the road getting there is not an easy one.

I'm off to study!

Why I love my husband

I don't take enough time in my life to tell my husband how much I love and appreciate him. I know that he knows I love him, but I know that I do not show him or tell him nearly enough. As of now, he doesn't even know of this blog. I am debating giving him the link. I have nothing to hide from him, so I don't see why not. I just have not yet given this link to anyone I know except online friends. Anyway, back to my original post, why I love this man...

My husband is the hardest working person I know. He has not a lazy bone in his body. He works 100% at everything he does. Sometimes I wish he would just be lazy but that isn't him. I admire that, I am jealous of that. I think that he is just amazing what he does. He works a very stressful job. He travels at least 50% of the time, and he just deals with it. He never just says screw it. He always does what he should do, and he always does it well. He works so hard for us, for his family. He sacrifices so much to provide for us. He has to be away from us to provide for us, which is so hard for everyone but it is what our life is for now and he deals with it (much better than I do).

My husband is a great father. The kids just adore him. You can tell that he is their hero. The way they look up to him and watch him talk and take in every word he says. They are absolute angels for him too, very unlike they are for me. They take his word as the absolute truth and will do anything he says. He takes them on bike rides and plays pretend farmers market with them in the back yard. He makes up silly nicknames for everyone. He makes them giggle. He wrestles with them and they can't get enough.

And lastly, my husband is a great partner. We still are the best of friends. I still feel butterflies when I look at him, and he is the most attractive man I will ever know. I am thankful for my husband every day.

I love you, my dear husband, and I miss you terribly when you are away. I hope you always know how much I love and need you.

Sadness

Hurricane Katrina has brought such a tragedy to our country I can't even begin to understand it. I watch the news and I feel such sadness for those people. The people with no homes, the people who would not leave their homes, the people who died in their homes. I can't even imagine having such a thing happen. I feel so helpless. What a huge project to even begin the rebuilding of New Orleans. Where will all those people go who lost everything? I wish there was a way to help but I don't know how. All I know is that I feel so lucky for all the things I have. I complain a lot about things I am not happy about in my life, but I have it pretty darn good.

God Bless them all.

Love....

After picking up B at the corner (he walks):

Me: "What was your favorite part of today at school?"
B: "Seeing you again" (waiting for him at the corner)

That boy knows how to steal my heart....

Actually I think he did like school. I didn't get a whole lot of information out of him, but he was probably overwhelmed and was tired. He didn't want to answer my 100 questions about every detail of his day. I don't blame him. I hopefully will get tidbits of info from time to time, and be happy with that.

I wanted to add a couple funny things he said before he went to kindergarten:

"Mom, when it is playtime, I am just going to sit there. I will do the other things the teacher says but I'm NOT playing." (when he was feeling sorry for himself for having to go to school)

After the open house, seeing his room etc...
"I'm glad it is a small room, I thought it was going to be in one big room with a lot of people, and I thought they would talk to me in Spanish."
(This shows how the imaginations of kids go wild. He thought the school was 1 big huge room and tons of people, talking so much it was like spanish to him.)

We both got through the first day.

You stole my heart

To my baby boy,
The boy who stole my heart 5 1/2 years ago when I first set eyes on you. I remember so vividly the moment you were place upon my chest, and you stared up at me with those big blue eyes. You came out crying, then you stopped and just looked at me. I remember how cute you looked, not wrinkly or old looking like so many babies look. You had a perfect round and bald head. You had the cutest little face. You were and are just perfect.

Today was a very big day for you, and for me. You don't even really realize it, but today when you started kindergarten I realized that from this point on, you are no longer just my baby. You are a student, a friend, a little boy who has interests outside of our home, and outside of me. I know we will always be the best of friends. You make me laugh every day. I love your little looks you give me, looks only between us. The little smirk when you know you have done something to trick your sister. I love your dimples that you have had since birth.

I am so proud of the boy you have become. I am proud to be your mommy.

I'm back!

My girls weekend was a lot of fun. It was full of laughing, eating, drinking, shopping, and talking into the wee hours of the night. The staying up so late was hard on me and I came home more tired than refreshed! Friday night we were up until about 2:30 but I had a hard time sleeping and maybe got 3-4 hours total. Saturday we were up until 2:00 and I slept better but not great. So, I was very tired last night. And I watched a good friends THREE kids today, starting at 6:30AM! Her kids are 6, almost 4 and 2 1/2. So, I had FIVE kids for 10 hours. We spent 3 hours at the park and brought lunch there (less mess at home) and then the youngest napped for 2.5 hours. The older ones watched a movie so the afternoon actually went pretty smoothly. It's still a lot of work to have 5 kids!! I don't know how daycare providers with 10+ kids do it. Really, the good ones are my heros!

J needs me in the potty, I'll write again soon. Have a VERY busy week coming up. B starts school Thurs...yikes!

Getting to know you and my little Astrobat!!

If you stop by here, let me know! Answer the following questions in the comment section so I can get to know you!! I have had quite a few views on my profile so I think people are stopping by and I'd love to know if you are here!! Here are the questions:

1. Name
2. Do you have a blog? (you can give me a link and I'll add you to my blog list!)
3. Why did you start a blog?
4. What are your greatest passions?
5. What are your weekend plans?

Here are my answers.
1. Jennifer
2. I am a new blogger, but have been reading blogs for a while now.
3. I wanted to document my every day life and have a place to vent.
4. My kids and husband, my home, my friends, my education/career dreams, and my hobbies (scrapbooking, crafts, reading, walking)
5. I am going to a cabin with 6 of my best friends!!!

please give me your answers!!!

Have to add my funny kid stories here too before they are gone from my memory! The kids are sword fighting right now. I'm telling you, my daughter is getting so influenced by her 5 yr old brother!! She keeps up with him too! J was going potty today, and she wanted to be alone. Fine, she likes to be independent. I left and she was in there quite a while, I went in and she is STANDING ON THE SINK.

Me: What are you doing J???
J: Mommy, I'm just being an ASTROBAT

Later, she was supposed to be resting/napping (naps don't always happen here anymore). I am resting with B and I hear her whispering "TA DA" over and over. I figure that can't be good and go in there. She is standing on her table. Not as high or dangerous as the sink but still not where she should be standing. Again, she was being an ASTROBAT. What to do with this child.....

I was trying to get B to rest/nap, as he has been sick the past 2 days. I am in bed with him, and I could use a nap too. He just keeps giggling and giggling. That deep belly laugh. He said he just sometimes laughs and can't stop. It was the cutest thing. At least he hasn't gotten into ASTROBATTING lately.

My kids, they are the best!

Feeling Overwhelmed

I am so tired, but can't wind down. I let B sleep with me last night since he had the fever and I was up off and on all night checking on him. He slept fine but still was achey and feverish today. He missed his last day of swimming, he was disappointed but I could tell he didn't want to swim. We took j for her last day and both got their certificates. They both did great, I'm so proud of them. Anyway, we then came home and I quick got their clothes and my school gear packed up, then we stopped at the doctor to check B out. I wanted a strep test since he told me his throat hurt. It came back negative, so she thinks it is just a virus that will go away. I just really hope J and I stay fine. I have so much to do. I don't know where to start. I just feel SO TIRED. It is 11:15 and I really need to get up to bed. I am attempting to do my first online course assignment but I just don't have it in me. I want to get ahead before the 2 classes get very busy but I just don't have the motivation tonight.

If I go on my girls trip tomorrow night I have to still pack, get liquor, get groceries, get my recipe for my meal, get my scrapbook stuff together, and pack up everything, the cooler, the kids, the dog and her food/kennel. I just feel like I want to go sleep and not deal with it all. I still have some laundry to put away and dishes to unload. Have I mentioned that I hate it when DH is gone, I just feel so overwhelmed, and overworked. I have no one to take out the garbage, not one to help me watch the kids so I can do anything. I just hate it.

I'm done with my pity party now!
Back again soon!