I am feeling a little better. I think overall I am just at a point in life that I am feeling overwhelmed by all the things I have to keep up with. School, kids, husband, friends, family. I feel like I am 32 years old and I want to be at a place where I feel more of a calm. Maybe that day will come after I'm done with school. But that is over a year from now so I better get used to it. Funny, when I was staying at home not going to school, I wanted more. Now I have more, and I know I'm happier because of it. I know I was happy as a stay at home mom, but I can't imagine not having more (school) at this point. Probably because my kids are getting older. I don't know. I think all moms are just so different. But now I have to much. I don't have energy to give 100% to everything and the things that I do give my 100% to are my school and my kids. My friends and husband suffer. I wish I could do it all, but I am human. I forgot to add that giving to myself is dead last. Bad I know. I wish I could do better. I have tried. I want to try. But I never succeed. That is why after trying to create a healthy lifestyle over and over I still have yet to accomplish this. I wish I knew why, I wish I could solve this little life problem. I do exercise and I do try to eat right. Try is the key word. I find that I have this food problem and I'm not sure I can solve it myself. But I don't have money to find help. I also don't even know where to go. I need more support than I can give myself or that anyone in my life can give me. It is something that is a constant struggle and someday I hope to say I won the battle. I'm not at that point yet.
Anyway, I am feeling better. I got a 95% on my test last night. I have clinicals this weekend. We are getting more snow so I may be up very early driving in. The kids are doing fine. They are as wonderful as ever. I am even going to try to watch a movie with my husband tonight. Just the 2 of us in bed early. I hope it works out. Maybe I'll even have some wine. I am not going to open my books today. I am off to make dinner. Good night!
2 comments:
I hate to say it but it sounds to me like food is taking WAY too much of a focus in your life, almost an unhealthy one. I encourage you to get some help even if it's just someone to talk to about all that is in your head and your food issues, it might make all this balancing that much easier. Congrats on your 95% and keep us posted on finding something to help you cope.
I totally agree elizabeth, that is what my issues are really. Unfortunately it is a common issue and there aren't a lot of places to turn. And it doesn't help that I don't have a lot of time to help myself. Bad excuse I know but practically speaking, if I were to see some type of therapist I'd have to find daycare for my kids or take at least J with me. Not even sure that is appropriate. And I could join something like Weightwatchers or LA weight loss but looking at me they would say that I probably don't need to join, although I'm sure they'd be happy to take my money. BUt I'd feel out of place someplace like that. I am not about to spend big bucks when I hardly have money to spend on little things. Sure I"m sure it would help. I had a friend that did LA and know other people that did great on it, changing their lifestyle and I'm sure for them it was worth the money. It may be for me as well but I just can't justify spending money on something I feel that I can fix (obvoiusly not doing a good job at it!) but I look at all the overweight people and know that I am not the only one with food issues, that it is very common, and that i am lucky I am not 300 lb! But I do agree that I do need some outside support/help but am not sure where to start.
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