weigh in

weighed today since AF coming soon. I have lost 5.5 lb since Jan 15. On my way!

Tests and fevers and weight

First 2 tests have gone great. I got a 95% on my med term test and a 96% on my first theory test. Glad to get those done. I have a test every week for a while. No break at all from school work. Oh well....

J has had a fever today. She also had one last Thursday. She isn't sick enough for me to bring her in but sick enough that we just sit around the house all day. I was thinking possibly strep throat as it was going around her preschool, but she really doesn't seem sick enough for that to be it. And the fever last week went away and she woke up today congested and not feeling great. B had the achey feeling last week one day but since then has seemed ok. Neither has been eating the greatest though. But that isn't atypical for them.

My big weigh in day is coming up on Thursday. I am guessing I have lost maybe 4-5 lb since starting on Jan 15. I will post my loss on Thursday. I am still doing well, and feeling good about things. I will then not weigh again until Feb 15. I think I will do better not seeing a number every day and letting it get me discouraged if it goes up. I think AF is due pretty soon so even on Thur it may not be as much of a loss as I may hope. But I think it will for sure be some loss, I'll take anything that means progress!!! I'll keep at it. My 33rd birthday is going to be one where I am feeling GREAT!!!

The week so far

It has been a busy week. I have a test monday so that is always in the back of my mind. I have been staying up late studying most night. And I had class 2 nights so that makes it hard to study those nights!!! It will be a hard test I think. B was not feeling well earlier this week, and J doesn't feel well today. It is just a weird thing, B just said he was achy and his head hurt. He just had that tired/lethargic look to him. No fever or anything. Today J says her tummy hurts but no other symptoms (yet). No fever or anything. She is just laying around. I am not sure what it is. I hope she gets better soon, and that it isn't a big deal. We have been so lucky with illness so far so I'm thinking we are due to get something. DH had to go out of town for the day (coming home late tonight) so I am supposed to bring B to wrestling. But if J is sick I may have to try to find him a ride or skip it. DH has hardly been traveling at all lately, he used to travel every other week. So, I am getting spoiled having him around. I hope he doesn't have to travel much coming up. When he does it just stinks big time. I have to find sitters for the nights I have school, I have to do all the stuff around the house, keep up with all my school work, etc. It is really hard with me in school for him to be gone. It has been good so far though. Not too much travel. Today we will just hang out and see how J is feeling later. We were supposed to have friends over but I cancelled. I don't want to get anyone sick even if she doesn't really seem to have much at this point. I absolutely hate it when we go to a playdate and I find out one of the kids has had a stomach flu, or some other infectious thing. I think that is just wrong. I always tell people and let them decide what they want to do.

Other than that, no big news this week. I am just tired, and we are getting some cold weather again. There is a little snow coming down today. We are in that long stage of winter when it seems that it will never end. I can't wait until warmth and sun and shorts and playing outside again!!

My wild ride has started

The wild ride of 2nd semester nursing school, that is. And what a ride it will be! I am hanging on tight and hoping to make it through alive. I have already had one test. We had school all last weekend, from 8am - 5pm both days. I missed 2 wrestling tournaments :( I had school tonight and also on Wed night. We have a big theory test in 1 week. I have 8 drug cards to do by then. Along with studying, reading, note taking, practice tests, and case studies. We learned catherization yesterday. That will be interesting to do on a real person in someday! We have a performance test on that coming up. We also learned how to do a sterile wound dressing. We have medication administration coming up our next weekend in school. We will learn to do injections, oral meds, and IV meds.

I will be up until at least midnight tonight and most nights this week. I am tired, but I am doing ok so far. I am dying to weigh myself. This is torture. I am making time to ride my bike 30 min a day on week days and I did 20 min on both sat and sunday. I was not into it today at all but I kept going. I was just feeling weak and tired. My eating has been great. I do not eat after 6pm at all, and that works out well. My snacking tends to be in the evenings so if I cut myself off I do better. I brought my lunch both school days (South Beach wraps) so that was good, no eating out then. I am hanging in there. I have no idea if my weight has moved. I think it has, and it should have with the changes I've made. How much I will be interested to see on Feb 1. I will wait until then, like I planned. I want to weigh every morning but I'm holding back!

Kids are doing great. They had fun spending this weekend with daddy and B took 2nd and 1st in the tournaments. He got 2 pins. I'll be able to go this weekend, even though I should study. I am not going to miss important family time. That is why I stay up until midnight when they are asleep! I am determined to make it through school and still have a life with my family as well. J has gymnastics tomorrow, and she is so excited. She has been waiting and waiting since last Tues! I feel bad she had to wait so long! She was so cute in her princess leotard, waiting in line to go in. My big girl!

Good night!

Ideas for 7 yr old birthday!

I am trying to figure out some original ideas for B's birthday coming up. It is his golden birthday, turning 7 on the 7th. We are having it at a nature center where they will spend the first hour outside (if it gets above freezing), and the 2nd hour inside doing cake/gifts/games etc. I was thinking of doing something for the goodie bags that involve it being his golden birthday but can't think of anything cool. I will have 12 boys and 3 girls. (he wanted to invite 2 girls from school, how cute is that?!) I want goodie bags that are unisex. My first idea was to get those golden dollar coins and put a little note that said "thank you for coming to my golden birthday" along with some other little toy or ???? But then I looked online and realized they cost way more than $1 a piece and so that would add up. I could go to all the banks around and try to find the coins but do I really want to do that???? I think it would be cool, but not worth the effort really. I don't want the typical candy/junky plastic toy goodie bag. I want something they will really use. Maybe a coupon for ice cream or ???? I have no clue. Something useful, practical, but still fun. I just hate to give out stuff that will be thrown out. I also need a quick game we can do if we have time after all the other activities. Something that 14 seven year olds will think is fun. I am finding that the older they get, the harder to keep them interested. They have longer attention spans but more expectations. I was thinking something they can make or an activity or game of some sort. I have to figure out the cake, plates/decorations, and that is about it. Thank god I'm not doing it at home!!! So excited about that!

I am not stepping on a scale until Feb 1

It is not about the number on the scale. I have to do something different, and I need to NOT focus on the scale. I need to focus on doing what is right, eating right, exercising, making healthy choices, eating in moderation. I do not need to look at what my exact weight is every day to determine if I am doing a good job. It doesn't define me or what I look like. My new plan is to focus on eating changes, exercising more, and weighing every 2 weeks or so. I will weigh on Feb 1st, which will be about 2 weeks from when I started eating better/exercising. I will then probably weigh again mid Feb or March 1. I am hoping to be at my goal weight by my birthday on April 8, and if I am I will reward myself with something special. I will be 33 years old and I am not going to spend my 30's unhappy with myself and my health. I am going to focus on myself even if I am busy with everything else. I am going to do what is good for me, for once! I am off to exercise for 1/2 hr before my volunteer time at the school. Any ideas for a good reward??? I am thinking some expensive jeans (although I do not need any jeans) or a new purse. We have a Coach outlet near here with good prices. I love purses so I am leaning towards that. I am not big on massages, or that kind of stuff. Anyway, there will be something for my hard work!

update

Guess I haven't posted lately. Sorry! I am alive and well, and counting down til school starts on Wed. Not ready, at all. I am not looking forward to it in some ways but am in others. I guess I do ok with a busy life, but I liked being home with not a lot on my plate the last month. Plus, I know this semester will be the hardest of the 4, and I am looking forward to getting it done with but not looking forward to actually DOING it. Lots of work, learning skills (IV's, injections, catheters etc), presentations, clinical time, lab time, papers, and tests. I have a test like every week the first month and a half. I have one already this coming Saturday. Not fun. Must study.

Wrestling has been going great. B got 1st place in 3 different tournaments. He got 3 pins this weekend and 2 other wins. He seems to be into it this year, and loves competing. He also loves the trophy or medal he gets after! We spent the whole weekend at tournaments it seems. Long days waiting for his matches.

J will start gymnastics on Tuesday. She has been looking forward to joining again. I also put her in soccer starting in April. I like to keep them in some kind of activity just to keep them moving, especially in winter when we don't get out much. The weather finally became cold up here. Like real MN winter cold. We have been so spoiled up til now.

No big plans this week. B doesn't have school tomorrow but J does, so I may do something like a movie with him when she is in school. We got his invitations all ready and put together. I wanted to get that done before I start school. Tonight I am going to get the kids to bed and watch a movie with DH.

Sorry for the long delay in posting!

Friday night

and I'm beat! We have to get up early for B's wrestling tournament tomorrow. Like 6am early. Doesn't work well for us!

The interview went well, tight suit and all. I will know within a month or so if I got it. I found out there were 500 applicants, and 200 interviews granted for 100 jobs. Talk about competition. And what is this about a "nursing shortage"??? Hmmmm.......

We had a nice dinner out with a gift card, the boys got their hair cut and I got the kids in bed, even though it was later than it should be. No big plans for this weekend. The kids are having a playdate here Sunday and I have a girls dinner sunday night. I have a little studying to do, and a lot of relaxing. And church, must.go.to.church.

good night!

Feeling Antsy

As you can see from the frequent blog postings, I am finding this vacation thing a little weird. I don't know what to do with myself. I spend time playing with the kids (we have played more games of memory than I can count). We have watched movies, played in the snow, went shopping, went to a movie theatre, rearranged the basement into fun and new play areas (which will be fun and new for maybe a week!), sorted through old clothes, and worked on art projects. I guess I kind of miss school. Even though in 2 weeks I will be saying I hate school. I have been starting my studying, just for something to do. I was going to get a "real" book to read over break but I haven't yet and I'm just not going to start one to have to stop it. Plus, I feel obligated to read my nursing books rather than books for enjoyment. I will read for fun again this summer (if I don't get the internship because if I do, I'll be so exhausted from adjusting to working again almost full time that I will be sleeping when I'm not doing anything else).

The kids start back at school again tomorrow. Maybe I'll mop the floor....

Oh, almost forgot to add I booked a place for B's birthday. He is turning 7 next month. We talked about multiple overpriced locations for his party. After 2 years of hosting here, we decided we were not going to do that to ourselves again. The stress, the mess, the cost of it all after all is said and done was just not worth it this year. We didn't want to have to clean up. Anyway, after some research we are having a unique party at a nature center. They will have 1 hr of outdoor activitie, led by a instructor from the center. Then 1 hour of cake, presents, etc. I know it isn't an indoor play place, or movie theatre, or bowling alley, but I still think the kids will like it. They better. And even better is that it is 1/2 to 1/3 of the price of any of the other options. I will have to buy cake, drinks and party favors. He can invite up to 15 kids and 6 adults. The kid has a million friends so limiting to even 15 will be difficult. He was hoping J didn't have to count as one of the 15! I can't believe he is turning 7!

I have one kid in bed and one to go, and he just got out of his shower so I best get going.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!!!!!

Wishing everyone a happy and health new year. I am going to make 2007 a great year. I am going to try to be happy about my life, and all the things in it. I am hoping for a great year!!

I am already studying tonight for when I go back to school on the 17th. I have a med term test my first weekend back, as well as a ton of reading to do for the first few lectures. I got my books online and they were delivered last week. I got 3 fresh new books to study from, to add to my huge collection of nursing/health care books. I think I have about $600 worth of books at this point! I also got an NCLEX study book, to help study for tests as well as study for the licensing exam when I graduate. In some weird way I'm looking forward to getting back into the swing of school.

I also am trying to prepare for my interview on Friday. I have been going online to get sample questions and interview tips. I am trying to come up with answers to those tough questions like "tell me when you have exhibited leadership" and "tell me about a time you have solved a complex problem". Oh, the fun of getting through this one on Friday! I can't wait (ha!) I also was going to buy a new outfit but found a suit in my closet that I could get into (size 6 so I was doubting it would fit). It is a dark purple pants suit with a longer jacket so even though the pants are a little tighter than I'd like, they are concealed well under the jacket!! I am not sure what I'll do for shoes. I have some fun/funky black shoes I got last month but they may be too much.

Had a movie date with DH tonight. We saw Apacolypto (how do you spell that???) It was intense, bloody, action packed, but good overall. Not for everyone though.

Have a great start to your new year!

Need your weight loss secrets!!!

I am determined to make 2007 my year. Even though my life is out of control much of the time, there is no need to ignore myself. I need to take care of myself, for me and for my children. What are your goals for 2007? What are your secrets to a healthy lifestyle??? What do you do to lose/maintain your weight. I am pretty good at losing, and I suck big time at maintaining. I need a lifestyle change, not a diet. My secrets for past success in losing weight are:

• Plan what I eat/write it down
• Keep track using WW points or calories
• No snacking out of bags/boxes!!
• Portion control!
• Minimal sweets (when I start I can't stop!)
• Drink tea when I feel hungry between meals
• Eat 3 meals and one snack, no skipping meals
• Don't undereat, I will binge if I am too hungry
• Don't eat after dinner
• Don't eat off kids plates!

I could use some eating out tips, as I am terrible at restaurants. I love food, I love the smells and tastes of food. If I am at a restaurant and faced with the low fat grilled chicken or the yummy buffalo chicken wrap I am going to chose the latter. Luckily we don't go out a lot, but I can gain a few pounds in one meal out, seriously!!! I also am bad in social situations. At parties, I am faced with so many good foods and I can't say no. I am SO bad at that. I love my food. I love all kinds of food. I love chips/salty food, sweets, snacks, meat, everything. I just can't have a lot of that kind of food in my house and I do pretty well at home it is other places that I break down. So, if you have any advice let me know!!!! I tell people that it is a miracle I am not very overweight I like food that much. I sometimes even say I have an obsession with it, and could very well become a binge eater if I let myself. I think at times in my life I have been.

Have a happy new year and stay safe! I am staying home with my family tonight and watching movies. We are getting lots of snow here, so it is very pretty! A nice way to bring in the new year.

Christmas Wrapup

The big day is now over and now on to normal life again!! I love Christmas, don't get me wrong, but I also like getting back to our normal routine. Although we won't be back to normal until next week and the kids return to school. We had a nice holiday. Low key, not too overboard. We really cut back on gifts this year, and so did the grandparents, who usually go way overboard. It was great. I don't have too many toys to find places for in our house. B got his beloved gameboy. Yes, he loves his video games. We had told him he probably wouldn't get one, but then Santa decided to get it for him on the condition that he continues to do well in school and works on his handwriting. (he has been writing very messy lately on his school work). He also got some clothes, small lego set, and star wars figures. Some of the grandparent presents are staying in their packages until a later date. He also got a couple movies, which we will watch later. J's favorite gift is the triplet dolls she got from my parents. I got her the stroller to go with them. It is funny, these dolls don't do anything, don't cry or move or anything. They are very simple and cute. She loves these dolls!! She also got a princess computer, clothes, movies, and a cute princess chair from my brother. I forgot to add that B got a VideoNow player, which I'm not sure how much he will use, and a MP3 player from my brother!! He has no idea what an MP3 player is, so now I have one to use! I've been wanting one so it will be fun to have. I got some money and that is about it. We don't do presents for the adults in the family since it is basically just exchanging money. We may use some of our money to pay for my tuition/books (boring) and do something fun as a family. We all saw the movie "Night at the Museum" last week and that was fun. I'd like to do something else while we are all on break. Not sure what though. We need to save the money for things we really need.

I'm back on the weight loss bandwagon AGAIN. Gets pretty old going back and forth. Makes me so depressed. But I guess going back and forth is better than gaining and gaining and gaining and not doing anything about it. At least I do something about it some of the time :) I am not sure how I will fit any exercise into my life. I thought about looking into the Anytime Fitness place here in town but I know that we can't afford another monthly payment as much as I should do it for myself. I seem to only do well when I can walk outside (like this summer when I was down to an all time low weight). I hate the bike I have in the basement. It was my dads from the 70's. SO OLD and so boring and I hate it. I would love a treadmill but can't afford that. I hate work out tapes. I have tried many and I just can't stick with them. I've heard of something that is like a slider workout. You put these sliding discs on your feet and do some tape or something. I will have to check that out, but I really don't want to put money into anything since my past record shows that it doesn't pan out. I'm just starting better eating today and we'll see about the exercise and how I can work that in. Depressing!
I found the website, anyone hear of these???
http://www.glidingdiscs.com/

Merry Christmas!

As Christmas eve is upon us, I try to focus on the important things this holiday season. My 2 beautiful and healthy children. My husband who I stand with together through our journey in life. My home, food, clothes. My dog, who got hit by a car last week and lives to tell about it (she came out of it without an injury to speak of!). Makes me appreciate the little things. My kids being hyper this morning, talking non stop. Watching them separate their presents, examining them just like I did as a kid. The excitement of them placing their last advent sticker this morning. The fresh snow that gives us a white Christmas. This year, we almost didn't have one! Making a snowman with the kids, and having hot chocolate and cider. Making Christmas cookies and making our plate for santa tonight. All the things I love about my life are with me today. I celebrate the birth of Jesus, and my family. I couldn't be luckier in my life and even though I don't always feel that way, I am a fortunate person to have what I do have. I only wish that everyone in the world was as lucky as I am. Peace to all!!!

I got an interview!!!

For the summer intern position. It is after the first of the year, so I have some time before I have to stress about it! I am thankful to be given the opportunity, even if I don't get a position it will be good practice. I have nothing to wear to a business interview. It has been like 9 years since I've had an interview. Luckily, I've been though some pretty rigorous interviews in my college days so I think I'm somewhat prepared for an intense interview (if it is intense). I usually don't get too nervous about these things.

On another note, we are all on break/vacation now. Feels great! Kids are playing downstairs and we plan on a movie tomorrow. Happy holidays!

Christmas time!

The anticipation for Christmas has peaked around here. The kids are looking forward to the holiday. They eagerly put on their advent stickers each morning, and count down to how many days are left. They know all about the religious aspect of Christmas but I suspect that the gifts under the tree have a little something to do with their excitement. We had J's program at preschool yesterday afternoon. How cute it is to see all those 4/5 yr olds singing holiday songs. They all lined up and did their little dances and songs and were cute as can be. J did really well and looked very adorable in her red and white dress with a bun in her hair. She is one of the littler/younger kids. She looked at me throughout the whole program. I gave her a thumbs up sign, and she did it back to me with a little wink. What a character she is. I went with my parents, niece, and husband. She had quite the crowd watching her. The pastor of the church then read the Christmas story to the kids and they had a little gift exchange. It was a nice time. B had pajama day in school today. Most of the public schools around here don't celebrate a specific holiday, which I guess is fine by me. It would be fun if they got to, but he doesn't know any different I guess. The pajamas are excitement enough.

I am just about done shopping. I had to buy some lotion for great grandma. She is out, according to MIL and so I picked that up this morning. I got the kid's gifts from us wrapped last night (2 toys and one gift of clothes each). I now have to just wrap the Santa gifts on Sunday night (2 toys and stocking stuffers). Sounds like my parents got the kids some nice gifts, they will be so excited. B has specific things he has been asking for. J really doesn't have anything specific she wants. She likes everything. B wants a Gameboy, star wars legos, star wars figures, and a light saber. J just likes anything to do with babies or dolls and coloring/drawing. They both like games but I don't think they are getting any this year (they have a ton of board games).

The weather here is not too great today. We have had freezing rain all morning and afternoon. I've been watching for school closings on TV. It looks pretty bad. I am hoping for some snow this weekend. The weather has been very mild for December which is nice but the kids really want some snow to play in!

Wishing you all a very happy holiday!

Finally

I am on holiday break. My final last night was pretty hard but I got a 90%. I ended up with a 93.8% overall in the class. You need a 92% to get an A, so I am VERY HAPPY!! I now am going to do NO school for for at least 2 weeks. Then I have to start up the studying, since we have a test our first weekend back (no fair!). I am looking forward to some relaxation!

Almost on break

In 4 hr and 20 minutes I will be starting my last test of my first semester of nursing school. I am 1/4 of the way through this hellish journey!! I know in the end I will be a stronger and different person than I am now. I say "hellish" but I know that this is a life changing 2 years for me. It will define me in a different way, and will challenge me in more ways than I ever knew possible. It will beat me down and lift me up. I have had many emotions over the last 4 months. I have felt joy and sadness and pain and exhaustion. I have felt guilt and elation. I will never forget the patients I cared for, or the nurses who taught me. I have made friends and I have probably made some enemies too! I have taught my kids that I can work hard and sometimes I won't always be only a "mommy". They have learned to spend more time with their dad (good thing). Up until now I have only been their mom. I worked part time when B was little but I don't think he remembers much about that time. They have a hard time imagining me working! They ask if they will have to go to daycare. Hopefully not much, I tell them. I am going to be a nurse so I can work when you are sleeping or when your daddy is home. I want to help other people get well, I tell them. They seem to understand. J says she wants to be a doctor when she gets big (oh, and a beeper at Tar*et). B wants to be a paleontologist, president and a police officer. All P's he tells me!

I am off to study for another 1.5 hours until the kids get home from school, and then I will post again with my grade when I find out.

I can't wait until I can spend my vacation with the ones I hold most dear....

4 1/2 yr old separation anxiety

My very outgoing independent 4 1/2 yr old is having trouble separating lately. This is really hard for me because she has always loved new places and people, and I have never worried leaving her anywhere. Granted, I am a SAHM and with her a lot but she went to preschool all last year with no issues at all. She has also gone to church school since last year and MOPS all of this year so far. She goes on playdates and has had babysitters. She just started having issues after thanksgiving. She will get upset when the carpool comes and some tears will fall. She gets over it pretty quick but I still feel horrible. I try to reassure her and be confident saying goodbye but now I'm starting to get anxious about things we have planned that involve her separating. Tomorrow we have MOPS in the AM and preschool in the afternoon, and I have school at night so it will be a hard day. Anyone else have this issue with an older preschooler???

94%

One test left!

I am going into the last final pretty good. I still will probably study as much as I can this week and this time next week I'll be on break!!! Yippee!!!!

Feelin' Blue.....

Not sure what is up with me. I am not feeling myself lately. Since Thanksgiving time at least. I am feeling lazy, drowsy, unmotivated, sluggish, fat. I know it is partially due to stress of finals. I have been staying up late every night and will have to for another week. I have one final tomorrow night and one the next week. However, next weekend we are supposed to go to DH's work party, 4 hr away, overnight. So, that means no studying on Sat or Sunday most likely until we get home later Sunday. I will lose out on a lot of study time. Which means I have to do all my studying this week. During the week. And I am burned out. I should be studying now. I am tired. All the weight I lost this summer/fall has returned. I am now back to about 130 lb. I am eating horrible. I have no motivation to cook or go to the grocery store. I just eat whatever is around and handy. Terrible. I am not eating fruits or veggies much at all. I am eating way to much processed food. It is making me feel horrible. But why do I do it to myself??? I have no idea. I just know that I am only finishing my first of 4 semesters of school. I sometimes ask myself at times like this how I will get thru it. How I will handle the stress. I can't be everythings for everyone all the time. I want to be a good student, and a good mother, and a good wife, and a good daughter and friend. I want a clean house and healthy meals on the table for dinner. I want my bed to be made every day. I want to keep up with my hobbies. I want to exercise (what's that???). I work with patients every time I'm in the hospital who are at the end of their lives and I know that my life is going way to fast. I want to make the best of it, and be happy, and feel in control. I don't want regrets. I want to be happy about the mark I've made in my life and the things I've accomplished. I want to make a difference. I want to put myself first but I always put myself last. Dead last. I never ask for help. I never hire a babysitter because it cost too much and J will cry (she cries with separation now, at 4 1/2, after never having a problem ever with it...). I don't know if I need medical help. I think that I am just feeling down and it will most likely pass. I just don't know how to feel fullfilled in life when I feel like I am pulled a million different directions. I am just babbling at this point and I am going to get back to my books but it feels good to get it out. Here's to a better tomorrow.