Picture post

My Waterfod ornaments. One of my best friends used to work there, and she gave me one every year for years. I LOVE them!!!













The tree this year. The kids wanted colored lights but I talked them into all white. We did colored lights on the basement tree.




























Bret really wanted this Nerf gun, you can't tell but it is very long and huge. He loves it!

Kids playing outside the day after Christmas. It was actually warm enough then (it is not warm enough now to playoutside). I even went out and we built an igloo fort. We had snow for 3 days straight over Christmas. Bret has an icicle in his mouth. Cute huh?

All the kids together. An after the holiday dinner out. This is the first year all 4 kids have been with each other on the actual holiday. This was on Dec 26 at an Irish Pub.

Jenna and her big sister Brooke, who lives in Texas.

Jenna holding her most wanted gift, Lulu the cat. This cat actually moves and makes sounds like a real cat!

Brian, Bret, Blake and Kiah.

Bret at Grandma and Papa's house, waiting to open presents.

Grandma and the kids. She bought the girls matching Christmas dresses.

Bret decorating reindeer cookies. They were so cute!

Jenna and her cousin Kiah. Jenna is 6 weeks older than Kiah and they are both in 2nd grade. Grandma (my mom) got them matching Christmas dresses.

Christmas 2009

Pictures to come later!!! I received a new Canon Powershot for my xmas gift (picked out and ordered off amazon by yours truely). I love it so far, but have to figure out downloading. I have lots of xmas shots to post.

Recap:
Dec 23: Stepdaughter arrives from Texas and stepson from Iowa. First time in so long that we have all been together with all the kids for the holidays. And first time they have been here for xmas. They settle into the basment.

Dec 24: xmas eve at my side, my parents house. Not too big of a group: my family, my brother and neice, my parents, my aunt and uncle, and my one cousin. I don't see my cousin often so that was a nice surprise that she was there. We watched the kids open presents and had prime rib, wine, and lots of desserts. Drove home in the snow and got the cookies out for santa. Jenna wrote him a note. Kids in bed before 11 so that was good in my opinion. They were very excited!

Dec 25: xmas day, snowed in! The kids didn't wake up until 7:30 and 8:00 so that was later than I expected. They took turns unwrapping presents and we played all day in our PJ's. My parents came over and we had chili for a late lunch. Very relaxing day. No stress, no travel, no worry. Brian spent much of the day shoveling and snowblowing. It was a winter wonderland!

Dec 27: stepkids went home :( Quiet in the house. Played in the snow with the kids, built a fort, sled down the hill in the back. Another day at home. Getting stir crazy.

Dec 28: taking down xmas stuff. Trees still up though. Will tackle that later. Went out shopping a bit. Got a few xmas items for next year. Feel some relief it is over but also sad it is over. You know how that is. The kids have lots of fun new stuff to play with. I have to work Thur, fri, and Sat. Bummer but so nice to have this long break.

Merry Christmas. Another great one for us, lots of fun memories!

2009 Annual Christmas Photo

~Work~

Work is one of those things. Most have to do it. Not all enjoy it. I was a stay at home mom for 6 years. It is hard for me to work now. I admit it. I would rather be home. I went to school to start a new career and I have to say I still don't love going to work. I don't hate it. Some days are good, some days not so good. I don't get excited to go. I wish I were one of those people who had a passion for their work. I maybe still have to find that passion in life and make a living at it. I don't know. I just know I'm not there. I like helping people. I like being there for someone in need. I just don't feel that I am where I'm supposed to be, if that makes any sense. I work this weekend, all weekend. Working gets health insurance for my family. That part helps. Knowing I am doing that for my family. But being away from them 9 hours a day all weekend is hard. Very hard.

So Full

Do you ever feel so full of love for your kids that you just don't know how to describe it? That you want to kiss them and hug them and hold them all day and tell them how important they are, how special they each are, how you love them more than they will ever know? I feel that way today and can't even put it to words. That they are my life, what is the most important things to me and always will be. That even when I get mad that I love them more than life itself. That if they ever hurt they will have a soft place with me? I feel like the years are passing so quickly, that they are growing so fast. I know all mothers feel this way. It is an amazing thing, this thing we call life. I love these 2 like I never thought possible.

Funny kids

Bret and Jenna get an allowance and can it can increase or decrease depending on what they do, their attitude, how helpful and nice they are etc. They get a blue chip for "good" stuff which = $1 and a red chip for "not so good stuff" which is minus $1. So, anyway, they both got a blue chip for doing their homework today, and Jenna got an extra for being helpful to Bret when he asked for something. Bret then says "I should get a blue chip for all the suffering I have at school." He then proceeded to say "well, it is fun sometimes but a lot of work."

Jenna has been taking a long time to walk the few blocks home from school lately. I asked her yesterday why she has been taking such a long time and she said "well mom, I have to stop and eat a lot of snow."

My kids, they make me smile every day!!!

Early AM

The kids are still nestled snug in the beds, and they will soon be out in the frigid MN cold going to school. The snow is here to stay. I shoveled the driveway as best as I could on my own yesterday. My husband is gone for work so I'm on my own until Friday. The kitchen is a mess, the house needs picked up, I have to workout, I'm tired, but I'm happy to just be alive and healthy today. That is all that matters. Family, health, waking up to the bright beautiful snow today. Very blessed!

The 12 Days of Christmas

Actually, 11 days left and counting. The kids wake up every morning and open their advent calendar door for the day, eating their little chocolate first thing, even before breakfast! The are so excited for Christmas. I am sad that one day it won't hold this same magic for them, but right now it is so fun to see their excitement. I have most of my cards sent, most of my presents wrapped, tree up and decorated since after thanksgiving, lights up, and we are all set. I am so excited that I have xmas off this year, and after working this weekend I will have until new years eve off from work. I am determined to NOT stress this year, to enjoy my family, to "go with the flow" without any expectations. To just be in the moment. I want to treasure these moments with my children. Create memories for them to hold onto.

Tonight after brushing teeth, I told them "meet me by the Christmas tree" and we sat under the tree and read "The 12 Days of Christmas". We have the super cool pop up book and the kids love it. Each year we try to read a lot of Christmas books in the days leading up to the big day. We were all singing the song and having fun. My husband is out of town for work, so it is just the kids and I this week. It is hard for me when he is gone, because I get overtired from not sleeping well and having to do all the house and kids stuff. My goal is to get through the week without getting too crabby and just trying to have fun with the kids in the evenings. I think we succeeded tonight.

Do not cave into the pressure!!!

The new, hot toy this year is the Zhu Zhu pet hamster. A pretty silly toy from the looks of it, but could be something fun for the right kid. My daughter, age 7, loves animals. She has a few of those Fur Real pets and really likes those. Her number one request from Santa this year was a big realistic robotic cat named LuLu (Fur Real). I found it on sale, and Santa will be bringing her LuLu, much to my dismay. This cat kind of creeps me out. Anyway, these new hot Zhu Zhu's look right up her alley, and for $8.99 I decided to try to find out. I have not mentioned them much to her because I know they are really hard to find in the stores. Anyway, every so often I'll check online or at the store to see if I can get lucky. No such luck. I want to tell everyone who is buying these silly toys for $40, $50, or more, to STOP!!!! This is the reason that no one else can get these toys for their kids. The ebay'ers and craigslisters are stalking the stores, stalking the online sites, and buying them all out before anyone else can get them. They are then marking up the prices by 400% or more and trying to sell them (and succeeding) to all the stupid people willing to pay this much for a TOY. HAMSTER. A tiny, not even so cute, robotic hamster. People GET REAL!!! This is a toy!!! Not even a really amazing one at that. STOP paying $50 for these things, then we could all get them. Does it not make sense? If everyone stops buying them for these ridiculous prices, then there would be no need for the childless 60 yr old male to buy 100 of them off the shelf and try to mark them up to make a fast buck. It frustrates me to no end. Get a grip people.

Hello Stranger!

I found my blog again. I really want to document out lives, and I've been so bad about blogging. I am not sure if a paper journal would work better, or if I should try this again. I'll see what I can do! Things are back in full swing in our home with the kids in school, sports, piano, etc. Bret is in 4th grade, he is getting so big and grown up. He is so independent. He is at the point where it is no longer cool to have your mom walk to you into school or anything. He did ask me to come to lunch last week so there is still that. I love to see them grow, but sometimes it really is hard!!! Jenna is in 2nd grade and still is ok being seen with me. She loves school, they both do really. Jenna really likes it, Bret doesn't like the homework but still is all ready to go each morning. Bret will actually leave the house 15 min before he has to so he can socialize at the corner. He speeds off on his scooter every morning. Soon enough it will be too cold and snowy so I guess they should enjoy walking while they can. Jenna likes to dilly dally in the mornings but she gets there just in time. Here is our week:
Mondays: Church school, football practice
Tues: gymnastics, football game
Wed: piano lessons for both kids
Thur: football practice or game
Fri-Sun off for now but once wrestling starts that all changes.
I now work 3 days per week.
What my kids are into:
Bret: football and baseball cards, playing with friends (laser tag outside, kickball, football, riding bikes), video games (DS and Wii), Gormiti action figures, collects erasers this year!!!
Jenna: American Girl dolls (got her first one this past b-day, Chrissa), loves stuffed animals, playing house and restaurant with her friends, drawing, coloring, playing office
Ok, that is a start at an update. Hope to have more to come!!!!!!

Should I stay or should I go?

Well, hi there! I am debating whether to continue my blog. For many reasons, I am unable to post regularly. I don't have much to say, I'm busy, I am on facebook, I just don't feel inspired. Not sure what it is. I started out trying to do this as a record of my life and my kids. If I could keep doing that, or start doing that I should say, I'd love to keep it open. I want to write down the things I know I'll eventually forget. I love the "idea" of blogging. However, loving and doing are different right? So, for now I'm just keeping it open and trying to be more on top of writing. If I fail, I may have to stop. I am on facebook and keep up with that, but that isn't really a record of my life. It is just little snippits here and there. Anyway.... on to the big updates:

Jenna:
Jenna is 6 1/2 and full of energy. Jenna is an all or nothing kind of kid. She is very enthusiatic and knows what she wants. She started piano lessons and had her first recital last week. So cute! She had only had about 3 lessons so it was great she got up there by herself and played. She played a cute little song called "beep, beep". She wore a fancy dress and we got her a "good luck" balloon and some roses for luck. I played as a kid and it was so fun to see my daughter up there playing. I want to get Bret started in piano once wrestling slows down. Since we have a piano I want both kids to at least try it.
Jenna loves first grade. She is very social and has many best friends. She enjoys reading and attempts to read chapter books. She wants so much to do things that bigger kids do. I'm in no hurry for her to grow up!! She loves to sing and dance. She loves to draw and write. She likes to play restaurant and with her baby dolls. She has so many baby dolls, her favorites being her "Baby Alive" ones. She uses the money she saves up to buy dolls usually. She tries to keep her room clean, and to her, that means little piles of things all over. She has her own way of setting up her spaces and she loves her stuff. She says that her favorite place is her room.
Jenna loves her brother but they fight a lot lately. She wants to play with him but they tend to argue and both have strong personalities. I really want them to get along and we are working on it!!! When they do play nice, Jenna will come to me and say "Bret is playing with me nicely!" and she is overjoyed. She really does look up to him.

Bret:
Bret turned 9 a few weeks ago. 9!! So old and I can't believe it!!! He had his party just how he planned it. Here at the house with his 5 close friends, playing laser tag in the basement and wii. He had it all planned in his head and stuck to what he wanted despite us trying to urge him to have it elsewhere (You know how parties at the house are such a mess!) They rotated playing laser tag and Wii and all the kids really seemed to love it. I find that 9 year old boys are really pretty well behaved. They listen (for the most part) and didn't destroy anything. We had Bret's favorite dessert, chocolate chip cookies with ice cream on top. I set up a sundae bar and had lots of fun toppings and they all made their own sundae. We also had cupcakes but the boys all wanted just ice cream. Bret admitted that when people sing to him "it is hard not to smile". So cute! He also brought donuts to school, this is kind of a tradition for him also. It is one of his favorite treats and he requests them each year for his b-day treat at snack time. He loves video games and we have had to really limit his time. Now, they are for weekends only. He seems to lose focus on school work if he gets to play during the week. He is doing well in school, but always was thinking of when he could play his games. So, this has worked better. He also likes to build and play bionicles and just spent his birthday money on amazon for some new ones. He asks me daily if they shippped and is patiently awaiting their arrival.
He is getting towards the end of wrestling season and we have the big state tournament March 13-15. We go to a hotel and have fun with the other families. The boys have such a good time hanging out. Bret loves to play with friends and hang out with other kids. He is my strong willed child and once he gets an idea in his head it sticks. He tends to try to boss the rest of us around, and will probably be a leader of something someday. He says he is going to develop video games as an adult. He also really enjoys working with special ed kids at school. A least 4 teachers have approached me about how good he is with these kids and how patient. It makes me so proud. I know some kids are scared or nervous around other kids that are "different" than them, but Bret helps them and loves to get to know them.

Me:
Working 3-4 days per week, it is going pretty well. Some days better than others. It is a long learning process. I'm grateful to have a job as nurses are not having an easy time lately. There have been layoffs around here and no jobs really out there. There are lots of hiring freezes. I never thought nursing would be like this!!! I am exercising 3-4 times per week at the YMCA. I joined a few weeks ago and love it. I have not changed my eating like I should so that is the next part!! I also spend time reading, cleaning/fixing up the house, volunteering at the kids school, and driving the kids around. I am going on a girls night tomorrow at the MOA. Can't wait. It's been quite the week with my husband out of town for work, big snowstorm yesterday, and just lots to do!!!!

That is life right now!!!!

Frigid

I am still around, still alive up here in the frigid north. I am telling you, it has been below zero degree for most of the last week, and with windchill it is about -3o, no lie. It is cold. So cold that you don't even want to step outside. Getting the kids ready for school is a chore because they have to get so bundled up and we can't walk and have to drive in every day. I drop them off right at the door so they don't have to be out long. And then they don't get to have outdoor recess so the whole school is full of kids with all their pent up energy. I'm hoping for a warm front soon, even something above 0 would feel warm right now!
Christmas is coming so soon and I still have a few gifts to buy. I have to wrap and prepare the kids gifts. I have to work 4 hours on xmas eve and 8 hr xmas day. I am a little bummed but I am off at 3pm on xmas eve and that is the day we do most of our celebrating. I also know that next year I will have it off! YAY! It helps that I get paid a lot extra to work that day, and I can pay for most of the gifts we bought just by working one day.
I have been busy with work and wrestling season has started. I am the team photographer so I'm busy with that. We have tournaments each weekend and always on the go! I am trying to find something to keep J busy, piano maybe or gymnastics. She really is happy just being at home with me when she isn't at school. She loves school but likes being with mom too! B is loving being with his wrestling buds again. He is growing so fast, almost 8 yr old.
Wishing everyone a happy holiday!

America has spoken

I am beyond happy with the election results. I waited anxiously for months for this day. Never have I been so excited about a presidential candidate. I have always voted. I have always tried to be informed about politics. However, I have never CARED as much as I do today. I have never been so nervous and excited about an election. I have been an Obama supporter from the very earliest days of his campaign. I never considered the alternative. Maybe I'm stuck in my ways, but I'm a true democrat at heart and always will be. Yes, I voted for Gore and Kerry but I never felt as much hope as I do now for Barack Obama. I finally feel like we have a truly good person in the white house. A good man, a good leader. I have nothing against John McCain. I think he is a good man also. I think he has worked hard, and served his country. I would only want the best for either candidate if they won. I would never have voted for him, but I don't have anything against him (well maybe the Palin selection but that is another post!) Anyway, the night is over and I'm looking forward to a new tomorrow. Obama has brought hope to so many and we may be on our way to a brighter future. God Bless America!!!

hello! Happy Halloween!

We might have a "nice" weather halloween this year for once. It is in the 60's I believe, probably 50's by tonight. But much better than the frigid weather we have most years. I am looking forward to a fun night and am happy and grateful to have work off. J is going to be a witch and B a demon type creature. This is the first year he really wanted something kind of scary. Hope he doesn't scare the little kids. J has a parade at school in an hour or so, she is a cat. They had to dress up like a story book character. They can't actually celebrate "halloween" (dumb) so the younger kids do this up to 1st grade. B is too old now I guess... :(
Not much too exciting in our lives. I am still working hard and bringing in a paycheck sure is nice. I now make money to cover my monthly credit card bill and most of the house payment. It feels good. Hubby changed his job also to be an independent contractor rather than working for his employer so he is making more per hour as well. So, hopefully in the future we can save up a little more, and have a little extra for things such as trips etc. I really want to build a house someday but with the housing market that isn't looking promising for a while.
We finished up football and have a couple more basketball games left. Then wrestling starts Dec 1. J may take up gymnastics this winter. I've been doing aerobics classes this week and am so sore. It feels good but reminds me that I really should stay active on a regular basis. I'm going to try not to eat too much chocolate tonight.
Wish me luck.
Happy Halloween!!!

Update

I am getting ready to go to bed after a long week of being a single parent. Hubby gets home tomorrow night, after being gone an entire week. I worked 2 days since he's been gone and have been lucky enough to have my parents help out. But I'm exhausted. I just don't sleep well alone and plus with staying up late for work 2 nights and getting up early for school I just am sleep deprived. I don't ever nap either. I should, but there is never enough time. I have so many other things I need to do.
J has a field trip tomorrow and I am really kind of sad because I didn't get picked to go. Only 5 parents were allowed to go and I wasn't chosed from the drawing. I have gone on every field trip of the kids except one for B (also didn't get chosen!) and I just feel like something is missing. I think she is ok with it but we will see tomorrow. I can tell she is a little nervous but she hasn't cried or anything. She seems to be looking forward to it, but she is a creature of routine and this will be out of her normal comfort zone. Plus, my kids walk to school so she isn't used to the bus. I'm hoping and praying it goes well for both of us. I'm sure I'll be a nervous wreck all day not being with my baby.
B is done with football and enjoying some time off to just hang out and play with friends. Wrestling starts in December. He loves to play with friends every day and is such a social kid.
My job is going ok. I am starting to feel like the honeymoon is over and reality is setting in. I am nervous to be on my own (in a month or less) and have not felt confident lately. I'm hoping that in time that feeling goes away. I know all new RN's go through these feelings but it is hard.
Today I spent way too much money. Got both kids winter coats at Old Navy. I was not thinking last spring to buy some while on clearance. Oh well. They seem to be of good quality and may last 2 years. I have to get boots for B. I did find some for J on clearance last year. My requirement is that they have a removable inside. I will probably spend at least $30 on those. I have to make sure I have snowpants for both kids also.
I also bought myself a pair of black lined suede boots. I have a brown pair I wore a lot last year and know I'll wear these. They were $30 at Target. Not terribly expensive but more than I like to spend on really anything!! But I really know I will use them and they will match my winter coats. They are just so warm and cozy I wear them everywhere.
I have tomorrow off. I am meeting a friend to do a scrapbooking calendar class. I also have to pay some bills, clean up around the house, and watch the debate. I've worked every other debate so this will be my first one I get to watch. Looking forward to it, even though they never seem to give any straight answers. I got my Obama sign and t-shirt delivered this week. I was thinking they were not going to come as orders are backed up but just in time to get some use out of them a couple weeks. I put the sign up a couple days ago, and I think I'm the only one with an Obama sign in my neighborhood. Not many people have up presidential signs but the ones I've seen are all McCain. We live in a pretty conservative area I guess. I also heard that you can't wear any t-shirts etc to the polls or they won't let you vote? Any truth to that?? I probably wouldn't anyway, but that is interesting.
Almost midnight, so good night!

Election

Well, election time is just around the corned. I'm really sick of the ads on TV. I would totally respect any candidate who would just refuse to sink to that level of "he did this, she did this, this person is the worst person in the whole world, how could you ever vote for him/her". I don't even pay attention anymore. Hate it.
Anyway, I'm a total Obama voter. Nothing will change my mind. I have been a fan of his ever since he first started to be known. I seriously am wishing and praying he wins. I don't dislike McCain or Palin, I just don't see anything in them that would make me vote for them. I think they all have their faults, as we all do. And all we can do is try to make the best choice and vote. EVERYONE NEEDS TO VOTE!!!!
I'm anxiously awaiting voting day and you should be too!

My beautiful kids

Sometimes I just have to sit back and remind myself to slow down and treasure the moments. My kids are growing so fast before my eyes. It sometimes is hard to remember when they were babies, toddlers, even preschoolers. They are just developing into these wonderful little people. Jenna is 6 now and I love how independent she is becoming. She still definately loves her momma but she goes to school every day and is doing so well. She is a highly emotional kid who thrives on routine, consistency, and limits. She needs boundaries and a place to let go (home). She is able to behave really well at school but her outlet is home where she sometimes has to have a little "break down" or emotional time. I am proud of how well she does and how she follows rules and listens. She can be challenging as she likes things a certain way "her way" and she doesn't always get that. She is probably the most inflexible member of our family (somewhat like her father!). She has the loudest voice and most demanding personality. But all these things make her my girl. She is almost everything I am not. This is what keeps me on my toes. Despite her challenges, she is loving to the point of wanting to be next to me as much as possible. I sometimes call her "shadow" due to her always being with me. She loves to draw, play with dolls and friends, and read. She admires her big brother, even when he doesn't want her to. She is such a sweet and loving child!

Bret is 8 and has transitioned to wanting his mom to keep her distance (especially at school). He is so funny in that if I am at the school he will look at me out of the corner of his eye and give me a little wave but nothing too dramatic. Luckily, he is still ok with me volunteering at school and even asked me to have lunch with him last week. We aren't yet to the age where I'm too embarassing!! Bret is a passionate child whose brain is always working. He is always thinking of things and planning. He loves books and usually has a couple favorites that he is looking at. He isn't necessarily a big reader but he loves intricate illustrations and studying them. His favorite are monsters, dragons, and Where's Waldo books. He told me "I bet that illustrator is really proud of these drawings!". His personality is more like mine, laid back. Not much bothers Bret and he goes with the flow. Change is ok with him and he does not get upset, even at times he should! He loves to play with his peers and they can spend hours playing in the backyard. He also loves video games and the computer. He is active in sports but also likes downtime at home. He is such a smart kid, and funny too. I just love both of my kids so much and wish I could bottle them up at each age so I could go back and just remember.

So sorry

I finally remembered that I have a blog. My brian is full to the brim and some things have just been forgotten. With kids school, work, sports, housework, etc I have been more than busy. Good busy. Work is going great. I have a really busy week coming up. Last week was pretty easy (3 day shifts for training). This week I have one day of training and many days on the floor. I am now ACLS (Advanced Cardiac Life Support) certified, and in another week I will (hopefully) be PALS (Pediatric Advanced Life Support) certified. I have to pass both written and practical exams to get the card. It is a lot of reading, studying, etc but at least very practical stuff that I can use on the job. I also will be taking a TNCC (Trauma Nurse Core Course) in the future. I also have classes on RN orientation, and many others. It is so much to learn. I still am happy with where I am and hopefully where I am going!
The kids are doing great in school. They are back into the swing of things and no big issues. J still would prefer me not to work but she is handling things great. She loves school and has started basketball. Her first game was yesterday it was very entertaining!! She lost her first tooth Thursday night, she was so excited. The tooth fairy brought $5 and a cute note!
B has had lots of homework and that isn't his favorite but he is doing great. I can't believe he is in 3rd grade. He is the quarterback on his football team, the Green Machines! They have only won one game but he is doing such a great job. We are so proud of him. He also wrestles on Sunday nights and will start back with full time wrestling in December. His best subject is probably spelling, he hasn't missed one word this year. His memory for facts is also really great. He is such a smart kid.
Both of my kids just are the best!!!
My husband is out of town until last Tuesday night so we have a busy couple of days ahead of us. We will get through it with a smile if I can help it!

Scrapbooking...without the mess.....

I don't even know what it is called....online scrapbooking??? Digital scrapbooking??? I just know that I am interested in starting to scrapbook my pictures on the computer using some type of website or program that will also print my pages for me (and send them) so I can stop the guilt about my lack of scrapbooking. I have figured out that I really like the creative side but am getting bogged down with all the supplies, paper, mess, plus hauling it around is just really difficult. I do have a lot of scrapbooking supplies so I'm not sure I want to give it up completely but I just get discouraged when I'm so far behind and not feeling that creative energy. I don't know if doing it on the computer will be any easier but I think that it will be for me. I know I've heard of sites that you can get free kits and I supposed you need photoshop or something to help put the pages together, then they will print it and send it to you for a fee. Has to be cheaper than buying all the supples to make a page.

I am a member of snapfish and I know they have books you can make but I'm thinking something with a few more options and layouts.

Can anyone help me get started? What are the basics I need?? I am just lost as to where to begin.....

Real Life RN

It is so weird to be a real RN now. I think back to all the years of classes. The General Biology, the General Psych, then finally entering nursing school. The nervous anxiety of clinical days, the first time I took someone's vital signs. I remember the transition from first year to second year student. How I felt more confident but still "just" a student nurse. I felt as though I would never be one of those "real" nurses, who had the RN behind their name. Who could make decisions and take care of patients on their own. Well, I have arrived. I am a real nurse now. I am responsible for my patients and have my own license on the line now. I am able to take out medications on my own and give them without an instructor or preceptor with me. No one checks to make sure I have the right medication or that I am verifying the right patient. I am all on my own (I still have a preceptor but she lets me do things independently a LOT). It is nervewracking and cool all at once. I check things a million times because the last thing I want is an error. I question myself and I ask questions. I sometimes have to tell myself I can do this, I earned this, I know what I am supposed to do and I just have to DO it. I am smart enough and I am a good critical thinker. I don't know if I'll ever get past the fact that I have people's lives in my hands. Being an emergency room nurse has it's own set of challenges and obstacles. As a new RN it is a scary place. It forces me to think fast, and to make decisions. It forces me to use all of my skills and learn what I need to know to be a safe nurse. It is a very steep learning curve but I think I'm up to the task.